Chapter 22

Lily and I wandered around the mall aimlessly for hours. I really couldn't get in to shopping for the boys. Everything I looked at just didn't seem right. I picked up a few things here and there but my mind was definitely not on shopping.
"What's up with you today Bek? You are completely zoned out."
"Had a rough morning," was the only reply I could manage.
"How do you have a rough morning when all you did was get up and come shopping?"
"I wish that's all I did this morning! Let's go grab a cup of coffee, we're both going to need it for this story."

I told Lily everything that had happened over the past 24 hours. Every perfect moment and every harsh word. When I was done she looked at me with a certain sadness in her eyes.

"Oh Bekah, I'm so happy that you got to meet Mario regardless of the circumstances."
"It was an emotional moment for me. I had to pinch myself to make sure it was really happening! He is truly an amazing person, so gracious."
"I am sooo proud of you."
"PROUD? For what?"
"You took a big step telling Sidney about your past. You were finally able to open up to someone! And the fact that he was so wonderful about everything and still wants to be with you is just icing on the cake!"
"Perhaps you are experiencing some kind of brain malfunction! Did you miss the part where I pretty much gave the most fantastic human being in the world a first class ticket out of my life?"
"Bekah really! For one of the most level headed people I know you sure are awfully dramatic! You act like you're never going to see or talk to him again. There is a very simple solution you are overlooking here."
"And what would that be?"
"You call him and plead temporary insanity! Tell him that you made a mistake, you were out of your mind and of course you want to be with him. Problem solved!"
"Wow, you have it all figured out don't you? There is only one problem with your plan."
"What's that?"
"I didn't make a mistake. Sidney and I cannot be together."
"Bekah he's perfect, and perfect for you. You said yourself that you have never been this comfortable with anyone. And I know you have strong feelings for him, more than just friendship. Honestly, do you think you could be his friend feeling the way you do?"
"I will admit that my feelings for Sidney are far deeper than I want them to be. I care for him enough to know that I would only end up hurting him in the end. He deserves so much more than I am emotionally capable of giving him and I want him to be happy. It's better for him this way, besides, he may not even want to be my friend."
"Better for him? What about you? When are you going to stop putting everyone else's needs before your own?"
"Never. That's what happens when you become a mother. There is always someone else's needs that come before your own."
"You always say that you don't want to live with any more regrets. If you let Sidney Crosby walk out of your life it will be the biggest regret of your life and I'm not sure you'll be able to get over it."
I knew Lily was right.