'What the hell just happened?' I thought to myself as I made my way to my car.
'Did I just agree to pick up my entire life and move half way across the country?'
'Yes you did.'
"I can't do this! I can't move the kids away from everything and everyone they've ever known. How am I supposed to leave Lily? And Max? Oh God! Max! How am I going to tell Max I'm leaving?"
Thinking out loud was not making the situation any more clear than it had been an hour ago in Everett's office, but there was one factor that drove her impromptu decision. Her heart. There was no way she would ever get her heart whole again unless she left this town...and him behind her.
Maybe this was a blessing in disguise. She knew she could survive picking up her life and moving; she'd done it when she moved to the Burgh, but it was different this time. He changed everything. He changed her; and that was exactly why she had to leave.
Pjs on, bottle of wine in hand and the quilt Grandma Kate made her for her fifth birthday keeping her warm, Bekah settled on the couch to watch her favourite movie...and drown her sorrows.
'You can do this' he told himself over and over. 'You HAVE to do this. Last chance.'
He had been sitting outside her house for almost an hour trying to work up the courage to go to the door. He knew everything was riding on this. If he couldn't convince her to give him another chance tonight of all nights then he would lose her forever.
Finally, before he could change his mind he was knocking on the front door. When she opened it, he lost every thought he had in his head. Seeing her, pjs on, kleenex in hand took him back to last New Year's Eve when he finally told her he loved her.
Bekah was surprised to see him to say the least.
"Sid, what are you doing here?"
"Can I...can I come in? We need to talk."
"I've said everything there is to say Sid, go home."
As she tried to close the door, he pushed his way by her into the house.
"Ya, you've said alot. Now its time for you to listen. There are two of us in this relationship yet you seem to think that you get to make all the decisions for us and you're the only one that gets a say what happens to us. Well I have alot to say to Beks and I'm not leaving until you hear me out."
"Fine. Say what you have to say and then leave," she said shutting the door.
"I can't believe we are here again. Do you realize this exactly how we spent last New Years?"
"Well, I can guarentee it's not going to have the same outcome."
"How can you say that? It was the best night of my life. We finally admitted we loved each other and that hasn't changed for me Bekah. I love you more now than I did that night and if you'd quit lying to me and to yourself, I'd bet my last dollar you feel the same. We have been through so much; made it through so much. I just don't understand how you can throw it all away."
"Because we don't work! You and I are too different; our lives are too different. I thought I could handle it but I can't! Nothing about us has changed so just stop!"
"That's not true. Everything has changed. You've changed. You let love back into your life. You let yourself be happy for the first time in years and it was because of me. I made you feel that Beks. And I've changed. For the first time in my life, I've loved something other than hockey. I've been able to be my true self without worrying about what anyone thinks. I know what it's like to be loved unconditionally. You gave me that. I also know what it's like to feel like I'm drowning; that no matter how hard I fight to get to the surface and how close I am I will never get there. That's what living without you does to me. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I move through every day with no memory of what actually happened because I don't care. I don't have you to come home to; to talk to; to hold and kiss and..."
They were both crying now.
"I love you so much Beks. I need you. You make life worth living and I don't want to live another day without you. This month has been the worst in my life. I know your feelings haven't just disappeared so please..." he got on his knees in front of her and took her hands in his. "Give us another chance. I will never, ever make you feel like you're not a priority. I will never take my moods out on you. I will show you every day how important you are to me and how much I love you, just come back to me, please."
"Oh Sidney," she sobbed.
Without saying a word, Bekah turned their song on and pulled Sidney up from his knees. They held each other so close, swaying with the music, drinking each other in; savouring every moment in each other's arms. When the song was over Sidney leaned down and kissed her with all the passion he had and all the tenderness he could muster. When their lips parted, silent tears ran down both their faces. With his forehead resting against hers he whispered "does this mean you'll give us another chance?"
With all the courage she could drag from her body she managed to squeak out the words "I'm sorry Sidney, I'm leaving Pittsburgh. I've taken a position at a clinic in Dallas. I leave in two days."
"That's not true. Everything has changed. You've changed. You let love back into your life. You let yourself be happy for the first time in years and it was because of me. I made you feel that Beks. And I've changed. For the first time in my life, I've loved something other than hockey. I've been able to be my true self without worrying about what anyone thinks. I know what it's like to be loved unconditionally. You gave me that. I also know what it's like to feel like I'm drowning; that no matter how hard I fight to get to the surface and how close I am I will never get there. That's what living without you does to me. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I move through every day with no memory of what actually happened because I don't care. I don't have you to come home to; to talk to; to hold and kiss and..."
They were both crying now.
"I love you so much Beks. I need you. You make life worth living and I don't want to live another day without you. This month has been the worst in my life. I know your feelings haven't just disappeared so please..." he got on his knees in front of her and took her hands in his. "Give us another chance. I will never, ever make you feel like you're not a priority. I will never take my moods out on you. I will show you every day how important you are to me and how much I love you, just come back to me, please."
"Oh Sidney," she sobbed.
Without saying a word, Bekah turned their song on and pulled Sidney up from his knees. They held each other so close, swaying with the music, drinking each other in; savouring every moment in each other's arms. When the song was over Sidney leaned down and kissed her with all the passion he had and all the tenderness he could muster. When their lips parted, silent tears ran down both their faces. With his forehead resting against hers he whispered "does this mean you'll give us another chance?"
With all the courage she could drag from her body she managed to squeak out the words "I'm sorry Sidney, I'm leaving Pittsburgh. I've taken a position at a clinic in Dallas. I leave in two days."
