SORRY :(

I apologize to all you faithful readers for the lack of updates lately, but my life has seriously been all over the place for the last month. I've had a bout with a nasty flu that took me out for over a week, only to turn around and get pneumonia, which I'm still battling with, but at least I'm upright and no longer coughing up alien life forms from the depths of my lungs (sorry about the graphic nature of that statement). I've had parent/teacher interviews I've been trying to prepare for and both my boys have started spring hockey and competitive baseball which of course are travelling teams and on different nights of the week, so someone always has to be somewhere every single night!
I promise, promise, promise, that I will update by the end of the weekend (even if it kills me!). I had so many great ideas for this story when I got derailed. Hopefully the updates will not disappoint!
Keep smiling! ;)

And oh yeah... let annihilate those Caps!!

Chapter 80

"Max?" I asked cautiously.
"Yes. Look I'm not going to beat around the bush. I know you've been spending time with him and I don't like it."
"I wouldn't call having lunch with Max once spending time with him."
"Does he call you almost every day?"
"No."
"You don't talk to him like every day?"
"Not every day."
"Does he pay surprise visits to you at work?"
"Once, and that was yesterday. He thought I might need a friend when I found out about Mario."
"A friend? News flash Bekah; Max does not want to be your friend. He's trying to weasel his way into your life and sleep with you to piss me off."
"Why would you even say that?"
"Because it's true. He's even told me that that's what he's doing."
"I don't believe you. You expect me to believe that Max actually said he's trying to sleep with me to piss you off? He said those exact words?"
"Well no, not those exact words, but he's made it very clear that he's trying to come between us."
"Then as far as I'm concerned, your jealousy is immature and insulting."
"Immature and insulting huh?"
"I know you're not that far removed, but this is not high school. Max isn't trying to steal your girl. And yes, very insulting. Even if what you say is true, it takes two people to have sex, and I find it extremely insulting that you would even consider that I would fall for Max's antics. I am very well aware of what Max is like."
"I don't think that you would do that, I just...I just know Max alot better than you do. I know how persuasive he can be, and we weren't talking and he took great pleasure in telling me every time he talked to you. It pissed me off."
I climbed on Sid's lap and straddled his massive legs, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed the end of his nose.
"So on top of everything else you've been going through, you've been worried about Max making a move on your girlfriend?"
"Yes," he replied wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Ahh, poor baby. Well you don't have to worry about that okay?" I said kissing his lips.
"Right, because you're not going to talk to him anymore," he said kissing me back.
"Excuse me?"
"What?"
"Are you telling me that I can't talk to Max anymore?" I asked climbing off his lap.
"No, I'm saying I don't want you to talk to him anymore."
"That's the same thing."
"No it's not."
"Sidney, I'm only going to say this once so pay attention. I love you, but no one-including you is going to tell me who I can or can't talk to. Like it or not, Max and I are friends and that means I will talk to him or have lunch with him any time I want. If you have a problem with that, then we are going to have a problem."
Sidney thought about this for a long moment and chose his next words carefully.
"Bekah, I love you too and I am not willing to loose you over Max Talbot. Can you just promise me that you'll be aware about what he might try?"
"I will be, but you don't have anything to worry about."
"I will always worry when it comes to you."
"You're awfully sweet Crosby. Now, are we done with this stupid fight?"
Sid stood up and pulled me up into his arms.
"Done."
"Good!"
"You realize that this was our first real fight?"
"Oh it is so NOT our first fight!" I laughed.
"We've had arguments, but never a major fight like this."
"Oh all right, I'll give you that one."
"It's about time I won one," he laughed. "Fighting makes me hungry. Can we go have breakfast now?"
"You are impossible, you know that? Any excuse to eat I swear!" I said as Sid pulled me out the door.

Chapter 79

When I woke up the next morning, the space beside me that had been occupied by Sidney was empty. I had a moment of panic, but when I rolled over I found Sid sitting in a chair across from the bed and those gorgeous caramel eyes looking at me, but not the way they had looked at me before.

"Morning," I smiled up at him.
"Morning," he replied solemnly.
"Sid, are you okay?"
"Not really."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked sitting up and crossing my legs Indian style.
"Oh, are you ready to talk to me now?" he asked snidely.

His tone sent a chill through my entire body. I tried to brace myself for what might happen next.
I took a deep breath before saying "I guess I deserve that."
"You guess? You guess you deserve that? Bekah, you have ignored me for the past two weeks! I didn't get so much as a text from you, and you show up out of the blue and think what? Everything's okay just because you decided to grace me with your presence? Well I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way! Just because you decided you could talk to me now, doesn't mean that I want to talk to you now. So why are you here? Why now?"

Sid's words were harsh, and I struggled not to cry before speaking.
"I know you've been having a difficult time lately, and with Mario announcing his retirement yesterday, I just thought you might need someone to talk to,"
"And you thought it should be you?"
"I guess so...yes," I said barely above a whisper.

Sidney hung his head and stared at the floor. He didn't speak for the longest time. I sat shaking, unable to move from my spot on the bed. I was thankful that Sidney had stopped talking. His words stung.
When he finally lifted his head, his icy glare had softened, but the anger had been replaced by hurt.

"You deserted me Bekah," he said softly. "When I needed you most, you abandoned me."
All I could do was nod my head in agreement.
"Do you have any idea what the last few weeks have been like for me? I needed you. So many times I just wanted to be able to talk to you and have you tell me everything was going to be okay, and you weren't there. I've done everything I can to be there when you needed me and then I don't get the same in return? Do you know how much you hurt me?" Sidney asked.

I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I never thought of it from Sidney's point of view but he was right. He had gone through hell and back with me and he never waivered in his support, then the first sign of a rough road and I bolt and blame him! I sobbed uncontrollably, unable to speak.
Sidney got up from his chair and disappeared into the bathroom. He returned a few seconds later and handed me a box of tissues. I took several out of the box and began to dab at my tear stained face. To my surprise, Sidney sat down beside me. I did my best to look in his eyes, but it was difficult.

"I know I was a jerk that night and I'm sorry, but I don't think I deserved to be shut out."
"You're right. You do deserve better than what I've been giving you and Sidney, I am so, so sorry," I said trying to hold back the tears again.
Sid leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck and held on for dear life. I inhaled his heavenly scent that I'd missed the past few weeks as he stroked my hair.
"Sidney, I know it's no excuse for what I did, but you really scared me that night. I've never seen you that angry and when you started taking it out on me, I had flashbacks. My first instinct is to protect myself any way that I can. Sometimes that means running away."
"I'm not him Bekah," Sid whispered. "Neither of us are perfect, we're going to fight; probably alot," he chuckled. "But how do you expect us to have a relationship and work through things if you won't talk to me"
"You're right," I shook my head. "You are absolutely right, we can't. It was a rough road to get where we are and it's going to continue to be a rough road as we both try to find our way. I warned you in the beginning that I have alot of issues to overcome; clearly I have a long way to go," I smiled trying to lighten the mood a little.
The crooked little smile that I love so much appeared on Sidney's face. "Clearly! I think I've done a pretty good job being patient and understanding with you Beks."
"You have, and I love you for it."
"So can we make a promise to each other?" Sidney asked.
"What do you have in mind?"
"Well, I promise to continue to be patient and understanding and to work on not taking my anger and frustration out on you if you promise to stay."
"Stay?"
"Yes, you have to promise to stay and face any problem and work through them. No running!"
"I think I can do that," I said.
"Say promise."
"I promise."
"Then so do I."
"Good. Now is this fight over and done with never to be spoken of again?" I asked wrapping my arms around his neck and gently kissing his jaw.
"There's just one more thing we need to talk about before this is over."
"What's that?" I asked still placing kisses along his rugged jaw line.
"Max."

How many tragedies can one team endure?
It has been almost a year since we lost the bright, shining light that Luc Bourdon (close friend of Kris Letang) brought to this world. While those close to him still grieve, yet another senseless tragedy has rocked the Vancouver Canucks, and the entire hockey community.
Taylor Pyatt's fiancé Carly, was killed Thursday in a car accident while on vacation in Jamaica.
I know you all join me when I say:
"Taylor,
I cannot express how deeply sorry I am for your loss. No words can ever ease the pain you feel right now, but please know that you, your family and Carly's family are in our thoughts and our prayers.
While nothing can ever replace having our loved one's here with us, we can take comfort knowing that when they are called home, they can now shine their light on the rest of world. You may not be able to hold Carly in your arms, but you can forever hold her in your heart. In these difficult days ahead, remember how much love and joy Carly brought to your life; how much she touched your life and in doing so, has now touched the rest of our lives as well."
Rest easy my friend, for Carly is at peace.

Chapter 78

When I went to work the next day, I was not feeling like myself. Mario's news of his retirement had rocked me to the core. Sure, it wasn't the first time he had stepped away from the game for health reasons, but I knew it would be the last.

My heart was heavy when I entered Dylan's room, but I was met with an unexpected surprise; two actually. Dylan was sitting up in the crib and actually giggling at the Elmo-like voice that his stuffed monkey appeared to be making at the side of his bed. I listened from the doorway for a moment drinking in the sound of Dylan's laughter. It was a sound I hadn't heard since he first came to us.

As I ventured a little further into the room I saw Gloria sitting in the chair by the window. I smiled at her and couldn't help but notice she was glowing. She went to say something but I raised my finger to my lips to stop her so we wouldn't interrupt the heartwarming scene unfolding before us.

I couldn't see Scott kneeling on the floor on the other side of the bed, but as I watched and listened to him continue to tell a story to his son, my heart ached a little for my own children. There is no greater bond than that of a mother and her child, but there was also no replacement for a father-son relationship either. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and heartbroken that my own boys were missing out on that.

As the story ended, Gloria and I applauded.
"Well done Scott! I didn't know you had such a vivid imagination," I said.
The door opened behind me and he said "Thanks Bekah, but it's just coffee."
I turned around to see Scott standing behind me holding a tray with three coffees in it.
I was confused.
"But if you're here, then who's over there?" I asked turning back around, shocked to see who was standing beside Dylan.
"What are you doing here?" I asked when the words were finally able to leave my mouth.
"Entertaining my new little buddy here," Max said handing Dylan his monkey and coming over to where the three of us were gathered.
"But...how...why?" I stuttered.
Scott handed Max one of the cups and Max thanked him like they were old friends.
"Does someone want to explain what the...what exactly is going on here?"
"Dylan and I were down in the family room for a change of scenery when Max came in and sat down," Scott started.
"I thought Scott looked familiar, but I couldn't place where I knew him from. We got to talking and he said that he knew you and that I had met him in the locker room after the game you had taken him too. I told him I was here waiting for you and we just kinda ended up back in here."
"I told Max that he'd have better luck catching you in here than waiting for you to pass by the family room."
I was still a little stunned and I wasn't quite sure what to think.
"But that still doesn't explain why you're here Max."
He looked at Scott, who grabbed Gloria by the arm and dragged her out of the room saying he forgot to get cream and sugar for the coffee.
"That wasn't very subtle," I said looking at Max for answers. "Now will you tell me what you're doing here?"
"Mario told us this morning that he was going to announce his retirement this afternoon. I know what Mario means to you and your family and thought you might need a friend when you heard the news."
"That's very thoughtful Max, but I'm aware. Mario already told me."
"Really?" Max asked confused. "When, he said that no one except his family and the guys in the head office knew?"
"He was here for a check up yesterday and I happened to be working in that unit. We talked a little bit and he told me he was going to announce it today."

Dylan started to fuss and lift his arms signaling he wanted to be picked up. Max immediately went to his bedside then stopped.
"Is it okay if I pick him up?" Max asked.
"Sure, you just have to be careful of his wires. I'll help help you," I said walking towards them.
Max picked Dylan up carefully and held him tightly against his chest while I moved the wires so they would not get caught on anything. Dylan whined a little and what happened next brought tears to my eyes.
"Shhhhh, you're okay little man," Max whispered as he caressed what little hair was left on Dylan's head. He motioned towards the rocking chair beside the bed and I nodded in agreement.
Max sat down and held Dylan against him like you'd hold a baby to burp them and started to rock back and forth. Dylan quickly nuzzled his head into Max's shoulder and his eyes started to flutter.
"That's right, you were just lonely over there by yourself weren't you? It's okay buddy, I've got you now."
Just then, I was paged to another room.
"Are you going to be okay here by yourself?" I asked quietly.
"We'll be just fine, go save lives," he said giving me a wink.

When I returned a short time later, Max was still rocking Dylan and softly singing a lullaby in french. When Max saw me he stopped.
"That was beautiful Max," I complemented. "Don't stop because of me."
"It's okay, he's fast asleep anyways. Can you help me get him back in bed?"
"Sure. I didn't know you had such a soft spot for children," I said as I rearranged Dylan's wires.
"Are you kidding? I love kids!"
"That surprises me a little."
"Really, why?"
"I guess I never pictured someone who...umm...well...who whores around as much as you do, wanting to settle down and have kids."
"Whoa ho ho, first of all, I can't believe you just called me a whore! Second of all, who said anything about settling down and having kids? I said I love kids, not that I wanted kids. Kids are great as long as they're someone else's."
"So I wasn't wrong about you," I said gratified that my assumption was correct.
"Not exactly. I'm only twenty one years old, I'm too young to think about serious stuff like settling down and having a family. I'm just having fun living my dream."
"You're absolutely right. I guess I never think about what it would be like to be your age and not have the responsibility of a family because the reality is that I did have one."
"Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you didn't?"
"I used to when I was miserable before I left Jeff. I'd get to a place where I'd feel sorry for myself and think 'why me' and 'what if', but once I walked out that door, I never thought about it again. Your life is a result of the choices you make, good or bad; and no matter what you do, you can't change the past. All you can do is learn from your mistakes, hopefully, and take control of your own destiny. No one is going to wave a magic wand and just hand you the life you want. You have to create the life you want yourself. I took control of my own destiny and worked hard to be happy and get the life I want."
"And does that happy life include the golden boy?"
"Sidney? I...uh..."
"Max, Bekah, turn the t.v. on," Scott yelped as he rushed through the door with Gloria close behind him. "FSN is showing some press conference with Mario," he said breathlessly as he flipped through the channels until he landed on the right one.
The four of us watched in silence as those dreadful words left Mario's lips. Every one in a while, the camera panned over to Sidney, who was looking on. His face was solemn, and I could tell he was fighting to hold back tears. My own tears began to fall as Mario said the Penguins were now Sidney's team and that he had every confidence Sid would lead the team back to greatness. The magnitude of the pressure Sid was already under had just been increased ten fold, and as the camera showed Sid smiling gratefully at his mentor's kind words, I felt nothing but sadness for this young boy who now was the sole bearer of the burden of making an entire city's expectations of winning a reality.
I cried not only for my own loss, but for Sidney's as well. I was so lost in my own thoughts I hadn't realized that at some point Max had taken my hand in his. He squeezed my hand as he handed me the box of tissues. I thanked him silently as we watched the rest of the press conference.
Max rubbed my back thoughtfully and asked if I was okay as Scott turned the t.v. off.
"I'm fine," I replied, drying the last of my tears.
"It's the end of an era," Scott said.
"And the beginning of a new one," Max added. "I have no doubt that Sid will step up and lead this team now."
What was this? Did Max actually say something positive about Sid?
"Are you sure you're going to be okay Bekahboo?" Max asked.
Bekahboo?
"I'm sure."
"Then I'm going to get going, I have some errands to run. I'll give you a call okay?"
"Sure," I answered as he kissed both my cheeks.
"Scott, Gloria, thank you for letting me invade your space here. You have a beautiful son. Your family will be in my prayers."
"Thank you Max," Gloria said thoughtfully as she wrapped Max in a warm hug. "I'm sure we'll see you again soon."
"I'm sure you will," he replied before leaving the room.

Gloria looked at me knowingly. "Max is a wonderful young man Bekah."
"Don't even go there Gloria!"
"Whaaaat?" she asked acting all innocent. "I just made a simple little comment."
"And I know where you're going with that comment."
"It's obvious he cares about you very much Bekah."
"I already have one hockey player in my life causing me grief, I certainly don't need another one!"
"Oh come on! The thought of two hot, young hockey players fighting over you doesn't excite you in the least?"
"No! And they're not going to fight over me. Max and I are just friends."
"He sure didn't look at you like he wanted to be your friend."
"I'm leaving now," I said as I walked out of the room.
"Never say never!" she yelled after me.



"I came as soon as I got your message," I said to Mario as he let me in his front door.
"I'm worried Bekah. He hasn't come home yet and he's not answering his cell."
"I'm sure he's fine," I said trying to mask my own concern. The press conference had been over for hours and no one had heard a word from Sid. He hadn't even tried to call or text me.
"I knew he'd take it hard, but he's never dropped out of contact like this," Nathalie added. "Will you try calling him? Maybe if he sees your number he'll pick up."
"I'll try."
I dialed Sid's number from my cell phone and listened to it ring. Nothing. I tried five more times before deciding to leave a message.

"Sidney, it's me. I know you're upset and hurting right now, but you have everyone worried sick. You need to come home. Nat's frantic and Mario's worried too. If you don't want to be around anyone can you at least call the Lemieux's and let them know that you're okay? They're worried; we all are. Please Sidney."

"I don't know if that will help, but we'll wait and see," I said trying to sound hopeful.
"Thank you for trying Bekah," Mario said. "Can you wait with us? I'm sure Sid will want to see your face when he gets home?"
"Mario!" Nathalie scolded. "She has her own family to get home too and it's already late. You can't ask that of her."
"It's okay Nathalie, the boys are with a friend of mine. I'd actually like to stay if that's okay?"
"Of course dear; we'd like that very much."

We sat in the kitchen for another hour, sipping tea and waiting for any sign of Sid. We tried to distract each other by talking about the kids and anything we could think of, but finally the conversation turned towards me and Sid.
"I don't want to pry, but what happened between you two?" Nathalie asked.
"It's none of our business Nat," Mario said.
"It's okay Mario. I might as well talk about it. Maybe it will start to make some sense if I hear it out loud."
I told the story of everything that had happened, including everything about Max. I thought it would be weird at first because the Lemieux's were like Sid's second parents, but it really wasn't. They were able to add a different view on things that I could never have imagined on my own. They really knew Sid and were able to shed some light on the way his mind works sometimes. As a hockey wife, Nat was able to really put things in perspective for me."
"Bekah, it's not the players that are the building blocks of this team, it's the wives and girlfriends and people who support them. Without us, they are not able to form a solid structure. If a player doesn't have a good support system behind him, he can become the chink in the armour. I know better than anyone that life with a hockey player isn't always a walk in the park. But I also know how impossible it is not to love these guys. With a good woman standing beside them, there is no limit to the things they can accomplish; the things you can accomplish together. I also know that no matter how tough it gets sometimes, it is sooo worth it in the end."
Mario took his wife's hand and kissed it gently and she looked at him like she was still a lovesick teenager.
"You guys are amazing," I said. "I could only dream of having the kind of relationship you guys have after all these years."
"You don't have to dream about it Bekah," Mario said.
"You just have to be willing to take what's right in front of you," Nathalie added.
"You've certainly given me alot to think about," I said not able to contain a yawn any longer.
"Why don't you go wait in Sid's place? At least try and get some sleep."
"I think I'll take you up on that," I said getting up from the table. "Will you wake me if you hear from him?"
"Of course."
I went up to Sid's floor and turned the t.v. on in his living room. I started to watch a movie but sleep quickly took over my body. It felt like I'd only been asleep for a minute when I felt a strong hand gently trying to shake me awake.
"Bekah? Bekah wake up."
"Hmmmm?" I said rubbing my eyes.
"Beks?"
That immediately made me open my eyes.
"Sidney!" I took his face in my hands. "Oh Sidney, thank god you're okay!" I said before planting a kiss on those lips. I didn't want my lips to leave his, but when they did, I wrapped him in my arms and held him as tight as I could.
"I'm sorry Beks," he said as he began to sob uncontrollably. "So, so sorry."
"Shhhh," I said rocking back and forth. "Me to baby, me too."
I held him and caressed his unruly curls and just let him cry. And I cried right along with him. When exhaustion set in, I whispered in his ear, "let's go to bed."