I had no idea how much time had passed. His breathing had gone from the short, staggered breaths to long, even and deep. He had fallen asleep in my arms. As much as I wanted to hold him all night, I knew I couldn't. I slowly pulled away and laid his head down gently on the pillow. When I was completely out from under him, he was restless for a moment but quickly settled himself on the couch. I covered him with a blanket and took a few steps back. I stood staring at him. He looked so peaceful, in many ways child-like and I felt an overwhelming calm wash over my entire body. I bent down, kissed him gently on the cheek and whispered good night. I took his phone from the coffee table, turned off the lights and went to my room. I scrolled through his contacts until I found Mario's home number and dialed.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mario? It's Bekah. I didn't wake you did I?"
"No," he said with concern evident in his voice. "Is everything OK?"
"Yes, everything's fine. I just wanted to let you know that Sid came here after the game tonight. He was pretty upset about the Olympics. He's asleep on my couch right now, so I doubt he'll be making it home tonight. I wanted to let you know so you didn't worry."
"Sid's fine, he's at Bekah's," Mario told Nathalie, and I heard her say 'Thank god!' "Thank you so much for calling Bekah. We were worried when so much time had passed after the game and he hadn't come home yet. He doesn't handle this kind of thing very well so we were concerned. How is he?"
"He's hurting, but I think he'll be okay. We talked through it and he knows he's got lots of time still, but he's still very disappointed."
"Well, this is a first. You must be a miracle worker," Mario chuckled.
"What do you mean?"
"This is not normal behaviour for Sid. When something like this happens his reaction is to shut down. He holes up in his room and doesn't talk to anyone. He's been like that well, his whole life...until now. You must have some kind of hold on the boy."
"Oh I don't think that's the case Mario. I think he's just growing up."
"You underestimate your influence over him. In any case, I'm glad he's okay and we appreciate you letting us know."
"Well I would hope that someone would do the same for me if it was one of my kids." Realizing that Sid wasn't actually one of his kids, I added "you know what I mean."
"Yes. Good night Bekah and thanks again. Take care of him okay?"
"I'll do my best. Goodnight Mario."
I went into my bathroom to get ready for bed and when I took a glimpse in the mirror, realized I was still in my scrubs. I had been in such a hurry to get to the arena I hadn't bothered to change. 'Explains some of the weird looks' I thought to myself. I brushed my teeth and headed towards my bed. As I lifted my shirt over my head, the most heavenly scent wafted into my nose. I inhaled deeply. It was Sid. The perfect combination of his natural scent, his body wash and the body spray he used after every game. I slipped the shirt back over my head and crawled into bed. 'He may not be next to me, but this is the next best thing' I thought to myself. I know it's kind of silly, but with his scent gently tickling my nose, if I closed my eyes, I could almost feel his arms around me. I held my eyes shut and let my mind wander. My thoughts drifted to him lying on my couch, so close yet so far away. For the first time in a very long time, I yearned to have someone beside me in this bed. Not just someone...him. I snuggled deeper into the covers and let his magical aroma soothe me to sleep.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Chapter 42
I did everything I could to get out of work on time but the sad fact is that disease and despair knows no schedule. I made it to the game in the middle of the second period and the scoreboard looked as grim as the look on Sidney's face. By the end of his next shift he had spotted me and a brief smile appeared on his face.
At the beginning of the third period trusty old Nate appeared at my side with a message from Sid.
"Mr. Crosby is very pleased you were able to make it this evening. He will be waiting for you in the locker room after the game. I will be back to escort you down when the game is over."
"Thank you Nate."
The game had a very dismal ending. Another loss coupled with the disappointment of today's announcement should put Sid in fine form. I made my way down to the locker room and waited...and waited...and waited. Sid finally emerged with the whole Pen's media relations team right behind him. He spent 30 minutes fielding the same kinds idiotic questions over and over: "Sid, how do you feel being left off the roster?", "Are you disappointed in today's announcement?", "Do you think they made the right decision leaving you out?" Are they fucking kidding? 'How do they think he feels you morons?', I wanted to scream at them! But Sid handled himself beautifully, like usual and was very gracious to every stupid person who asked every stupid question. He kept his voice calm and even and tried not to let his emotion show. I watched him in complete awe, so proud of his maturity and demeanor. After 30 minutes one of the 'suits' that had been ever present at his side told the press Sid was done with the questions for tonight. When the last reporter had left the room, one of the men said a few words to Sid that I couldn't hear and then they were gone too. Sid walked towards me, grabbed my hand and simply said, "let's go."
I wasn't sure what to say, so I didn't say anything. When we reached the parking lot (Sid had gotten me a pass to park in the same lot as the players) he just looked and me and said, "Your place. You're driving." we both got in my car and I just drove. I didn't ask him how or when he was going to get back to his car, nor did I ask him how long he intended to stay at my house. We drove in silence. Sid stared out his window and the only movement he made was to turn the radio up when a Bon Jovi song came on. Weird.
When we reached my house, we went in and Sid plopped himself down on the couch. Lily had been watching the boys and gave me a questioning look when she saw that Sid had accompanied me home. I just looked at her and shook my head. She took the cue and simply said goodnight to us both. 'I'll call you tomorrow', she mouthed silently before she left.
Sid had his hands behind his head, which was leaning all the way back and his eyes were closed. I sat down beside him, cross legged facing him and he still didn't open his eyes. We still had not spoken a word so I decided on a different approach to let him know that I was there whenever he was ready to talk. I put my hand on his leg and rubbed slowly in a circular motion. He dropped his arms from behind his head and held my right hand that had been caressing his leg, giving it a firm squeeze. He still did not open his eyes. My heart was breaking for him and it hurt to see him so upset. My nurturing instinct kicked in and I did the same thing I did when the boys were upset. I ran my fingers through his hair and gently stroked his budding curls over and over. I can't even tell you how long this went on in complete silence. The only thing I could hear was the sound of his deep rhythmic breathing. I was beginning to think he fell asleep when he sat up a bit a looked at me. I could see the tears in his eyes just waiting to fall.
"After all the shit that's been going on lately, I thought this would be the one thing I could look forward to. I know I have a whole future ahead of me to play for Team Canada and I really tried not to get my hopes up and expect anything, but it just...it just really hurts ya know?", his voice was barely above a whisper.
I pulled him into my arms and he rested his head against my chest. I held his head, still caressing his curls. I kissed the top of his head and just let him take it all in.
"It just hurts. It hurts so much." He repeated these words over and over until his breathing was short and staggered and his voice began to waver. He was crying.
"I know honey," I whispered to him. "I know it hurts right now, but we'll get through it, I promise."
At the beginning of the third period trusty old Nate appeared at my side with a message from Sid.
"Mr. Crosby is very pleased you were able to make it this evening. He will be waiting for you in the locker room after the game. I will be back to escort you down when the game is over."
"Thank you Nate."
The game had a very dismal ending. Another loss coupled with the disappointment of today's announcement should put Sid in fine form. I made my way down to the locker room and waited...and waited...and waited. Sid finally emerged with the whole Pen's media relations team right behind him. He spent 30 minutes fielding the same kinds idiotic questions over and over: "Sid, how do you feel being left off the roster?", "Are you disappointed in today's announcement?", "Do you think they made the right decision leaving you out?" Are they fucking kidding? 'How do they think he feels you morons?', I wanted to scream at them! But Sid handled himself beautifully, like usual and was very gracious to every stupid person who asked every stupid question. He kept his voice calm and even and tried not to let his emotion show. I watched him in complete awe, so proud of his maturity and demeanor. After 30 minutes one of the 'suits' that had been ever present at his side told the press Sid was done with the questions for tonight. When the last reporter had left the room, one of the men said a few words to Sid that I couldn't hear and then they were gone too. Sid walked towards me, grabbed my hand and simply said, "let's go."
I wasn't sure what to say, so I didn't say anything. When we reached the parking lot (Sid had gotten me a pass to park in the same lot as the players) he just looked and me and said, "Your place. You're driving." we both got in my car and I just drove. I didn't ask him how or when he was going to get back to his car, nor did I ask him how long he intended to stay at my house. We drove in silence. Sid stared out his window and the only movement he made was to turn the radio up when a Bon Jovi song came on. Weird.
When we reached my house, we went in and Sid plopped himself down on the couch. Lily had been watching the boys and gave me a questioning look when she saw that Sid had accompanied me home. I just looked at her and shook my head. She took the cue and simply said goodnight to us both. 'I'll call you tomorrow', she mouthed silently before she left.
Sid had his hands behind his head, which was leaning all the way back and his eyes were closed. I sat down beside him, cross legged facing him and he still didn't open his eyes. We still had not spoken a word so I decided on a different approach to let him know that I was there whenever he was ready to talk. I put my hand on his leg and rubbed slowly in a circular motion. He dropped his arms from behind his head and held my right hand that had been caressing his leg, giving it a firm squeeze. He still did not open his eyes. My heart was breaking for him and it hurt to see him so upset. My nurturing instinct kicked in and I did the same thing I did when the boys were upset. I ran my fingers through his hair and gently stroked his budding curls over and over. I can't even tell you how long this went on in complete silence. The only thing I could hear was the sound of his deep rhythmic breathing. I was beginning to think he fell asleep when he sat up a bit a looked at me. I could see the tears in his eyes just waiting to fall.
"After all the shit that's been going on lately, I thought this would be the one thing I could look forward to. I know I have a whole future ahead of me to play for Team Canada and I really tried not to get my hopes up and expect anything, but it just...it just really hurts ya know?", his voice was barely above a whisper.
I pulled him into my arms and he rested his head against my chest. I held his head, still caressing his curls. I kissed the top of his head and just let him take it all in.
"It just hurts. It hurts so much." He repeated these words over and over until his breathing was short and staggered and his voice began to waver. He was crying.
"I know honey," I whispered to him. "I know it hurts right now, but we'll get through it, I promise."
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Chapter 41
"You must be sick of this by now," I said sitting up and wiping my eyes with a tissue.
"Sick of what?"
"Me crying. It seems to be all I do around you. I'm sorry, it's just tough ya know? I love my job, but sometimes it really gets to you. You can't show your emotion there so you keep it bottled up inside and eventually you blow."
"I honestly don't know how you do it Beks," he said softly. "How can you stand being around the sickness and death all the time, especially when it's kids?"
"Not to sound heartless, but it's something you become accustomed to. You never get used to it but you deal. On particularly hard days, like today, I come home and cry. Then thank God that my boys are happy and healthy."
I told him about Dylan and how this tiny angel had immediately stole my heart. There was something special about this little boy. We had instantly bonded, and I felt the same way about his parents. I was optimistic that Dylan's cancer was caught in time and he would have a good chance of survival. But I also knew not to get my hopes up.
"It's late, you're exhausted and I have to get up early tomorrow. It's kind of a big day."
"What's happening tomorrow?" I asked in complete oblivion.
He looked at me with slight disappointment on his face. "They're announcing the Olympic team," he said shyly.
"Oh Sid, I completely forgot that was tomorrow! I'm so sorry."
"No big deal."
"It is a HUGE deal! Are you nervous?"
"Not really. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. There are so many great players to choose from."
"Yeah, and you are one of them! You're better than great, you're...you're Sidney friggin' Crosby!"
"But I thought there was nothing special about Sidney Crosby?" he retorted snidely.
"Not funny," I replied dryly. "I thought we were over that?"
"I gotta rub it in every now and then. You're coming to the game tomorrow night right? You can meet me in the locker room after the game and maybe we'll have something to celebrate."
"I'm not sure. I may be working late."
"But you never miss a game! I thought you were working day shifts until after the holidays?"
"I am, but there's alot of overtime this time of year. When are they making the announcement?"
"Sometime around five I think."
"Well, call me as soon as you find out, after you call your parents of course!"
"I will. Well, I should head home. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Sid," I said gently grabbing his arm. "Thanks again...for everything, but especially for hanging out with the boys today. I appreciate it more than you know."
"Any time Beks. I adore those boys."
"I'm pretty sure the feeling's mutual!"
He smiled. "Goodnight beautiful. Sweet dreams." He kissed my forehead and headed for his car.
*********************************************
The next day seemed to go by at a snail's pace. I was anxious to hear that Sidney would be going to Turin to represent our country. I was in one of the family rooms with Dylan and his parents when I finally heard. Scott was watching Sportscentre and I instantly dropped everything to watch. 26 names were read, not one of them was Sid's.
"He's going to be devastated," I said shaking my head in disbelief.
"Who?" Scott looked at me puzzled.
"Sidney," I replied simply.
"Sidney...Crosby?"
"Yeah. He was really hoping he was going to be on that team."
"You know Sidney Crosby?"
"Mmm hmm. We're friends." Scott was just about to question me further but my cell phone alerted me to a new text message.
"Excuse me for a second," I said getting up and going out into the hallway. His message was short and right
to the point... "Be here tonight. I need you. Sid"
I knew that no matter what else happened today, I needed to be at that game tonight. It was my turn to be there for him when he needed me. And that's exactly what I intended to do.
"Sick of what?"
"Me crying. It seems to be all I do around you. I'm sorry, it's just tough ya know? I love my job, but sometimes it really gets to you. You can't show your emotion there so you keep it bottled up inside and eventually you blow."
"I honestly don't know how you do it Beks," he said softly. "How can you stand being around the sickness and death all the time, especially when it's kids?"
"Not to sound heartless, but it's something you become accustomed to. You never get used to it but you deal. On particularly hard days, like today, I come home and cry. Then thank God that my boys are happy and healthy."
I told him about Dylan and how this tiny angel had immediately stole my heart. There was something special about this little boy. We had instantly bonded, and I felt the same way about his parents. I was optimistic that Dylan's cancer was caught in time and he would have a good chance of survival. But I also knew not to get my hopes up.
"It's late, you're exhausted and I have to get up early tomorrow. It's kind of a big day."
"What's happening tomorrow?" I asked in complete oblivion.
He looked at me with slight disappointment on his face. "They're announcing the Olympic team," he said shyly.
"Oh Sid, I completely forgot that was tomorrow! I'm so sorry."
"No big deal."
"It is a HUGE deal! Are you nervous?"
"Not really. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. There are so many great players to choose from."
"Yeah, and you are one of them! You're better than great, you're...you're Sidney friggin' Crosby!"
"But I thought there was nothing special about Sidney Crosby?" he retorted snidely.
"Not funny," I replied dryly. "I thought we were over that?"
"I gotta rub it in every now and then. You're coming to the game tomorrow night right? You can meet me in the locker room after the game and maybe we'll have something to celebrate."
"I'm not sure. I may be working late."
"But you never miss a game! I thought you were working day shifts until after the holidays?"
"I am, but there's alot of overtime this time of year. When are they making the announcement?"
"Sometime around five I think."
"Well, call me as soon as you find out, after you call your parents of course!"
"I will. Well, I should head home. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Sid," I said gently grabbing his arm. "Thanks again...for everything, but especially for hanging out with the boys today. I appreciate it more than you know."
"Any time Beks. I adore those boys."
"I'm pretty sure the feeling's mutual!"
He smiled. "Goodnight beautiful. Sweet dreams." He kissed my forehead and headed for his car.
*********************************************
The next day seemed to go by at a snail's pace. I was anxious to hear that Sidney would be going to Turin to represent our country. I was in one of the family rooms with Dylan and his parents when I finally heard. Scott was watching Sportscentre and I instantly dropped everything to watch. 26 names were read, not one of them was Sid's.
"He's going to be devastated," I said shaking my head in disbelief.
"Who?" Scott looked at me puzzled.
"Sidney," I replied simply.
"Sidney...Crosby?"
"Yeah. He was really hoping he was going to be on that team."
"You know Sidney Crosby?"
"Mmm hmm. We're friends." Scott was just about to question me further but my cell phone alerted me to a new text message.
"Excuse me for a second," I said getting up and going out into the hallway. His message was short and right
to the point... "Be here tonight. I need you. Sid"
I knew that no matter what else happened today, I needed to be at that game tonight. It was my turn to be there for him when he needed me. And that's exactly what I intended to do.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Chapter 40
I got home shortly after 10:00 and found Sid stretched out on my couch, feet up on the coffee table watching a Mighty Ducks movie. I flopped down beside him, put my feet up, closed my eyes and let out a huge sigh.
With my eyes still closed I said, "Mmmm, it smells really good in here."
"We had spaghetti for dinner. You hungry? I saved you some, I can warm it up for you."
Who was this guy that has possessed the body of Sidney Crosby???
"You made spaghetti for dinner?" I asked opening one eye to look at him.
"Yes I did, and it was pretty tasty if I do say so myself! Do you want some?"
"Ugh," I groaned. "I appreciate it, but I don't think I could eat even if I wanted to. I have a massive tension headache."
Sid sat up and angled himself towards me. "Come here," he said.
"What? Why?"
"Just come here and turn around."
I obliged. I sat with my back towards him and felt the familiar touch of his strong hands on my shoulders. Massaging gently at first, then a little harder. I let out a grateful moan.
"How's that?"
"Don't stop."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," I replied with my eyes still closed. "I'd rather hear about your day. How did everything go?"
"Good. We went to Mario's and had lunch with them. Steph whipped Alex's butt at NHL 05 and then we went outside and had a massive snowball fight which I am ashamed to say Jake, Austin, Alexa and Mario won, and then we had a skate on the rink. After that we came back here and had dinner and watched a movie. The boys are fed, bathed and sleeping. No catastrophes and all limbs in tact!"
"I'm impressed Crosby. You made it through a whole day with my kids and you have no battle wounds! Sounds like a great day. I didn't realize you were so...domestic."
"I didn't either! They're amazing kids. So easy to be around."
"I wish my day went as smooth."
"It might help to talk about it."
I thought back to earlier when I first met little Dylan MacDonald and his parents Scott and Gloria. Dylan was as cute as could be, big brown eyes with eyelashes that would make any girl jealous, and patches of blond, fuzzy hair that would soon disappear with the chemo he was about to endure. Nancy had been right about mom and dad. Every time there was a new form to fill out or another test to take or another doctor poking and prodding at her little angel, she would weep uncontrollably and he would rub her back with a blank look on his face, almost like it had become second nature.
I spent the majority of the day just talking them through everything that was happening and explaining what they could expect over the next little while. I got them set up at the Ronald McDonald house that out of town families with sick children stayed at while their kids were receiving treatment.
With each new thing they had to tackle dad remained silent while mom repeated "Why God? Why did this happen to us? Why our boy?" over and over. When Dylan was finally sleeping after a battery of tests, I stayed at his bedside with Scott and Gloria.
"Why did this have to happen to us?" Gloria asked shaking her head still in disbelief. "It's just not fair!"
"Unfortunately, life is not fair," I said tenderly. "If it was, I wouldn't have a job. But I strongly believe that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle."
Scott's head shot straight up and the anger in his eyes was actually a little frightening.
"What the hell do you know? What kind of God would give a baby such a horrible disease?" he snarled at me. "Has your child ever died from cancer?"
The first words he spoke all day and they were full of venom.
"Not my child, my brother. When he was 10," I replied quietly.
Scott looked surprised and Gloria looked strangely relieved. I told them the whole story about David, including how my parents didn't handle it very well and I had to be the one who was strong for him at the tender age of 13.
"It may not be the exact same thing, but I do know the pain and anger you're both feeling. It will probably never completely go away. But your little boy needs you both to be strong and positive to get him through this. I know it doesn't seem like you have it in you, but believe me, the strength is in there, you just have to free it and that means pushing the anger away and focusing on the positives."
"How can there be anything positive about an innocent child having such a horrible disease?" Gloria asked me.
"Small things, like they caught it fairly early. Dylan is only in stage 2. David was already stage 4 when he was diagnosed. He has a good chance that chemo will help. And so many more people donate bone marrow today then when David was battling. Every day Dylan is here is a positive."
"How did you get over the loss?" Scott asked.
"I didn't. You never get over a loss like that, but you do find ways to get through it and move on. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and miss him, but I turned my experience into a positive by becoming a nurse so I could help other families. That's how I chose to honour David's memory.
"Well I'm very glad you did. I don't know how we would have gotten through today without you. I think your brother would be proud."
"Beks, you still with me?"
I looked at Sid and just started to cry. Gloria's words were echoing in my head. Would he be proud of me?
"Come here beautiful," Sid said so tenderly as he pulled me towards him. He leaned back and let me collapse in his arms. My head rested just under his chin on his chest. He kissed my forehead and gently stroked my hair. He passed me the box of tissues from the end table beside him.
"Let it out baby," he whispered. "Just let it out. We have all night."
With my eyes still closed I said, "Mmmm, it smells really good in here."
"We had spaghetti for dinner. You hungry? I saved you some, I can warm it up for you."
Who was this guy that has possessed the body of Sidney Crosby???
"You made spaghetti for dinner?" I asked opening one eye to look at him.
"Yes I did, and it was pretty tasty if I do say so myself! Do you want some?"
"Ugh," I groaned. "I appreciate it, but I don't think I could eat even if I wanted to. I have a massive tension headache."
Sid sat up and angled himself towards me. "Come here," he said.
"What? Why?"
"Just come here and turn around."
I obliged. I sat with my back towards him and felt the familiar touch of his strong hands on my shoulders. Massaging gently at first, then a little harder. I let out a grateful moan.
"How's that?"
"Don't stop."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," I replied with my eyes still closed. "I'd rather hear about your day. How did everything go?"
"Good. We went to Mario's and had lunch with them. Steph whipped Alex's butt at NHL 05 and then we went outside and had a massive snowball fight which I am ashamed to say Jake, Austin, Alexa and Mario won, and then we had a skate on the rink. After that we came back here and had dinner and watched a movie. The boys are fed, bathed and sleeping. No catastrophes and all limbs in tact!"
"I'm impressed Crosby. You made it through a whole day with my kids and you have no battle wounds! Sounds like a great day. I didn't realize you were so...domestic."
"I didn't either! They're amazing kids. So easy to be around."
"I wish my day went as smooth."
"It might help to talk about it."
I thought back to earlier when I first met little Dylan MacDonald and his parents Scott and Gloria. Dylan was as cute as could be, big brown eyes with eyelashes that would make any girl jealous, and patches of blond, fuzzy hair that would soon disappear with the chemo he was about to endure. Nancy had been right about mom and dad. Every time there was a new form to fill out or another test to take or another doctor poking and prodding at her little angel, she would weep uncontrollably and he would rub her back with a blank look on his face, almost like it had become second nature.
I spent the majority of the day just talking them through everything that was happening and explaining what they could expect over the next little while. I got them set up at the Ronald McDonald house that out of town families with sick children stayed at while their kids were receiving treatment.
With each new thing they had to tackle dad remained silent while mom repeated "Why God? Why did this happen to us? Why our boy?" over and over. When Dylan was finally sleeping after a battery of tests, I stayed at his bedside with Scott and Gloria.
"Why did this have to happen to us?" Gloria asked shaking her head still in disbelief. "It's just not fair!"
"Unfortunately, life is not fair," I said tenderly. "If it was, I wouldn't have a job. But I strongly believe that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle."
Scott's head shot straight up and the anger in his eyes was actually a little frightening.
"What the hell do you know? What kind of God would give a baby such a horrible disease?" he snarled at me. "Has your child ever died from cancer?"
The first words he spoke all day and they were full of venom.
"Not my child, my brother. When he was 10," I replied quietly.
Scott looked surprised and Gloria looked strangely relieved. I told them the whole story about David, including how my parents didn't handle it very well and I had to be the one who was strong for him at the tender age of 13.
"It may not be the exact same thing, but I do know the pain and anger you're both feeling. It will probably never completely go away. But your little boy needs you both to be strong and positive to get him through this. I know it doesn't seem like you have it in you, but believe me, the strength is in there, you just have to free it and that means pushing the anger away and focusing on the positives."
"How can there be anything positive about an innocent child having such a horrible disease?" Gloria asked me.
"Small things, like they caught it fairly early. Dylan is only in stage 2. David was already stage 4 when he was diagnosed. He has a good chance that chemo will help. And so many more people donate bone marrow today then when David was battling. Every day Dylan is here is a positive."
"How did you get over the loss?" Scott asked.
"I didn't. You never get over a loss like that, but you do find ways to get through it and move on. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and miss him, but I turned my experience into a positive by becoming a nurse so I could help other families. That's how I chose to honour David's memory.
"Well I'm very glad you did. I don't know how we would have gotten through today without you. I think your brother would be proud."
"Beks, you still with me?"
I looked at Sid and just started to cry. Gloria's words were echoing in my head. Would he be proud of me?
"Come here beautiful," Sid said so tenderly as he pulled me towards him. He leaned back and let me collapse in his arms. My head rested just under his chin on his chest. He kissed my forehead and gently stroked my hair. He passed me the box of tissues from the end table beside him.
"Let it out baby," he whispered. "Just let it out. We have all night."
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sid's POV - The Male Bonding Experience
"So, what do you guys want to do today?" I asked.
"Can we go tobogganing?" Jake asked. "No, how about we go skating?" Alex said. "Can we go to Mario's?" Jake added. "Let's go to the arcade!" Alex exclaimed.
"Ok, ok, ok!" I said shaking my head. "Let's make a deal. I have one thing that I want to do with you guys, then each of you can pick one thing that you want to do. Sound fair?"
"What's your one thing?" Alex asked cautiously.
"We are going to the mall."
"I hate the mall!"
"Me too!" Jake decided.
"We won't be very long, I promise. The quicker we get there, the quicker we can do what you guys want to do, so go get your coats and lets hustle!"
*********************************************
"What are we doing here anyways?" asked Alex.
"We are buying a Christmas present," I replied.
"For who?" was Jake's question.
"For your mom."
"Why?" they both asked at the same time.
"Well, Santa brings you guys presents right? And your mom always gives you presents too right?"
"Yep."
"Who gives your mom presents?"
The boys just looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces.
"Don't you think it would be nice if you guys gave her a present this year?"
"Yeah, but we don't have any money," Jake said in a rather sad tone.
"You don't have to worry about that. You guys just worry about picking out something she'd like. Here we are."
We looked in all the display cases and finally decided on the perfect gift. Alex picked out a heart shaped pendant with three diamonds in it and Jake picked one that said #1 MOM. I had the girl put them in separate boxes so each one had their own gift to give her. When the boys weren't looking I added a pair of diamond and Sapphire earrings. The sapphires reminded me of her eyes when she was angry, and besides, Bekah needed a present from Santa too!
Satisfied with our purchases we headed to Mario's.
"Hey guys," Nathalie said as we walked through the door. "I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon," she said looking at me questioningly. "The kids are in the family room watching a movie if you want to join them."
"Thanks!" both boys said and head off down the stairs. A few seconds later we heard squeals of delight from all the kids.
"Where's Bekah?" Nathalie asked as Mario came into the kitchen.
"Is that Alex and Jake down there with the kids?" he asked a little confused.
"Yes. Bekah's at work and I'm watching the kids for the day."
Nathalie and Mario looked at each other with knowing looks.
"Spending a whole day alone with her kids, that's kind of a big step isn't it?" Mario asked.
"Before you guys jump to any big conclusions, we are just friends."
Again they looked at each other and just smiled. They both had that 'yeah right' look on their faces.
"I'm serious. I just offered to hang out with them today so they didn't have to go the the old people's house next door."
"If you say so," Mario chuckled.
"Oh leave him alone Mario. If he says they're just friends, then they're just friends."
All three of us knew that I wanted it to be more.
"Nat, can you do me a favour?"
"Does it involve watching these boys for the rest of the day?"
"No. Can you wrap these for me? I suck at wrapping presents."
"Would these happen to be for a very pretty nurse over at the hospital?" she asked with a big grin on her face.
"They would. One is from Alex, one is from Jake and one is from Santa."
"I'll do that right now so you can take them with you."
"You're the best Nat."
"Come on Sid, you can help me make the kids lunch," he said putting his arm around my shoulders.
We all had grilled cheese for lunch and then went outside and had a snowball fight. The kids skated on the rink Mario had made on top of the tennis court. About 4:30 I decided to head back to Bekah's house and make the boys some dinner.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay here?" Nathalie asked. "You don't exactly have the most stellar cooking skills Sidney."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I'm sure we'll be fine. Thanks for the gift wrapping, I appreciate it. Alex, Jake, time to go!"
We were just pulling out of the driveway when my cell rang.
"Hello?"
"Oh my god! Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to call you all afternoon! Is everything ok? Where are the boys?"
"Slow down Beks! One thing at a time. Everything's fine. The boys are good. We're just leaving Mario's. I left my cell in the car."
"Mario's? You took them to Mario's? You didn't say anything about leaving the house with them."
"Sorry, it was a spare of the moment kind of thing. We're heading back to your place now for some dinner. How's your day going?"
"Better now that I know everything is ok. I was worried Sid."
"I'm sorry."
"How's everything? They're not giving you a hard time are they?"
"No, they've been great. We've skated and had a massive snowball fight, it's all good."
"Well, my day is not so fantastic. Looks like I won't be out of here until about 9:00."
"No worries. We'll be waiting."
When we got back to the house I made us spaghetti for dinner. Alex said it was their favourite and it's about the only thing I can make. I saved some for Bekah for when she got home. The boys had their baths and got their p.j.s on while I cleaned up from dinner. We settled in to watch a movie - The Mighty Ducks! Jake fell asleep before it was over, so I carried him to bed and tucked him in just like I had with Alex the night before. When it came time for Alex to go to bed, I tucked him in too.
"Hey Sid?"
"Yeah bud?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Are you?...Are you...?Like..."
"Spit it out Alex."
"Are you and my mom like...boyfriend and girlfriend?
WOW! Wasn't expecting that one!
"No, your mom and I are just good friends."
"Oh," Alex said all deflated. "But you like her right?"
"Yes, I like her alot."
"Do you love her?"
"Well, love is a very strong word."
"Mom says if you love someone you should tell them every day. She says life is too short and if you love someone, you should make sure they know how you feel."
"That's very good advice. Does your mom tell you she loves you everyday?"
"Only like a hundred times a day! So I was thinking, if you love my mom, you should just tell her."
"I'll keep that it mind, but for now we will just be friends.
"I think you should be her boyfriend."
"Why's that?"
"Because you make her smile and laugh. She is sad alot of the time, so it's nice when she's happy. Besides, if you were her boyfriend we could hang out like all the time. Well, at least when you're not playing hockey!"
"I guess we'll just have to see what happens."
"Okay. Thanks very much for today. It was alot more fun with you then going over to the Parker's."
"I had fun too! We'll have to do it again soon. Remember, keep those presents hidden until Christmas morning, then you can give them to her."
"Will do," Alex said with a great big yawn. "Hey Sid?"
"Yes Alex," I said turning off the light.
"Love you."
"Ahh, thanks bud. I love you too."
"Can we go tobogganing?" Jake asked. "No, how about we go skating?" Alex said. "Can we go to Mario's?" Jake added. "Let's go to the arcade!" Alex exclaimed.
"Ok, ok, ok!" I said shaking my head. "Let's make a deal. I have one thing that I want to do with you guys, then each of you can pick one thing that you want to do. Sound fair?"
"What's your one thing?" Alex asked cautiously.
"We are going to the mall."
"I hate the mall!"
"Me too!" Jake decided.
"We won't be very long, I promise. The quicker we get there, the quicker we can do what you guys want to do, so go get your coats and lets hustle!"
*********************************************
"What are we doing here anyways?" asked Alex.
"We are buying a Christmas present," I replied.
"For who?" was Jake's question.
"For your mom."
"Why?" they both asked at the same time.
"Well, Santa brings you guys presents right? And your mom always gives you presents too right?"
"Yep."
"Who gives your mom presents?"
The boys just looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces.
"Don't you think it would be nice if you guys gave her a present this year?"
"Yeah, but we don't have any money," Jake said in a rather sad tone.
"You don't have to worry about that. You guys just worry about picking out something she'd like. Here we are."
We looked in all the display cases and finally decided on the perfect gift. Alex picked out a heart shaped pendant with three diamonds in it and Jake picked one that said #1 MOM. I had the girl put them in separate boxes so each one had their own gift to give her. When the boys weren't looking I added a pair of diamond and Sapphire earrings. The sapphires reminded me of her eyes when she was angry, and besides, Bekah needed a present from Santa too!
Satisfied with our purchases we headed to Mario's.
"Hey guys," Nathalie said as we walked through the door. "I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon," she said looking at me questioningly. "The kids are in the family room watching a movie if you want to join them."
"Thanks!" both boys said and head off down the stairs. A few seconds later we heard squeals of delight from all the kids.
"Where's Bekah?" Nathalie asked as Mario came into the kitchen.
"Is that Alex and Jake down there with the kids?" he asked a little confused.
"Yes. Bekah's at work and I'm watching the kids for the day."
Nathalie and Mario looked at each other with knowing looks.
"Spending a whole day alone with her kids, that's kind of a big step isn't it?" Mario asked.
"Before you guys jump to any big conclusions, we are just friends."
Again they looked at each other and just smiled. They both had that 'yeah right' look on their faces.
"I'm serious. I just offered to hang out with them today so they didn't have to go the the old people's house next door."
"If you say so," Mario chuckled.
"Oh leave him alone Mario. If he says they're just friends, then they're just friends."
All three of us knew that I wanted it to be more.
"Nat, can you do me a favour?"
"Does it involve watching these boys for the rest of the day?"
"No. Can you wrap these for me? I suck at wrapping presents."
"Would these happen to be for a very pretty nurse over at the hospital?" she asked with a big grin on her face.
"They would. One is from Alex, one is from Jake and one is from Santa."
"I'll do that right now so you can take them with you."
"You're the best Nat."
"Come on Sid, you can help me make the kids lunch," he said putting his arm around my shoulders.
We all had grilled cheese for lunch and then went outside and had a snowball fight. The kids skated on the rink Mario had made on top of the tennis court. About 4:30 I decided to head back to Bekah's house and make the boys some dinner.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay here?" Nathalie asked. "You don't exactly have the most stellar cooking skills Sidney."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I'm sure we'll be fine. Thanks for the gift wrapping, I appreciate it. Alex, Jake, time to go!"
We were just pulling out of the driveway when my cell rang.
"Hello?"
"Oh my god! Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to call you all afternoon! Is everything ok? Where are the boys?"
"Slow down Beks! One thing at a time. Everything's fine. The boys are good. We're just leaving Mario's. I left my cell in the car."
"Mario's? You took them to Mario's? You didn't say anything about leaving the house with them."
"Sorry, it was a spare of the moment kind of thing. We're heading back to your place now for some dinner. How's your day going?"
"Better now that I know everything is ok. I was worried Sid."
"I'm sorry."
"How's everything? They're not giving you a hard time are they?"
"No, they've been great. We've skated and had a massive snowball fight, it's all good."
"Well, my day is not so fantastic. Looks like I won't be out of here until about 9:00."
"No worries. We'll be waiting."
When we got back to the house I made us spaghetti for dinner. Alex said it was their favourite and it's about the only thing I can make. I saved some for Bekah for when she got home. The boys had their baths and got their p.j.s on while I cleaned up from dinner. We settled in to watch a movie - The Mighty Ducks! Jake fell asleep before it was over, so I carried him to bed and tucked him in just like I had with Alex the night before. When it came time for Alex to go to bed, I tucked him in too.
"Hey Sid?"
"Yeah bud?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Are you?...Are you...?Like..."
"Spit it out Alex."
"Are you and my mom like...boyfriend and girlfriend?
WOW! Wasn't expecting that one!
"No, your mom and I are just good friends."
"Oh," Alex said all deflated. "But you like her right?"
"Yes, I like her alot."
"Do you love her?"
"Well, love is a very strong word."
"Mom says if you love someone you should tell them every day. She says life is too short and if you love someone, you should make sure they know how you feel."
"That's very good advice. Does your mom tell you she loves you everyday?"
"Only like a hundred times a day! So I was thinking, if you love my mom, you should just tell her."
"I'll keep that it mind, but for now we will just be friends.
"I think you should be her boyfriend."
"Why's that?"
"Because you make her smile and laugh. She is sad alot of the time, so it's nice when she's happy. Besides, if you were her boyfriend we could hang out like all the time. Well, at least when you're not playing hockey!"
"I guess we'll just have to see what happens."
"Okay. Thanks very much for today. It was alot more fun with you then going over to the Parker's."
"I had fun too! We'll have to do it again soon. Remember, keep those presents hidden until Christmas morning, then you can give them to her."
"Will do," Alex said with a great big yawn. "Hey Sid?"
"Yes Alex," I said turning off the light.
"Love you."
"Ahh, thanks bud. I love you too."
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Chapter 39
I woke up at 7 the next morning feeling refreshed and completely relaxed, both feelings I hadn't felt in a very long time. I went to check on the boys and both of them were in the exact same positions that Sidney and I had left them in the night before. I went to the kitchen and put a pot of coffee on, then headed for the shower. As I was drying off I heard the phone ring and my heart instantly sank (an instinctual reaction when the phone rings at odd hours). I wrapped the towel around myself and ran for the phone.
"Hello?"
"Bekah, it's Nancy. I didn't wake you did I?"
"Oh no, I was just getting out of the shower."
"Well I won't keep you long, I was just calling to let you know that we need you at Children's today instead of
Presbyterian. We have a one year old boy being admitted and his parents are not handling the situation very well. You are the best nurse there is at dealing with the distraught families so we thought it would be best if you were here. Cheryl has already covered your shift at Pres."
"What is his diagnosis?"
Nancy paused and let out a long sigh before replying. She knew the reason I had become a nurse was because of David's battle with cancer.
"Leukemia. Stage 2 progression."
David's disease. "I see. And the parents?"
"Dad is in complete denial and all mom does is cry. You're really going to need to work your magic with these ones Bekah. Are you all right with this?"
"I'll be fine. I'll see you at 11."
'Great', I thought as I hung up the phone. My good mood just turned more bleak. This was the worst part of the job. I loved working with the families to help them through the process, but seeing the innocent children suffering through these horrible diseases broke my heart. I also knew that getting a new family settled was not a job that fit into a specific time period. There was now no guarantee of what time I might be home tonight.
*******************************************
True to form, Sidney showed up just before 10.
"Hey beautiful! You're rockin' the purple scrubs today eh?"
'He's one to talk', I thought to myself as he sat down at the counter. He was wearing black Reebok warm up pants and a red hooded sweatshirt (also Reebok). The beginnings of his black curls peeked out from under the black Reebok hat he was wearing and I noticed for once there was no product in his hair. 'Much better. He looks pretty damn good rockin' the more casual look!'
"Umm slight change of plans," I said snapping out of my thoughts.
"That doesn't sound good. What's up?" Sid asked.
"I have to go to Children's today instead of Presbyterian," I began. "There's a new patient being admitted and they need me to deal with his family. They're understandably not handling his diagnosis very well."
"And they need you specifically?"
"They seem to think that I'm the best to deal with difficult families because of my personal experiences."
"Well, I guess it's kind of an honour then huh?"
"If you choose to call it that. I wish I didn't have the experience."
"Sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I just think it's pretty impressive that you've turned such a painful experience into something positive for so many other people. You're pretty remarkable Beks."
"Not really, I just try and do my job."
"So, how does this change the plan anyways?"
"There's no set time table when you're admitting a new family. You kind of have to be there as long as they need you to be, at least I like to be, so I can't really tell you what time I'll be home tonight."
"Not a problem! I'll be fine until you get home."
"Are you sure 'cause the boys can still go over to the Parker's if it's too much for you. It could be late when I get back?"
"We'll be fine. I got it all under control," he said smirking.
"That's what I'm afraid of!"
Sid held his hand up to his heart like he'd been wounded. "That hurt!"
Just then Alex and Jake came running into the kitchen and immediately tackled Sidney to the ground. "Sid!!!! What are you doing here?"
"Hey guys," Sid said getting up to his feet with Jake over his shoulder and Alex wrapped around a leg. "I am going to hang out with you today while your mom goes to work if that's ok with you?"
"Seriously?" they both looked at me with pleading eyes. "We don't have to go to Mrs. Parker's today?"
"Not today," I said.
"Yes! Whoo hoo!" they both ran around the livingroom high-fiving each other before they finally settled onto the couch to watch cartoons.
"Looks like we just made their day," Sid said smiling at me.
"Looks like. Okay, ready for the run down?" I asked him.
"Do I need to write this down Drill Sargent?"
"No smart ass, I'm sure you're capable of remembering all by yourself! Okay, so they are not to watch t.v. or play video games for the whole day. An hour or two is okay but then they need to take a break. I'm big on them reading books or playing games. Jake has a ton of Lego and will probably sit in his room for hours and build stuff. Alex will surely try to talk you into letting him go on the computer so he can chat with his friends. An hour is okay, but check on him often. If you see anything inappropriate kick him off. They are capable of making their own lunch and as for dinner, I don't know. Give them Kraft Dinner or something. You do know how to make Kraft Dinner don't you?"
"I think I can figure it out."
"Don't worry Sid. I'll show you," Alex piped up.
"No junk food. There are snacks in the cupboard by the fridge that they can choose from for their snack before bed. Hopefully I'll be home before then. Just in case I'm not, Jake goes to bed at 8:30 and Alex at 9:00. They can watch an hour of t.v. before bed and you'll have to remind them to brush their teeth. The phone number and my extension number is on the fridge along with the Parker's number. If you need anything, don't be afraid to call them. I think that covers everything."
"I think I should of wrote this down," Sid said chuckling.
"It's too much for you isn't it? They can still go next door and..."
"Beks, I was kidding. We'll be fine I promise."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. Now go to work and be a rock star!"
"I'll call to check on you. And I'll let you know what time I'm going to be home as soon as I know."
"No worries. We'll be fine. Now go!"
"If you're sure. Boys come here. Now, behave yourselves while I'm gone. Sid knows all the rules so don't try any funny stuff. And listen to what he tells you, got it?"
"Yep," they said in unison. I gave them both a hug and kiss and grabbed my coat and work bag.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked him one last time.
"I'm sure. If something happens the number's 9-1-1 right?"
"Not funny," I said walking to my car.
"Oh come on, it's a little funny," Sid yelled after me.
"I'll call you later."
"Hello?"
"Bekah, it's Nancy. I didn't wake you did I?"
"Oh no, I was just getting out of the shower."
"Well I won't keep you long, I was just calling to let you know that we need you at Children's today instead of
Presbyterian. We have a one year old boy being admitted and his parents are not handling the situation very well. You are the best nurse there is at dealing with the distraught families so we thought it would be best if you were here. Cheryl has already covered your shift at Pres."
"What is his diagnosis?"
Nancy paused and let out a long sigh before replying. She knew the reason I had become a nurse was because of David's battle with cancer.
"Leukemia. Stage 2 progression."
David's disease. "I see. And the parents?"
"Dad is in complete denial and all mom does is cry. You're really going to need to work your magic with these ones Bekah. Are you all right with this?"
"I'll be fine. I'll see you at 11."
'Great', I thought as I hung up the phone. My good mood just turned more bleak. This was the worst part of the job. I loved working with the families to help them through the process, but seeing the innocent children suffering through these horrible diseases broke my heart. I also knew that getting a new family settled was not a job that fit into a specific time period. There was now no guarantee of what time I might be home tonight.
*******************************************
True to form, Sidney showed up just before 10.
"Hey beautiful! You're rockin' the purple scrubs today eh?"
'He's one to talk', I thought to myself as he sat down at the counter. He was wearing black Reebok warm up pants and a red hooded sweatshirt (also Reebok). The beginnings of his black curls peeked out from under the black Reebok hat he was wearing and I noticed for once there was no product in his hair. 'Much better. He looks pretty damn good rockin' the more casual look!'
"Umm slight change of plans," I said snapping out of my thoughts.
"That doesn't sound good. What's up?" Sid asked.
"I have to go to Children's today instead of Presbyterian," I began. "There's a new patient being admitted and they need me to deal with his family. They're understandably not handling his diagnosis very well."
"And they need you specifically?"
"They seem to think that I'm the best to deal with difficult families because of my personal experiences."
"Well, I guess it's kind of an honour then huh?"
"If you choose to call it that. I wish I didn't have the experience."
"Sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I just think it's pretty impressive that you've turned such a painful experience into something positive for so many other people. You're pretty remarkable Beks."
"Not really, I just try and do my job."
"So, how does this change the plan anyways?"
"There's no set time table when you're admitting a new family. You kind of have to be there as long as they need you to be, at least I like to be, so I can't really tell you what time I'll be home tonight."
"Not a problem! I'll be fine until you get home."
"Are you sure 'cause the boys can still go over to the Parker's if it's too much for you. It could be late when I get back?"
"We'll be fine. I got it all under control," he said smirking.
"That's what I'm afraid of!"
Sid held his hand up to his heart like he'd been wounded. "That hurt!"
Just then Alex and Jake came running into the kitchen and immediately tackled Sidney to the ground. "Sid!!!! What are you doing here?"
"Hey guys," Sid said getting up to his feet with Jake over his shoulder and Alex wrapped around a leg. "I am going to hang out with you today while your mom goes to work if that's ok with you?"
"Seriously?" they both looked at me with pleading eyes. "We don't have to go to Mrs. Parker's today?"
"Not today," I said.
"Yes! Whoo hoo!" they both ran around the livingroom high-fiving each other before they finally settled onto the couch to watch cartoons.
"Looks like we just made their day," Sid said smiling at me.
"Looks like. Okay, ready for the run down?" I asked him.
"Do I need to write this down Drill Sargent?"
"No smart ass, I'm sure you're capable of remembering all by yourself! Okay, so they are not to watch t.v. or play video games for the whole day. An hour or two is okay but then they need to take a break. I'm big on them reading books or playing games. Jake has a ton of Lego and will probably sit in his room for hours and build stuff. Alex will surely try to talk you into letting him go on the computer so he can chat with his friends. An hour is okay, but check on him often. If you see anything inappropriate kick him off. They are capable of making their own lunch and as for dinner, I don't know. Give them Kraft Dinner or something. You do know how to make Kraft Dinner don't you?"
"I think I can figure it out."
"Don't worry Sid. I'll show you," Alex piped up.
"No junk food. There are snacks in the cupboard by the fridge that they can choose from for their snack before bed. Hopefully I'll be home before then. Just in case I'm not, Jake goes to bed at 8:30 and Alex at 9:00. They can watch an hour of t.v. before bed and you'll have to remind them to brush their teeth. The phone number and my extension number is on the fridge along with the Parker's number. If you need anything, don't be afraid to call them. I think that covers everything."
"I think I should of wrote this down," Sid said chuckling.
"It's too much for you isn't it? They can still go next door and..."
"Beks, I was kidding. We'll be fine I promise."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. Now go to work and be a rock star!"
"I'll call to check on you. And I'll let you know what time I'm going to be home as soon as I know."
"No worries. We'll be fine. Now go!"
"If you're sure. Boys come here. Now, behave yourselves while I'm gone. Sid knows all the rules so don't try any funny stuff. And listen to what he tells you, got it?"
"Yep," they said in unison. I gave them both a hug and kiss and grabbed my coat and work bag.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked him one last time.
"I'm sure. If something happens the number's 9-1-1 right?"
"Not funny," I said walking to my car.
"Oh come on, it's a little funny," Sid yelled after me.
"I'll call you later."
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Chapter 38
"I don't think that would be a very good idea. You have to work tomorrow."
What!!!! Was he fucking kidding me? I'm handing him the opportunity that he's been pushing for for the last 3 months and he's turning me down??
"Oh...fine," I said trying to mask the disappointment in my voice.
All of a sudden it looked like a lightbulb turned on in Sid's head. "Tomorrow's Sunday!"
"All day," I replied with only a slight hint of bitterness.
"That means no school. Who's watching the kids?"
"Well, normally it would be Lily but she's working tomorrow too, so they're going over to the Parker's."
"What time is your shift?"
"11-7...why?"
"I only have a light skate first thing in the morning. Maybe I could...I mean if it's ok with you...I wouldn't mind..."
"For god sakes, spit it out Crosby!"
A nervous look and devilish grin moved slowly over his face. "Would it be ok if maybe I stayed with them instead?" he asked and then quickly looked away.
I just looked at him for a minute, not sure if I heard him correctly.
"I...uh...umm...don't know if that's a good idea," I finally said.
"I know you're probably worried about my competence as a babysitter, but I watch Mario's kids all the time, and they're still in one piece! No tragedies or injuries. You can call him, he'll vouch for me. And I do have a sister the same age as Alex..."
I held up my hand and shook my head to stop him from going any further.
"It's not that I doubt your ability, you're great with them. I'm just not sure about what kind of message it will be sending them. I don't want them to get too attached to you. Even though we are friends, you're still a guy. Having you around all the time is not the same thing as Lily being around all the time. I don't want to confuse them, ya know?"
"I do understand that, but I also know what it's like to be a young boy. No offense, but it's really not cool to be stuck with girls or old people all the time. Sometimes you just want to be around guys. They're too young to know how cool it is to hang out with beautiful women all the time!"
"Ahhh, there's that Crosby charm!"
"Come on, it's one day. What can it hurt? Besides, our travel schedule after the holidays sucks so I won't be able to see you guys that much."
I actually felt my heart sink when those words came out of his mouth. I really wouldn't be able to see him? I guess I'd never really thought about him going on the road. I'd spent so long trying to avoid being around him, now that I wanted to be, I couldn't.
"I guess one day won't hurt."
"Awesome! I'll be here shortly after 10 so you can give me the rules and regulations. I'm sure it will be a lengthy list!"
"Funny. I'm not that uptight!"
"If you say so."
He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and turned to leave.
"Sweet dreams Beks."
************************************
Almost every day was an emotional roller coaster with Sidney. I don't think there was a single emotion I hadn't felt since meeting him. It was physically and mentally draining to go through so many highs and lows.
I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed thinking about the events that had taken place that day. It still made me feel ill thinking about the way I treated him. I was so quick to jump to conclusions when he had never given me a reason to. No matter what kind of relationship I was going to have with Sidney Crosby, one thing was perfectly clear from day one. He defied all stereotype and preconceived notions that anyone (especially me) could ever have about him. He was not 'typical' in any way and he just keeps finding ways to prove it.
I played his 'everything I know about you' speech over in my head. How?...why?...When did he discover so many little things about me that even I didn't realize? The eyebrow thing? I smile when I sleep? Come on! I guess what was really getting me was his 'psycho analysis' of me. It was extremely tough for me to admit, but he was right on the money. Another thing I was still trying to deny, but deep down knew was absolutely true was that if anyone was going to break down these walls I had built up around myself, it was most certainly Sidney Crosby.
'You've practically forced him into just being friends, you can't go and change your mind now' I thought to myself. 'He's just getting into the groove of the whole friends thing'.
For the next several hours my mind bounced back and forth between being friends with Sid and wanting to be more. My self imposed logic behind being just friends with Sidney was still winning out over any physical attraction I may have been feeling for him. And then... I remember the all the sweet exchanges I had witnessed between him and my children. Vero was right, there really was nothing better than seeing a man interact with children. Watching him tuck Alex in tonight sent me right over the edge! It was exactly the kind of thing I had always pictured giving my children. A stable home with two loving parents to be there no matter what they need. Little things like having help tucking the kids in at night were the moments I longed to share with someone. Was this the turning point for my feelings for Sidney? I drifted into a deep slumber thinking about the answer to that question... with a smile on my face.
What!!!! Was he fucking kidding me? I'm handing him the opportunity that he's been pushing for for the last 3 months and he's turning me down??
"Oh...fine," I said trying to mask the disappointment in my voice.
All of a sudden it looked like a lightbulb turned on in Sid's head. "Tomorrow's Sunday!"
"All day," I replied with only a slight hint of bitterness.
"That means no school. Who's watching the kids?"
"Well, normally it would be Lily but she's working tomorrow too, so they're going over to the Parker's."
"What time is your shift?"
"11-7...why?"
"I only have a light skate first thing in the morning. Maybe I could...I mean if it's ok with you...I wouldn't mind..."
"For god sakes, spit it out Crosby!"
A nervous look and devilish grin moved slowly over his face. "Would it be ok if maybe I stayed with them instead?" he asked and then quickly looked away.
I just looked at him for a minute, not sure if I heard him correctly.
"I...uh...umm...don't know if that's a good idea," I finally said.
"I know you're probably worried about my competence as a babysitter, but I watch Mario's kids all the time, and they're still in one piece! No tragedies or injuries. You can call him, he'll vouch for me. And I do have a sister the same age as Alex..."
I held up my hand and shook my head to stop him from going any further.
"It's not that I doubt your ability, you're great with them. I'm just not sure about what kind of message it will be sending them. I don't want them to get too attached to you. Even though we are friends, you're still a guy. Having you around all the time is not the same thing as Lily being around all the time. I don't want to confuse them, ya know?"
"I do understand that, but I also know what it's like to be a young boy. No offense, but it's really not cool to be stuck with girls or old people all the time. Sometimes you just want to be around guys. They're too young to know how cool it is to hang out with beautiful women all the time!"
"Ahhh, there's that Crosby charm!"
"Come on, it's one day. What can it hurt? Besides, our travel schedule after the holidays sucks so I won't be able to see you guys that much."
I actually felt my heart sink when those words came out of his mouth. I really wouldn't be able to see him? I guess I'd never really thought about him going on the road. I'd spent so long trying to avoid being around him, now that I wanted to be, I couldn't.
"I guess one day won't hurt."
"Awesome! I'll be here shortly after 10 so you can give me the rules and regulations. I'm sure it will be a lengthy list!"
"Funny. I'm not that uptight!"
"If you say so."
He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and turned to leave.
"Sweet dreams Beks."
************************************
Almost every day was an emotional roller coaster with Sidney. I don't think there was a single emotion I hadn't felt since meeting him. It was physically and mentally draining to go through so many highs and lows.
I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed thinking about the events that had taken place that day. It still made me feel ill thinking about the way I treated him. I was so quick to jump to conclusions when he had never given me a reason to. No matter what kind of relationship I was going to have with Sidney Crosby, one thing was perfectly clear from day one. He defied all stereotype and preconceived notions that anyone (especially me) could ever have about him. He was not 'typical' in any way and he just keeps finding ways to prove it.
I played his 'everything I know about you' speech over in my head. How?...why?...When did he discover so many little things about me that even I didn't realize? The eyebrow thing? I smile when I sleep? Come on! I guess what was really getting me was his 'psycho analysis' of me. It was extremely tough for me to admit, but he was right on the money. Another thing I was still trying to deny, but deep down knew was absolutely true was that if anyone was going to break down these walls I had built up around myself, it was most certainly Sidney Crosby.
'You've practically forced him into just being friends, you can't go and change your mind now' I thought to myself. 'He's just getting into the groove of the whole friends thing'.
For the next several hours my mind bounced back and forth between being friends with Sid and wanting to be more. My self imposed logic behind being just friends with Sidney was still winning out over any physical attraction I may have been feeling for him. And then... I remember the all the sweet exchanges I had witnessed between him and my children. Vero was right, there really was nothing better than seeing a man interact with children. Watching him tuck Alex in tonight sent me right over the edge! It was exactly the kind of thing I had always pictured giving my children. A stable home with two loving parents to be there no matter what they need. Little things like having help tucking the kids in at night were the moments I longed to share with someone. Was this the turning point for my feelings for Sidney? I drifted into a deep slumber thinking about the answer to that question... with a smile on my face.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Chapter 37
We stayed that way for what seemed like forever. He held me and just let me cry. I didn't even think about it when I wrapped my arms around his waist and for the first time in a long time, maybe even ever, I felt completely safe.
"How can you even think about forgiving me Sidney?" I sobbed into his chest.
"There's nothing to forgive. Maybe if I didn't know about your history, things would be different. But I try to understand that some of the things you say and do are not because of me but because of what you've been through."
"That's really no excuse. I hope you understand that this is all new to me. Even though we're just friends, I haven't allowed anyone to get this close to me and I obviously haven't figured out how to deal with it. I really don't even deserve to call you my friend."
"That's just it Beks, you have to stop believing that you don't deserve good things. You deserve so much more than me just being your friend. You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone to love you and take care of you. And most of all, you deserve peace. You will never be able to experience true love and true inner peace until you are able to let go of the past. In order to do that, you have to be able to forgive. You will never forget, but you have to find a way to forgive."
"How is it that you have all this figured out at 18 years old and I am an emotional wreck?"
"In the off seasons I earned a psychology degree," he chuckled.
"Very funny."
"Are we over this now? Can we go back and enjoy the rest of the afternoon?"
"Are you sure you want to go out there after getting your ass kicked by a girl?"
"I totally let you win!"
"Is that right Crosby?"
"Absolutely not. I am ashamed to say you won fair and square. Where the hell did you learn to skate like that?"
He already knew the answer to that question.
"It's wasn't a matter of knowing how to skate well. Anger is a powerful motivator."
"Remind me to never piss you off!"
"Don't ever forget it!"
"Yes Mame!" he said giving me a military salute. "Can we please leave the women's bathroom now?"
*************************************************
The rest of the skate went really well. The boys had a blast playing with the Lemieux kids, and just like I had hoped, no one knew anything had been wrong. Sid however, was the target of brutal harassment for the rest of the afternoon. Considering he did not handle losing very well, he took the teasing all in stride. Mario and Ray joked about drafting me. "At least consider coming to practise and giving these guys a real run for their money," Ray laughed.
"I'll think about it," I replied.
When we were changing out of our skates to go across the street for dinner, Vero asked me if everything was ok.
"What happened out there? That was totally intense."
"I had a slight mental break. It was just a big misunderstanding. Everything is fine now."
"Are you sure? I know you don't know me that well yet, but if you need to talk about anything, you can always talk to me."
"Thanks Vero, that really means alot. I may take you up on that someday."
"I hope you do."
I was having so much fun listening to all the guys tell stories about each other, that I didn't even realize how late it was.
"Sid, I really have to get these guys home and into bed."
"No problem, we can get going."
We said our good-bye's to the team and I wished them all happy holidays. I thanked Nathalie and Mario for the hundredth time.
"I can't thank you enough for letting us be a part of this today. It's certainly something the three of us will remember for a long time."
"It really was our pleasure to have you. It was nice to see someone put this kid in his place," Mario laughed.
"You make sure Sid brings you by the house sometime soon. The kids would love to hang out with the boys again," Nathalie said giving me a hug.
"Thanks, I'll do that."
We weren't in the car for 10 minutes and both boys were out cold.
"That was quick," Sid said smiling.
"They were exhausted."
"And you?"
"I'm holding my own," I said.
"Did you have a good time today?"
I smiled thoughtfully at him. "I did. A bit of a rough start, but I think it turned out pretty well."
"Well, it just wouldn't be us if we didn't have a rough start would it?"
"True."
"Do you think we give that tradition a rest now."
"I'll take that matter under advisement Mr. Crosby."
"Well thank you very much Miss Jones."
I turned in my seat so I was facing him and I tried to have an honest and sincere tone to my voice.
"Sid?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. Not just for today, but for everything. Thank you for being wonderful, for putting up with my bullshit, for your patience, for your friendship. But most of all, thank you for not giving up on me."
That beautiful goofy grin that I had come to adore spread across his equally beautiful face. "I'll never give up on you Beks. I've told you a hundred times, and I'll keep telling you until you as many times as you need to hear it. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for the long haul."
The rest of the ride home was spent in blissful silence.
When we reached my driveway, I gently tried to shake Alex awake.
"Just let him sleep," Sid said. "It would be a shame to wake him just so he can get in bed."
"He is way too big for me to carry in the house."
"I got him. You take Jake, and I'll take the big guy."
I got Jake out of his coat and tucked into bed. I kissed his forehead and turned out the light. He didn't move a muscle the whole time. I went to check on Sid and Alex. I got to Alex's bedroom door just in time to to see Sid pull the covers over Alex and tuck them in around his arms. He gently ran his hand over the mounds of Alex's blond curls and then kissed the top of his head. 'Vero was right', I thought. 'He will make an amazing father.. someday'.
"All tucked in," Sid said walking into the living room.
"Thanks for your help."
"What are friends for? I suppose I should let you get to bed too," he said walking towards the door.
"Or...you could stay for a bit?
"How can you even think about forgiving me Sidney?" I sobbed into his chest.
"There's nothing to forgive. Maybe if I didn't know about your history, things would be different. But I try to understand that some of the things you say and do are not because of me but because of what you've been through."
"That's really no excuse. I hope you understand that this is all new to me. Even though we're just friends, I haven't allowed anyone to get this close to me and I obviously haven't figured out how to deal with it. I really don't even deserve to call you my friend."
"That's just it Beks, you have to stop believing that you don't deserve good things. You deserve so much more than me just being your friend. You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone to love you and take care of you. And most of all, you deserve peace. You will never be able to experience true love and true inner peace until you are able to let go of the past. In order to do that, you have to be able to forgive. You will never forget, but you have to find a way to forgive."
"How is it that you have all this figured out at 18 years old and I am an emotional wreck?"
"In the off seasons I earned a psychology degree," he chuckled.
"Very funny."
"Are we over this now? Can we go back and enjoy the rest of the afternoon?"
"Are you sure you want to go out there after getting your ass kicked by a girl?"
"I totally let you win!"
"Is that right Crosby?"
"Absolutely not. I am ashamed to say you won fair and square. Where the hell did you learn to skate like that?"
He already knew the answer to that question.
"It's wasn't a matter of knowing how to skate well. Anger is a powerful motivator."
"Remind me to never piss you off!"
"Don't ever forget it!"
"Yes Mame!" he said giving me a military salute. "Can we please leave the women's bathroom now?"
*************************************************
The rest of the skate went really well. The boys had a blast playing with the Lemieux kids, and just like I had hoped, no one knew anything had been wrong. Sid however, was the target of brutal harassment for the rest of the afternoon. Considering he did not handle losing very well, he took the teasing all in stride. Mario and Ray joked about drafting me. "At least consider coming to practise and giving these guys a real run for their money," Ray laughed.
"I'll think about it," I replied.
When we were changing out of our skates to go across the street for dinner, Vero asked me if everything was ok.
"What happened out there? That was totally intense."
"I had a slight mental break. It was just a big misunderstanding. Everything is fine now."
"Are you sure? I know you don't know me that well yet, but if you need to talk about anything, you can always talk to me."
"Thanks Vero, that really means alot. I may take you up on that someday."
"I hope you do."
I was having so much fun listening to all the guys tell stories about each other, that I didn't even realize how late it was.
"Sid, I really have to get these guys home and into bed."
"No problem, we can get going."
We said our good-bye's to the team and I wished them all happy holidays. I thanked Nathalie and Mario for the hundredth time.
"I can't thank you enough for letting us be a part of this today. It's certainly something the three of us will remember for a long time."
"It really was our pleasure to have you. It was nice to see someone put this kid in his place," Mario laughed.
"You make sure Sid brings you by the house sometime soon. The kids would love to hang out with the boys again," Nathalie said giving me a hug.
"Thanks, I'll do that."
We weren't in the car for 10 minutes and both boys were out cold.
"That was quick," Sid said smiling.
"They were exhausted."
"And you?"
"I'm holding my own," I said.
"Did you have a good time today?"
I smiled thoughtfully at him. "I did. A bit of a rough start, but I think it turned out pretty well."
"Well, it just wouldn't be us if we didn't have a rough start would it?"
"True."
"Do you think we give that tradition a rest now."
"I'll take that matter under advisement Mr. Crosby."
"Well thank you very much Miss Jones."
I turned in my seat so I was facing him and I tried to have an honest and sincere tone to my voice.
"Sid?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. Not just for today, but for everything. Thank you for being wonderful, for putting up with my bullshit, for your patience, for your friendship. But most of all, thank you for not giving up on me."
That beautiful goofy grin that I had come to adore spread across his equally beautiful face. "I'll never give up on you Beks. I've told you a hundred times, and I'll keep telling you until you as many times as you need to hear it. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for the long haul."
The rest of the ride home was spent in blissful silence.
When we reached my driveway, I gently tried to shake Alex awake.
"Just let him sleep," Sid said. "It would be a shame to wake him just so he can get in bed."
"He is way too big for me to carry in the house."
"I got him. You take Jake, and I'll take the big guy."
I got Jake out of his coat and tucked into bed. I kissed his forehead and turned out the light. He didn't move a muscle the whole time. I went to check on Sid and Alex. I got to Alex's bedroom door just in time to to see Sid pull the covers over Alex and tuck them in around his arms. He gently ran his hand over the mounds of Alex's blond curls and then kissed the top of his head. 'Vero was right', I thought. 'He will make an amazing father.. someday'.
"All tucked in," Sid said walking into the living room.
"Thanks for your help."
"What are friends for? I suppose I should let you get to bed too," he said walking towards the door.
"Or...you could stay for a bit?
Monday, August 18, 2008
Chapter 36
I ran to the first bathroom I could find, dropped to my knees and prayed to the porcelain gods! When it finally stopped, I sat curled up in a ball crying my eyes out on the floor of the stall. What the fuck was wrong with me? I assumed that Sidney had betrayed my trust and told his friends about my past. I treated him horribly and probably just humiliated him in front of his whole team. I am such a bitch! He will never forgive me, I wouldn't if I were him. Sometimes even I couldn't believe what I was capable of. The only bright side was I was relatively sure no one except for maybe Vero had any idea what was really going on, including Sidney. How was I going to be able to go back out there and face him?
When I was able to gain my composure, I stood up to splash some cold water on my face. I knew after crying my face would be all blotchy and cold water was the only thing that could help. I opened the door of the stall and saw Sidney standing there with the most distraught look on his face.
"Shit! You scared the hell out of me Sidney."
"I could say the same about you," he said barely above a whisper.
He was leaning against the counter with his arms folded across his chest. I just stood in front of him unable to move, but never breaking eye contact.
He took a long, deep breath and finally said, "Care to explain what the hell is going on?" His voice was cold and even.
I shook my head. Tears were starting to build again. I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip waiting for him to explode. Then I felt the familiarity of his strong hands on my arms and I opened my eyes and met his gaze.
"What did you mean when you said leave you the hell alone?" he said rather calmly.
I did not reply.
"Ok, let's take a step back. What happened to make you so angry? I've never seen you like that Beks. I've never seen anyone like that. It scared the hell out of me."
Silence.
My bottom lip started to quiver and I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to hold back the tears.
"You have to help me out here. We were having a good time weren't we? I know I was and I thought you were too. Then out of nowhere you were furious with me and I didn't even do anything! What happened? What did I do?"
The pain was evident in his eyes. It was so like him to blame himself. How could I do this to him? I had to break my silence.
With tears rolling down my cheeks again I finally said, "It's what I thought you did."
"I'm confused. What did you think I did?"
I just shook my head. "I thought you told Vero and Marc-Andre about my past."
I felt so ashamed about the way I had behaved I couldn't even look him in the eye anymore.
"Why would you think that?"
"Vero told me that you had told them quite a bit about me. You don't know that much about me other than the personal stuff I've told you. What was I supposed to think?" I asked quietly, still not looking at him.
I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall. My legs were starting to feel like jello and I wasn't sure how much longer they were going to hold me up.
"I know alot more than you give me credit for," he said sitting down in front of me.
"Like what?"
He lifted my chin so I was looking at him. "Like you bite your bottom lip when you're nervous, like you're doing right now. And you wrinkle your nose when you're thinking. You play with your hair when you get tired, you hate being wrong and will never say the word even when you are. Your eyes go from the colour of the sky to dark blue when you're angry. You raise your left eyebrow when you're feeling feisty. You have a brown line through the middle of your right eye and the cutest little splattering of freckles across your nose that get darker when you're frustrated. There isn't anything you wouldn't do for a friend and you love your boys more than anything else in the world. And when you're in a deep sleep, you actually smile. How am I doing so far?"
"Not bad."
He held both my hands in his. "He hurt you so badly that you are afraid to love anyone again. Instead of enjoying your life you're waiting for the next bad thing to happen to you. You don't trust anyone, except Lily and you have a hard time seeing the good in people, except your patients and that's only because they're still young and innocent. You would rather be miserable and alone than take a chance on love. Your biggest fear is being hurt again."
"I'm sorry, I must have missed you getting your degree in psychology."
"And you use sarcasm as a defense so no one will be able to see your real emotions."
"Alright, I think I've has enough of the psycho analysis, thank you very much," I said getting back on my feet.
"Am I wrong?"
I started to walk past him but he stopped me. He was holding my arms tightly again and turned me around to face him.
"I am not him Bekah. I would never betray your trust. You need to stop waiting for me to hurt you and open your eyes and see what's right in front of you!"
"What's that?"
"Me! No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to push me way, I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. All you have to do is open your heart and let me in."
The tears started flowing freely once again. And once again I found myself wrapped in the comfort of his strong arms.
"I'm sorry Sidney. For everything. I'm so, so sorry."
When I was able to gain my composure, I stood up to splash some cold water on my face. I knew after crying my face would be all blotchy and cold water was the only thing that could help. I opened the door of the stall and saw Sidney standing there with the most distraught look on his face.
"Shit! You scared the hell out of me Sidney."
"I could say the same about you," he said barely above a whisper.
He was leaning against the counter with his arms folded across his chest. I just stood in front of him unable to move, but never breaking eye contact.
He took a long, deep breath and finally said, "Care to explain what the hell is going on?" His voice was cold and even.
I shook my head. Tears were starting to build again. I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip waiting for him to explode. Then I felt the familiarity of his strong hands on my arms and I opened my eyes and met his gaze.
"What did you mean when you said leave you the hell alone?" he said rather calmly.
I did not reply.
"Ok, let's take a step back. What happened to make you so angry? I've never seen you like that Beks. I've never seen anyone like that. It scared the hell out of me."
Silence.
My bottom lip started to quiver and I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to hold back the tears.
"You have to help me out here. We were having a good time weren't we? I know I was and I thought you were too. Then out of nowhere you were furious with me and I didn't even do anything! What happened? What did I do?"
The pain was evident in his eyes. It was so like him to blame himself. How could I do this to him? I had to break my silence.
With tears rolling down my cheeks again I finally said, "It's what I thought you did."
"I'm confused. What did you think I did?"
I just shook my head. "I thought you told Vero and Marc-Andre about my past."
I felt so ashamed about the way I had behaved I couldn't even look him in the eye anymore.
"Why would you think that?"
"Vero told me that you had told them quite a bit about me. You don't know that much about me other than the personal stuff I've told you. What was I supposed to think?" I asked quietly, still not looking at him.
I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall. My legs were starting to feel like jello and I wasn't sure how much longer they were going to hold me up.
"I know alot more than you give me credit for," he said sitting down in front of me.
"Like what?"
He lifted my chin so I was looking at him. "Like you bite your bottom lip when you're nervous, like you're doing right now. And you wrinkle your nose when you're thinking. You play with your hair when you get tired, you hate being wrong and will never say the word even when you are. Your eyes go from the colour of the sky to dark blue when you're angry. You raise your left eyebrow when you're feeling feisty. You have a brown line through the middle of your right eye and the cutest little splattering of freckles across your nose that get darker when you're frustrated. There isn't anything you wouldn't do for a friend and you love your boys more than anything else in the world. And when you're in a deep sleep, you actually smile. How am I doing so far?"
"Not bad."
He held both my hands in his. "He hurt you so badly that you are afraid to love anyone again. Instead of enjoying your life you're waiting for the next bad thing to happen to you. You don't trust anyone, except Lily and you have a hard time seeing the good in people, except your patients and that's only because they're still young and innocent. You would rather be miserable and alone than take a chance on love. Your biggest fear is being hurt again."
"I'm sorry, I must have missed you getting your degree in psychology."
"And you use sarcasm as a defense so no one will be able to see your real emotions."
"Alright, I think I've has enough of the psycho analysis, thank you very much," I said getting back on my feet.
"Am I wrong?"
I started to walk past him but he stopped me. He was holding my arms tightly again and turned me around to face him.
"I am not him Bekah. I would never betray your trust. You need to stop waiting for me to hurt you and open your eyes and see what's right in front of you!"
"What's that?"
"Me! No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to push me way, I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. All you have to do is open your heart and let me in."
The tears started flowing freely once again. And once again I found myself wrapped in the comfort of his strong arms.
"I'm sorry Sidney. For everything. I'm so, so sorry."
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Chapter 35
By the time Vero and I got our skates on Sid and Marc-Andre were already engaged in a game of tag with the boys and the four Lemieux kids. I was lost in my own little world, taking in the scene when Vero's french accent snapped me back into reality.
"There's nothing like watching a man interact with children eh? He's going to be a great father some day."
"Hmmm...right."
"By the smile on your face I'd say you feel the same way and the view isn't that bad either. Bekah, you still with me?"
I brought myself to my senses and said, "it's just been such a long time since I've seen the boys having such a good time, I'm just happy I'm here to see it."
"Yes, Sid said that you've been working alot lately."
"He told you that?" I asked completely shocked.
"He's told us quite a bit about you and the boys," she smiled. "But don't worry, it's all been good!"
I was not impressed. What exactly was 'quite a bit'? I've told Sidney things that I've never told anyone and he just goes and tells everyone? My anger was rapidly turning to outrage.
"I'll be back," I said and took off in the direction of Sidney.
The look of anger on my face took Sidney by surprise and when I said "You and me, skate...NOW," he didn't put up a fight, he just followed me to the end of the rink.
"Are you ok?" he asked tentatively while trying to grab onto my arm.
I jerked it out of his grasp and turned to face him.
"I'll take that as a no. What going on Beks?"
"Don't call me that! You wanted a race so let's race. How far?"
"Umm...I...don't...know?" He looked very confused.
"Fine. Down and back five times."
"Seriously?"
"Too much for ya superstar?"
He could tell by the tone of my voice that this was not my usual joking comment. Just then Vero came over with Marc-Andre.
"What's going on?" Marc asked in his cute little french accent. Vero looked concerned.
"We're racing," I replied curtly.
"Racing?"
"She thinks she can beat me," Sid said quietly.
Marc laughed hysterically and Vero just gave a half smile.
"That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time! No one on the team can beat him and you think you can?"
Now I was pissed.
"That's right. Let's go Crosby."
"Wait, wait, wait! This is going to be good. Hey everyone, clear the ice for a minute. Bekah thinks she can beat Sid at a footrace!" Marc yelled.
Everyone started mumbling to the person next to them, but eventually they all moved to the sides of the rink. I had a fire burning in the pit of my stomach. Part of it was fear but most of it was anger. First at Sid and then at Marc for doubting me and turning this into a spectacle.
Sid stood beside me and looked at me with pleading eyes.
"We don't have to do this Bekah."
"We do now," I said without looking at him. I took my spot on his left hand side.
"Bek, this is stupid. Let's just forget it."
"You two ready?" Marc asked.
"Let's do it," I said.
"Sure," Sid said uneasily.
"What does the winner get?" Vero asked.
"Dinner," replied Sid.
"I'm changing the terms," I said.
"To what?" Sid asked curiously.
I leaned over so only he could hear me. "When I win, you will leave me the hell alone, for good."
Before Sid had a chance to say anything Marc raised his arm in the air and said, "on my go."
"Don't even think about easing up and letting me win Crosby. Skate your guts out."
"Alright."
I closed my eyes for a minute and tried to remember everything David had ever taught me about skating. Keep a low centre of gravity...use your legs...pump your arms until you hit your stride...keep your head up... 'David, I need you now more than ever' I thought.
"Ready...set..."
I opened my eyes and focused on the other end of the rink and the spot on the boards I wanted to touch.
"GO!"
Sid took off like a rocket and I was just slightly behind him. Everyone was cheering us both on. Surprisingly, most of the women were cheering for me and Sid's teammates were urging him not to get beaten by a girl. I didn't look at Sid until the fourth length of the rink. I could see that he was starting to fade and knew that this was the time to make a move. Every muscle in my body felt like it was on fire but I kicked it up a notch. I sank lower and dug my skates into the ice. I was right beside him. We were dead even when we hit the boards for our last turn. I used every ounce of strength that I could muster and dug harder. With only 10 yards to go I noticed out of the corner of my eye that I couldn't see Sidney anymore. I hit the end boards and collapsed in pure exhaustion. A few seconds later Sid hit the boards and collapsed to the ice right beside me. My eyes were still closed when I felt strong arms lifting me to my feet and before I knew it, it was on the shoulders of Recchi and Gonchar and they were carrying me around the ice for a victory lap. They put me down on the ice beside Sid who was shaking his head in disbelief. I started to skate towards the bench and heard "Pick an expensive restaurant girl!" "Make him pay!" "Golden boy got beat by a girl!"
When I sat down, I felt like I was going to throw up. Vero came and sat down beside me and put her arm around me.
"Where did you learn to skate like that?" she asked.
"My brother was a hockey player," I managed still out of breath.
"I didn't know you had a brother. Is he a pro player?"
Now it was my turn to be confused. I thought she said Sid told her all about me?
"Sid didn't tell you about my brother?"
"Nope! Must be a good teacher if you can skate like that! Does he play professionally?"
"He died when he was 18," I said looking down at the ground.
"Oh Bekah, I'm sorry. I didn't know!"
"It's fine. How could you have?"
I got up and ran for the bathroom. I was going to get sick and it wasn't from the skate I just had.
"There's nothing like watching a man interact with children eh? He's going to be a great father some day."
"Hmmm...right."
"By the smile on your face I'd say you feel the same way and the view isn't that bad either. Bekah, you still with me?"
I brought myself to my senses and said, "it's just been such a long time since I've seen the boys having such a good time, I'm just happy I'm here to see it."
"Yes, Sid said that you've been working alot lately."
"He told you that?" I asked completely shocked.
"He's told us quite a bit about you and the boys," she smiled. "But don't worry, it's all been good!"
I was not impressed. What exactly was 'quite a bit'? I've told Sidney things that I've never told anyone and he just goes and tells everyone? My anger was rapidly turning to outrage.
"I'll be back," I said and took off in the direction of Sidney.
The look of anger on my face took Sidney by surprise and when I said "You and me, skate...NOW," he didn't put up a fight, he just followed me to the end of the rink.
"Are you ok?" he asked tentatively while trying to grab onto my arm.
I jerked it out of his grasp and turned to face him.
"I'll take that as a no. What going on Beks?"
"Don't call me that! You wanted a race so let's race. How far?"
"Umm...I...don't...know?" He looked very confused.
"Fine. Down and back five times."
"Seriously?"
"Too much for ya superstar?"
He could tell by the tone of my voice that this was not my usual joking comment. Just then Vero came over with Marc-Andre.
"What's going on?" Marc asked in his cute little french accent. Vero looked concerned.
"We're racing," I replied curtly.
"Racing?"
"She thinks she can beat me," Sid said quietly.
Marc laughed hysterically and Vero just gave a half smile.
"That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time! No one on the team can beat him and you think you can?"
Now I was pissed.
"That's right. Let's go Crosby."
"Wait, wait, wait! This is going to be good. Hey everyone, clear the ice for a minute. Bekah thinks she can beat Sid at a footrace!" Marc yelled.
Everyone started mumbling to the person next to them, but eventually they all moved to the sides of the rink. I had a fire burning in the pit of my stomach. Part of it was fear but most of it was anger. First at Sid and then at Marc for doubting me and turning this into a spectacle.
Sid stood beside me and looked at me with pleading eyes.
"We don't have to do this Bekah."
"We do now," I said without looking at him. I took my spot on his left hand side.
"Bek, this is stupid. Let's just forget it."
"You two ready?" Marc asked.
"Let's do it," I said.
"Sure," Sid said uneasily.
"What does the winner get?" Vero asked.
"Dinner," replied Sid.
"I'm changing the terms," I said.
"To what?" Sid asked curiously.
I leaned over so only he could hear me. "When I win, you will leave me the hell alone, for good."
Before Sid had a chance to say anything Marc raised his arm in the air and said, "on my go."
"Don't even think about easing up and letting me win Crosby. Skate your guts out."
"Alright."
I closed my eyes for a minute and tried to remember everything David had ever taught me about skating. Keep a low centre of gravity...use your legs...pump your arms until you hit your stride...keep your head up... 'David, I need you now more than ever' I thought.
"Ready...set..."
I opened my eyes and focused on the other end of the rink and the spot on the boards I wanted to touch.
"GO!"
Sid took off like a rocket and I was just slightly behind him. Everyone was cheering us both on. Surprisingly, most of the women were cheering for me and Sid's teammates were urging him not to get beaten by a girl. I didn't look at Sid until the fourth length of the rink. I could see that he was starting to fade and knew that this was the time to make a move. Every muscle in my body felt like it was on fire but I kicked it up a notch. I sank lower and dug my skates into the ice. I was right beside him. We were dead even when we hit the boards for our last turn. I used every ounce of strength that I could muster and dug harder. With only 10 yards to go I noticed out of the corner of my eye that I couldn't see Sidney anymore. I hit the end boards and collapsed in pure exhaustion. A few seconds later Sid hit the boards and collapsed to the ice right beside me. My eyes were still closed when I felt strong arms lifting me to my feet and before I knew it, it was on the shoulders of Recchi and Gonchar and they were carrying me around the ice for a victory lap. They put me down on the ice beside Sid who was shaking his head in disbelief. I started to skate towards the bench and heard "Pick an expensive restaurant girl!" "Make him pay!" "Golden boy got beat by a girl!"
When I sat down, I felt like I was going to throw up. Vero came and sat down beside me and put her arm around me.
"Where did you learn to skate like that?" she asked.
"My brother was a hockey player," I managed still out of breath.
"I didn't know you had a brother. Is he a pro player?"
Now it was my turn to be confused. I thought she said Sid told her all about me?
"Sid didn't tell you about my brother?"
"Nope! Must be a good teacher if you can skate like that! Does he play professionally?"
"He died when he was 18," I said looking down at the ground.
"Oh Bekah, I'm sorry. I didn't know!"
"It's fine. How could you have?"
I got up and ran for the bathroom. I was going to get sick and it wasn't from the skate I just had.
Chapter 34
True to Sid form he was 10 minutes early.
"Sid, you'll tell us where we're going won't you? Mom won't even give us a hint!" Alex could be so impatient!
Sid gave me a questioning look as he raised one eyebrow.
"For my own sanity," I explained. "I wouldn't hear the end of it if they knew before hand."
"Gotcha!" Sid winked at me. "Sorry bud, I'm with your mom on this one!"
Ah man! What happened to us guys sticking together?" Alex asked.
"You'll find out soon enough," I said. "Good things come to those who wait!"
"I couldn't agree more!" Sid said.
We went to a small cafe not far from the arena and had lunch. Thank god the boys were on their best behaviour and actually remembered their manners without me having to remind them. It was surprisingly comfortable. Jake was his usual quiet self just observing everything and everyone around him. Alex and Sid talked about Alex's hockey team and the upcoming tournament they had.
"It would be awesome if you could come to one of my games," Alex blurted out rather excited by the thought.
"Alex, Sidney just can't show up at your hockey game, he'd get mobbed! And besides, he has his own games to play."
"Right I forgot that you're famous. It still would be cool though!"
"Let me know when your games are and I'll see what I can do."
"Cool!"
When the boys left the table to wash their hands I gave Sid a 'parenting 101' lesson.
"You can't say things to kids that you aren't able to back up. That just gave Alex hope that you might be able to come to one of his games when we both know you can't. That's setting him up for disappointment."
"You don't know that I can't go. If I can I will," he said with a very determined tone.
"Come on Sid. Even if you have the time, we both know what kind of scene it would cause."
"Really? We've been here for almost an hour and I have yet to see any kind of scene!"
I hated when he was right! There were more than a few curious looks from people, and a few said hi on their way by, but everyone pretty much left us alone.
"Maybe today, but...
"Stop! What did I tell you about that?"
"Sorry. Today has been ok, however we're talking about an arena full of kids that adore you. You will not go unnoticed!"
"That was pretty clever! We'll have to see what happens!"
******************************************************
Once we pulled into the parking lot at the Igloo, I caved and told the boys what we were doing there. There was no containing their excitement! It was hard to tell who was more excited, the boys or Sid!
"It's so refreshing to be around that kind of innocent enthusiasm," Sid said grinning from ear to ear.
We took 'the route' to the locker room and Sid showed the boys around. Alex sat in front of Mario's locker in complete awe.
"I can't believe I'm sitting in the exact spot that Mario Lemieux sits in," Alex said shaking his head.
"Well, I don't sit there much anymore," a voice said from behind us.
We were all kind of in shock to turn around and see Mario standing there.
"He Sid, " he said. "Bekah, it's great to see you again. I'm so glad you could make it. And this must be Alex and Jake, " he said walking over to shake their hands.
"Mom, Mario Lemieux knows my name!" Alex whispered.
"Thank you so much for inviting us Mario. We are all extremely excited to be here as you can tell," I said.
"It's the least I could do for my favourite nurse!"
Just then the rest of the Lemieux clan came bursting into the room. "Sid!" all the kids exclaimed at the same time as they tackled him to the ground. I felt a tear come to my eye watching him interact with all the kids. He was so great with them, and they obviously adored him. He introduced Alex and Jake to everyone and the kids took off to check out the equipment room. Mario introduced me to Nathalie.
"So you're the famous Bekah? It's nice to finally meet you. You're all these boys have talked about the last little while!"
Sid's face was turning a slight shade of red.
"I should thank you for taking such good care of my boys."
"I really didn't do anything. I wasn't even one of Mario's nurses!"
"Well, whatever you did, it sure left an impression...on both of them!"
I couldn't help but smile.
"It certainly looks like our kids have become fast friends," Nathalie said as the six of them tore into the room sticks in hand shooting a puck back and forth.
"Whoa guys! Put that stuff back, it doesn't belong to you," I said wondering who's stuff they were playing with.
"It's fine Bekah. That's what the stuff is there for," Mario assured me.
I felt a strong grip on my hand and soft words being whispered in my ear. "Relax Beks. Just relax."
A shiver went through my entire body when I felt his warm breath on my neck. Up until now, I never realized how nervous I was. How was I supposed to relax? I was sooooooooooo out of my element here and it was only getting worse as more people starting filing in. I started to feel very uneasy.
"Sid, I really don't know about this. I think I should go. I don't belong here."
He held both my hands and looked into my eyes. "Yes you do. You belong here just as much as anyone else does. They are just like you and me, normal people. Take a deep breath and just be your charming self!"
A few minutes later I was with the likes of Mark Recchi, Sergei Gonchar, John LeClair, Brooks Orpik, Marc-Andre Fleury, Ryan Malone and their respective wives/significant others listening to Sidney tell his 'edited' version of how we met. Most of them seemed to buy his story and that made me feel a little more comfortable. That feeling was short lived when I saw a few of the women give each other looks of disbelief and start mumbling to each other under their breath. They were totally sizing me up and judging me before I even spoke two words. Sensing my discomfort, a very pretty brunette linked her arm with mine and said "Let's go see what those boys of yours are up to," as she dragged me away from the rest of the crowd.
"Thanks for the save," I said gratefully.
"No problem. It wasn't that long ago that I was in your position. The wives can be very harsh to 'newcomers' to the club."
"Club?" I asked.
"Yeah, you know, they have to deem a new girlfriend worthy before they grant her acceptance."
"I'm not a girlfriend. Sidney and I are just friends."
"Sure honey, that's what we all say in the beginning."
"No seriously! We are just friends."
"I'm usually pretty good at reading these things and I swear there is some major chemistry between you two. Just friends huh?"
"Yep, sorry!"
"If you say so girl! I'm Vero by the way. I'm Marc-Andre's girlfriend.
"Bekah," I said shaking hands with her.
"Well Bekah, stick with me and I'll teach you everything you need to know about surviving here! Let's go find those boys and have some fun!"
"Sid, you'll tell us where we're going won't you? Mom won't even give us a hint!" Alex could be so impatient!
Sid gave me a questioning look as he raised one eyebrow.
"For my own sanity," I explained. "I wouldn't hear the end of it if they knew before hand."
"Gotcha!" Sid winked at me. "Sorry bud, I'm with your mom on this one!"
Ah man! What happened to us guys sticking together?" Alex asked.
"You'll find out soon enough," I said. "Good things come to those who wait!"
"I couldn't agree more!" Sid said.
We went to a small cafe not far from the arena and had lunch. Thank god the boys were on their best behaviour and actually remembered their manners without me having to remind them. It was surprisingly comfortable. Jake was his usual quiet self just observing everything and everyone around him. Alex and Sid talked about Alex's hockey team and the upcoming tournament they had.
"It would be awesome if you could come to one of my games," Alex blurted out rather excited by the thought.
"Alex, Sidney just can't show up at your hockey game, he'd get mobbed! And besides, he has his own games to play."
"Right I forgot that you're famous. It still would be cool though!"
"Let me know when your games are and I'll see what I can do."
"Cool!"
When the boys left the table to wash their hands I gave Sid a 'parenting 101' lesson.
"You can't say things to kids that you aren't able to back up. That just gave Alex hope that you might be able to come to one of his games when we both know you can't. That's setting him up for disappointment."
"You don't know that I can't go. If I can I will," he said with a very determined tone.
"Come on Sid. Even if you have the time, we both know what kind of scene it would cause."
"Really? We've been here for almost an hour and I have yet to see any kind of scene!"
I hated when he was right! There were more than a few curious looks from people, and a few said hi on their way by, but everyone pretty much left us alone.
"Maybe today, but...
"Stop! What did I tell you about that?"
"Sorry. Today has been ok, however we're talking about an arena full of kids that adore you. You will not go unnoticed!"
"That was pretty clever! We'll have to see what happens!"
******************************************************
Once we pulled into the parking lot at the Igloo, I caved and told the boys what we were doing there. There was no containing their excitement! It was hard to tell who was more excited, the boys or Sid!
"It's so refreshing to be around that kind of innocent enthusiasm," Sid said grinning from ear to ear.
We took 'the route' to the locker room and Sid showed the boys around. Alex sat in front of Mario's locker in complete awe.
"I can't believe I'm sitting in the exact spot that Mario Lemieux sits in," Alex said shaking his head.
"Well, I don't sit there much anymore," a voice said from behind us.
We were all kind of in shock to turn around and see Mario standing there.
"He Sid, " he said. "Bekah, it's great to see you again. I'm so glad you could make it. And this must be Alex and Jake, " he said walking over to shake their hands.
"Mom, Mario Lemieux knows my name!" Alex whispered.
"Thank you so much for inviting us Mario. We are all extremely excited to be here as you can tell," I said.
"It's the least I could do for my favourite nurse!"
Just then the rest of the Lemieux clan came bursting into the room. "Sid!" all the kids exclaimed at the same time as they tackled him to the ground. I felt a tear come to my eye watching him interact with all the kids. He was so great with them, and they obviously adored him. He introduced Alex and Jake to everyone and the kids took off to check out the equipment room. Mario introduced me to Nathalie.
"So you're the famous Bekah? It's nice to finally meet you. You're all these boys have talked about the last little while!"
Sid's face was turning a slight shade of red.
"I should thank you for taking such good care of my boys."
"I really didn't do anything. I wasn't even one of Mario's nurses!"
"Well, whatever you did, it sure left an impression...on both of them!"
I couldn't help but smile.
"It certainly looks like our kids have become fast friends," Nathalie said as the six of them tore into the room sticks in hand shooting a puck back and forth.
"Whoa guys! Put that stuff back, it doesn't belong to you," I said wondering who's stuff they were playing with.
"It's fine Bekah. That's what the stuff is there for," Mario assured me.
I felt a strong grip on my hand and soft words being whispered in my ear. "Relax Beks. Just relax."
A shiver went through my entire body when I felt his warm breath on my neck. Up until now, I never realized how nervous I was. How was I supposed to relax? I was sooooooooooo out of my element here and it was only getting worse as more people starting filing in. I started to feel very uneasy.
"Sid, I really don't know about this. I think I should go. I don't belong here."
He held both my hands and looked into my eyes. "Yes you do. You belong here just as much as anyone else does. They are just like you and me, normal people. Take a deep breath and just be your charming self!"
A few minutes later I was with the likes of Mark Recchi, Sergei Gonchar, John LeClair, Brooks Orpik, Marc-Andre Fleury, Ryan Malone and their respective wives/significant others listening to Sidney tell his 'edited' version of how we met. Most of them seemed to buy his story and that made me feel a little more comfortable. That feeling was short lived when I saw a few of the women give each other looks of disbelief and start mumbling to each other under their breath. They were totally sizing me up and judging me before I even spoke two words. Sensing my discomfort, a very pretty brunette linked her arm with mine and said "Let's go see what those boys of yours are up to," as she dragged me away from the rest of the crowd.
"Thanks for the save," I said gratefully.
"No problem. It wasn't that long ago that I was in your position. The wives can be very harsh to 'newcomers' to the club."
"Club?" I asked.
"Yeah, you know, they have to deem a new girlfriend worthy before they grant her acceptance."
"I'm not a girlfriend. Sidney and I are just friends."
"Sure honey, that's what we all say in the beginning."
"No seriously! We are just friends."
"I'm usually pretty good at reading these things and I swear there is some major chemistry between you two. Just friends huh?"
"Yep, sorry!"
"If you say so girl! I'm Vero by the way. I'm Marc-Andre's girlfriend.
"Bekah," I said shaking hands with her.
"Well Bekah, stick with me and I'll teach you everything you need to know about surviving here! Let's go find those boys and have some fun!"
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Chapter 33
I couldn't help the annoyed look on my face as I let him in and he plopped himself down on the couch.
"You sure don't listen very well! I know you're used to getting everything you want, but I think it's time we discuss boundaries," I said with a touch of anger in my voice.
"I'm sorry Beks. I just had a really shitty day and needed to see your smiling face. So do you think you could, oh I don't know...smile?"
"Sidney being cute is not going to get you out of this."
"You must be mad, you called me Sidney."
"That is your name isn't it?"
"Sarcasm, that's a good sign. Look, we had to talk about tomorrow anyways, what's the big deal if it's over the phone or in person?"
"The point is that I said no and you completely disrespected my wishes. It's just like when I was married and I am not going to go down that road again!" I said with tears forming in my eyes. Where did that come from?
"That is not fair! I am NOTHING like him and I would NEVER treat you the same way!"
I regretted saying it as soon as the words left my mouth, and even more when I saw the hurt in his eyes.
"You're right," I said softly. "That wasn't fair. On your worst day you could never be anything like him. I'm so sorry."
I couldn't control the tears running down my cheeks now. "It's just he never took anything I said seriously. Even when I said no to something, no matter what it was, he did it anyway. So I'm very touchy when it comes to this."
"I'm sorry," he said gently wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. And I certainly don't want to ever disrespect you."
"I know," I said reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze. "I'm just so emotional lately and I'm not sure why."
LIAR! I know exactly why!
"The holidays are just a tough time for me. I miss gram and David the most at Christmas time."
"That's understandable."
Good cover!
"We'll have to work on making more happy memories then won't we? Starting with the skating party tomorrow. It's starts at 3:00, but I thought maybe you and the boys would want to grab some lunch first, so how about I pick you up at 1:00?"
"That's really sweet, but totally not necessary. We can have lunch here and just meet you at the arena. I don't think we should go together, it might give people the wrong impression."
"What impression would that be?" he asked faking innocence.
"The impression that we're you know... together."
"Ohhhhhhh. Like two people going to the same place at the same time would be?"
"You know what I mean smart ass! How are you going to explain us to the rest of the team anyways?"
"I was planning on telling them the truth."
"And that would be....?"
"That I met this great nurse at the hospital while Mario was there and you really helped us get through. We became friends and as a thank you, Mario invited you and your family to the skate."
"Exactly what version of the truth does that resemble?"
"My personal edited down version! They don't need to know the whole ugly truth about how we really met. And my version does contain elements of the truth."
"Do you really think that they'll buy it?"
"Of course! Mario will back me up."
"Whatever you say Crosby!"
"Good. Then I'm picking you up at 1:00 for lunch. No arguments!"
"Fine."
"Now go to bed! I want a well rested and worthy opponent tomorrow!"
"I don't need to rest to whip your ass Crosby!"
"Is that a threat?"
"Nope, it's a promise!"
"I guess we'll see tomorrow."
He got up to leave and I walked him to the door. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "I'll see you at 1:00. Sweet dreams Beks."
"You sure don't listen very well! I know you're used to getting everything you want, but I think it's time we discuss boundaries," I said with a touch of anger in my voice.
"I'm sorry Beks. I just had a really shitty day and needed to see your smiling face. So do you think you could, oh I don't know...smile?"
"Sidney being cute is not going to get you out of this."
"You must be mad, you called me Sidney."
"That is your name isn't it?"
"Sarcasm, that's a good sign. Look, we had to talk about tomorrow anyways, what's the big deal if it's over the phone or in person?"
"The point is that I said no and you completely disrespected my wishes. It's just like when I was married and I am not going to go down that road again!" I said with tears forming in my eyes. Where did that come from?
"That is not fair! I am NOTHING like him and I would NEVER treat you the same way!"
I regretted saying it as soon as the words left my mouth, and even more when I saw the hurt in his eyes.
"You're right," I said softly. "That wasn't fair. On your worst day you could never be anything like him. I'm so sorry."
I couldn't control the tears running down my cheeks now. "It's just he never took anything I said seriously. Even when I said no to something, no matter what it was, he did it anyway. So I'm very touchy when it comes to this."
"I'm sorry," he said gently wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. And I certainly don't want to ever disrespect you."
"I know," I said reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze. "I'm just so emotional lately and I'm not sure why."
LIAR! I know exactly why!
"The holidays are just a tough time for me. I miss gram and David the most at Christmas time."
"That's understandable."
Good cover!
"We'll have to work on making more happy memories then won't we? Starting with the skating party tomorrow. It's starts at 3:00, but I thought maybe you and the boys would want to grab some lunch first, so how about I pick you up at 1:00?"
"That's really sweet, but totally not necessary. We can have lunch here and just meet you at the arena. I don't think we should go together, it might give people the wrong impression."
"What impression would that be?" he asked faking innocence.
"The impression that we're you know... together."
"Ohhhhhhh. Like two people going to the same place at the same time would be?"
"You know what I mean smart ass! How are you going to explain us to the rest of the team anyways?"
"I was planning on telling them the truth."
"And that would be....?"
"That I met this great nurse at the hospital while Mario was there and you really helped us get through. We became friends and as a thank you, Mario invited you and your family to the skate."
"Exactly what version of the truth does that resemble?"
"My personal edited down version! They don't need to know the whole ugly truth about how we really met. And my version does contain elements of the truth."
"Do you really think that they'll buy it?"
"Of course! Mario will back me up."
"Whatever you say Crosby!"
"Good. Then I'm picking you up at 1:00 for lunch. No arguments!"
"Fine."
"Now go to bed! I want a well rested and worthy opponent tomorrow!"
"I don't need to rest to whip your ass Crosby!"
"Is that a threat?"
"Nope, it's a promise!"
"I guess we'll see tomorrow."
He got up to leave and I walked him to the door. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "I'll see you at 1:00. Sweet dreams Beks."
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