Chapter 117

"Uncle Max, is Grandma Lucie going to pinch my cheeks til they hurt?" Jake asked from the backseat. We were driving from the airport to Max's parents house.
Max and I both kind of chuckled to ourselves before he answered the question.
"Probably pal but it just means that she loves you."
"Ahhh man!" Jake groaned and Max and I laughed again.

It's hard to explain the way things had been between Max and I the last few days. Sometimes it was awkward, almost strained; yet other times it was comfortable and normal, like it had always been.
Jake's voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Mom, how come we don't have a grandma and grandpa?"

And there it was. One of the dreaded questions I knew was going to be asked one day; the other being about their father of course. So far, Jake had never asked and Alex seemed satisfied with the vague explanation I had given him.
Max sensed that I had tensed up and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze but didn't let go.
"Well...remember how we've talked about how sometimes mommies and daddies can't always take care of their kids and sometimes those kids have to go live with people who can take care of them like a family member or a foster family?"
"Yeah, did you live with a foster family mama?"
"No not exactly. My mommy and daddy couldn't take care of me so your uncle David and I lived with my Grandma Kate until she passed away."
"She died?"
"Yes, when I was about Alex's age, maybe a bit older."
"But that's not very old. Who took care of you after that?"
"Geez Jake what's with the 20 questions? Can't you just be quiet!"
"Alex! Don't be so rude! Your brother is curious about families right now and it's okay to ask questions. Jake honey, I was lucky enough that I had a friend who's family was willing to take care of me until I was able to take care of myself."
I knew this explanation could only lead to more questions: where is that family?, where is my dad?, who is my dad?. I feared every single one of them and my stomach hurt just thinking about it.
Max stroked his thumb over the back of my hand, letting me know it was going to be okay. In some ways, it was very reassuring and made me want to relax; but nothing he could do could save me from the questions my children were inevitably going to ask about my past.
I hated to ask but knew I had to.
"Do you have any other questions sweetheart?"
I held my breath; Max squeezed my hand and gave me a wink.
"Nnnooo," Jake hesitated. "But mama...I'm real glad someone took care of you and you weren't an orphan."
I exhaled slowly and let the wave of relief overtake my body. "Me too sweetie. Me too."

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We were barely in the door before all four of us were covered in hugs and kisses and yes, the dreaded cheek pinching! No one was immune!
"Maxime, take Bekah's bags to Will's room and the boys will be in Frank's room."
"Oui maman."
It always made me chuckle how these big, strong, independent hockey players instantly turned into great big mushy mama's boys the second they were with their families.
Max returned only to have his mother instruct him on what he and his father should be doing with the boys. Us 'girls' went to the kitchen.
"So we will prepare dinner while the boys play; give us some girl time and after dinner we open one; sometimes more than one gift and get ready for midnight mass. Oh, are you even Catholic? Don't feel you have to come to mass with us, that is just our tradition. I don't want you to feel you have to go dear."
"Lucie, it's okay. We are not Catholic, but I'd like to go with you if that's allowed, I don't want to break any sort of rule or anything."
"Don't be silly dear, we welcome everyone, especially at this time of year."
"Then it's settled. The truth is, I really love the fact that you have strong family traditions that you're willing to let us be a part of. I've gotten too far away from my own traditions lately and I guess I sort of feel...well...lost."
"Mmm hmmm. Maxime has told me everything you have been through lately."
"He has?"
"Oui. I'm not sure you know this, but Maxime tells me everything; and I do mean everything. Sometimes I think he thinks I'm his priest - too much information if you know what I mean."
"Uh yeah, I get the picture," I replied feeling kind of awkward.
Lucie moved around me and I manoeuvred around her almost expertly, like we had prepared this meal together for years. It was comfortable and quiet, calm and honest. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was part of a 'normal' family. It was like coming home; at least what I thought coming home should feel like.
Lucie's voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Did you hear me dear?"
"Sorry, no. I was...in la la land I guess."
"Can you hand me the platter that's on the table s'il vous plait."
"This is absolutely beautiful Lucie. I've never seen anything quite like it."
It was a huge white oval with a very intricate pattern of flowers and vines etched all the way around the edge of the porcelain platter.
"It was Serge's great great Grandmother's. It has been passed down every generation to one of the daughter-in-laws. Serge's mother passed it on to me and I will pass it on to one of my daughter-in-laws."
"But you already have a daughter-in-law."
"Yes, and some day I will have three. The tradition is not about passing it on to the first daughter-in-law, but to the right daughter-in-law."
"Isn't that kind of...discriminating? I mean, how to you chose who gets it? doesn't it cause tension between people?"
"It is just something that's understood. Sometimes you don't actually choose the person you're going to give it to, it just happens. There could be an event, a special occasion, or just a special moment and you just know. In that moment, you just know the right person to give it to. The person who will take care of it and keep the tradition going. Kind of like you just know when you meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with."
"Well, I wouldn't know anything about that now would I?"
"Oh I'm not so sure about that dear."
"Lucie..." I warned. "Why does every conversation we have always turn into talk about my love life? I'm sorry to inform you that there is nothing happening there so there is nothing to talk about."
"Really?" Lucie drawled, not sounding convinced in the least. "From what I understand you and Maxime had a, shall we say intense encounter not so long ago."
"Okay, I hate that Max tells you EVERYTHING! And for the record it was not intense it was just..."
"Intense!"
"A moment of weakness. A tiny moment that was almost overtaken by delusional fantasies that briefly entered a place they had no business being," I stated emphatically."
"Oh Bekah dear; let me be devil's advocate for a minute. Is it possible that this 'moment of delusional fantasy' is really your subconscious telling you what you really want; what you really need and you are just too afraid to admit it because you don't believe that you deserve to be happy?"
I was speechless. I had no words. I stood starring at this innocent-looking grandmother type in utter shock. She finally broke the silence.
"Oh come on, tell me you have never thought about Maxime as anything more than a friend?"
"Lucie I...I can't think of Max in that way. We have such a special friendship and I can't lose that. I wouldn't be able to recover if I lost him."
"Because he's there for you no matter what?"
"Always."
"And he takes care of you?"
"Yes."
"Cheers you up when you've had a bad day?"
"Yes."
"Takes care of the boys when you're at work; feeds them dinner, gets them to bed and always makes sure you are taken care of when you get home from a long day?"
"Yes."
"Who is the first person you call with good news?"
"Max."
"Who is the first person you call with bad news?"
"Max."
"I hate to tell you honey, you're married without the sex."
"It's not even like that!"
"What exactly do you think being married or being in a relationship is? You and Maxime are living it every day."
"I need to sit down," I said with a very shaky voice.
"Good, because dinner is served!"

FYI

Just a note to let y'all know that school id officially over for me...forever soooooo there will be lots of free time to write my stories.
The next chapter of Against All Odds is in progress and should be up this week and hopefully Love Lost and Found and Rocky Mountain Romance will soon follow.
Thank you to all of you faithful followers who have hung in there and still want to read these stories; I hope they don't disappoint!
Talk soon
~B~