Chapter 114

An early Christmas gift my lovelies!


"Oh my god, what happened to you?"
"Your boyfriend happened. Actually his right hook. I didn't even know the kid knew how to throw a punch!"
"Come in so we can get some ice on it."

Max followed me to the kitchen so I could grab an ice pack and put it on his now very bruised eye. He winced when the ice went on and I couldn't tell if it was because of the cold or because he was in pain.

"I can't believe Sidney did this, Max I'm sorry."
"So I'm guessing that the talk didn't go so well?" he chuckled.
"You could say that. It's over Max. I ended it."

The silence was heavy in the room.

"Wow...I...don't really know what to say. For real? You and the kid are done?"
"Mmm hmm. I just can't do it anymore Max. Yesterday was it for me. I told myself if he came through and showed up, then he was making an effort and we could work it out. But he didn't. He couldn't even pick up the phone Max," I managed through my now free flowing tears.

"Come here bijou," Max said taking me in a comforting embrace. "This is not what you really want is it?" he questioned.
"I don't know Max."
"Well I do. You love him yes?"
"Of course I do."
"Then you should work it out. Frankly I'm a little surprised bijou, it's not like you to give up on something. You are not a quitter."
"I know what you're trying to do with this reverse psychology bullshit and it's not going to work. And I'm not the one who quit. Sidney quit on this relationship a long time ago. I'm not going to try and fight for something that isn't there and I'm certainly not going to be his doormat anymore. I've been down that road and I'm not going back."
"This is hardly the same thing and you know it. Sid would never hurt you like that."
"Physically no, but emotionally is it any different? You know what this relationship has bee like Max; what am I supposed to do, just let it keep going the way it is? That's not fair; to me, Sid, or the boys."
"No, it doesn't have to stay the same. Make him work for it. Maybe him thinking he has lost you will be enough to scare him and he'll pull his head out of his ass. I think he at least deserves the chance to prove himself. If you give him that chance and he still fails, then it's on him. At least you will know that you've done everything possible to make it work."
"Why are you defending him after he did that to your face?"
"I'm not defending him, I'm protecting you. I know you don't really want to end this bijou. I know how much you love him; and I think my black eye is proof of how much he loves you."
"Or how barbaric he is."
"Bijou?"
"I don't know. I didn't just decide this in a split second Max; I've given it alot of thought. It's all I've been thinking about. I just don't see a happy ending in our future."

*********************************

He knew it probably wasn't a good idea, but he had decided a week ago that this was going to be the day, and if you could say one thing about him it was that he did what he said he was going to do.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Hey Lily. I'm here to see..."
"Well don't bother. She doesn't want to see you. Besides, she's not here," Lily snarled.
"I know," he said solemnly. "She's made that pretty clear by not returning any of my phone calls or messages."
"What do you expect Crosby? You didn't leave her much of a choice."
"I don't know. I guess I expected her to at least give me a chance to redeem myself."
"Well, she hasn't really found anything redeeming about you lately."
"Trust me Lily, I don't need to get the gears from you too okay. I know I'm an ass and I know I screwed up, unfortunately I think it's too late to do anything about it."

Lily soaked in the pitiful sight before her and for a brief moment, almost felt sorry for him...almost.

"Well, you look like shit."
"How do you expect me to look when I just lost the only girl I've ever loved?" he said calmly.
"Honestly? I figured you'd just move on with being 'Sidney Crosby'. I didn't think not having Bekah around would phase you much; it's really no different then when you were together."
"Okay Lily, I get it. I don't need you rubbing salt in the wound; it hurts, trust me."
"Fine, no more jabs."
"Thank you," Sidney sighed.

He'd gotten raked over the coals by just about everyone in his life over the past seven days. Seven days, nine hours and thirty-six minutes to be exact. The team, the wags, Nat and Mario, his mother, all four Lemieux kids, Taylor, his mother, Nat, his mother, Mario, and Nat. The only ones who didn't tell him what an ass he was and how he really screwed up was his dad and Max. Neither of them talked to him at all. When he hadn't heard from Bekah, he even resorted to apologizing to Max and asking him if she was okay.
Max hadn't responded; just snickered and walked away and Sidney didn't really blame him. He sure had got himself into quite a mess, and he wasn't sure how he was going to get out.

"So if you're not here to see Bekah, what are you doing here?" Lily asked snapping him out of his self-loathing.
"Umm, before everything happened, I told myself when we got back from the road trip I was going to come and meet Sam, so here I am."
"Now you're going to use the kid to try and get Bekah back? That's kinda low Crosby."
"It's not about her. I said I was going to do it and I don't back out. I'm doing this for Sam and for me."
"Not sure I believe you but, whatever floats your boat."
"I don't want to upset her anymore, that's why I came when she wasn't here. So can you just tell me where to find him?"

She looked at him suspiciously, not sure if she should let this happen, but here extremely well hidden soft side took over.
"Down this hall, last door on the left."
"Thanks Lily, I appreciate it."
Lily half smiled and left in the opposite direction.

********************************

"Hey Sammy, how's my favourite quarterback do...." she stopped dead in her tracks as she rounded the corner into Sam's room.
"Sidney, what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice barely audible.
"He came to see me! Me Bekah! Sidney Crosby came here to see me and if I wasn't so excited I would be really really mad at you."
"Mad at me? Why?"
"Sidney Crosby is the secret boyfriend you've been keeping from me?"
"I umm, he's umm..."
"It's not her fault," Sidney interjected. "It's mine. I made her promise not to tell anyone, so you can be mad at me."
"I would never be mad at you, you're Sidney Crosby!" Sam exclaimed.
"Oh thanks alot! Who's the one taking care of you here?"
"I'm not really mad at you, I just can't believe that you are actually Sidney Crosby's girlfriend! That is so awesome!"
"Well, I'm not actually his girlfriend anymore Sam."
"What!" Sam shrieked. "Are you crazy? Why not?"
"Sam, that's grown up stuff; and besides, it's none of your business," I scolded.
"Actually bud, that's my fault again."
"Ahh man. What did you do? Did you cheat?"
"No. It's not really what I did, but what I didn't do."
"Did you hurt her?"
"No."
"Forget her birthday?"
"No," Sidney kind of chuckled.
"So if you didn't cheat, and you didn't hurt her, and you didn't forget her birthday, I don't get it. Why isn't he your boyfriend anymore," he now directed at me.
"I am not having this conversation with you Sam."
"Don't you love him anymore?"
His question took me by surprise and from the look on Sidney's face, it surprised him too. That look of surprise was replaced with one of anticipation soon after.

And there it was. The question of the hour. A million things went through my mind in a split second. 'Do I still love him?' 'What do I do? Tell the truth? Lie? Both of them would see right through a lie.
"It wasn't a trick question Bekah. Do you love the guy or what?"
There were very few people who could make my heart melt with just a look, but two such people were starring into my soul waiting for an answer.
"Yes Sam, I love him very much."
"Do you love her Sid?"
"More than anything," he answered quickly.
"More that scoring a game winning goal?"
"Yes."
"More that scoring a hat trick?"
"Yes.
"More than playing hockey period?"
"Let call that one a tie," he tried to joke.
"Then what's the problem? You love him and he loves you so..."

Sidney got up from the chair beside Sam's bed and walked over to where I was standing.
"I'm miserable Beks. I miss you so much," he said quietly.

Again, two pairs of melt-your-heart eyes starring at me; anticipating what I was going to say.

"I miss you too Sidney."

Chapter 113

The smell of coffee tickled my nose and I smiled without opening my eyes; that is until the body lying next to me moved.
"Bon matin bijou."

"Morning. I love that you're making me coffee Max, but it's still dark out. You could have waited a bit longer."
"Not me bijou, I thought you snuck out and made it."

We looked at each other for a moment before both getting out of bed and heading to the kitchen.
"If it wasn't either of us..." I whispered.
"Maybe one of the boys?"
"No both of them know they are not to touch any electrical appliances without me."

The question was answered when Max and I both appeared at the door to the dimly lit kitchen.
"Talbot, Bekah. Did you both sleep well?"
"Sid, what are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here?" he asked in a very high pitched voice. "I should be asking you that about him," he snarled and gave a nod towards Max.
"Oh I don't know...Max is actually the one who chose to spend the holiday with me."
"And that entitles him to sleep with you too?"
"Okay, now wait just a minute Sid. It's not like that and you know it. We fell asleep watching a movie," Max tried to defend.
"Save it Talbot. You need to leave so I can talk to MY girlfriend."
"Who the fuck do you think you are kicking Max out of MY house?" I asked much louder than I intended. "Max does not need to leave, maybe you do."
"Non bijou. I go. You two have much to talk about."
"Max no..."
"I will talk to you later. Give me a call if you need anything," he said sweetly as he kissed my forehead.
"She doesn't need anything from you Max," Sidney growled.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I sneered after the door had closed behind Max.
"Oh I don't know; maybe the fact that I come here last night to try and salvage some of the holiday with you and I find you in bed with Max!"
"Oh for God sakes Sidney, don't be so dramatic. You make it sound like you caught us having sex in your bed! We fell asleep watching a movie, we did nothing wrong."

"Yeah, our movie! Do you have any idea what it was like for me to walk in, hear our song playing and then seeing you wrapped up in his arms, not mine?"

"No I don't know what it was like for you because I never see you! I hardly talk to you anymore and you made it pretty clear by your abscence yesterday that I am not very high on your priority list, so why don't you take your possessive bullshit and blow it out your ass! You don't get to act like you give a damn about what I do; it's too late for that."

"Wh...what do you mean it's too late?" he questioned with a startled look on his face.
"I mean I'm done Sidney," I said quietly.

The words left my mouth before my brain had a chance to catch up.

"What do you mean 'done' Beks?"

"I mean I'm done. I can't wait around hoping you're going to have a few minutes to stop by and say hi; I can't be your punching bag when you've had a bad game, which by the way is practically the only time you call me anymore; I can't be at the mercy of your moods; and I'm not going to take a backseat to everything and everyone else in your life. I'm done; I can't do it anymore.

"Beks, please," Sidney said reaching for my hand across the table but I pulled it out of his reach, "I know I've been an ass lately; I haven't been around much and I've been moody, but I'm not going to lose you. I can't lose you, please Beks, let's just talk about this."

"Sidney, you lost me a long time ago and you've been too oblivious to notice. There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said. We talk about it and nothing ever changes."

"But it will. I was talking to Mario and he's made me see how big of an ass I've been. He also made me realize what I have to do to prove to you that you're important to me and I need to show you how much I love you; I can't just say the words, I have to show you with my actions."

"Well I'm glad Mario knows how to make a relationship work, but the fact that he had to tell you to do those things is just one more reason to throw in the towel. I've told you all that before Sid; I've told you exactly what I need from you and you haven't done any of it."

"I know I've disappointed you lately, alot, but please give me a chance to fix it."

"Sidney, I've given you chance after chance and every time there's just one more disappointment, one more excuse. I don't expect you to be at my beck and call; I know exactly what I signed up for getting into a relationship with you. I knew you were going to be away alot and I knew that you had alot of commitments that take priority over our relationship and I was okay with that. It's all the other little things. I asked you to take five minutes to meet Sam and that couldn't be worked into your schedule without coordinating it with your p r people. And you've changed. When is the last time to asked me how my day was? When is the last time you called me just to tell me you loved me? When is the last time you brought me a coffee on your way home to take your nap just so you could 'see my beautiful face' before you went to sleep? When is the last time you called me from the hotel just before you you went to bed so my voice was the last thing you heard? When is the last time we talked about anything other than your game or how bad the team is doing right now or how frustrated you are because you can't fix it all yourself? When is the last time you sent me flowers just because? You used to do all those things and now you don't. What changed?"

"I don't know, I mean you know I love you and I know that you love me."

"And you have not given me any reason to believe that that's still true. What about yesterday Sid? That was the final straw. You know how important Thanksgiving is to me and you still couldn't make an effort. No phone call, no nothing. You show up here in the middle of the night and you think that shows me I'm important?"

"I know I've screwed up and I've really let you down. I know what I have to do to make it up to you, I just need a chance to do it. Please Beks, don't throw away everything we have, everything that we've worked so hard to build. I love you Bekah, please let me show you how much."

I saw the tears in his gold flecked eyes and the sincerity deep within them. My heart ached for him, it really did, but it was not enough.

"I'm sorry Sidney," I said choking back my own tears. "I can't."