Chapter 105

Sorry this chapter is a long one but it's kind of a filler with alot of background info that will be important in the future. Happy reading!


The rest of August was like being in the middle of a really vivid dream that you just can't remember when you wake up.

The boys had the time of their lives with Taylor, spending their days playing hockey or out on the water. I had to pinch myself every so often to make sure it was real. Trina and I were getting very close; and even though I was closer in age to her than I was to Sidney, she was like the mother I never had; the mother I longed to have. And as for the men...Troy was developing quite the bond himself with the boys. Personally I thought he saw them as two more little hockey prodigies; not anywhere near the the caliber of saint Sidney, but prodigies none the less. We were like this happy little...dare I say family, and most days it made my heart melt. This was what it was like to be part of a family who loved you. This was what my boys had missed out on their entire lives...aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. But there were also days that it made me sad that my own "parents" were missing out on the lives of these two incredible children. And it pissed me off that they had no idea that the daughter they said would never amount to anything but a "pathetic welfare mom" had carved out this wonderful life for herself and her children.
Trina and I were sitting on the back deck one night watching Sid and Troy play touch football with the kids and we somehow got talking about my so-called family. I was more than happy to share stories about my brother and my grandmother, but when it came to the parental units I really didn't want to say anything. Yes, I had told Lily and Max and Sid about my parents but I had never told them everything and I had never let the full extent of my hurt and anger show. There was just something about Trina's face and her warm and caring manner that made me feel like I could tell her everything. I told her how cold my father was; always buried in his work, late nights at the office, long business trips, not interested in anything but his next acquisition. He didn't marry for love, he married to acquire status. He had grown up modestly and worked all through high school so he could go to college and get away from his own parents. His dad was always unemployed and spent most of his time in bars and going home with whatever sucker he could lure in for the night while his dutiful and loyal mother stayed at home with her son waiting for her husband to come home. James (my father) had zero respect for either of his parents; his father for running around on his mother and his mother for being a door mat and letting his father walk all over her. He swore once he left he would forget about his low life parents and never look back.
He met Janine (my mother) in college. She was the debutante who wore dresses and pearls to every class, she would not be caught dead in pants. "Pants are for low-class trashy girls who can't afford to dress like young ladies" she would say to me. Imagine her disappointment when she had a tom-boy as a daughter! Imagine her outrage when her own mother bought that daughter more pants than she could ever wear in a life time. That was the love-hate relationship between Grandma Kate and her daughter. James knew that Janine was the one he needed to latch on to. Great bloodlines, country club membership, summer houses, and money. All things he didn't have but would sell his soul to get. And that he did! Immediately after graduation they had married and James was able to start his business with the hefty sum of money his new father-in-law had given him as a wedding gift. And so it began. A loveless marriage maintained solely for the purpose of appearances. When my mother had complications after giving birth to David, she was told she wouldn't be able to have anymore children. That was unacceptable for the image of the perfect family. It took a few years, but then they adopted me.
Life was like you see in the movies; four people putting on a show when in public, but in the privacy of their own home, they were merely four people existing under the same roof, paths never crossing, no one ever speaking. Without David and Gram, life would have been unbearable. That's why I ran wild after they both died; for survival and sanity. My mother was a raging alcoholic disguised under the pretense of being a social drinker (which is why she 'socialized' at the club every night) and my father carried on not showing any interest in anything but work until one day that changed. He began to show interest in something other than work...he was interested in me. I couldn't understand why all of a sudden he cared about everything I did; who my friends were, my school activities, it was bizarre. But it was the attention I had longed for all my life and I was happy I was finally getting it.
This only gave my mother more reason to hate me. She was jealous that my father was paying so much attention to me and not her. I certainly took advantage of it too; rubbing it in every chance I got. One night, after my mother had passed out, that attention became a little more than I had bargained for.
He came to my room after I was asleep. I was woken up when his hands touched my breasts and moved down between my legs. I screamed at him and he quickly put his hand over my mouth and told me to hush. I cried as he began to unbuckle his belt, all the while telling me he knew I wanted it and it was okay because we weren't really blood related. As he was about to force himself inside me, I reached for the stone bookend on my head board and struck him over the head with it. He screamed out it pain and I bolted out of my bed and over to the other side of the room. I picked up the phone and threatened to call the police. When he laughed at me and practically dared me to do it I was furious.
"Go ahead you little bitch, call the police. Who do you think they'll believe...a little whore like you or a well respected, financially generous member of society like me?"
As he started moving towards me I knew I had to change my tactic. I grabbed the antique letter opener that had belonged to my grandmother off my desk and pointed at this throat.
"If you ever touch me again I will kill you!" I threatened.
"You don't have it in you," he laughed at me.
"Oh no? Try me."
He came towards me and tried to grab me by the shoulders when I lunged at him. I stabbed him in the arm and he yelled out in pain once again.
"You little bitch!"
"Get the fuck away from me now!" I screamed at him, "Or I swear, next time it will be in your heart."
"You ungrateful little bitch! After all I've done for you. Adopting you was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have known better than to take something no one else wanted!"
"Get out before I put this thing right through your heart," I said again.
"You will regret this you little bitch," he spat before storming out of the room.
I cried the whole time I was throwing clothes into a bag. I was not staying there a second longer than I needed to. I had no idea where I found the strength to stand up to him; all I knew was I had to. I had to protect the baby I was carrying. I moved in with Jeff's family that night.
Trina and I were both in tears by the time I had finished the story. After all this time I was still embarrassed and ashamed. I begged her not to tell Sidney. She promised that my secret was safe with her and wrapped me in a motherly hug.
"It's time to put the past behind you and move forward honey," she said. "You have us now. We're your family now."
Such a burden was lifted from my shoulders that night, and not another word was ever spoken about it.

Then there was crazy cousin Max. He stayed in Nova Scotia with us for a few weeks to relax and clear his head. He put on a really good show that the whole deal with the bimbo wasn't bothering him, but every now and then he let a little something show, or a little something slip out that only I picked up on that told me he was hurting inside. Sidney made sure to take the kids out so Max and I could spend some quality time together. We both appreciated it and it gave us a chance to become even closer.

The rest of the time Sidney and I spent with the architect, the contractors and the interior designers working out the details of the renovations to the new house. Sid was adamant that I be part of every decision.
"I want this house to be part of you too. I want to be able to feel your presence when I look at the chair you picked out or the art you hung on the wall. This place is for all of us. I think the boys should be able to help design their rooms too. Pick out the paint colour and all that stuff."
I never thought in a million years I would be part of designing a million dollar summer home that in theory I would someday be sharing with the most perfect man on the planet. I could not believe how lucky I was.

On our last night in Nova Scotia we had a huge family dinner at his parent's house. Everyone shed a few tears when we were getting ready to leave. We were going to stay at the house one last time before the work started on it. The next time we came back, Sid (and I) would have our dream house on the lake. He hugged and kissed his grandmothers and promised to behave back in Pittsburgh. The boys begged to stay at the Crosby's with Taylor since it was the last night here. Troy and Trina practically begged us to let them stay too. Once all the goodbyes were said, Sidney and I headed for the 'lake house' as we affectionately called it.

After making love one last time where it had all started, Sidney and I laid in bed with nothing but the sound of the crickets chirping in the background.
"I wish I could bottle this feeling so I could have it forever," he whispered placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. "I don't want this to end."
"Neither do I. You have given me the most perfect summer; I don't know how I can ever thank you for these memories."
"You don't need to thank me. But I want you to hold on to these memories and think back to these days when we go back to the Burgh, because when we go back everything will change."
"I know," I sighed. "Then I go back to sharing you with an entire city and an entire legion of female fans throwing themselves at you. Good times!"
"I know it sucks baby and I know it's going to be hard keeping our relationship a secret, but we'll be okay as long as you remember that I love you; I want to be with you and nobody else; and we remember the time we spent here, where it was just Bekah and Sid and Jake and Alex. Deal"
"You drive a hard bargain Mr. Crosby, but you got yourself a deal. I know we're not going to have the ideal relationship, and I understand why we have to keep it a secret, but it doesn't mean I have to like it! I will do it because I love you and it's important for you but I hate the idea of not being able to shout from the rooftops that I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world."
"You need to be prepared for everything you're going to hear and everything you're going to read. There will be stories based on part truths and there will be out and out lies. They will speculate about my personal life and if I'm so much as seen in a room with a girl, there will be stories that I'm dating her."
"Sid, I know all this already."
"I know we've talked about it before, but talking about it and living it every day is totally different. It's hard Beks and I just want you to really know what you're getting into."
"I get it Sid. I'm ready, I promise. I love you and you love me and that's all that matters," I said kissing him sweetly on the lips.
"I hope you're right baby."
"I am. Let's not worry about it tonight okay? I want our last night here to be as special as our first was."
"I think I can make that happen," he smirked rolling over on top of me. "Can you promise me one thing?"
"Anything."
"Don't ever google Sidney Crosby's girlfriend okay?"

I'm still alive!

Yes, it's true! I have not dropped off the face of the earth. It's just the same old song and dance; caught up in life and school. Just finished 3 massive assignments that were all due on the same day thank you very much! What a sense of relief. And although it sucks for my personal sanity and for you readers, I promised myself I wouldn't and resisted the urge to write until they were done. Updating both my stories will be my reward for staying focused and getting them done. I hope to have updates soon (by the end of the week at the latest) so please bare with me!
On a bit of a happier note, turns out my budding hockey super star is also a budding baseball star too! He is tearing it up on the diamond and his team is undefeated so far! I am so proud of him. My oldest's team is not as fortunate but he is playing really well and I am equally proud of him for handling his defeats with grace and dignity! That being said, give me a cold arena over the hot, humid baseball diamond any day! Is it October yet?
I know I say this alot but thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking with me and this story. Your loyalty means the world and so do your comments!
Love you guys!
~B~