Just a note...

Sid's POV is meant to be read before chapter 66, so please read them in that order! Sorry for the mix up and happy reading!

Sid's POV

By the time I got back to the hotel after doing press I was exhausted and just wanted to take a nap. When I opened the door I couldn't believe what I saw.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"We need to talk about things."
"I don't have anything else to say right now dad. I'm still angry."
"I know you are and you have every right to be, but we need to fix things. I can't stand you being mad at me. I know I screwed up, but I'm trying to make things right here Sid."
I was stunned! As I lived and breathed, Troy Crosby admitted he made a mistake?
"I'm listening," I said sitting down on the bed across from him.
"I love you more than anything else in this world. Everything I have ever done has been out of love and to try and protect you. I judged Bekah by outward appearance before I actually got to know her and that was wrong. I am so sorry for interfering in your personal life, and I hope you will be able to forgive me.I want you to know that I talked to Bekah before I came here. I apologized and I got to know her a bit better. I had alot of questions and she graciously answered all of them. She really is a very remarkable girl. It's hard to fathom some of the things she went through at such a young age. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. You were right son. She is all of the things you said she was and more. You would be very lucky to have someone like that in your life and I told her that. If you want to be with Bekah, you have my blessing."
"Wow."
"That's all you have to say?"
"I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that you not only admitted you were wrong, but you said the words 'I'm sorry' all in the same day!"
"Christ Sidney, this is not really the time for sarcasm!"
"You know what hurt more than you getting involved the way you did to try and destroy our relationship dad?"
"What?"
"The fact that you had so little faith in me. You didn't trust my character and my instincts in choosing who I let into my life. I thought knew me better than that."
"You're absolutely right. I was afraid that you were getting caught up in the chase and not the person and I was wrong. I know you know that you have to be extra careful and I should have trusted that you knew what you were doing. I just want to get past this Sidney. Put it in the past and move forward. I want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you."
"I know. And I am. Bekah makes me happy. And I'm happy that you are here. I need you here with me."
"Does this mean that you forgive me?"
"Well, someone very wise once told me that life is too short to be angry with the people you love. Forgive before it's too late. So yes, I forgive you."
"Who told you that?"
"Bekah."
"Of course she did! I mean it Sidney. She really is a wonderful girl. You are very lucky."
"Thanks and trust me, I know how lucky I am to have her in my life."
"I love you son," he said hugging me.
"I love you too dad."

Chapter 66

I really wasn't looking forward to the next week. Sid was on a road trip and I was left here with my negative thoughts. He was playing back home in Canada for the first time and I knew he was excited so I really tried to be excited for him. I knew the one thing he wasn't looking forward to was playing the Leafs an Saturday because that meant Don Cherry. Sid had taken alot of slack from Cherry about being a "whiner" and a "diver" since the beginning of the season and it only escalated when the Pen's new coach gave him the A. Sidney was perfect in the press saying only that everyone was entitled to their own opinion and appeared as though he let the hurtful comments roll of his back, but I knew different. He had confided in me how hurt he truly was.



------flashback to a few weeks ago-------------



"I just go out and play my game. When I am blatantly getting tripped and slashed and it's not being called of course I'm going to say something! I can take being called a cry baby or whatever the hell they're saying. What I can't take is being called a diver. That shows a complete disrespect for the game and the fact that anyone, especially people like Forsberg and Cherry; people I have admired and respected, would think that I have that kind of disrespect for this game really hurts. It hurts. I love this game and everything it represents. I would never do anything to disrespect it."

I took him in my arms and wiped away the few tears that rolled down his cheek.

"I can't imagine how you must feel, but there is one thing I do know. People are threatened by greatness, especially when they themselves were once known as being great. You are so much more than great, and everyone knows it. They are scared of what you might be able to accomplish, so they will say anything to try and bring you down a peg. It's not a personal attack against you, it's a defense mechanism for them. There is nothing you can do except keep being the kind of player you are, it's worked for you so far. Keep learning and improving and show all the doubters that you are everything that you've been hyped to be; the next great one, the face of the NHL! That will make them even more crazy!

He wrapped me in a tight embrace and kissed me on the top of the head.
"I really don' know what I'd do without you," he whispered. "It's hard to talk about some of the feelings and doubts that I have. I can't tell my dad because I'm not supposed to have negative thoughts or feelings. Thank you. Thank you for being my safe place."

--------------end flashback--------------


I was nearly asleep when my phone rang.
"Hey beautiful, you weren't asleep were you?" an exhausted voice purred from the other end.
"Not quite, but it sounds like you could use some sleep."
"I am beat. The adrenaline is finally wearing off."
"Yes, great game tonight 'first star'!"
"You were watching?"
"Of course! Me and the boys. I thought Jake was going to do a back flip when you scored the game winner!"
"Awe, that's awesome. I really miss you guys."
"We miss you too. Alex was asking when you were going to be home so he could beat you at NHL 06!"
"Oooh tough guy huh? You tell him I accept his challenge and when I come back on the 8th, it's game on!"
"You don't get enough hockey in real life, so you have to play it in video games too?"
"You can never get enough hockey!"
"It's awfully quiet there. Where's Colby?"
"A bunch of the guys went out to celebrate the win, he went with them."
"Why didn't you go? You of all people should be celebrating."
"I can't go anywhere here without causing mass hysteria. The press has been brutal and the fans are everywhere. I have to sneak out back doors, it's completely crazy. It's better that I don't go. The guys will have a better time without having to worry about that bullshit. I'm just gonna watch a tape of the World Junior game I missed."
"Sidney that is soooo sad. I hate thinking about you sitting there by yourself while the other guys are out having a good time. It breaks my heart."
"You get used to it, besides I am talking to my amazing girlfriend and my dad's going to come up and watch the game with me later."
"Still you shouldn't have to hide out in your hotel room. And thank you, you're pretty amazing yourself."
"We talked about this Beks. It's part of my life. You have to take the good with the bad. And I know I am amazing!"
"You also know how to ruin a moment!"
"But I know how to create a few good one's too!"
I thought back to New Year's Eve.
"That you do," I replied smiling even though he couldn't see me.
"Made you smile didn't I?"
"Yes, you did."
"Hey, my dad's here so I'm going to let you go and I'll call you tomorrow after practice."
"Oh right, at your dad's old arena right?"
"The very one. He's got alot of great memories from there, so it'll be so great for him to be back here."
"Well I hope you two have a great time, I'm glad he's there with you."
"Yeah, me too," he said sheepishly.
"I guess I was right then huh?"
"I'm glad I listened to you."
"Because I was right."
"You gave some good advise, yes."
"You can't say it can you?"
"Nope!"
I could hear him smiling.
"Well, if we're going to be together Crosby, you'd better practise saying it, because it happens quite often, and I will expect to hear it every time it does!"
"Put your pj's on baby, cause you're dreaming!"
"Sidney Patrick Crosby, that is rude!"
He was laughing hysterically by this point.
"I love you mon petit bijou! I'll talk to you tomorrow.
"Yeah well you're lucky I love you too!"
"I know I am. Give the boys a kiss from me. Sweet dreams."


I closed my eyes with a smile on my face. I couldn't believe that I had shut myself off from the possibility of love for so long. It actually made my heart happy just hearing the words 'I love you' from someone other than my children. I guess my choice was made. I choose to let go of the pain and anger that has has a hold on my heart for so long. I choose to be happy. I choose to be in love.

Chapter 65

"Mommyyyyyyyyy!" was Jake's greeting as he dropped his coat at the front door and ran towards me. "Mommy I missed you," he said wrapping his arms around my neck.
"I missed you too sweet tart," I replied, planting a kiss on the tip of his nose.
"What about you Alex? Do I even get a hello?"
"Wh...uh hey mom," he muttered without looking up from the video game Sid had picked out for him for Christmas.
"Well that was heartfelt!" I said to no one in particular as both boys immediately went to their rooms to make sure all their Christmas loot was still where they left it.

"Well, how'd it go?" Lily asked unable to control her curiosity any longer.
"It went okay," I replied.
"Okay as in 'I will have you forcefully removed if you come anywhere near my son' or okay as in 'you are the perfect girl for my son, welcome to the family'?"
"More the second one I guess."
"Seriously?"
"We had a really great talk. I think he was just concerned because he didn't know anything about my background and stuff-especially with regards to the kids."
"So what did you tell him?" Lily asked wrinkling her forehead.
"The truth. Everything. He knows about my parents, David, and my history with Jeff. He knows what I went through to get where I am today and what my intentions are towards Sid."
"And Troy was alright with everything?" she asked skeptically.
"He seemed to be. He actually said he could see why Sid loves me and that I was good for Sid. Can you believe that?"
"Um...no, not really. I can't believe he did a complete 180! Don't get me wrong, it's great...if it's for real. I hope he's not trying to pull something."
"Believe me, I've thought the exact same thing. But I do have faith that what he's told me is true. I also believe that he would do anything to make things right with Sidney, even if it means giving me a chance."
"And how did Sid take the news?"
"Like us, skeptical at first. I don't think he's ready to let go of his anger yet. He couldn't understand how I could forgive Troy so easily."
"Honestly, I don't either."
"He loves Sidney and so do I. We both want him to be happy. I know Sid's relationship with his father is extremely important to him and Troy knows that Sid's relationship with me is extremely important to him, so we have a common ground. Life is too short to be angry with the one's you love. I wish I had a father that loved me and looked out for me the way Troy does. I just reminded Sid that we are all not that fortunate."
"Wow! I think I like Bekah-in-love! You're actually dare I say...happy?"
"Yeah, you could say that but..."
"Oh no no no! No yeah buts! The most amazing guy is in love with you and he happens to be the best thing to hit the NHL in years, not to mention he's smokin' hot! So no yeah buts, just enjoy it!
Let yourself be happy."
"I'm really trying Lily, but he just said something that kind of freaked me out a little."
"What's that, marry me? Get over it! Say hell yeah!"
"Lily please, I'm serious. When we were talking about how I wished I had a dad that cared about me like he does, he asked if it was possible to love your kids too much. I said you can never love your kids too much and he said 'I guess I'll find out when I have my own kids.' That freaks me out."
"Why? He adores the boys and he wants to have kids of his own. I fail to see what's so terrible about that Bekah."
"He wants kids of his own. I don't want more kids. Right off the bat we have a fundamental difference in where we see our futures. It can only end badly, so why bother?"
"Things change Bekah. You may not want kids now, but you're telling me that if things go well and you end up with Sid for the long haul, you won't want to have his children?"
"No. It would be like having a second family. The boys are so old already and were talking years down the road here. Besides, even if I wanted to, I can't."
"What do you mean you can't?"
"After Jake was born, and the beatings got worse, I wanted to make sure I didn't bring another child into that mess, so I got my tubes tied. I can never give Sid children."
"Those things can be reversed. You see it all the time!"
"The physical challenge isn't even the point. It goes back to the age thing and being in different phases of our lives. He's young and just starting out. By the time he's ready to settle down and have kids, I'll most likely be pushing forty and both my kids will be grown. How do we build a relationship when I already know it will never last?"
"Have you talked to him about it?"
"God no! I was just a fluke comment he said in passing. He's not at the stage where he's actually thinking about having kids, but it was enough to make me think about it."
"Well, you were the one who always said the basis of any relationship was trust and honesty. You could never be with someone you didn't trust or that you couldn't be honest with. You've been honest with Sid about your past which tells me you trust him right?"
"Yes."
"Then, you need to keep being honest with him. Tell him how you feel, he might surprise you."
"After everything we've just been through, after everything I've put him through, we're just starting to get things figured out. We just agreed to start dating for crying out loud! I can't drop something so...so...heavy on him. Besides, two people that just agreed to start dating should not be having any conversations about having children together!"
"Well the way I see it you have two choices. You can tell him how you feel which could very possibly end things before they really get started, or you can forget that those words ever came out of his mouth and be happy dating one of the most amazing guys in the world and see where it takes you."
"I don't know if I can just pretend that something that important doesn't hang over our relationship."
"Well those are really your only two choices. Soooooo....choose."

Sid's POV

I was going crazy! I couldn't take it anymore. I had to vent to someone. There was only one person who knew the whole truth about what's been going on.
I banged on Flower's door and paced the floor until he opened it.
"What the hell took you so long?" I snapped at him as I brushed by him and flung myself down on one of the beds.
"What is wrong with you?" he asked shutting the door behind me.
I got up and started pacing around the room muttering to myself. Marc sat at the end of the bed and just watched with amusement. When I finally took a second to look around the room, it looked like a bomb had gone off.
"Jesus Flower, we've only been here for a couple of hours! How the hell do you make this big of a mess in that short of time?" I said picking up some of the clothes off the floor and throwing them at him.
"What can I say? It's a talent!"
"It's disgusting."
Marc raised his eyebrow and gave me that puzzled French look. (Yes, some of the French have a very distinct look when they are confused).
"Okay Sid, I'll bite. Is something bothering you?" Marc asked with that toothy grin of his.
"No."
"Really? You sure fooled me! Is it your dad again?"
"No. Yes. Kind of. I just don't' understand what the hell is taking so long. She should have called by now. What could he possibly be saying to her now?"
"Whoa, back up champ. What and who are you talking about?"
"My dad and Bekah. They were meeting tonight so he could supposedly apologize to her, but I don't know Flower. I don't have a good feeling about this."
"Wait; your dad...thee Troy Crosby...is apologizing to someone?"
"Supposedly."
"When did hell freeze over?"
"Very funny Flower!"
"Seriously...I didn't think he had the words 'I'm sorry' in his vocabulary."
"Well I wouldn't think he'd use those words. I'm sure if he is really apologizing, he's doing it in a round about way. That is so besides the point right now. I just want to know what the hell is going on. What's taking so long?"
"N'inquietez pas mon ami. I'm sure everything is fine. She'll call you as soon as she can."
"But I am worried. My dad has already cost me enough time with her."
"Know what your problem is mon ami? You try to hard to make everyone else happy and forget about yourself. You can't stand being mad at your dad and you don't want Bekah to be hurt if you're not mad at him. It's lose/lose."
"I do hate being mad at my dad, but I am, and rightfully so. I'm not worried about how Bekah will feel when things are okay with me and him. I am worried about when thing will be okay with us. He broke my trust, Marc. He's the one that taught me trust was the most important element of any relationship. If we can't get that back, then what?"
"You will. He's making a good first step non?"
"Oui. He is. I just need to know what's happening."
"Patience mon ami. Patience."
"Not exactly my strong suit Flower."
"You're not kidding! Why don't you come to dinner with us? Hang out, try and keep your mind off it."
"As if..."

As if on cue my phone rang.
"Hello, Bekah?"
"Yeah, it's me. Why do you sound out of breath?"
"Uhh...I'm not, I'm fine. How'd it go?"
She chuckled.
"It's been driving you crazy all day hasn't it?"
"No."
"You are such a liar Crosby! I bet you've been sitting in your hotel room pacing the floor waiting for me to call haven't you?"
"Nooooo."
"Sidney?"
"Actually it was Marc's room but that's besides the point! What happened?"
"Sidney, really! You are such a drama queen! Nothing happened! We met for coffee and had a nice chat."
"Chat? A chat? Troy Crosby does not chat! Interrogate maybe, but not chat!"
"Okay, so maybe it was a little like an interrogation, but he's just trying to look out for you. He wanted to know who his son is spending his time with, just like any good parent would."
"Are you actually defending him?"
"No. But I'm a parent too Sid. I understand where his concern was coming from."
"So what did he ask you?"
"What didn't he ask? Your father is now very well versed on everything that has happened in my life. We talked about everything from my family or lack there of, my brother, the kids' father, why I moved to Pittsburgh and why I love you."
"You told him...everything?"
"Yes. I'm not going to hide anything from him. How am I supposed to get him to trust me if I lie to him. I'm not ashamed of my past, I may regret some things in it, but who doesn't? Your dad has the right to know exactly who I am and what I'm about. Now he does."
"And what did he have to say about it?"
"Why don't you ask him that yourself?"
"Beks, now is not the time for games."
"I'm not playing games. If you want to know how your father feels about me, you should ask him yourself."
"I'm just not sure I'm ready to talk to him yet."
"Sid, you need to get over it!"
"Beks, he almost destroyed us..."
"But he didn't."
"He said heinous things to you..."
"They were just words Sidney."
"I can't believe what I'm hearing! Have you actually forgiven him for everything he said; everything he did to us?"
"If I've learned anything, it's that life is too short! You can't hold grudges forever. He is your father, and he loves you. He was trying to protect you. I would give anything to have a father who loved me the way your father loves you. You should be grateful."
"I am. It's just hard sometimes. Do you think it's possible to love your kids too much?"
"Never. It is possible to go a little overboard in the protection department, but you can never love your kids enough!"
"I'll find that out when I have my own kids right?"
Silence.
"Bekah? Are you still there?"
"Uh... yeah. Look, just call your dad and talk to him. I think he really needs to know that you two are okay. I have to go. I'll talk to you later."
"Beks, you okay?"
"Mmm hmm."
"O...kaaay. I'll call you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, that's fine. I'll talk to you then."
"Forgetting something?"
"What?"
Is she serious? I thought.
"I love you."
Another awkward silence.
"I love you too Sid. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye."
That was just bizarre. Why did her mood change all of a sudden?