Chapter 21

I stood in the shower and let the scalding water run down my back. I couldn't move. Telling Sid all the gory details of my past had brought back feelings that had been suppressed for so long I was actually feeling nauseous, like I had been kicked in the stomach. I hadn't felt like that since the last time Jeff had beat me. This time it was for a completely different reason. I tasted the salt from the tears I'd been shedding since Sid left. He had been so comforting and loving when I had told him about my past, but when he leaned in to kiss me I panicked! I fed him that bullshit about only being able to be friends when the truth is he was right. There was incredible chemistry between us and the more time I spent with him, the deeper my feelings were becoming. I had questioned whether or not I was actually having romantic feelings towards him or if I just saw him as a replacement for David, loving him like a brother. But the first time he held me and electricity ran through my entire body making my knees weak, I knew it was more than that. And when he had kissed my forehead so gently I found myself yearning to know what those beautiful lips would feel like on my mouth. He had awakened a fire in me that I had long put out. I was craving him! I was falling in love with him. Just the thought that he was breaking down the wall I had built around my heart scared me to death! That's why I had to end it before it ever got started! I couldn't be with Sidney Crosby! What the hell did he see in me anyways? I was an emotional basket case, I had a few extra pounds that I was never able to loose after Jake was born despite working out everyday, I was boring and plain looking and then of course there were the kids and the age thing. I definitely did not fit in his world. I've seen some of the other player's wives and girlfriends and there is no way I compared. They were gorgeous! There are so many beautiful, young girls throwing themselves at him everyday, everywhere he goes, I can't compete with them. No, it was best for both of us this way. I know he couldn't see that this was the best thing for him but in time he would realize I was right. I cared about him so deeply and I just want him to be happy. I could never make him happy like he deserved. He was the most amazing, caring, loving person I had ever met and he needs a girl who can be all that and more in return. When he meets her, I know he will forgive me for pushing him out of my life. I just hope I can forgive myself for letting him go.

Sid's POV continued

"Hey Sid, where have you been? Nathalie and I have been trying to call you all morning," Mario asked as I walked into his hospital room.
"It's a loooong story and you probably won't believe it when I tell you."
"Well my guess is that it has something to do with a certain cute little nurse that I met last night!"
"Who else?" I said almost positive the look of frustration and confusion was written all over my face.
"Well I guess it's a good thing we've got the drive home to talk about it," Mario said more than a little concerned.
"Oh my god, I am such an ass! Here I am about to dump this crap on you when you have way more important things on your mind! Are you ok? How are you feeling? Are you sure you're ready to go home?"
"I'm fine. The doc gave me some pills and told me to take it easy. I have to come back in a week for a check up. Now let's go, I believe I have a story to listen to."
"Mar, I really just need you to listen and not pull any of that over protective crap on me. I'd really like to hear your opinion or some advise but if you can't say anything helpful or positive, I'd rather you didn't say anything."
"Geez, what the hell happened Sid?"

I recounted every detail of what had happened in the 18 hours since Bekah and I had left his room the night before. Our conversation in the parking lot, going to her house to check on her and how adorable she had been when she was so exhausted, falling asleep holding her and finally everything that had transpired this morning. The horrific details she had told me about growing up, losing her grandmother and brother and the special bond they had shared about Mario himself.
"She came to Pittsburgh to fulfill her promise to them to see you play. She even wears your number on a chain around her neck!"
I told him how it was the last thing David had given her and the meaning behind it. I took a deep breath and told him to brace himself because it got worse. I retold every disgusting detail of her marriage to that animal and the final beating that had made her leave. The anger was beginning to take over in my voice. Before I knew it I was practically yelling and the tears once again rolled down my cheek. I looked at Mario and was surprised to see that he was having the same reaction. Then I told him about the 'just friends' conversation Bekah and I had and that she had basically left the ball in my court.
"I don't have the first clue about what I'm supposed to do here. I know there is sooo much more there than friendship for both of us. I understand why she's so scared to open up and let anyone in, I just wish I could make her see that not all men are like her ex. I know I have to have her in my life, I have to be with her. I just don't know how I'm supposed to act like I'm just her friend when I am quite possibly falling in love with her."
I looked over at Mario who had raised one eyebrow as soon as I said the 'l' word. He had that look of fatherly contempt on his face, the same one he got whenever Stephanie talked about the boys at school she had crushes on.
I inhaled deeply and braced myself for the inevitable barrage of reasons why I should just give up and forget about this girl who was obviously far more trouble than I need in my life. After a long pause, I was stunned at the response I got.
"Well," he said carefully, "if you think that you might love her, I don't see how you have any choice but to fight for her and if that means being her friend for now and not being too overbearing then that's what you'll have to do."

Sidney's POV

'What the hell is going on with her?' I thought driving away from her house not knowing where I was going. She's up and down and all over the place. One minute we are connecting on a level far deeper than I ever expected, and the next we can only be friends? There's no way she can really mean that! I was not imagining the chemistry between us or the way she makes me feel. I know she feels it too, I can see it in her eyes. So why is she fighting so hard against it? Think about it stupid! She's scared! And she has every right to be. I was right in thinking that she'd been hurt badly, but I had never imagined that it would have been anything like what she had just described to me. The abuse she endured from that monster was something I couldn't wrap my brain around. How could a man lay his hands on that beautiful creature? Any man that could do that is clearly not a man, he is a coward. Because of him, she's built this wall around herself. She's afraid to trust anyone and I'm not sure I can really blame her for that.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Why does this have to be so fucking difficult? I just want to take her in my arms and tell her everything will be ok. Show her that all men are not the same, assure her that I would never hurt her. After today I feel so close to her, my feelings deepening with every word she spoke. How am I supposed to be friends with the girl I am quite possibly falling in love with? LOVE? Shit Crosby are you serious? I'm so confused. Am I falling in love with her or is it the challenge? This is not a simple case of her playing hard to get, she may be impossible to get. Is she worth all the aggravation and frustration I am going to encounter if I try to pursue a relationship with her? YES! I still believe that if we spend time together she will have to give in to the feelings between us and she will fall in love with me. But can I handle being around her under the disguise of her friend when I feel the way I do? I'm going to have to try because I may not be sure about alot of things, but the one thing I am sure of is I need Bekah in my life. This is going to be a tricky situation. I need to get close to her without going to far. Man, I wish I could talk to my Dad about this. Just then I realized I had arrived at my destination. I was back at the hospital. I guess this is the next best thing. I just hope he will understand and not criticize what I need to do.

Chapter 20

"You remind me of David alot," I said quietly. "It's kind of scary how your life was very similar to his. I can't help but wonder sometimes if he was still alive if he would be playing in the NHL. That was always his dream."
"Isn't it every Canadian kid's dream? I'm sure he would've made it here. And who knows, he could've been teaching me a thing or two!"
I looked at Sid with adoring eyes.
"Seriously though Beks, thank you."
"For what?"
"For trusting me with your past. I feel so close to you right now, and that's all I ever wanted." He leaned in to kiss me but I stopped him.
"Sidney, I told you everything because I needed you to understand why I am the way I am and why I feel the way I feel. It wasn't fair the way I'd been treating you. But that doesn't mean that anything between us has changed. I just don't see how there can be anything romantic between us."
Sid was very confused. "Did we or did we not just have a major breakthrough here? You just said that David was pushing us together and now you're going to ignore that?"
"Sidney, I care about you very much, I adore you actually, but maybe he brought you into my life to kind of replace him? He was my best friend and the one person I could truly be myself around. I feel the same way when I'm with you. There is nothing romantic about that."
"You can't deny that we have some serious chemistry between us. I feel it and I know you do too. If you put it all together, that sounds like a perfect relationship to me."
"First of all, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Second of all, there is a monumental age difference that just can't be ignored."
"Oh for fuck sakes Bekah! How many times do we have to go over this?" I could hear the anger building in his voice. "Age is just a god damn number! It's the connection between two people and the things they have in common that make a relationship work."
"And you know this how?" I asked a little harshly. "You haven't had a relationship that lasted longer than 30 seconds and you certainly haven't had a grown up relationship. You're still a kid yourself."
"I'm getting really sick and tired of you referring to me as a kid. I think I've proven I'm not an average 18 year old," he said bitterly.
"Yes, in many ways you have," I said trying to take a gentler tone. "But not in this way. The reality remains the same Sid. I have two kids to consider. I cannot afford to be an experiment to see if you can handle an adult relationship and all the complications that come with it. It may not seem like it, but I am trying to do what's best for you too. It's not fair to burden you with all the excess baggage I come with. You have enough on your plate. You need to find yourself a girl who can give you the kind of love and support you need, someone who can just focus on you and building a life with you. You deserve that."
"I can't believe that you are trying to disguise your selfishness with fake concern about what's best for me. You don't have the first clue about what's best for me! It certainly isn't some little puck slut who just wants to fuck me to say that she's been with Sidney Crosby or one that wants to be with with me for what I do and not who I am inside."
I was startled by the viciousness of his words.
"Not all girls are like that. There are good ones out there."
"What kind of girls do you think I get to meet Bekah? You are the one being naive if you think girls like you come along every day."
I need to take a different approach here. "Did you mean it when you said you wanted me in your life even if it was just as a friend?" I asked.
"Well, yes but because I thought once you got to know me, you would not be able to resist my incredible charms and you'd fall madly in love with me," he said coyly. Finally the mood was starting to lift! "I was just trying to keep you in my life."
"Well, if you really just want me to be part of your life then being your friend is all I can offer you. You're going to have to decide if knowing that it will never amount to anything more, that's enough for you. I have to get ready for my day. You take some time and really think about this. When you're ready, let me know."

Chapter 19

Sorry everyone! This is a long one again!


I sat down on the stool I had previously occupied and buried my head in my arms. It was completely silent except for my sobbing and the thoughts running through my head. I had been on an emotional roller coaster since Sidney Crosby came into my life and I wasn't sure how much longer I could stay on. The truth was that I didn't know anything anymore except I was given the gift of Sidney and I was doing everything possible to make him hate me. I started to feel sorry for Sidney. We had met because I had thought he wasn't 'anything special' and he had made the best of it. He had been surprised by the existence of my boys on two separate occasions and he barely skipped a beat all the while being totally wonderful to them. He complied when I had asked him to leave me alone, but never completely abandoned our connection still seeking me out at games to give me a wink or a smile. And the past 24 hours had only confirmed what I was secretly feeling. Sidney was an amazing human being and despite my difficulty with the age difference and all my rules and logic, I wanted him to be part of my life, even if it was only as a friend. So what was I treating him so horribly?
Just then I felt the loving touch that I was becoming all too familiar with. His hands were gently caressing my shoulders in an attempt to soothe me.
"Bekah," he whispered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cross the line, but please don't shut me out. Talk to me."
I looked up at him with my tear stained cheeks and saw a look in his eyes that I had never seen before. I didn't say a word, just looked into those eyes trying to figure out if he was my safe place to fall. Lily was right. I had to let go of the past if I had any hope of a future whether it was with Sidney or someone else.
"Beks please," he pleaded.
I didn't even care that he called me that. It actually gave me a feeling of being safe and dare I say loved?
I took a deep breath and opened my mouth but at first nothing would come out. "This is very difficult for me to talk about. I haven't told anybody what I am about to tell you except Lily."
He sat down on the stool beside me and held my hand in his. "Take your time, I told you, I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't even know where to start."
"Well, how about with David. Was he...or rather is he...the boy's father?" he asked tensing, afraid of what my reaction would be this time.
I sighed a very long sigh before answering. "No," I said quietly looking down before meeting his gaze again. "He was my brother. He was also my best friend. He died when he was 18, of leukemia." I had to stop. The tears were starting again and the pain I was feeling was as intense as it had been 18 years ago. I took another deep breath and let it all go.
I told Sidney everything from the beginning. My non-existent relationship with parents who cared less if I was around or not, my close relationship with my grandmother who had been my safe haven during my childhood, how wonderful David was and about our special relationship and his budding hockey career that I was so proud of even to this day. And then I told him about the special bond that held the three of us together - Mario. I pulled the pendant out from underneath my scrub shirt that I was still wearing from the day before and showed it to Sidney.
"This is the last thing David ever gave me." I explained the meaning behind it. "It was my birthday gift. He gave it to me the day he died."
I told him about the promises I had made to gram and David before they had died. I was considering stopping there but I figured I'd come this far, might as well go all the way. I continued with my 'downward spiral' years and how I had met Jeff. I told him every nasty detail of my marriage to Jeff and the verbal and physical abuse I had endured over the years, including the beating I had taken the night I decided to finally leave the bastard.
"He had given me a black eye and 3 broken ribs because I hadn't gotten around to picking up the wet towel that was left on the floor after Jake's bath."
I looked up at Sid and saw that he had tears sliding down his rugged jaw. His grip tightened on my hand.
"That night I locked myself in the boy's room and cried for hours. Not because I was in pain, but because I was ashamed at what I had become. I thought about the words my gram had said to me the night she died. 'You are so strong and so smart. You are capable of achieving great things in your life. Don't let your fears hold you back.' And that was it. I packed up the boys, left while Jeff was sleeping and never looked back. I put myself through nursing school working two jobs to support us. When the Penguins won the 'Sidney Crosby lottery' and I found out that Mario would be playing this season, I decided it was time to fulfill gram and David's dream of coming to Pittsburgh to see Mario play. We actually came here the same time you did," I kind of chuckled remembering how I met his father.
Sid looked at me for a long time before saying anything. I could only imagine what it was like for him trying to take in all this information I had just burdened him with.
"So...a little more than you bargained for eh?" I said finally breaking the silence.
He looked at me with such affection and said, "Bekah, I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever have to go through what you've been through. Most people wouldn't be able to endure that kind of pain and tragedy in a lifetime let alone a few short years. And look at you. You overcame it all and made a wonderful life for you and those boys. You should be very proud of yourself."
His praise made me a little uncomfortable. I wasn't used to a man being so wonderful.
"I guess our lives are kind of intertwined aren't they?" he said with a very cute but puzzled look on his face.
"You have no idea!" I replied.
"Explain."
"I have been thinking alot about this since I've met you. You've kind of forced me to look at my life and where I want it to go. I've been so busy trying to get you out of my mind that I ignored some very important signs."
"Signs?? You're not into all that voodoo psychic crap are you?"
"No, but I do believe there is a higher power and that we all have guardian angels looking out for us. How else can you explain all the coincidences?"
"What coincidences?"
"Like, I believe when one person's life ends, another one will begin. David died August 7, 1987 at 4:47 pm."
"I was born August 7, 1987 at 4:50pm," he said looking a little freaked out.
"Exactly! And how else would you explain how I went to watch Mario that day at training camp and instead met you father and mini fan club and couldn't stop watching you? And how I ended up sitting in the same section with your parents at your first game and your dad remembered me and I ultimately end up meeting you? And how you ended up finding me? And running into you at the hospital yesterday and you being responsible for my dream of meeting Mario coming true?"
"Okay, okay, okay!" he laughed. "Do you honestly think these things are some kind of fate?"
"I think someone up there is pushing us together and I have a pretty good idea who it is," I looked up and smiled. "Thank you gram and David!" he smiled.

Chapter 18

I woke up with the sun beating down on my face and the smell of the nectar of the gods tantalizing my nose. Without opening my eyes I yelled to my best friend, "Lily, you made me coffee! I love you!"
"Well if I knew it would get that kind of reaction I would have made coffee hours ago!"
I jumped and turned around to see Sidney standing there holding two mugs of coffee.
"Good morning sunshine! I hope you don't mind but I helped myself to your coffee maker. I figured you might need some this morning. Did you sleep well?"
"Sid, what are you doing here? And how did you get in my house?" I was so confused.
"Geez Bekah, it really hurts that you don't even remember our first night together," he said pretending to act wounded.
"What do you mean 'our first night together'," I said completely serious.
"You really don't remember do you?"
"Vaguely. Refresh my memory," I said taking the mug of coffee from his outstretched hand and sitting down on a stool at the breakfast bar.
"You were supposed to call me when you got home..."
"And I did, didn't I?"
"You were going to but you didn't quite make it that far. You fell asleep on the couch with the phone in your hand and still wearing your coat and shoes. Sitting up I might add!"
"I did not!'
"You sure did! It was probably one of the cutest things I've ever seen."
I thought about this for a second. "Ok, but that still doesn't explain how you got in my house or what you're doing here this morning.
"Bekah, you couldn't even take your coat off, do you really think you remembered to lock your door? Anyways, I told you if you didn't call I was coming over here to check on you and I guess it's a good thing I did. Otherwise you'd still be sitting up on that couch with your coat on!"
"What exactly happened?" I asked reluctantly.
"Do you really think I would take advantage of an unconscious girl?" he asked faking hurt feelings.
"Must you be so sarcastic this early in the morning?"
"Absolutely! Pay back's a bitch isn't it?" he said laughing.
"Fair enough," I conceded, "but seriously?"
"Seriously, I just took your coat and shoes off and you curled up with your head on my lap and that was it. You were out like a light!"
"Oh Sid, I'm so sorry!"
"It's ok, I really didn't mind. Besides you were obviously in desperate need of sleep."
"And you stayed like that all night?" I asked feeling really bad. "That couldn't have been very comfortable for you."
"Actually, I can't remember a time when I felt more relaxed. I had a great sleep!"
"Now I really know you're full of shit!" I said.
"Hey, is that any way to talk to the guy who took care of you last night and made you coffee this morning?"
"You're right. Great coffee by the way! At least if this whole hockey thing doesn't work out you can have a career at Starbucks!"
"Ahhhh, there's that Bekah sarcasm I love!"
"Ok, in all seriousness, thank you."
"Buuuut?"
"No but, just thank you," I smiled.
We just sat in comfortable silence and drank our coffee for a few minutes.
"So how did you get a day off anyways?" he asked.
"Long story," I said.
"I have time."
"Well, Ive been trying to keep my mind off ... things lately, so I've been working alot of extra shifts, some of them doubles, and Lily suggested that I was going to run myself into the ground if I didn't take some time for myself."
"Lily sounds like a very smart girl."
"She's great! She's my best friend. Anyways, I realized that I have no Christmas shopping done so I asked one of the other nurses to take my shift today and she agreed, so that's my plan. I'm going to finish shopping for the boys."
"I love shopping for kids!"
"Really?"
"No not really, but I do still have to get something for my sister. I could really use a girl's perspective...would you mind some company?"
I started to get an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
"Uhh, I don't think that would be a very good idea," I said quickly. "I've already taken up too much of your time. You should really probably go, I'm sure you are very busy. Don't you have practise or something?" I was grasping at straws here.
"Actually we have an off day today. Why are you so freaked out Bekah?"
"Sidney, we have been over this. I don't think it's a good idea that we spend time together. Last night was a fluke. We both had rough days and it just kind of happened, but we need to get back to reality here."
"What happened to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Last night and this morning you've been so great. Your true personality was starting to come through, and then just like that," he snapped his fingers, "you're gone!" His voice sounded hurt and confused but he still managed a concerned tone. "What happened to you to make you so closed off and scared?" he said softly putting his hand on top of mine.
I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, and there was no way I was going to let him see me cry. My hurt turned to anger and frustration.
"Where the hell do you get off?" I asked with more than a hint of anger in my voice. "Don't presume to think that you have the first clue as to what my true personality is after one conversation in a parking lot!" I was so mad, mostly at myself for being in this situation. I knew there was going to be no holding back the tears. I felt the first one roll down my cheek and I turned away from him.
He came out from behind the counter and stood in front of me. He lifted my chin and gently wiped the tears away with his thumb. He cupped my face in his hands and made me look into his eyes.
"I wish I could make you believe that there is nothing you could say that will make me think any less of you," he said quietly. "I wish I could make you believe that everything will be ok, but all I can do is offer to listen and promise you that no matter what, I'm not going anywhere."
The tears flowed more freely now. I didn't know what to say to that, not that I could've said anything at that moment. I just collapsed into his arms and cried. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed the top of my head.
"Bekah, you said something in your sleep last night. I'm almost afraid to ask, but does this have anything to do with David?"
I felt the colour drain from my face and I jerked myself out of Sidney's embrace. "Wh...what did you just say?" I asked in disbelief.
"Last night in your sleep you just kept saying 'David, please don't leave' over and over again. Is this David the one who hurt you so deeply?"
I tried to pull myself together as best I could, but him bringing up David's name really threw me for a loop. "You don't have any idea about what you're talking about," I said as calmly as I could.
"You're right, I don't because you keep shutting me out. Why don't you tell me and then maybe I can understand."
"You will never understand. David would never have hurt me and he is none of your business. You need to leave," I said sternly. "Now!"

Sidney's POV

I could not remember a time when I felt this relaxed. Right here, right now there were no cameras, no reporters, no hockey. There was no outside world at all, just me and this amazing girl together in complete silence. I felt utterly peaceful and happy, two feelings that I usually only feel when I'm on the ice. Bekah was full of surprises and was still a complete mystery to me, yet she had the ability to make me feel at ease. It was so comfortable to be with her, to talk to her (even with her sarcasm and stubborn streak). I just sat listening to the steady rhythm of her breathing, caressing her silky hair. For the first time off the ice I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The moon was shining through the front window illuminating the room with soft light. The shelf with all the trophies and medals was practically right beside me now. The moon gave enough light I was able to read some of them.
'Most Improved Player - 1982', 'Most Valuable Player 1984,1985,1986','Leading Scorer 1985, 1986', 'Most Sportsmanlike Player - 1983, 1985, 1986', 'Best Defensive Forward - 1984, 1985, 1986'. These were amazing accomplishments, and from before I was born! Who did these belong to? I could only assume they belonged to the boy in the picture, but who was he? And why was there nothing after 1986?
I felt Bekah start to stir and she was mumbling something in her sleep that I couldn't quite make out. She repeated it a few times and the last time I caught it. "No David, please don't go." I was pondering over who David could be when I felt my own exhaustion take over my body. I tightened my grip on Bekah's arm and let my eyes close. It had been an extremely emotional day for me and I'm sure this new mystery could wait until morning to me solved.

Chapter 17

I felt my hair tickling my face and then strong hands slide down my legs til they reached my feet. I was startled and struggled to get up. The strong hands were now on my shoulders trying to keep me still and all I heard was a familiar voice whispering "shhhhhh, relax it's ok." When I finally managed to open my eyes ever so slightly, I was sure I must be dreaming.
"Sid? What? How?" I was so tired I couldn't even form a cohesive sentence.
"You didn't call," he said tenderly. "I was worried, so I came to check on you like I said I would."
I was starting to become a little more aware of my surroundings now, but I still felt like I couldn't move.
"The last thing I remember is thinking that I had to call you and grabbing my phone... but we never talked?" I asked slightly confused.
"Well that explains why you're still holding the phone in your hand," Sid said with a chuckle, "but Bekah, you were sleeping sitting up still wearing your shoes and coat!"
I looked down at myself to see that he was right. I had been so exhausted I didn't bother to undress, I just flopped on the couch.
"I'm just so tired. I don't even have the energy to move," I said as my eyes were fluttering shut again.
Sidney sat beside me on the couch.
"Well I guess it's a good thing I showed up. Come on, let's get you out of your coat and shoes."
Sid pulled one shoe off, then the other. He gently slid my coat off my arms and pulled it out from behind me.
"You still with me Bekah?"
"Hmmmmm?"
"What time do you have to work tommorrow?"
"Hmmmmm?"
"Work! Are you working tommorrow?"
"No work...day off," I managed to say without opening my eyes.
"Good. I think you might need a day off." A note of concern crept into his voice. "Bekah, where are the boys?"
"Next door with the Parkers. They're sleeping. Me too. Need to sleep."
Sid moved down to the end of the couch and grabbed one of the small pillows and put it across his legs.
"Come here sleepy head. Lay down."
He pulled me down towards him until my head was resting on his lap. Without hesitation, I curled up into a ball and snuggled in. He grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and covered me up. One hand rested with a firm hold on my arm. The other slowly and gently ran through my hair. He settled in to the corner off the couch and laid his head back letting his eyes close. He knew I was already fast asleep. Still caressing my hair he whispered, "Goodnight beautiful. Sweet dreams."

Chapter 16

I sat in my car unable to move. My hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were white and my hands actually started to hurt. I was trying to figure out how my life went from nightmare to dream in such a brief time. Sidney had become a breath of fresh air in my seemingly stifling life. Let's face it, between work and the boys I was suffocating in other peoples needs, and forgetting my own had just become second nature. Don't get me wrong, that is the way I had wanted it. Giving my boys the best life possible was my absolute top priority, but Lily's and Sidney's words kept a resounding presence in my head. 'How long are you going to be a victim?' 'As long as you're shut down and locked away, that asshole wins.' And the kicker was Sid's. 'You deserve love too.' Was I beginning to realize they were right? Surely I was not capable of letting the wall I had so carefully constructed around my heart crumble because of a pair of gorgeous hazel eyes, beautifully luscious lips and a goofy smile. The truth is (and here lies my dilemma), my reasons for shutting Sid out of my life were legitimate and they were not going to change. He is far too young for me and how can I bring someone into the boys lives, especially someone as high profile as him, just to have him ripped out of their lives when the relationship inevitably ends? And it will end. But Sidney was absolutely wonderful! I swear he's bordering on being perfect. Seeing him tonight so vulnerable and scared just hit home the fact that he was a real person with real feelings and not just a product of the media machine that was his life. He was so easy to be with. For the first time in my life I was able to completely be myself around a guy and I had no fear about what he was thinking about me. I could say whatever sarcastic remark that popped into my head and he got it (and didn't take it personally)! I have never felt as at ease with someone in my entire life (except gram and David).
I drove home with a perm-a-smile on my face. My cheeks were starting to hurt, yet I could not stop smiling! I replayed the details of tonight's events back in my mind. The most profound of course being meeting Mario. I still couldn't wrap my brain around that one! I fiddled with the charm on my necklace and let my thoughts drift to gram and David. They would've been so happy for me. They must be smiling down on me. I was just sorry it was under these circumstances. How could I convey to him how much he had meant to me and my family when he was lying in a hospital bed? I couldn't, and that was probably my only chance. And then there was Sidney! Mr. Incredible himself. I relived every perfect detail in my mind and before I knew it, I was in my driveway with no real recollection of getting there!
I went next door to the Parker's to get the boys without a clue as to what time it was. Only 10pm, not bad? Both boys were already fast asleep and I had neither the strength or energy to get them back home. Mrs. Parker insisted that they just spend the night there and she would take them to school in the morning so I could try and sleep in a little, after all no work! I was so grateful (and completely exhausted)! I made it over to my house and crashed on the first soft surface I saw! My couch! It was not long and I felt my eyelids getting enormously heavy and begin to close. I was dozing in and out of consciousness when it hit me like a ton of bricks. 'Sidney! You have to call Sidney, you promised,' I reached for my cell phone and flipped it open and began scrolling through the directory of contacts. That was the last thing I remembered until...

Sidney's POV

'Slow down stupid! She's not calling you at home, she's calling your cell.' I thought to myself. Getting in an accident would just not be the way to top off this perfect night. 'No, the perfect ending would be having her in my arms.' My heart was racing and I couldn't keep up with my own thoughts. 'Deep breaths Crosby, settle down.' I inhaled deeply a few times but it only reminded me of Bekah outside in the snow. I was in complete awe of her simplistic beauty when she closed her eyes and inhaled the cold night air. The moonlight lit her face and when she smiled I swear it was like looking at an angel. And what are the chances she is the one person who gets the 'smell of the ice'? Could this girl be any more perfect? I had to laugh out loud as I thought back to the playful banter we exchanged. It was so exhilarating to have someone actually challenge me. I couldn't believe what a huge turn on it was! Mario was right about one thing, she was certainly very strong-willed and did not put false pretenses on for anyone. She is a definite what you see is what you get girl. I was so happy that I had decided to confide in Mario about her. I know he was concerned about me getting in over my head, but he never said a negative word. Quiet and subtle support, that was Mario.
My mind drifted back to when those elevator doors opened and I saw her standing there. I was at one of the lowest points I had ever been at, worried about Mario and here was this angel sent to me to make it better. I was convinced there could be no other logical explanation. She was so genuinely concerned not only for Mario but for me, I could see it in her eyes. Those beautiful baby blue eyes that melted my heart every time she looked at me. After tonight I was sure I had not been imagining the connection between us. There were definitely fireworks! And I was making progress breaking down that wall she put up. She actually let her guard down a little and I got some valuable insight to her soul. I can't wait until the next time we're together!
'Fuck Crosby, you are getting waaaaaay ahead of yourself here. Baby steps! I know tonight was a breakthrough, but you can't rush this. If you push to hard you risk losing her,' I thought to myself as I pulled into the driveway at Mario's. Remember, good things are worth waiting for. Now you just have to wait and see of she calls.

Chapter 14

"So...was that the Bekah?" Mario asked when Sid returned to say goodnight. He had told Mario about her after the disappointing day at her house. He was crazy about her and needed to talk to someone. Sid recounted every minute he had spent with Bekah, leaving nothing out. Mario has promised Sid he would not say anything to Troy on the condition that Sidney remained focused on hockey and not her.
"The very one. I had no idea she worked here, I ran into on the elevator. So....?"
"So what?"
"Oh come on Mar! What did you think?"
Mario chuckled at Sid's exuberance. He was like a little kid waiting for daddy's approval.
"Well...your description really did not do her justice. She's beautiful, even in those scrubs. And she has clearly been blessed with brains as well. I can see why you're smitten."
Sid was relieved. He knew Mario wasn't done yet though. He felt a 'but' coming on.
"But?" Sid prompted.
"But, you need to be careful here Sid. She is not like the other girls you meet. She is obviously strong-willed and capable of taking care of herself. She's not going to follow you around like a lost puppy. And she is definitely not going to put up with any of your shit."
"I know. That's what I love about her!"
And with that, Sid said goodnight and told Mario not to worry.
***************
"Ready to go beautiful?" Sid said as he appeared at her side.
"I was ready to go about 6 hours ago," I said with half a drowsy smile. Sid looked a little confused. "I'm sorry Sid. I'm coming off a 16 hour shift and I am simply exhausted. Pay no attention to anything I say and I apologize in advance if I offend you."
"Well it wouldn't be the first time," he said smiling.
"Ha ha very funny!"
The elevator doors closed behind him and for the first time since the day at her house, they were alone together.
Sid's expression softened as he looked into my eyes. "You were pretty incredible tonight," he said quietly.
"Why? Because I could read a medical chart? That's my job Sidney, nothing incredible about it."
"Not just that. I was a little surprised that you even agreed to help me given the circumstances. You will never know how much it means to me. I was really starting to worry. Thank you."
Those brown eyes burning into mine were hypnotizing. 'Stay in control," I told myself.
"What can I say. I just wanted to meet Mario!" I joked in an effort to lighten the mood.
"Oh, I see how it works! Who cares about the guy who's scared to death as long as you get to meet Mario. It's always about Mario!"" he said laughing.
"Well he is 'Le Magnifique'!"
The doors opened to the lobby and we stepped out still giggling. "Where did you park?" Sid asked.
"Seriously Sid, you don't have to walk me to my car."
"It's the least I can do for the beautiful nurse who saved me from what would have been a sleepless night."
"Alright," I said shaking my head, "out the doors and to the far left."
The sliding doors opened and the first thing I noticed was the smell of the fresh snow that was falling. I stopped for a moment, closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.
"Are you ok?" Sid asked.
"Mmmm. Perfect. I love the smell of fresh snow. It's almost as good as..." I stopped.
"Almost as good as what?"
I hesitated. "Almost as good as the smell of a clean sheet of ice," I said looking down at the ground.
Sid stared at me in disbelief. " Clean ice is one of my favourite smells! I've never met anyone who felt the same way. Most people don't even realize ice has it's own distinct smell!"
"I grew up in arenas too," I said quietly not wanting to elaborate.
"Really? I didn't really picture you as a figure skater!"
"I wasn't."
Just as Sid was about to reply, he stepped down off the curb and landed flat on that beautifully sculpted butt of his! I burst out laughing so hard I almost couldn't breathe.
"Mr. Hockey couldn't handle a little ice in the parking lot?" I finally managed to say. "Maybe you should just keep your skates on Crosby!"
Sid managed a smirk as he got up to his feet. He wrinkled his nose before he too started to laugh at his own expense. He brushed himself off and then offered me his arm.
"What are you doing?", I asked.
"Well we wouldn't want you to repeat my stellar performance. I'll help you get over the ice." All I could think of in that moment was what a true gentleman he was. When most grown men would have been embarrassed or disgusted with themselves this kid was worried about me!
I linked my arm with his and we started to make our way across the nearly empty parking lot. I could feel the pure strength in his arm as he tensed his muscles to give me something sturdy to hang on to. Was there anything wrong with this guy? Seriously! Could he be more perfect? I soon got my answer.
"Well, this is me," I said as I unlocked my door with the remote. Without letting go of my arm, Sid slid in front of me and opened my door.
"Do you have a snow brush?" he asked.
"Excuse me?"
"Snow brush? Do you have one?"
"This is Pittsburgh," I retorted.
"Well, smart ass, can I have it then?"
"Why, don't you have one of your own?"
"Why do you have to be so difficult?" he said smirking. "I just want to clean off your car for you."
I handed him the brush and got in to start the car to let it warm up. When he was done, he gently tapped on my window. I opened the door and got out.
"There you go, you're all set!" he said looking proud of himself.
"Thank you, but you really..." he cut me off.
"You really have to work on losing the 'but'. Just Thank you will do."
"Thank you," I replied sheepishly.
"Now, Do you have a cell phone?"
"Of course!"
"May I see it please?"
"What for?"
"Has anyone ever told you you ask too many questions? Just give me the damn thing!"
I handed him my phone. He started pushing alot of buttons.
"What are you doing?"
"Just give me a minute."
"Just give me my phone!"
"There, done. Here," he said handing the phone back to me. "I programed my cell number in there. Promise me that you will call me to let me know that you got home ok. It's getting late and the roads are slippery. You cured one worry for me tonight, I don't want to have to worry about you."
Wow! This guy is slick!
"I'll be fine. I make this drive every night and so far so good!"
"Must you be so stubborn?"
"Yes, it's my nature!" I said batting my eyelashes at him.
"Cute. Very cute! Need I remind you that I know where you live and if you don't call me when you get home you will be forcing me to leave the warmth of my own house to go back out in the cold and drive all the way over to your house just to check for myself?"
"Well we definitely don't want a penguin to go back out in the cold now do we!"
Sidney just shook his head. "You think you're sooooooooo funny don't you?"
"You have to admit, I am quite impressive!"
"In more ways than you know. Now without the sarcasm, promise me you'll call."
"You drive a hard bargain Crosby! Fine. I will call."
I went to get back into the car and he gently grabbed my arm. I turned to look at him and he pulled me into his strong embrace once again. My entire body was overcome with the most incredible tingling sensation. His voice was almost inaudible as he whispered in my ear. "You were amazing tonight. I was really scared and you helped put my mind at ease. I can't thank you enough."
"You just did," I whispered back.
He kissed my forehead and opened the door for me once again.
"Drive safely," he said. "And don't forget..."
"Call you when I get home. I promise."

Chapter 14

I couldn't believe Christmas was only 2 1/2 weeks away! When was I going to have time to shop? The answer was simple: quit working extra shifts! Take a day for myself. Lily had been preaching those exact words to me for the past month.
"You've got to slow down girl. You're going to run yourself into the ground and then you'll be no good to anyone!"
I knew she was right. I finally have in and asked one of the other nurses to take my shift for the next day and she happily agreed. I was coming of a 16 hour shift in the neo-natal unit, a tough place to work on the best of days, but I found it especially tough around the holidays. The last few hours of my shift I wasn't feeling well at all. I had that sick feeling in my stomach again. Great! I finally take a day off to get my shopping done and I'm probably going to end up sick in bed! It wasn't until I was getting ready to go home that I realized I didn't feel sick, but it was that feeling of something being wrong. I stopped at the nurse's station to say goodbye to Sandy and Heather and overheard the end of their conversation:
"Yeah, Patti from 12th floor said Mario Lemieux checked himself in this afternoon."
"What?" I interrupted.
"Apparently he was having trouble breathing or something and checked himself in. Nobody really knows what's going on, it's being kept very hush hush."
My first thought was to pray that it was nothing serious. This was my hero after all. After surviving cancer he seemed almost invincible. Then my thoughts immediately turned to Sidney. After reading every article written about him and watching every interview he gave (just to torture myself of course!) I knew that he lived with Mario and how close to him he was. What must Sid be feeling right now? I pushed the button for the elevator and when the doors opened I got my answer.
"Oh my god, Bekah, you work here?" he said completely shocked.
"Sidney! Umm yeah, I work on the children's ward. This is so bizarre, I was actually just thinking about you," I said stepping into the elevator.
"Really?" he said confused. "Good thoughts I hope," he said and tried to muster a smile.
He looked the same as he did the other night at the game. That light in his eyes was gone and he looked completely exhausted. I was beginning to wonder if he had been crying.
"One of the nurses just told me that Mario was admitted. What happened? Is he ok?"
"I don't really know," Sidney said looking totally dejected. "All I know it that it has something to do with his heart. No one will tell me anything, not even Nathalie and that has me worried. Trouble with your heart is really serious isn't it?"
"It can be," I said softly.
Sid threw his head back and stared up at the ceiling. "I knew it! I knew it was serious!"
I reached for his hands and held them securely in both of mine. Sid looked at me with those hazel eyes, some of the life filling them up again.
"I said it can be serious, not that it was. Let's not jump to conclusions."
His grip tightened around my hands. "Can you come up there with me and see what you can find out? Surely you can find out more than what they're telling me."
"Oh Sid, I can't go up there. It's not even my department. If I get caught snooping around I could get in serious trouble."
"What if you're not snooping? What if you are just visiting a patient with a friend and you happen to look at his chart?"
"Seriously Sid, I can't."
His eyes were pleading with me now. "Bekah, PLEASE! This is important to me."
I looked at the face that I had come to adore so much and how could I say no.
"Fine, but I only have a few minutes. I really have to get home."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate this so much!" he said kissing my hands.
***********
When we got to Mario's room, I waited outside while Sid checked to see if anyone was in there. I was starting to get butterflies. I had dreamed of meeting Mario my whole life, but not under these circumstances.
"Coast is clear," Sid said poking his head out of the door. "We'll just have to be quiet, he's sleeping."
Sid stood beside Mario's bed looking down on him. You could see the love and admiration in his eyes. I looked at the man who had been gram and David's idol lying in this hospital bed and thought once again how fragile life can be, even for people we think are invincible, like Mario and like David. I felt tears starting to come so I lifted the chart from the end of Mario's bed and began to flip through the papers. Sid now took a place right beside me.
"Well?" he whispered. "Does it make any sense to you?"
"From what I can tell from some of the test results there is no damage to the organ, so that rules out a heart attack."
A look of relief washed over Sidney's face.
"And they have him on a heart monitor. From the readings it looks like an irregular heartbeat. That's what the doctor wrote as an initial diagnosis."
"Irregular heartbeat, is that serious?"
"Only if it goes undiagnosed. It's usually controlled with medication but I can't say for sure, I'm not a doctor. You'll have to wait and see what he says in the morning. But Sid?"
"Yeah?"
"You can probably count on Mario's playing days being done...for good."
Just then Mario started to stir.
"Siddy? Is that you?"
"Yeah Mar, it's me."
"I thought you went home?"
"I was going to but then I ran into a friend of mine." Sid grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bedside. "Mario, I'd like you to meet my friend Bekah. She's a nurse here and she has promised me that she'll take good care of you."
After exchanging knowing glances with Sidney, Mario lifted his hand to shake mine. "It nice to meet you Bekah. I'm glad I'm going to be in such good hands."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Lemieux. I've dreamed of meeting you for a very long time, I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances. And for the record, Sid here is full of it! I work in the children's ward so I will not be the one taking care of you."
"Please, call me Mario and you don't have to tell me the kid's full of shit!" Mario chuckled. "There is a reason his eyes are brown!"
"Hey hey hey! How did this turn into pick on Sid day?"
"Ohhhh poor Sidney. Suck it up buttercup!" I laughed. "Listen, as much as I could stay here all night 'picking on you', I really have to be going. It was nice meeting you Mario. Make sure you get some rest. Goodbye Sidney," and I turned to walk out the door. I was just about there when I felt a familiar hold on my hand.
"Hey Bekah wait up a sec. Can you just wait for a minute? I'd like to say goodnight to Mario and then I'll walk you to your car. You shouldn't be leaving alone at night."
"We have security guards for that Sid."
"Please?"
Against my better judgement I agreed.

Cahpter 13

I tried to put my recent drama with Sidney out of my mind, a task much easier said than done. I went back to my normal life which was made even more hectic with the addition of getting 2 boys to and from hockey practises and games. It's tough to manage for any family but being a single parent made it harder. I believe that when you have kids you do whatever it takes to give them the best opportunities and the best life possible. I obviously didn't have that growing up so I was going to make damn sure my boys did. All I can say is thank god for Lily and the Parkers next door! The helped me out alot. The Parkers were a charming older couple who never had any children of their own so they treated Alex and Jake like their own grandchildren. It was the closest thing they had to grandparents.
I threw myself into my work, picking up any extra shift that I could. I still managed to make it to all the Pens games, but like before didn't stick around until the end. Sidney still made a point of skating by and smiling at me, throwing a wink in every now and then, and I returned the gestures. The last few games he wasn't his normal self. Something was bothering him, the light in his eyes was gone and he barely mustered a smile for me. "Well Bekah, looks like he has gotten over you," I thought to myself. I had gotten what I wanted, so why did it hurt so much?
I left the game that night with a knot in my stomach. Something was wrong...very wrong, I could feel it. Was it Sidney? Was it me? Or was it the disappointment at the reality that Sidney had moved on?

Chapter 12

"Holy shit," Lily thought to herself looking around the disaster in the kitchen. "What the hell happened in here?"
She went to the family room where she found Bekah sleeping on the couch holding the picture of her brother tightly against her. She knew something terrible must have happened.
"Bekah, wake up!" she said gently shaking her.
"Hmmmm?"
"Wake up. What the hell happened here, and don't you dare say nothing because I know you'll be lying. You don't hold David's picture for no reason, now spill."
The tears began to flow freely again as I recounted the events of the past 24 hours making sure not to leave out any of the juicy details. When I was done, Lily said nothing.
"Lil, what am I supposed to do?"
She looked at me for a bit before she exploded.
"You get on the phone or down to that arena or whatever it is you have to do and you throw yourself at his feet and beg for forgiveness! You tell him that you must have been temporarily insane and that you changed your mind. What do you mean 'what do you do?' Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Will you please be serious Lil."
"I have never been more serious in my life Bekah. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but how long do you plan on being a victim?"
"A what?"
"A victim. I know you had a shitty life growing up and that you've suffered huge losses. And I know that Jeff was a lousy son of a bitch that doesn't deserve to breathe the same air you do, but for christ sakes Bekah! As long as you keep yourself shut down and locked away you are letting your family and that asshole win. Do you really think that hiding yourself away is honouring your grandmother or your brother's memory? Do you think they would want you to live like this?"
"Wow, that's pretty harsh don't you think? And don't tell me what my gram or my brother would have wanted for me, you don't know them!" I screamed at her and instantly began crying again.
Lily sat down beside me and put her arms around me.
"No, I didn't know them," she said softly, "but I do know you. And I'm sure that everything that is good in you came from them, because it sure as hell didn't come from your parents."
She had a point.
"Bekah, they loved you and I love you so listen good. You have what appears to be a sweet, sensitive wonderful and extremely sexy guy that cares about you and doesn't care that you have 2 kids and you just pushed him away. And he happens to be Sidney freaking Crosby! This kind of thing doesn't come along very often Bek. Are you prepared to let this opportunity pass you by? It may not come around again."
"I have to Lil. It's not even about not wanting to date anymore. Do I need to remind you that he is 18 and I am 30? That in itself is a HUGE obstacle. Not to mention that he is probably one of the most famous people in the world, he's followed everywhere he goes and he constantly has microphones and cameras shoved in his face. What kind of life is that? Not only for him but for me and the boys? I can't put myself or Alex and Jake in that kind of situation. Sid is 18 and has his whole life ahead of him. Someday he will find the right girl for him, one without all the excess baggage, and he will have forgotten that I ever existed. Trust me Lil, this is best for everyone."
"Don't you think he should be the judge of what's best for him?"
"My mind is made up Lil. I don't want to talk about Sidney Crosby anymore."
"Ok! Just one more question though. If you don't want him, can I have him? Come on friend, hook a girl up!"
"Funny Lil. Real funny."
We were both laughing hysterically.
"Thanks Lil, I needed that!"

Sidney's POV

I sat in my car, not being able to leave. What just happened? I replayed the entire conversation over and over in my mind. It seemed like I was going to make some progress, she even started to open up a bit. I thought I'd actually get to know something more about her. I guess I did, she's 30. 30. That's not so bad. It's only 12 years. I can hear my dad going ballistic now! 'What's everyone going to think? The media will eat you guys alive.' I don't even care about any of that shit. I don't care if one single person ever knew as long as I could be with her. Who am I kidding? There is no way to keep something like this private forever, and she 's right about one thing. It's not just her, she does have those 2 beautiful boys to think about. I'm so confused. I totally get how she could think I'm too young for her, but if she got to know me she'd see that I'm not a typical 18 year old. But this whole not dating thing is just...bizare. What on earth happened to this girl to make her give up on love? Someone had to have really hurt her. And what about her family? Why did she get so tense when I brought them up? I could see the pain in her eyes, and she bit her bottom lip alot. Something she must do when she's tense or nervous. It was just so adorable! Bekah seemed to be full of mysteries that I needed to solve. Thinking about this all I wanted to do was go back in there, hold her in my arms and tell her everything would be ok. Just to kiss her lips again, those beautiful soft lips... But she had practically begged me to leave her alone. How could I not respect what she wanted? I have to. I am just going to have to be patient and see where this journey will lead me. After all, good things are worth waiting for, and she is definately worth it! All the way home I just kept telling myself 'if it's meant to be it will happen.'

Chapter 11

As soon as that front door closed behind him I collapsed on the floor. I was sobbing uncontrollably, my mind racing a thousand miles a minute. What just happened? Sidney Crosby was in my house. Sidney Crosby sent for me to come back and meet him. Sidney Crosby sent me flowers. Sidney Crosby was making fun of my apron. Sidney Crosby ate my cookies. Sidney Crosby thought we had a connection. Sidney Crosby wanted to spend time with me. It felt like I was losing my mind. I think I could have dealt with everthing until he called me Beks. That sent me over the edge! How would he even come up with that? The normal short form would be Bek, no one ever adds the 's'! The second it left his lips memories of gram and David came flooding back. I don't know how I held back the tears long enough to yell at him. Oh god! I yelled at Sidney Crosby! He must think I'm stark raving mad for losing it over something as small as a nickname! I don't care. It was a special nickname and I didn't want anyone else calling me by it. So why did I get all tingly inside when he said it? Why did he make me feel this way? I am so fucking confused.
I went to the shelf at the end of the room and took David's picture down. I clutched it against my chest and laid down on the couch. I closed my eyes and thought about how much I missed my beloved brother. He had always been there for me whenever I needed him. I can't remember a time that I needed him more than I did right now.

"David, if you're up there listening, help me! Tell me what all this is supposed to mean. Why did Sidney Crosby have to come into my life? I was fine before I met him and now look at me! I'm a mess! Why did he have to be so wonderful and sweet? He reminds me alot of you David. Warm and caring. Always giving of himself, just like you did. I said some harsh things to him and I really didn't mean them, but it's too late to say I'm sorry now. Please David, give me a sign. Anything to reassure me that I did the right thing, because even though I know in my head that my reasons are logical, it sure doesn't feel like it in my heart. Please, help me Da..."
And as I drifted off to sleep, I thought of those strong hands gently holding my face and those beautiful bee stung lips kissing mine.

Chapter 10

Sorry guys, this is a lone one, but hang in there with me, it'll be worth it!





Was he fucking kidding? Flowers? And that card. Could he be any more cheesy? I caught myself chuckling at the words on the card. Damn it! How is this guy able to slide right into my mind? Wait. How the hell did he get my address? First he knows that I have season tickets and where they are. Now, after explicitly turning down his invitation for coffee, he knows my address? This is getting a little bit creepy! How does he know my personal information? I guess there's only one way to find out. I'll have to go to the source himself. Wait, I can't do that. How am I supposed to get a hold of him? And of I try to get in touch with him, then it's going to look like I'm interested and I do NOT want to give him that impression. What a fucking mess! How the hell did I get into this predicament? Bake! I need to bake something! Whenever I am upset or stressed out I bake. It relaxes me.
3 hours later, I was covered head to toe in flour and chocolate chip cookies covered every square inch of counter space that I had. I was looking at my mountains of cookies thinking how excited the kids at the hospital would be when I brought them in for them to eat when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Is this Rebekah?"
"Yes."
"Hey, it's Sidney."
I was stunned. Actually speachless for the first time in my life.
"Uhhh, hello? Rebekah, are you still there?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Good. I was just calling to see if you recieved the flowers."
Get a grip girl. "Yes I did and they're beautiful thank you."
"You are very welcome. I was hoping..."
"Look Sidney, let's just cut to the chase ok. I think we should get something straight here."
"I would feel more comfortable if we had this conversation in person," he said.
"Well I don't see how that is going to possible since..."
"Since I'm in your neighbourhood and have some time to kill? I'll be there in 2 minutes."
Before I could protest he hung up the phone. Now I was REALLY irritated. Who did this cocky bastard think he was inviting himself to my home? OH MY GOD! My house! Sidney was coming to my house! I couldn't think. Just as I looked around at my kitchen realizing what a total disaster it was, the doorbell rang. Without thinking I opened it. Those beautiful brown eyes gave me the once over.
"Nice apron! Is that flour all over your face?" he was laughing.
"Well it's not like you gave me much notice before just showing up at my front door, which by the way is rude." I was soooo not amused.
"Hey, I called first so technically that is not classified as just showing up. What is that amazing smell?"
"Chocolate chip cookies if you must know."
"Ooooh, my favourite!" After a slight awkward silence he said, "With the risk of being called rude again, are you going to leave me standing out here or can I come in? It is a little chilly out here!"
All I could do was move to one side letting him step past me. He carefully looked at his surroundings taking note of all the photos of the boys that hung on the walls and at the far end of what he pressumed was the family room, a shelf full of medals and what appeared to be hockey trophies and one lone photograph of a boy.
"Make sure to ask her about those," he thought to himself.
"You have a beautiful home. Cozy."
"Thanks. I have cookies that need to come out of the oven, so if you want to talk you'll have to follow me into the kitchen."
I took my pan of cookies out of the oven and turned around to find Sid standing in the middle of the room, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head."
"What's the matter?" I asked him.
"Who exactly are you baking cookies for, the entire city of Pittsburgh?"
"Very funny! No actually. If you must know, when I'm upset or stressed out I bake."
"What do you have to be stressed out about?"
"Well, to be honest, you."
"Me! How do I stress you out?"
"Sidney, how exactly did Nate find me last night? And how did you get my address and my phone number? And how did you know yellow roses are my favourite?"
"Is that what's stressing you out?"
"Answer the damn question," I said alot more harshly than I meant to.
"Alright. I knew that you had been to most of our home games and that you were always in the same section. So on a hunch, I had a girl in the ticket office look you up in the season ticket subscriptions and voila! There you were. Now it was something else to get her to give me your address and phone number. I won't even tell you what I had to promise her!"
"Eeww. I really don't want to know!"
Sid was laughing. "It's nothing like that! I just have to autograph a bunch of stuff for her kids and their friends."
"Oh," I said feeling slightly embarrassed.
"As for the roses, that was a lucky guess. So was that the source of your stress and all these cookies? Wondering how I got your address and phone number?"
"Not just that."
"What else?"
"Look Sid, I appreciate you being so great with my boys, and the flowers and the effort you put into finding me, but just in case I wasn't clear enough last night I'll say it again. I'm not sure what your intension is here, but I am not interested in whatever it is. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings but there's just no other way I can say it."
"May I have one of those cookies?"
"Wh...what?"
"Cookies. May I have one please?"
"I guess. Did you hear anything I just said?"
"I sure did," he said taking a bite of the cookie I gave him. "I must say, these are the best damn cookies I have ever tasted!"
"And?"
"And...may I have another one?"
"Sidney! Focus please. I can't do this with you! You are impossible."
"Do what? Look, I have only met you a few times and each time you have been able to surprise me. That never happens. I'm intrigued. All I want to do is spend some time and get to know you. Who knows, maybe we'll even become friends."
"Friends? That's what all this is about? You want to be my friend?"
"Well, as long as we're being honest, no. But that's a good place to start don't you think?"
"No, I don't think so. I can't even begin to tell you how wrong this is on so many levels."
"Try me."
I was not expecting that.
"Well, for one thing there is the age difference."
" Age doesn't matter. My firm philosophy is that age is just a number. There is so much more to people than how many years they've been alive."
Not expecting that either.
"Just for the sake of your argument though, how many years are we talking?"
"Well, I'm 30. So yeah, that does matter. Not to mention the other little details of my children.I have 2 of them and Alex is only 6 years younger than you! You could be brothers for christ sake. Not exactly the lifestyle of an 18 year old hockey phenom with his whole life ahead of him."
"I'm not a normal 18year old," Sid replied. "And besides, I think your kids are great."
"Yeah, great as fans, but how great do you think they'll be on a daily basis when you're trying to parent them?"
"Whoa, slow down girl! I'm just talking about dating here, not getting marrried!"
"Well, that's kind of my point. I'm not an 18 year old girl that has no responsiblities and can date whoever she wants. I don't have that luxury. My reality is that I have 2 kids and every decision I make affects them. I can't just bring strange men in and out their lives which brings me to my next point."
"And that would be?"
"I don't date. Period. That's my rule and I am not about to break it. Not even for Sidney Crosby."
"So let me get this straight. You're telling me that because you have kids, you don't date? So you're just going to be alone for the rest of your life? That is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard."
I could feel my face getting redder with every word he spoke. Now I was furious.
"Well, I guess that just shows your immaturity. You are probably not even capable of putting another persons needs before your own. And I do not appreciate being called stupid!"
"I wasn't calling you stupid. I just think it's stupid to think that you need to be alone just because you have kids. Don't you think they want their mom to be happy?"
"It's not just beacuse I have kids. It's a choice I made for myself a long time ago. And who says I'm not happy? I do not need a man in my life to be happy. I have great kids, a great career and wonderful friends. I was perfectly happy until I met you."
"Ouch! That stung. What about family? I didn't hear you mention a great family?"
"This conversation has gone on long enough. I think I have made my position perfectly clear. Now if you don't mind, I think it's time for you to leave."
"I think we have a special connection here Beks, and I'm not prepared to give up on that."
I whipped my head around to face him.
"What did you just call me?"
"Umm, I don't know. Beks I think."
"Don't EVER, EVER call me that!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you but Rebekah is so long and formal."
"Bekah will do."
"Did you hear what I said before?"
"No."
"I said that I think we have something speacial here. I know you feel it too. I'm not willing to give up on that yet."
"Please Sidney, " I said softly as I looked into his eyes. " If you have any kind of feelings for me at all you will respect my wishes and leave me alone. It just has to be this way." My eyes were pleading with him.
"Bekah, I care about you very much. I still think we owe it to ourselves to see where this could go, but I will do my best to respect your wishes. I can tell you this. I will not cut you out of my life completely, but I will back off. You are a very special woman Bekah. You deserve love too."
And with that, Sidney gently cupped my face in his hands and kissed my lips ever so softly. Then he was gone.