Chapter 19

Sorry everyone! This is a long one again!


I sat down on the stool I had previously occupied and buried my head in my arms. It was completely silent except for my sobbing and the thoughts running through my head. I had been on an emotional roller coaster since Sidney Crosby came into my life and I wasn't sure how much longer I could stay on. The truth was that I didn't know anything anymore except I was given the gift of Sidney and I was doing everything possible to make him hate me. I started to feel sorry for Sidney. We had met because I had thought he wasn't 'anything special' and he had made the best of it. He had been surprised by the existence of my boys on two separate occasions and he barely skipped a beat all the while being totally wonderful to them. He complied when I had asked him to leave me alone, but never completely abandoned our connection still seeking me out at games to give me a wink or a smile. And the past 24 hours had only confirmed what I was secretly feeling. Sidney was an amazing human being and despite my difficulty with the age difference and all my rules and logic, I wanted him to be part of my life, even if it was only as a friend. So what was I treating him so horribly?
Just then I felt the loving touch that I was becoming all too familiar with. His hands were gently caressing my shoulders in an attempt to soothe me.
"Bekah," he whispered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cross the line, but please don't shut me out. Talk to me."
I looked up at him with my tear stained cheeks and saw a look in his eyes that I had never seen before. I didn't say a word, just looked into those eyes trying to figure out if he was my safe place to fall. Lily was right. I had to let go of the past if I had any hope of a future whether it was with Sidney or someone else.
"Beks please," he pleaded.
I didn't even care that he called me that. It actually gave me a feeling of being safe and dare I say loved?
I took a deep breath and opened my mouth but at first nothing would come out. "This is very difficult for me to talk about. I haven't told anybody what I am about to tell you except Lily."
He sat down on the stool beside me and held my hand in his. "Take your time, I told you, I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't even know where to start."
"Well, how about with David. Was he...or rather is he...the boy's father?" he asked tensing, afraid of what my reaction would be this time.
I sighed a very long sigh before answering. "No," I said quietly looking down before meeting his gaze again. "He was my brother. He was also my best friend. He died when he was 18, of leukemia." I had to stop. The tears were starting again and the pain I was feeling was as intense as it had been 18 years ago. I took another deep breath and let it all go.
I told Sidney everything from the beginning. My non-existent relationship with parents who cared less if I was around or not, my close relationship with my grandmother who had been my safe haven during my childhood, how wonderful David was and about our special relationship and his budding hockey career that I was so proud of even to this day. And then I told him about the special bond that held the three of us together - Mario. I pulled the pendant out from underneath my scrub shirt that I was still wearing from the day before and showed it to Sidney.
"This is the last thing David ever gave me." I explained the meaning behind it. "It was my birthday gift. He gave it to me the day he died."
I told him about the promises I had made to gram and David before they had died. I was considering stopping there but I figured I'd come this far, might as well go all the way. I continued with my 'downward spiral' years and how I had met Jeff. I told him every nasty detail of my marriage to Jeff and the verbal and physical abuse I had endured over the years, including the beating I had taken the night I decided to finally leave the bastard.
"He had given me a black eye and 3 broken ribs because I hadn't gotten around to picking up the wet towel that was left on the floor after Jake's bath."
I looked up at Sid and saw that he had tears sliding down his rugged jaw. His grip tightened on my hand.
"That night I locked myself in the boy's room and cried for hours. Not because I was in pain, but because I was ashamed at what I had become. I thought about the words my gram had said to me the night she died. 'You are so strong and so smart. You are capable of achieving great things in your life. Don't let your fears hold you back.' And that was it. I packed up the boys, left while Jeff was sleeping and never looked back. I put myself through nursing school working two jobs to support us. When the Penguins won the 'Sidney Crosby lottery' and I found out that Mario would be playing this season, I decided it was time to fulfill gram and David's dream of coming to Pittsburgh to see Mario play. We actually came here the same time you did," I kind of chuckled remembering how I met his father.
Sid looked at me for a long time before saying anything. I could only imagine what it was like for him trying to take in all this information I had just burdened him with.
"So...a little more than you bargained for eh?" I said finally breaking the silence.
He looked at me with such affection and said, "Bekah, I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever have to go through what you've been through. Most people wouldn't be able to endure that kind of pain and tragedy in a lifetime let alone a few short years. And look at you. You overcame it all and made a wonderful life for you and those boys. You should be very proud of yourself."
His praise made me a little uncomfortable. I wasn't used to a man being so wonderful.
"I guess our lives are kind of intertwined aren't they?" he said with a very cute but puzzled look on his face.
"You have no idea!" I replied.
"Explain."
"I have been thinking alot about this since I've met you. You've kind of forced me to look at my life and where I want it to go. I've been so busy trying to get you out of my mind that I ignored some very important signs."
"Signs?? You're not into all that voodoo psychic crap are you?"
"No, but I do believe there is a higher power and that we all have guardian angels looking out for us. How else can you explain all the coincidences?"
"What coincidences?"
"Like, I believe when one person's life ends, another one will begin. David died August 7, 1987 at 4:47 pm."
"I was born August 7, 1987 at 4:50pm," he said looking a little freaked out.
"Exactly! And how else would you explain how I went to watch Mario that day at training camp and instead met you father and mini fan club and couldn't stop watching you? And how I ended up sitting in the same section with your parents at your first game and your dad remembered me and I ultimately end up meeting you? And how you ended up finding me? And running into you at the hospital yesterday and you being responsible for my dream of meeting Mario coming true?"
"Okay, okay, okay!" he laughed. "Do you honestly think these things are some kind of fate?"
"I think someone up there is pushing us together and I have a pretty good idea who it is," I looked up and smiled. "Thank you gram and David!" he smiled.