As soon as that front door closed behind him I collapsed on the floor. I was sobbing uncontrollably, my mind racing a thousand miles a minute. What just happened? Sidney Crosby was in my house. Sidney Crosby sent for me to come back and meet him. Sidney Crosby sent me flowers. Sidney Crosby was making fun of my apron. Sidney Crosby ate my cookies. Sidney Crosby thought we had a connection. Sidney Crosby wanted to spend time with me. It felt like I was losing my mind. I think I could have dealt with everthing until he called me Beks. That sent me over the edge! How would he even come up with that? The normal short form would be Bek, no one ever adds the 's'! The second it left his lips memories of gram and David came flooding back. I don't know how I held back the tears long enough to yell at him. Oh god! I yelled at Sidney Crosby! He must think I'm stark raving mad for losing it over something as small as a nickname! I don't care. It was a special nickname and I didn't want anyone else calling me by it. So why did I get all tingly inside when he said it? Why did he make me feel this way? I am so fucking confused.
I went to the shelf at the end of the room and took David's picture down. I clutched it against my chest and laid down on the couch. I closed my eyes and thought about how much I missed my beloved brother. He had always been there for me whenever I needed him. I can't remember a time that I needed him more than I did right now.
"David, if you're up there listening, help me! Tell me what all this is supposed to mean. Why did Sidney Crosby have to come into my life? I was fine before I met him and now look at me! I'm a mess! Why did he have to be so wonderful and sweet? He reminds me alot of you David. Warm and caring. Always giving of himself, just like you did. I said some harsh things to him and I really didn't mean them, but it's too late to say I'm sorry now. Please David, give me a sign. Anything to reassure me that I did the right thing, because even though I know in my head that my reasons are logical, it sure doesn't feel like it in my heart. Please, help me Da..."
And as I drifted off to sleep, I thought of those strong hands gently holding my face and those beautiful bee stung lips kissing mine.
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