Chapter 40

I got home shortly after 10:00 and found Sid stretched out on my couch, feet up on the coffee table watching a Mighty Ducks movie. I flopped down beside him, put my feet up, closed my eyes and let out a huge sigh.
With my eyes still closed I said, "Mmmm, it smells really good in here."
"We had spaghetti for dinner. You hungry? I saved you some, I can warm it up for you."
Who was this guy that has possessed the body of Sidney Crosby???
"You made spaghetti for dinner?" I asked opening one eye to look at him.
"Yes I did, and it was pretty tasty if I do say so myself! Do you want some?"
"Ugh," I groaned. "I appreciate it, but I don't think I could eat even if I wanted to. I have a massive tension headache."
Sid sat up and angled himself towards me. "Come here," he said.
"What? Why?"
"Just come here and turn around."
I obliged. I sat with my back towards him and felt the familiar touch of his strong hands on my shoulders. Massaging gently at first, then a little harder. I let out a grateful moan.
"How's that?"
"Don't stop."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," I replied with my eyes still closed. "I'd rather hear about your day. How did everything go?"
"Good. We went to Mario's and had lunch with them. Steph whipped Alex's butt at NHL 05 and then we went outside and had a massive snowball fight which I am ashamed to say Jake, Austin, Alexa and Mario won, and then we had a skate on the rink. After that we came back here and had dinner and watched a movie. The boys are fed, bathed and sleeping. No catastrophes and all limbs in tact!"
"I'm impressed Crosby. You made it through a whole day with my kids and you have no battle wounds! Sounds like a great day. I didn't realize you were so...domestic."
"I didn't either! They're amazing kids. So easy to be around."
"I wish my day went as smooth."
"It might help to talk about it."

I thought back to earlier when I first met little Dylan MacDonald and his parents Scott and Gloria. Dylan was as cute as could be, big brown eyes with eyelashes that would make any girl jealous, and patches of blond, fuzzy hair that would soon disappear with the chemo he was about to endure. Nancy had been right about mom and dad. Every time there was a new form to fill out or another test to take or another doctor poking and prodding at her little angel, she would weep uncontrollably and he would rub her back with a blank look on his face, almost like it had become second nature.
I spent the majority of the day just talking them through everything that was happening and explaining what they could expect over the next little while. I got them set up at the Ronald McDonald house that out of town families with sick children stayed at while their kids were receiving treatment.
With each new thing they had to tackle dad remained silent while mom repeated "Why God? Why did this happen to us? Why our boy?" over and over. When Dylan was finally sleeping after a battery of tests, I stayed at his bedside with Scott and Gloria.
"Why did this have to happen to us?" Gloria asked shaking her head still in disbelief. "It's just not fair!"
"Unfortunately, life is not fair," I said tenderly. "If it was, I wouldn't have a job. But I strongly believe that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle."
Scott's head shot straight up and the anger in his eyes was actually a little frightening.
"What the hell do you know? What kind of God would give a baby such a horrible disease?" he snarled at me. "Has your child ever died from cancer?"
The first words he spoke all day and they were full of venom.
"Not my child, my brother. When he was 10," I replied quietly.
Scott looked surprised and Gloria looked strangely relieved. I told them the whole story about David, including how my parents didn't handle it very well and I had to be the one who was strong for him at the tender age of 13.
"It may not be the exact same thing, but I do know the pain and anger you're both feeling. It will probably never completely go away. But your little boy needs you both to be strong and positive to get him through this. I know it doesn't seem like you have it in you, but believe me, the strength is in there, you just have to free it and that means pushing the anger away and focusing on the positives."
"How can there be anything positive about an innocent child having such a horrible disease?" Gloria asked me.
"Small things, like they caught it fairly early. Dylan is only in stage 2. David was already stage 4 when he was diagnosed. He has a good chance that chemo will help. And so many more people donate bone marrow today then when David was battling. Every day Dylan is here is a positive."
"How did you get over the loss?" Scott asked.
"I didn't. You never get over a loss like that, but you do find ways to get through it and move on. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and miss him, but I turned my experience into a positive by becoming a nurse so I could help other families. That's how I chose to honour David's memory.
"Well I'm very glad you did. I don't know how we would have gotten through today without you. I think your brother would be proud."

"Beks, you still with me?"
I looked at Sid and just started to cry. Gloria's words were echoing in my head. Would he be proud of me?
"Come here beautiful," Sid said so tenderly as he pulled me towards him. He leaned back and let me collapse in his arms. My head rested just under his chin on his chest. He kissed my forehead and gently stroked my hair. He passed me the box of tissues from the end table beside him.
"Let it out baby," he whispered. "Just let it out. We have all night."