Chapter 37

We stayed that way for what seemed like forever. He held me and just let me cry. I didn't even think about it when I wrapped my arms around his waist and for the first time in a long time, maybe even ever, I felt completely safe.
"How can you even think about forgiving me Sidney?" I sobbed into his chest.
"There's nothing to forgive. Maybe if I didn't know about your history, things would be different. But I try to understand that some of the things you say and do are not because of me but because of what you've been through."
"That's really no excuse. I hope you understand that this is all new to me. Even though we're just friends, I haven't allowed anyone to get this close to me and I obviously haven't figured out how to deal with it. I really don't even deserve to call you my friend."
"That's just it Beks, you have to stop believing that you don't deserve good things. You deserve so much more than me just being your friend. You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone to love you and take care of you. And most of all, you deserve peace. You will never be able to experience true love and true inner peace until you are able to let go of the past. In order to do that, you have to be able to forgive. You will never forget, but you have to find a way to forgive."
"How is it that you have all this figured out at 18 years old and I am an emotional wreck?"
"In the off seasons I earned a psychology degree," he chuckled.
"Very funny."
"Are we over this now? Can we go back and enjoy the rest of the afternoon?"
"Are you sure you want to go out there after getting your ass kicked by a girl?"
"I totally let you win!"
"Is that right Crosby?"
"Absolutely not. I am ashamed to say you won fair and square. Where the hell did you learn to skate like that?"
He already knew the answer to that question.
"It's wasn't a matter of knowing how to skate well. Anger is a powerful motivator."
"Remind me to never piss you off!"
"Don't ever forget it!"
"Yes Mame!" he said giving me a military salute. "Can we please leave the women's bathroom now?"


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The rest of the skate went really well. The boys had a blast playing with the Lemieux kids, and just like I had hoped, no one knew anything had been wrong. Sid however, was the target of brutal harassment for the rest of the afternoon. Considering he did not handle losing very well, he took the teasing all in stride. Mario and Ray joked about drafting me. "At least consider coming to practise and giving these guys a real run for their money," Ray laughed.
"I'll think about it," I replied.
When we were changing out of our skates to go across the street for dinner, Vero asked me if everything was ok.
"What happened out there? That was totally intense."
"I had a slight mental break. It was just a big misunderstanding. Everything is fine now."
"Are you sure? I know you don't know me that well yet, but if you need to talk about anything, you can always talk to me."
"Thanks Vero, that really means alot. I may take you up on that someday."
"I hope you do."


I was having so much fun listening to all the guys tell stories about each other, that I didn't even realize how late it was.
"Sid, I really have to get these guys home and into bed."
"No problem, we can get going."
We said our good-bye's to the team and I wished them all happy holidays. I thanked Nathalie and Mario for the hundredth time.
"I can't thank you enough for letting us be a part of this today. It's certainly something the three of us will remember for a long time."
"It really was our pleasure to have you. It was nice to see someone put this kid in his place," Mario laughed.
"You make sure Sid brings you by the house sometime soon. The kids would love to hang out with the boys again," Nathalie said giving me a hug.
"Thanks, I'll do that."


We weren't in the car for 10 minutes and both boys were out cold.
"That was quick," Sid said smiling.
"They were exhausted."
"And you?"
"I'm holding my own," I said.
"Did you have a good time today?"
I smiled thoughtfully at him. "I did. A bit of a rough start, but I think it turned out pretty well."
"Well, it just wouldn't be us if we didn't have a rough start would it?"
"True."
"Do you think we give that tradition a rest now."
"I'll take that matter under advisement Mr. Crosby."
"Well thank you very much Miss Jones."
I turned in my seat so I was facing him and I tried to have an honest and sincere tone to my voice.
"Sid?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. Not just for today, but for everything. Thank you for being wonderful, for putting up with my bullshit, for your patience, for your friendship. But most of all, thank you for not giving up on me."
That beautiful goofy grin that I had come to adore spread across his equally beautiful face. "I'll never give up on you Beks. I've told you a hundred times, and I'll keep telling you until you as many times as you need to hear it. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for the long haul."
The rest of the ride home was spent in blissful silence.

When we reached my driveway, I gently tried to shake Alex awake.
"Just let him sleep," Sid said. "It would be a shame to wake him just so he can get in bed."
"He is way too big for me to carry in the house."
"I got him. You take Jake, and I'll take the big guy."
I got Jake out of his coat and tucked into bed. I kissed his forehead and turned out the light. He didn't move a muscle the whole time. I went to check on Sid and Alex. I got to Alex's bedroom door just in time to to see Sid pull the covers over Alex and tuck them in around his arms. He gently ran his hand over the mounds of Alex's blond curls and then kissed the top of his head. 'Vero was right', I thought. 'He will make an amazing father.. someday'.
"All tucked in," Sid said walking into the living room.
"Thanks for your help."
"What are friends for? I suppose I should let you get to bed too," he said walking towards the door.
"Or...you could stay for a bit?