Chapter 38

"I don't think that would be a very good idea. You have to work tomorrow."
What!!!! Was he fucking kidding me? I'm handing him the opportunity that he's been pushing for for the last 3 months and he's turning me down??
"Oh...fine," I said trying to mask the disappointment in my voice.
All of a sudden it looked like a lightbulb turned on in Sid's head. "Tomorrow's Sunday!"
"All day," I replied with only a slight hint of bitterness.
"That means no school. Who's watching the kids?"
"Well, normally it would be Lily but she's working tomorrow too, so they're going over to the Parker's."
"What time is your shift?"
"11-7...why?"
"I only have a light skate first thing in the morning. Maybe I could...I mean if it's ok with you...I wouldn't mind..."
"For god sakes, spit it out Crosby!"
A nervous look and devilish grin moved slowly over his face. "Would it be ok if maybe I stayed with them instead?" he asked and then quickly looked away.
I just looked at him for a minute, not sure if I heard him correctly.
"I...uh...umm...don't know if that's a good idea," I finally said.
"I know you're probably worried about my competence as a babysitter, but I watch Mario's kids all the time, and they're still in one piece! No tragedies or injuries. You can call him, he'll vouch for me. And I do have a sister the same age as Alex..."
I held up my hand and shook my head to stop him from going any further.
"It's not that I doubt your ability, you're great with them. I'm just not sure about what kind of message it will be sending them. I don't want them to get too attached to you. Even though we are friends, you're still a guy. Having you around all the time is not the same thing as Lily being around all the time. I don't want to confuse them, ya know?"
"I do understand that, but I also know what it's like to be a young boy. No offense, but it's really not cool to be stuck with girls or old people all the time. Sometimes you just want to be around guys. They're too young to know how cool it is to hang out with beautiful women all the time!"
"Ahhh, there's that Crosby charm!"
"Come on, it's one day. What can it hurt? Besides, our travel schedule after the holidays sucks so I won't be able to see you guys that much."
I actually felt my heart sink when those words came out of his mouth. I really wouldn't be able to see him? I guess I'd never really thought about him going on the road. I'd spent so long trying to avoid being around him, now that I wanted to be, I couldn't.
"I guess one day won't hurt."
"Awesome! I'll be here shortly after 10 so you can give me the rules and regulations. I'm sure it will be a lengthy list!"
"Funny. I'm not that uptight!"
"If you say so."
He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and turned to leave.
"Sweet dreams Beks."

************************************

Almost every day was an emotional roller coaster with Sidney. I don't think there was a single emotion I hadn't felt since meeting him. It was physically and mentally draining to go through so many highs and lows.
I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed thinking about the events that had taken place that day. It still made me feel ill thinking about the way I treated him. I was so quick to jump to conclusions when he had never given me a reason to. No matter what kind of relationship I was going to have with Sidney Crosby, one thing was perfectly clear from day one. He defied all stereotype and preconceived notions that anyone (especially me) could ever have about him. He was not 'typical' in any way and he just keeps finding ways to prove it.
I played his 'everything I know about you' speech over in my head. How?...why?...When did he discover so many little things about me that even I didn't realize? The eyebrow thing? I smile when I sleep? Come on! I guess what was really getting me was his 'psycho analysis' of me. It was extremely tough for me to admit, but he was right on the money. Another thing I was still trying to deny, but deep down knew was absolutely true was that if anyone was going to break down these walls I had built up around myself, it was most certainly Sidney Crosby.

'You've practically forced him into just being friends, you can't go and change your mind now' I thought to myself. 'He's just getting into the groove of the whole friends thing'.

For the next several hours my mind bounced back and forth between being friends with Sid and wanting to be more. My self imposed logic behind being just friends with Sidney was still winning out over any physical attraction I may have been feeling for him. And then... I remember the all the sweet exchanges I had witnessed between him and my children. Vero was right, there really was nothing better than seeing a man interact with children. Watching him tuck Alex in tonight sent me right over the edge! It was exactly the kind of thing I had always pictured giving my children. A stable home with two loving parents to be there no matter what they need. Little things like having help tucking the kids in at night were the moments I longed to share with someone. Was this the turning point for my feelings for Sidney? I drifted into a deep slumber thinking about the answer to that question... with a smile on my face.