Chapter 42

I did everything I could to get out of work on time but the sad fact is that disease and despair knows no schedule. I made it to the game in the middle of the second period and the scoreboard looked as grim as the look on Sidney's face. By the end of his next shift he had spotted me and a brief smile appeared on his face.
At the beginning of the third period trusty old Nate appeared at my side with a message from Sid.
"Mr. Crosby is very pleased you were able to make it this evening. He will be waiting for you in the locker room after the game. I will be back to escort you down when the game is over."
"Thank you Nate."
The game had a very dismal ending. Another loss coupled with the disappointment of today's announcement should put Sid in fine form. I made my way down to the locker room and waited...and waited...and waited. Sid finally emerged with the whole Pen's media relations team right behind him. He spent 30 minutes fielding the same kinds idiotic questions over and over: "Sid, how do you feel being left off the roster?", "Are you disappointed in today's announcement?", "Do you think they made the right decision leaving you out?" Are they fucking kidding? 'How do they think he feels you morons?', I wanted to scream at them! But Sid handled himself beautifully, like usual and was very gracious to every stupid person who asked every stupid question. He kept his voice calm and even and tried not to let his emotion show. I watched him in complete awe, so proud of his maturity and demeanor. After 30 minutes one of the 'suits' that had been ever present at his side told the press Sid was done with the questions for tonight. When the last reporter had left the room, one of the men said a few words to Sid that I couldn't hear and then they were gone too. Sid walked towards me, grabbed my hand and simply said, "let's go."
I wasn't sure what to say, so I didn't say anything. When we reached the parking lot (Sid had gotten me a pass to park in the same lot as the players) he just looked and me and said, "Your place. You're driving." we both got in my car and I just drove. I didn't ask him how or when he was going to get back to his car, nor did I ask him how long he intended to stay at my house. We drove in silence. Sid stared out his window and the only movement he made was to turn the radio up when a Bon Jovi song came on. Weird.
When we reached my house, we went in and Sid plopped himself down on the couch. Lily had been watching the boys and gave me a questioning look when she saw that Sid had accompanied me home. I just looked at her and shook my head. She took the cue and simply said goodnight to us both. 'I'll call you tomorrow', she mouthed silently before she left.
Sid had his hands behind his head, which was leaning all the way back and his eyes were closed. I sat down beside him, cross legged facing him and he still didn't open his eyes. We still had not spoken a word so I decided on a different approach to let him know that I was there whenever he was ready to talk. I put my hand on his leg and rubbed slowly in a circular motion. He dropped his arms from behind his head and held my right hand that had been caressing his leg, giving it a firm squeeze. He still did not open his eyes. My heart was breaking for him and it hurt to see him so upset. My nurturing instinct kicked in and I did the same thing I did when the boys were upset. I ran my fingers through his hair and gently stroked his budding curls over and over. I can't even tell you how long this went on in complete silence. The only thing I could hear was the sound of his deep rhythmic breathing. I was beginning to think he fell asleep when he sat up a bit a looked at me. I could see the tears in his eyes just waiting to fall.
"After all the shit that's been going on lately, I thought this would be the one thing I could look forward to. I know I have a whole future ahead of me to play for Team Canada and I really tried not to get my hopes up and expect anything, but it just...it just really hurts ya know?", his voice was barely above a whisper.
I pulled him into my arms and he rested his head against my chest. I held his head, still caressing his curls. I kissed the top of his head and just let him take it all in.
"It just hurts. It hurts so much." He repeated these words over and over until his breathing was short and staggered and his voice began to waver. He was crying.
"I know honey," I whispered to him. "I know it hurts right now, but we'll get through it, I promise."