Chapter 32

I had mixed feelings about actually having a whole day to myself. I had purposely kept myself busy, mostly working for more than one reason. I absolutely loved being with those kids at the hospital, especially the babies. I was fortunate enough that I got to work at both the children's hospital and the general hospital in the kid's ward. (A bonus when the two are run by the same management group and I am willing to work so many hours.) When I was working it helped to keep my mind off Sidney and the inner battle I was having with my feelings about him. He was so amazing and I loved to be around him, but I was scared that the more time I spent with him the more intense my feelings for him would become. I was still convinced that no matter how I felt about him, it was the best thing for both of us to just be friends.
I also found that if I was working I wouldn't focus on the most intense of all feelings I was experiencing...loneliness. Don't get me wrong, I had a very full life. Kids I loved more than anything, a job I loved, Lily and the Parkers. I also found a little time to volunteer at a homeless shelter and the abused women's shelter. But when the day was done, and quiet fell over the house when the kids were in bed, the emptiness set in. It was that time when I longed to have someone to talk to, share my day with, experience all the joys and challenges of day to day life raising the boys with and someone to go to bed with. Deep down inside, that is what I wanted. Someone that I could love and who would love me back. Someone that not only loved me, but the boys as well. A man who was strong and secure in himself, supportive of my dreams and goals and not threatened my by independence and strong will. Not asking for much eh? This perfect man only existed in my dreams.......or did he?

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I spent the day wrapping the gifts I had bought for the boys. Who's brilliant idea was it to buy so much stuff? It was a daunting task but I did get it done. When the boys got home from school we had a quite dinner (Friday night tacos...kids choice!) and watched a movie together. I knew it was the last night before Christmas that I would be able to spend with them like this so I wanted to take advantage of it. The boys went to be around nine and I started to tidy up the pillows and blankets that Jake had used to make himself a tent to watch the movie from. We had had such a great night that when the phone rang a few seconds later, I hadn't even realized I hadn't heard from Sid yet.
"Hello?"
"Hey Beks, sorry I'm calling a bit late. My commercial shoot went way longer than I expected."
"Oh yeah, happens to me all the time!"
"Directors can be so picky about every little detail."
"I know! Just last week I told the director of the commercial I was shooting that the blue sweater looked better but he insisted I wear the green one!"
"I sound like a self absorbed idiot don't I?"
"Not really. I understand that it's a normal part of your life, but I just wouldn't be me if I didn't give you a hard time!"
"So true! Are the kids in bed yet?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I was hoping to challenge Alex to a rematch of baseball."
"Sorry, I guess it will have to wait."
"Do you mind of I stop by anyway?"

Why is he doing this to me????

"I don't think that would be a good idea. They're just nicely settled and I'm not too far behind them. I have to be rested for the big skate off tomorrow!"
"I won't stay long, I promise!"
"Sid, I don't think it's a good idea..."
"Great! I'm not that far away. See ya in 10!"