Chapter 25

I had worked another double shift on Wednesday and when the alarm went off at 7 am Thursday morning all I wanted to do is throw it out the window! I had to drag myself out of bed to get in the shower (something I rarely did before taking the boys to school) and decided to actually put an effort into my appearance today - no sweats! I chose my best pair of jeans and my favorite chocolate brown cashmere sweater and the only pair of 'dressy' boots that I owned. I put on a little make-up and spent all of about five minutes on my hair. That's one thing I loved about my short Halee Berry do (pre extensions!) I took one final look in the mirror before leaving the bathroom. Not bad. The brown sweater brought out the blue in my eyes.
I went to the kitchen to make the boys lunches and they were already at the breakfast bar eating their cereal.
"WOW!" Alex said went I entered the room. "Do you have a hot date or something mom? You never look this good!"
I didn't know whether to be flattered or embarrassed! "No, Mr. Comedian, I do not have a hot date. I'm just going shopping after you guys go to school."
"Are you going to get Christmas presents for us?" Jake asked with a mouth full of Cheerios.
"Jake, please swallow before you open your mouth and why would I buy you guys Christmas presents when Santa's going to come in a week?"
Alex just rolled his eyes and gave me that 'give me a break' look. He had figured out there was no Santa last year and when he confronted me about it, I just couldn't bring myself to lie. He had promised not to ruin it for his brother.
"You guys need to finish up, we have to get going."
Jake went to get his backpack and coat but Alex stayed at the counter playing with the few Cheerios that remained in his bowl.
"Is something bothering you Alex, you look upset?"
"I'm not upset. I just...well I was kinda hoping..."
"Spit it out Alex, you can tell me anything."
"When I saw you dressed up I was kinda hoping that you... did have a date, that's all."
My jaw must have hit the floor! I didn't really know what to say to that, especially since it was coming from my twelve year old son.
"Have you been talking to Lily about this Alex?"
"No."
"Then where would you get the idea of me dating from?"
"Mom, I'm twelve, I'm not a baby. Isn't that what people do when they want to find someone to marry?" he said rather sarcastically.
"Whoa, hold on there cowboy! Now you have me getting married? Where is all this coming from?"
"I'm just saying that it would be ok if you did you know...date someone."
"Well it seems you've given this alot of thought. You want me to start dating?"
"YES!" You have been all by yourself forever. All my friends have dads to do stuff with them..."
"Ahh. Now the truth comes out. Is that what this is really about? Do you feel left out because you don't have a dad?" I could feel the tears building up in my freshly mascaraed eyes.
"I don't want to hurt your feelings mom because you are the best, but sometimes it would be nice to have a dad around to shoot pucks with or play baseball with, ya know...guy stuff."
"I see. You need to go get ready for school, we're going to be late," I said with a shaky voice.
When Alex had left the room I plunked myself down on the stool he'd been sitting on. I fought back the tears. All this time I had thought I was doing the best thing for them, keeping the potential hurt away from them. I had never looked at it from their point of view. I had just assumed I would always be enough for them.