Chapter 52

"Have you told her that?"
"No," Sidney said looking down at the ground. "I don't see that being a very good idea right now. Everything is so messed up."
"How can telling her you love her be a bad idea? Sidney, she needs to know. Hearing those words could change everything."
"Or it could make it worse! I've already pushed her too far, telling her I love her would definitely send her over the edge! I'm holding on to the hope that giving her space will make her come around. Dropping that bombshell would not help."
Just then Lily's phone rang.
"Maybe that's her," Lily said. "It's too early to be anyone else. Excuse me for a second."
Sid took a sip of the coffee Lily had handed him earlier and waited with baited breath. Lily returned a few minutes later and the distressed look on her face made Sidney feel extremely uneasy.
"Was that her?" he asked, afraid to hear the answer.
"Uhh, no. It was the hospital calling to see if I could work her shift. Bekah called in sick." Now Lily was bordering on frightened, but did everything she could to hide it from him.
"She NEVER calls in sick," Lily told him shaking her head. "I have to find out what's going on."
Lily didn't care that she was still in her pyjamas, she threw her coat on and grabbed her keys. She was just about out the door when it hit her.
"Shit! I can't leave."
"Why not?" Sid asked. It had slipped both their minds.
"The boys are here," she paused. "Nope, this is too important, I'll wake them up and take them with me. I don't think it would be good if they saw you though," Lily said gingerly.
"You're right. I have to go anyway. I want to get on the ice before the rest of the guys get there anyways, try to clear my head. Lily, I'm really worried now. Please call me as soon as you know anything. I won't be able to concentrate until I know she's okay and I have a game tonight."
"I promise. As soon as I find out anything."

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I woke up to the covers being ripped off my head and Lily's harsh words cutting through the silence.
"Rebekah Elizabeth Jones you tell me what the hell is going on right now!"
I groaned and reached for the comforter again, but Lily would have none of it.
"Bekah, now!" Lily demanded.
"Where are the boys?" I asked, starting to panic a little.
"Next door with the Parkers," Lily explained. She laid on the bed next to me, the same spot that Sid had occupied only a few hours earlier. We laid there in silence for a while before she asked again, this time with a gentler tone.
"Will you please tell me what's going on, and don't say nothing because I already know what you did, I just don't understand why you did it. And calling in sick...that's not you, so spill it."
It took a minute for everything she was saying to register in my brain.
"What do you mean you already know what I did? How do you know?"
"How do you think Bekah? Sid showed up at my door completely distraught. He didn't know where else to go. He'd been crying. He told me everything. He's a mess! Totally confused, and frankly Bekah, so am I."
I couldn't picture what Lily was telling me. Sid, crying? He's not like that. He would never show weakness to someone he hardly knew.
I barely had the strength to have this conversation.
"I told you I was ending it and I told you why," I said just wanting to be left alone.
"No, you told me a bullshit lame excuse! Too much, too fast. Bekah, you're my best friend and I love you, but you are full of shit! If you don't want to tell Sid the truth, that's up to you, but I deserve better than that. You haven't been right for days now and I want to know why. What happened?"
"Lily, I wish I could tell you, but I just can't. I can't risk it."
"I knew it! I knew something was up! Risk it? Risk what? You're not making any sense. You know you can trust me with anything Bekah. Tell me and maybe I can help."
"You can't help," I told her again. I couldn't take it anymore. It was far too big a burden to carry alone. "If I tell you, you must promise me, swear that you will never repeat a single word. No one can ever know."
"Jesus Bekah, what the hell is it?"
"Promise me!"
"I promise, I promise. Now what happened?"
I recounted the events of that fateful night. Every sickening feeling, every harsh word. She listened patiently as I told her of the promise I had made to Troy. The promise that has essentially felt like selling my soul to the devil. Lily sat silent and wide-eyed, not knowing what to make of the disturbing revelations I was making.
"So now do you see why I had to end it?" I asked.
"That bastard!" Lily said shaking her head, her anger building like lava in a volcano.
"No Lily, don't. He's Sid's father and he's doing what's best for his son. I would do the same thing if it were Alex or Jake."
"Well if he saw the state his son his in right now, he'd know that he is not doing what's best for him! You have to tell Sid the truth Bekah."
"NO! I can't do that."
"Sid's freaking out Bekah! He's blaming himself for this mess. He thinks he pressured you to fast. You can't let him go on forever thinking that it's his fault. He should know what his father did."
"Absolutely not! Sid's family is everything to him, especially his dad! I will not be responsible for hurting that relationship, or Sid's career for that matter. In time, he'll get over this and move on to some other girl, but his relationship with his dad is forever. I know how much Sid needs Troy right now. It just has to be this way."
"Sid needs you too Bekah, more than you realize. And you need him too. I can't believe you're okay with giving him up! I thought you cared about him?"
"I do care about him Lily, more than I should. I love him enough to let him go because it's what's best for him."
"You What?" Lily asked, not believing the words that just came out of my mouth. "Do you realize what you just said?"
"What? Letting him go is what's best for him?"
"No, not that. You just said that you love him!"
"What? I did not."
"Yes you did! You said you love him enough to let him go! Are you serious Bekah? Do you love him?"
"I...I don't think...I'm not...ah screw it! Yes, Lily," I said quietly. "Of course I love him. What's not to love? But that doesn't matter now."
"Of course it matters! I'm telling you, you need to tell him the truth! Sid may be mad at Troy for a while, but they'll survive. They're family, they love each other. I'm not sure that Sid's going to be okay without you. If you don't tell him, then..."
"Then nothing. You will not tell him. You promised. Just let it be Lily. This is the best for everyone."