Chapter 77

It had been almost two weeks since I had left Sidney standing at the arena. He left me at least half a dozen messages every day that I had not returned. So far, he had not made any attempt to see me, and I was both relieved and a little disappointed. He had a brutal schedule, not only with games but with all his off ice responsibilities as well. I knew this was what it would be like when we decided to be together, and I was actually relieved he had something to occupy him so I could have the time to take a step back. I really wasn't trying to be a bitch, I just really needed the time to assess everything that had happened and exactly where it was going.
Things had happened very quickly with Sidney once I allowed myself to admit my feelings for him. It wasn't his fault, it was mine. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve and been an emotional person. My tendency was to jump in with both feet without thinking when I allowed myself to follow my heart and not my head. This was another reason I had chosen not to date. I allow myself to get caught up in the whirlwind and romance and forget to think logically. This is definitely what happened with Sid.
Could anyone blame me? Sidney was...well, what wasn't he? Handsome, honest, charming, strong, engaging, charismatic, mature beyond his years, very well mannered and very well spoken. He was genuine. Sure he was guarded, and as some would say, robotic in the public eye; always being careful with what he said, always giving a well rehearsed answer to any question. But if you were in his 'inner circle', you couldn't find a more honest, genuine loving and caring person. With Sidney, what you see is what you get. He didn't care about people and their troubles because he had to, he cared because his parents taught him to be empathetic. They had also taught him the importance of a strong work ethic and commitment to family and friends. One thing you knew if you were Sidney's friend, he was there for you always, no matter what.
But as close to perfect as he was, he did have his faults, and this is where my problem lied. Some of those faults he was in control of-like his temper; and some he was not-like the fact that he was a public figure with absolutely no privacy, whose every word and every move was scrutinized. It was a major step for me to finally open up and begin dating again, but it was a HUGE leap off the deep end to pick someone with such a life.
Of course this was the very thing I was battling with. All Sidney's wonderful qualities had enveloped my heart, overriding my logical brain that was telling me to run as fast and as far as I could. I banished the voice in my head that told me I was in no way ready to handle the kind of relationship I would have to have with Sidney; secretive and private, watching from the sidelines as he lived his dream, not to mention all the gossip that ultimately surrounded his personal life and not being able to claim him as my own. My heart assured my head that all Sid's wonderful qualities far outweighed the few negatives that came along with him.
But did they?





I was glad I had picked up some extra shifts at UPMC. Sid had just come back from another disappointing road trip where they had only won one of five and I knew his messages would soon resume. I knew he would not have taken the losses well, but it was confirmed when I had talked to Max after several of the games. Since my big night on the town, Max and I talked almost every other day. We talked about anything and everything you could think of and sometimes nothing at all, but never once did we talk about Sid. It was refreshing. I had talked to Marc on several occasions as well, at Sidney's urging I'm sure, and all he was interested in was fixing things between me and Sid. I loved Flower to death, but I just wasn't ready to go there.

This particular day I was working in the oncology department; not my favourite assignment but hey, it was only six hours. I was mostly assisting with patients that were there for post treatment check ups and was shocked when I opened the door to exam room three.
"Mario! What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing. I thought you worked at Children's?"
"Mainly, but I pick up extra shifts here when they need it. I like to keep busy."
"I am here for my yearly check up to make sure I'm still cancer free," he told me as he rolled up his sleeve so I could take his blood pressure.
"You have no idea how weird this is for me, standing here taking your blood pressure, which is slightly elevated by the way. Have you been under any stress lately?"
"You could say that," he chuckled. "Why is it weird for you?"
"Lift your shirt so I can listen to your lungs please. Because it's not like you're just any patient, you're like..."
"Your friend?"
"I was going to go for more like my hero, but yeah, I guess we are kinda friends aren't we? Your lungs sound clear. Now I'm going to listen to your heart."
"You realize that your relationship with Sid makes us more like family right?"
"Yeah well, you may want to rethink that statement. Your heart still hasn't stabilized?" I asked rather surprised.
"We haven't quite got it to where we'd like it to be. We're going to try different medications, which is why I'm going to say what I'm going to say now."
"Roll up your sleeve and I'll take your blood now," I directed. "I'm listening."
"Under normal circumstances I would never interfere in Sid's personal relationship, but this is not a normal circumstance."
A huge knot formed in my stomach and somehow I knew I was not going to like what Mario had to say. I was actually scared.
"We have not gotten my heartbeat to where it needs to be, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you what that means."
I shook my head silently.
"The doctor doesn't know how long it will take to get things under control, and until we do..."
"You can't play."
"I can't play."
I felt like I had just been kicked in the stomach. I could barely breathe. I sat in the chair beside the exam table with the needle still in my hand. My idol, my hero, was sitting before me, a mere mortal, unable to play the game we loved. My heart was breaking.
"What are you going to do?" I asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
"Nat and I have talked about it and I'm going to retire."
I closed my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek. Mario took my hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"It's okay Bekah, it's time. I've come to terms with ending my career. I can't play like I'm used to and I'm not going out a sub-par player who's hanging on too long. I'm ready, and my family is ready."
"You sure know how to shock a girl don't you?" I said rising to my feet again getting ready to take the blood I needed.
"If you're comfortable with your decision then I'm happy for you? Is that the appropriate response?"
Mario chuckled and winced as I stuck him with the needle and began to draw blood.
"I need a favour from you Bekah."
"Anything."
"I know it's none of my business, and like I said, I wouldn't normally interfere but, Sid doesn't know yet. As a matter of fact, no one knows yet. I'm going to announce it tomorrow. Now I know you and Sid have been having problems lately, but he has been having a really hard time dealing with things and it's been even worse without you around. He is going to be a mess when he finds out I'm retiring so I'm asking, as a personal favour to me, please be there for him when he calls, because he's going to need someone to lean on."
"Mario, I..."
"Bekah, I don't know what's been going on between you two, but I do know this; Sidney loves you and he has been miserable these past few weeks without you. If you two can't work things out, that's one thing, but not trying is a different ball game. I know he can be difficult and I know his life isn't easy to handle, but if you love him, the way he loves you; you can't give up without a fight. He needs you and I think you need him too."
"Wow, that was some speech! All I was going to say was, as a favour to you, of course I'll be there for him."
"Oh. So I didn't need the whole second part of the speech?"
"No, but it was a very nice touch. Thank you Mario. And we're done. You can roll down your sleeve and I'll go get the doctor."
"Thank you Bekah, not just for this, but for everything. No matter what happens with you and Sidney, I want you to know that I will always consider you part of my family."
I just smiled as a tear once again rolled down my cheek as I closed the door behind me.