Chapter 74

"Marc....what did you do?" I asked through clenched teeth when I saw the Range Rover in my driveway.
"Nothing, I swear! I didn't know he was going to be here."
"You really expect me to believe that you insisted on driving me home and you had no idea he was waiting for me?"
"Bekah, I swear. When I talked to him, I told him you were really angry and he needed to give you time before trying to talk to you."
"So he doesn't listen to you either?"
"He's Sid. He listen to no one."
I sat looking out the window at Sidney sitting on my front porch. Normally seeing him waiting for me to come home would thrill me, but tonight, all I wanted to do was take a hot bath and go to bed...ALONE! I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Do you want me to walk you to the door, you know...for backup?" Marc asked.
I exhaled slowly and said, "I appreciate the offer but I think you've been put in the middle enough tonight don't you? I can handle this on my own."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Thank you for listening to my bullshit tonight, and Sid's for that matter. I know we put you in a difficult position and I'm sorry. Sid is lucky to have you for a friend. So am I for that matter."
He held my hand thoughtfully and said, "Anytime. If you need anything, don't be afraid to call me okay?"
I thanked him and he kissed me on both cheeks, the same way Max had, and then I got out of the car. I walked slowly towards the front porch trying to think of what I was going to say to Sid. As I approached the steps, he came towards me. I stopped him before he could say anything. I unlocked the door and motioned for him to go inside. I closed the door behind us.
"You have five minutes starting now," I said flopping down on the couch.
"Beks, I was a complete jackass tonight and I know that. I know saying I'm sorry does not make the way I behaved okay, but I am so, so, so, so sorry. I wish I could rewind tonight so it never happened but I can't. All I can do is try to explain and beg for your forgiveness."
He looked at me like he was waiting for some sort of approval.
"You have three minutes left."
"I don't know what came over me tonight. I was frustrated and angry and disappointed and...I don't even know what else. I am so sick of loosing and no matter what I do, we just can't win. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. The team, the fans, my family, Mario, everyone. They all expect so much from me and I am turning out to be a huge disappointment. I'm not used to being a failure. All my life, I've won, and I am just having a hard time dealing with it. I don't know how to deal with it. And I don't know how to deal with all the things I'm feeling for you. Bekah, I love you and it's the most amazing feeling, but now on top of everything else, I feel like I'm letting you down too and that's the last thing I want to do. I just can't do anything right."
He hung his head for a minute before speaking again.
"Do you know what I was looking most forward to tonight?" he asked.
I shook my head.
"Walking out of the arena with my girlfriend and taking her home like the rest of the guys do. Just being normal, like everyone else for once. When I had to watch you leave without me, it broke my heart Beks."
I could have sworn I saw tears rolling down his face but I wasn't about to feel sorry for him.
"Is that it?" I asked.
"Uh, I guess the only other thing I have to say is I'm sorry and I love you. I hope you find a way to forgive me."
I looked at Sidney for a long while without saying anything. He was not the strong, confident man I fell in love with. What sat before me now was a shell of that man. There was no sparkle in his eyes, only sadness. I had to dig deep to find the inner strength not to just take him in my arms and tell him everything would be okay. No, the way he treated me tonight was not okay and I had to stand my ground; no matter what his excuse was.
I stood up before speaking for the first time.
"You've had your five minutes and I need to go to bed, so I would appreciate it if you'd leave now."
"Excuse me?" he questioned. "That's it? You don't have anything else to say?"
"What do you expect me to say? Oh, poor Sidney. He's having a tough time right now, so I'll just forget the fact that he treated me like shit and all is forgiven? Sorry, but I don't work that way. I need time to process everything that happened tonight. Time to figure out where we go from here."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I need time. That means no phone calls, no coming over, no surprise visits at work, nothing. Let me figure this out in my own time, in my own way. When I'm ready to talk, I'll call you."
"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked with quivering voice.
"That's not what I said. Just give me some time to get over my anger so I can think things through with a clear head; I don't think that's too much to ask for. Now please, I really need for you to leave."
He got up and started towards the door and I followed behind him. He turned towards me and stopped, wrapping me in a warm, tight hug. I inhaled his luscious scent and tried to stop my knees from going weak. As we pulled apart his lips brushed mine. He sensed my moment of weakness and continued with a deep, passionate kiss that almost made me forget how angry I was with him. We broke apart once more.
"Just know you mean the world to me Beks. I love you," he whispered in my ear before walking out into the bitter night air.