Chapter 79

When I woke up the next morning, the space beside me that had been occupied by Sidney was empty. I had a moment of panic, but when I rolled over I found Sid sitting in a chair across from the bed and those gorgeous caramel eyes looking at me, but not the way they had looked at me before.

"Morning," I smiled up at him.
"Morning," he replied solemnly.
"Sid, are you okay?"
"Not really."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked sitting up and crossing my legs Indian style.
"Oh, are you ready to talk to me now?" he asked snidely.

His tone sent a chill through my entire body. I tried to brace myself for what might happen next.
I took a deep breath before saying "I guess I deserve that."
"You guess? You guess you deserve that? Bekah, you have ignored me for the past two weeks! I didn't get so much as a text from you, and you show up out of the blue and think what? Everything's okay just because you decided to grace me with your presence? Well I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way! Just because you decided you could talk to me now, doesn't mean that I want to talk to you now. So why are you here? Why now?"

Sid's words were harsh, and I struggled not to cry before speaking.
"I know you've been having a difficult time lately, and with Mario announcing his retirement yesterday, I just thought you might need someone to talk to,"
"And you thought it should be you?"
"I guess so...yes," I said barely above a whisper.

Sidney hung his head and stared at the floor. He didn't speak for the longest time. I sat shaking, unable to move from my spot on the bed. I was thankful that Sidney had stopped talking. His words stung.
When he finally lifted his head, his icy glare had softened, but the anger had been replaced by hurt.

"You deserted me Bekah," he said softly. "When I needed you most, you abandoned me."
All I could do was nod my head in agreement.
"Do you have any idea what the last few weeks have been like for me? I needed you. So many times I just wanted to be able to talk to you and have you tell me everything was going to be okay, and you weren't there. I've done everything I can to be there when you needed me and then I don't get the same in return? Do you know how much you hurt me?" Sidney asked.

I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I never thought of it from Sidney's point of view but he was right. He had gone through hell and back with me and he never waivered in his support, then the first sign of a rough road and I bolt and blame him! I sobbed uncontrollably, unable to speak.
Sidney got up from his chair and disappeared into the bathroom. He returned a few seconds later and handed me a box of tissues. I took several out of the box and began to dab at my tear stained face. To my surprise, Sidney sat down beside me. I did my best to look in his eyes, but it was difficult.

"I know I was a jerk that night and I'm sorry, but I don't think I deserved to be shut out."
"You're right. You do deserve better than what I've been giving you and Sidney, I am so, so sorry," I said trying to hold back the tears again.
Sid leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck and held on for dear life. I inhaled his heavenly scent that I'd missed the past few weeks as he stroked my hair.
"Sidney, I know it's no excuse for what I did, but you really scared me that night. I've never seen you that angry and when you started taking it out on me, I had flashbacks. My first instinct is to protect myself any way that I can. Sometimes that means running away."
"I'm not him Bekah," Sid whispered. "Neither of us are perfect, we're going to fight; probably alot," he chuckled. "But how do you expect us to have a relationship and work through things if you won't talk to me"
"You're right," I shook my head. "You are absolutely right, we can't. It was a rough road to get where we are and it's going to continue to be a rough road as we both try to find our way. I warned you in the beginning that I have alot of issues to overcome; clearly I have a long way to go," I smiled trying to lighten the mood a little.
The crooked little smile that I love so much appeared on Sidney's face. "Clearly! I think I've done a pretty good job being patient and understanding with you Beks."
"You have, and I love you for it."
"So can we make a promise to each other?" Sidney asked.
"What do you have in mind?"
"Well, I promise to continue to be patient and understanding and to work on not taking my anger and frustration out on you if you promise to stay."
"Stay?"
"Yes, you have to promise to stay and face any problem and work through them. No running!"
"I think I can do that," I said.
"Say promise."
"I promise."
"Then so do I."
"Good. Now is this fight over and done with never to be spoken of again?" I asked wrapping my arms around his neck and gently kissing his jaw.
"There's just one more thing we need to talk about before this is over."
"What's that?" I asked still placing kisses along his rugged jaw line.
"Max."