Chapter 78

When I went to work the next day, I was not feeling like myself. Mario's news of his retirement had rocked me to the core. Sure, it wasn't the first time he had stepped away from the game for health reasons, but I knew it would be the last.

My heart was heavy when I entered Dylan's room, but I was met with an unexpected surprise; two actually. Dylan was sitting up in the crib and actually giggling at the Elmo-like voice that his stuffed monkey appeared to be making at the side of his bed. I listened from the doorway for a moment drinking in the sound of Dylan's laughter. It was a sound I hadn't heard since he first came to us.

As I ventured a little further into the room I saw Gloria sitting in the chair by the window. I smiled at her and couldn't help but notice she was glowing. She went to say something but I raised my finger to my lips to stop her so we wouldn't interrupt the heartwarming scene unfolding before us.

I couldn't see Scott kneeling on the floor on the other side of the bed, but as I watched and listened to him continue to tell a story to his son, my heart ached a little for my own children. There is no greater bond than that of a mother and her child, but there was also no replacement for a father-son relationship either. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and heartbroken that my own boys were missing out on that.

As the story ended, Gloria and I applauded.
"Well done Scott! I didn't know you had such a vivid imagination," I said.
The door opened behind me and he said "Thanks Bekah, but it's just coffee."
I turned around to see Scott standing behind me holding a tray with three coffees in it.
I was confused.
"But if you're here, then who's over there?" I asked turning back around, shocked to see who was standing beside Dylan.
"What are you doing here?" I asked when the words were finally able to leave my mouth.
"Entertaining my new little buddy here," Max said handing Dylan his monkey and coming over to where the three of us were gathered.
"But...how...why?" I stuttered.
Scott handed Max one of the cups and Max thanked him like they were old friends.
"Does someone want to explain what the...what exactly is going on here?"
"Dylan and I were down in the family room for a change of scenery when Max came in and sat down," Scott started.
"I thought Scott looked familiar, but I couldn't place where I knew him from. We got to talking and he said that he knew you and that I had met him in the locker room after the game you had taken him too. I told him I was here waiting for you and we just kinda ended up back in here."
"I told Max that he'd have better luck catching you in here than waiting for you to pass by the family room."
I was still a little stunned and I wasn't quite sure what to think.
"But that still doesn't explain why you're here Max."
He looked at Scott, who grabbed Gloria by the arm and dragged her out of the room saying he forgot to get cream and sugar for the coffee.
"That wasn't very subtle," I said looking at Max for answers. "Now will you tell me what you're doing here?"
"Mario told us this morning that he was going to announce his retirement this afternoon. I know what Mario means to you and your family and thought you might need a friend when you heard the news."
"That's very thoughtful Max, but I'm aware. Mario already told me."
"Really?" Max asked confused. "When, he said that no one except his family and the guys in the head office knew?"
"He was here for a check up yesterday and I happened to be working in that unit. We talked a little bit and he told me he was going to announce it today."

Dylan started to fuss and lift his arms signaling he wanted to be picked up. Max immediately went to his bedside then stopped.
"Is it okay if I pick him up?" Max asked.
"Sure, you just have to be careful of his wires. I'll help help you," I said walking towards them.
Max picked Dylan up carefully and held him tightly against his chest while I moved the wires so they would not get caught on anything. Dylan whined a little and what happened next brought tears to my eyes.
"Shhhhh, you're okay little man," Max whispered as he caressed what little hair was left on Dylan's head. He motioned towards the rocking chair beside the bed and I nodded in agreement.
Max sat down and held Dylan against him like you'd hold a baby to burp them and started to rock back and forth. Dylan quickly nuzzled his head into Max's shoulder and his eyes started to flutter.
"That's right, you were just lonely over there by yourself weren't you? It's okay buddy, I've got you now."
Just then, I was paged to another room.
"Are you going to be okay here by yourself?" I asked quietly.
"We'll be just fine, go save lives," he said giving me a wink.

When I returned a short time later, Max was still rocking Dylan and softly singing a lullaby in french. When Max saw me he stopped.
"That was beautiful Max," I complemented. "Don't stop because of me."
"It's okay, he's fast asleep anyways. Can you help me get him back in bed?"
"Sure. I didn't know you had such a soft spot for children," I said as I rearranged Dylan's wires.
"Are you kidding? I love kids!"
"That surprises me a little."
"Really, why?"
"I guess I never pictured someone who...umm...well...who whores around as much as you do, wanting to settle down and have kids."
"Whoa ho ho, first of all, I can't believe you just called me a whore! Second of all, who said anything about settling down and having kids? I said I love kids, not that I wanted kids. Kids are great as long as they're someone else's."
"So I wasn't wrong about you," I said gratified that my assumption was correct.
"Not exactly. I'm only twenty one years old, I'm too young to think about serious stuff like settling down and having a family. I'm just having fun living my dream."
"You're absolutely right. I guess I never think about what it would be like to be your age and not have the responsibility of a family because the reality is that I did have one."
"Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you didn't?"
"I used to when I was miserable before I left Jeff. I'd get to a place where I'd feel sorry for myself and think 'why me' and 'what if', but once I walked out that door, I never thought about it again. Your life is a result of the choices you make, good or bad; and no matter what you do, you can't change the past. All you can do is learn from your mistakes, hopefully, and take control of your own destiny. No one is going to wave a magic wand and just hand you the life you want. You have to create the life you want yourself. I took control of my own destiny and worked hard to be happy and get the life I want."
"And does that happy life include the golden boy?"
"Sidney? I...uh..."
"Max, Bekah, turn the t.v. on," Scott yelped as he rushed through the door with Gloria close behind him. "FSN is showing some press conference with Mario," he said breathlessly as he flipped through the channels until he landed on the right one.
The four of us watched in silence as those dreadful words left Mario's lips. Every one in a while, the camera panned over to Sidney, who was looking on. His face was solemn, and I could tell he was fighting to hold back tears. My own tears began to fall as Mario said the Penguins were now Sidney's team and that he had every confidence Sid would lead the team back to greatness. The magnitude of the pressure Sid was already under had just been increased ten fold, and as the camera showed Sid smiling gratefully at his mentor's kind words, I felt nothing but sadness for this young boy who now was the sole bearer of the burden of making an entire city's expectations of winning a reality.
I cried not only for my own loss, but for Sidney's as well. I was so lost in my own thoughts I hadn't realized that at some point Max had taken my hand in his. He squeezed my hand as he handed me the box of tissues. I thanked him silently as we watched the rest of the press conference.
Max rubbed my back thoughtfully and asked if I was okay as Scott turned the t.v. off.
"I'm fine," I replied, drying the last of my tears.
"It's the end of an era," Scott said.
"And the beginning of a new one," Max added. "I have no doubt that Sid will step up and lead this team now."
What was this? Did Max actually say something positive about Sid?
"Are you sure you're going to be okay Bekahboo?" Max asked.
Bekahboo?
"I'm sure."
"Then I'm going to get going, I have some errands to run. I'll give you a call okay?"
"Sure," I answered as he kissed both my cheeks.
"Scott, Gloria, thank you for letting me invade your space here. You have a beautiful son. Your family will be in my prayers."
"Thank you Max," Gloria said thoughtfully as she wrapped Max in a warm hug. "I'm sure we'll see you again soon."
"I'm sure you will," he replied before leaving the room.

Gloria looked at me knowingly. "Max is a wonderful young man Bekah."
"Don't even go there Gloria!"
"Whaaaat?" she asked acting all innocent. "I just made a simple little comment."
"And I know where you're going with that comment."
"It's obvious he cares about you very much Bekah."
"I already have one hockey player in my life causing me grief, I certainly don't need another one!"
"Oh come on! The thought of two hot, young hockey players fighting over you doesn't excite you in the least?"
"No! And they're not going to fight over me. Max and I are just friends."
"He sure didn't look at you like he wanted to be your friend."
"I'm leaving now," I said as I walked out of the room.
"Never say never!" she yelled after me.



"I came as soon as I got your message," I said to Mario as he let me in his front door.
"I'm worried Bekah. He hasn't come home yet and he's not answering his cell."
"I'm sure he's fine," I said trying to mask my own concern. The press conference had been over for hours and no one had heard a word from Sid. He hadn't even tried to call or text me.
"I knew he'd take it hard, but he's never dropped out of contact like this," Nathalie added. "Will you try calling him? Maybe if he sees your number he'll pick up."
"I'll try."
I dialed Sid's number from my cell phone and listened to it ring. Nothing. I tried five more times before deciding to leave a message.

"Sidney, it's me. I know you're upset and hurting right now, but you have everyone worried sick. You need to come home. Nat's frantic and Mario's worried too. If you don't want to be around anyone can you at least call the Lemieux's and let them know that you're okay? They're worried; we all are. Please Sidney."

"I don't know if that will help, but we'll wait and see," I said trying to sound hopeful.
"Thank you for trying Bekah," Mario said. "Can you wait with us? I'm sure Sid will want to see your face when he gets home?"
"Mario!" Nathalie scolded. "She has her own family to get home too and it's already late. You can't ask that of her."
"It's okay Nathalie, the boys are with a friend of mine. I'd actually like to stay if that's okay?"
"Of course dear; we'd like that very much."

We sat in the kitchen for another hour, sipping tea and waiting for any sign of Sid. We tried to distract each other by talking about the kids and anything we could think of, but finally the conversation turned towards me and Sid.
"I don't want to pry, but what happened between you two?" Nathalie asked.
"It's none of our business Nat," Mario said.
"It's okay Mario. I might as well talk about it. Maybe it will start to make some sense if I hear it out loud."
I told the story of everything that had happened, including everything about Max. I thought it would be weird at first because the Lemieux's were like Sid's second parents, but it really wasn't. They were able to add a different view on things that I could never have imagined on my own. They really knew Sid and were able to shed some light on the way his mind works sometimes. As a hockey wife, Nat was able to really put things in perspective for me."
"Bekah, it's not the players that are the building blocks of this team, it's the wives and girlfriends and people who support them. Without us, they are not able to form a solid structure. If a player doesn't have a good support system behind him, he can become the chink in the armour. I know better than anyone that life with a hockey player isn't always a walk in the park. But I also know how impossible it is not to love these guys. With a good woman standing beside them, there is no limit to the things they can accomplish; the things you can accomplish together. I also know that no matter how tough it gets sometimes, it is sooo worth it in the end."
Mario took his wife's hand and kissed it gently and she looked at him like she was still a lovesick teenager.
"You guys are amazing," I said. "I could only dream of having the kind of relationship you guys have after all these years."
"You don't have to dream about it Bekah," Mario said.
"You just have to be willing to take what's right in front of you," Nathalie added.
"You've certainly given me alot to think about," I said not able to contain a yawn any longer.
"Why don't you go wait in Sid's place? At least try and get some sleep."
"I think I'll take you up on that," I said getting up from the table. "Will you wake me if you hear from him?"
"Of course."
I went up to Sid's floor and turned the t.v. on in his living room. I started to watch a movie but sleep quickly took over my body. It felt like I'd only been asleep for a minute when I felt a strong hand gently trying to shake me awake.
"Bekah? Bekah wake up."
"Hmmmm?" I said rubbing my eyes.
"Beks?"
That immediately made me open my eyes.
"Sidney!" I took his face in my hands. "Oh Sidney, thank god you're okay!" I said before planting a kiss on those lips. I didn't want my lips to leave his, but when they did, I wrapped him in my arms and held him as tight as I could.
"I'm sorry Beks," he said as he began to sob uncontrollably. "So, so sorry."
"Shhhh," I said rocking back and forth. "Me to baby, me too."
I held him and caressed his unruly curls and just let him cry. And I cried right along with him. When exhaustion set in, I whispered in his ear, "let's go to bed."