I was alone; or at least as alone as you could be in a bar full of people. It's a week night for crying out loud! I know I'm pretty out of the 'night life', but seriously? Don't these people have to go to work tomorrow?
I was about to get up and go find Lily when Marc and Colby came back.
"Where's Max?" Colby asked.
"He left."
"That has to be a record! He found someone already?"
"I don't think so. I'm pretty sure he left by himself," I replied.
"That's impossible, Max does not leave by himself."
"Well he did tonight."
Colby pondered his next statement for a minute.
"Impressive," he finally said with a raised eyebrow.
Before I got a chance to ask what that meant, Marc's phone vibrated. He looked at the caller id, then at Colby.
"Sorry, I have to take this," he said excusing himself.
"Colby, what did you mean by 'impressive'?"
"What? Oh...I...umm... I have to pee. Be right back!"
A few minutes later Marc returned and asked where Colby was.
"Apparently I have a knack for making men leave. I asked him a question and he bolted."
"Was it a serious question?"
"I don't think so, I just asked him what he meant by a comment he said earlier."
"That will do it. One thing you should know about Army is he speaks without thinking most of the time. Nothing he say ever makes sense and he doesn't like to explain himself so he'll avoid answering at all costs."
"Got it. No serious or personal conversations with Colby."
I was starting to get tired, (or the alcohol was getting to me, one or the other) so I decided I was going to go home. I just wanted to put this very strange night behind me. I was still mad at Sid and fueling that anger with more alcohol was not in anyone's best interest.
"Thanks for keeping me company tonight Marc, but I'm going to find Lily and head home."
"Uh, I don't mind taking you home."
"Thanks Marc, but I'm okay to go home with Lily."
Just then Colby appeared with a few other guys from the team.
"Hey Bek, your friend just left with some guy. They were pretty hot and heavy, I'll be surprised if they even make it out of the parking lot!"
Great! Note to self: KILL LILY!
"I guess you're stuck with me now," Marc said standing up.
"You should stay with the rest of the guys, I can take a cab."
"Oh no you can't! Sid would kill me if he found out I didn't make sure you got home safe."
"How does Sid know I'm here?"
"Uh, I...I didn't say that he did. You ready?"
Why does everybody keep changing the subject?
"Yes, I'm ready."
I said goodbye to everyone and they all looked at me in that pitiful 'I feel sorry for you' look. I'm sure word had already spread about what happened with Sid. I just wanted to get the hell out of here and go home.
The ride home stared out quietly. Marc turned the radio down so it was barely audible and he didn't make an effort to make small talk and I was relieved. I looked toward him gratefully and he must have caught me out of the corner of his eye because he smiled that great big smile at me and my heart nearly melted. He quickly looked away, almost like he was embarrassed, which I thought was endearing. I thought I'd take this opportunity to break the silence.
"Marc, if I ask you a question will you answer it honestly?"
"I'll try."
"Is this what I should expect after every loss?"
He took a deep breath and looked at me thoughtfully before he answered.
"Sid can be very complicated sometimes. He's under alot of pressure to live up to all the hype about him, to save this team, to save the whole league for that matter. He takes his responsibilities seriously and when we lose, he takes it personally. He feels like he's failed; like he has let everyone down. He hasn't really figured out how to deal with losing yet, it's not something he's ever been used to."
"That was a fantastic speech Marc, but that didn't even come close to answering my question. I completely understand the position he's in and the responsibility he carries on his shoulders, but it is no excuse for the lack of basic human decency. He was rude and down right nasty, and that was to me, someone he supposedly cares about! There is just no excuse for the way he treated me tonight, and if that is what I can expect after a loss...let's just say I will not put myself in that position again."
"He does care about you Bekah. He loves you."
"You do not treat people you love that way, under any circumstance."
"I agree, and I'm not making excuses for him, but believe me when I tell you he does love you, don't ever doubt that. Besides hockey, you are all the kid talks about. It's sickening really. He'd probably kill me if he knew I was telling you this but, Sid has never had a serious girlfriend before. I think he's having a tough time trying to deal with feelings he's never had and all the pressure he's under. I know he feels terrible about what happened tonight, so if you can, try to cut him a little slack. Talk to him, let him apologize, heck, make him beg for forgiveness, just don't make any hasty decisions until you hear what he has to say."
I looked at him thoughtfully and said, "Sid's lucky he has you as a friend ya know."
"I am your friend as well, I hope you know that. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask. Even if you just need to talk."
"Thank you Marc. And thank you for being so honest with me, you've given me alot to think about. I'm just glad I don't have to face Sid tonight. I'm still angry and I think I just need some time to process everything before I even think about seeing him."
"Oh," was the only thing he said and he suddenly started to fidget uncomfortably as he turned on to my street.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"Uh, wrong? No, why you say that?"
As he pulled into my driveway it became very clear why he was suddenly so uncomfortable.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Chapter 72
"Will you please slow down," I called practically running to catch up to him.
He was silent. He slowed his pace slightly but not nearly enough for me to walk comfortably beside him.
"Sid, what's wrong?" I asked innocently.
He whipped his head around and glared at me. He was still silent.
"Sidney are you going to speak?"
"Nope."
We came to the end of the concrete hallway and Sid took a left turn. I was a little confused. I was sure we had to go right to get to the player's parking lot.
"I thought the player's parking lot was the other way," I said following him anyways.
"It is."
"Then why are we going this way?"
He sighed like he was really annoyed with my questions.
" I had my truck moved inside."
"Why?"
"What's with the fucking third degree Bekah?" he snapped in a tone I did not care for.
"I'm just asking," I snapped back.
"Well I can't very well go out into a parking lot full of fans with you with me now can I?" he sneered.
I stopped dead in my tracks and watched him continue down the hall wondering how long it would take for him to notice I was no longer behind him. He got a good fifty feet before he stopped and turned around. I was still standing in the same spot with my arms folded across my chest. He didn't move at first, but when he realized I wasn't going to budge he dropped his shoulders and started back towards me.
"What's the problem?" he snipped as he approached me.
"You're the problem."
"What the fuck did I do?"
"How about your snotty tone for starters. Then we can throw in your attitude for the main course, and we can top it off with that really shitty comment for dessert."
"What are you talking about?"
"I didn't realize I was going to be such an inconvenience that you'd have to switch parking places, but did you really have to say it like that?"
"I just meant that we couldn't go out that way if we're going to keep our relationship secret."
"I know what you meant. It's not what you said, it's the way you said it."
"Jesus Christ Bekah, I don't have time for this bullshit. Don't you think you're over reacting just a bit?"
"Fuck you Crosby!" I spat as I turned on my heels and began to walk away.
"Where do you think you're going?"
I turned back around a walked towards him like I was on a mission. I stopped just in front of him and jabbed my finger into his chest.
"I am not going to be your punching bag because you're in a bad mood. You lost. Big fucking deal! You should be used to it by now! Stop being an immature asshole and taking it out on everyone around you!"
I started to walk away hoping that Lily had not left yet.
"Where the fuck are you going?" he yelled after me.
"Home!" I replied not looking back.
As I got to the fork in the hallway, I was relieved to see her still with Max, Flower and now Colby.
"Hey are you guys still going out for drinks?" I asked.
"Ummm yeah," Flower replied cautiously.
"Mind if I tag along?"
"But you don't drink," Lily said with the most confused look on her face.
"I do tonight."
"Well alright!" Colby hollered as he put his arm around me. "Let's get the hell outta here!"
Marc, Colby and I started off down the hall with Lily and Max trailing behind us.
"I don't know what's gotten into her," I heard Lily say.
"Golden boy. He's an ass after a loss. I told her he wouldn't be very good company tonight."
The ride to the club seemed to take forever. Max had gone with Lily and I sat in the back of Marc's truck by myself starring out the window into the darkness. Every few minutes I'd see Marc look at me in the rear view mirror then look at Colby and exchange knowing glances. Then Colby would peek over his shoulder and look at Flower.
"I can see you both looking at me you know," I finally said.
"Sorry," Marc said.
"Yeah, sorry," Colby echoed.
The rest of the trip was silent except Colby attempting to sing along to some of the songs on the radio. He must of heard me laugh because he turned around and said "What's so funny chuckles?"
"Nothing; nothing at all," I replied with a smirk on my face.
"Yeah, that's what I thought!" he said turning to face forward again.
"It's a good thing you're good at hockey," I said shaking my head.
"Are you implying that I cannot sing?" Colby asked pretending to act wounded.
"I'm not implying it at all. I'm coming right out and saying it!"
"Ouch, that hurts my heart."
"I'm very sorry, but your singing hurts my ears," I laughed.
Up until now, Flower had remained silent. Silent and neutral. But he couldn't hold back his laughter anymore.
"Thanks alot Flower! I thought us guys were supposed to stick together, have each other's backs."
"Sorry dude, but she's right! Is painful what you are doing."
"Well, I see I have met my nemesis! You Miss Jones are to me what kryptonite is to Superman. What the Joker is to Batman."
"No, I'm pretty sure you'd be the joker Colby!"
"Ooh another good one Bekah," Marc laughed as he pulled into the parking lot of the club.
"So you're a feisty one huh?" Colby said. "Let's see how feisty you get with a few drinks in ya!"
After a few too many vodka and cranberry's I was feeling pretty good. Lily was at the bar talking to some people she went to college with, (much to Max's dismay) and that left me at the table by myself with three fine looking young men. Sid had been calling my cell every ten minutes and I hadn't bothered to answer any of the calls. He had already ruined part of my night, I was not about to let him ruin the rest. I was surprised that I was actually having a good time with the guys. They were all so young, I didn't see how I'd have anything in common with them, but it didn't really seem to matter that I was in a totally different place in my life, we were enjoying each other's company.
Marc and Colby went to the bar to get another round of drinks and I was left alone with Max. I didn't really know him; just what Sid had told me and that wasn't really flattering. At least not the personal life anyways.
"I probably shouldn't say this," Max started, "but we all overheard you and golden boy at the arena tonight."
"That doesn't really surprise me, we weren't exactly quiet. How much did you hear?"
"Pretty much everything. Can I just say, good for you. Don't take his bullshit. He had no right to talk to you that way. Boy has no respect. You don't treat women that way."
"And you know how to treat women don't you Max? I've heard stories about you and all your women. Do you think that's any better than the way Sid treated me."
"You can't even compare. Golden boy supposedly loves you and he talks to you like you're nothing? Every girl I've ever been with knows exactly what I'm about and where she stands. When I'm with them, I treat them like they are queens."
"You just don't want to see them again after you sleep with them."
"They know that up front and they're all okay with it. They use me to say they've slept with a pro hockey player just as much as I'm using them for sex."
"And you don't care?"
"Nope!"
"And you've never met anyone that you want to spend more than one night with?"
"Sure I have, I just haven't met anyone that makes me want to stop sleeping with anyone else."
"So no one you could see yourself in a relationship with?"
"Uugh," Max shuttered. "Don't say the 'r' word."
"So what are your intentions with my friend Lily? You just want to fuck her and chuck her?"
Max looked a little surprised those words had just come out of my mouth.
"That's a good one, mind if Iuse it?"
"Be my guest. So...?"
Max looked at me with a look in his eye that I had never really seen before. A devious little grin appeared across his lips.
"Ya know, I wasn't too sure about you at first," he started. "I mean anyone who chose to date golden boy, I had to question their character. But you, mon petit bijou, are special. I can see that from the way you stood up for yourself. You are different than other girls. I still think that you have poor taste, but I'll overlook it."
"Max, you've made it quite clear that you don't really like Sid. My question is why?"
"Je ne sais pas. Maybe it because he's arrogant. Maybe it because he thinks he's entitled. Maybe it because he thinks he's special."
"But he kinda is isn't he?"
"Some say so. Not me. What I know is you are much too good for him. He does not deserve you."
I was beginning to feel slightly awkward so I changed the subject back to Lily.
"You've done very well avoiding my question about your intentions with my friend."
"Ah oui, Lily. Maybe my intentions were not the purest, but not anymore. She is your friend, and any friend of yours is off limits. I will set my sights on someone else," he said with that grin on his face and look in his eye again.
He took my hand and kissed the back of it before getting up and kissing each of my cheeks French style.
"Bon soir mon petit bijou." And then he was gone.
He was silent. He slowed his pace slightly but not nearly enough for me to walk comfortably beside him.
"Sid, what's wrong?" I asked innocently.
He whipped his head around and glared at me. He was still silent.
"Sidney are you going to speak?"
"Nope."
We came to the end of the concrete hallway and Sid took a left turn. I was a little confused. I was sure we had to go right to get to the player's parking lot.
"I thought the player's parking lot was the other way," I said following him anyways.
"It is."
"Then why are we going this way?"
He sighed like he was really annoyed with my questions.
" I had my truck moved inside."
"Why?"
"What's with the fucking third degree Bekah?" he snapped in a tone I did not care for.
"I'm just asking," I snapped back.
"Well I can't very well go out into a parking lot full of fans with you with me now can I?" he sneered.
I stopped dead in my tracks and watched him continue down the hall wondering how long it would take for him to notice I was no longer behind him. He got a good fifty feet before he stopped and turned around. I was still standing in the same spot with my arms folded across my chest. He didn't move at first, but when he realized I wasn't going to budge he dropped his shoulders and started back towards me.
"What's the problem?" he snipped as he approached me.
"You're the problem."
"What the fuck did I do?"
"How about your snotty tone for starters. Then we can throw in your attitude for the main course, and we can top it off with that really shitty comment for dessert."
"What are you talking about?"
"I didn't realize I was going to be such an inconvenience that you'd have to switch parking places, but did you really have to say it like that?"
"I just meant that we couldn't go out that way if we're going to keep our relationship secret."
"I know what you meant. It's not what you said, it's the way you said it."
"Jesus Christ Bekah, I don't have time for this bullshit. Don't you think you're over reacting just a bit?"
"Fuck you Crosby!" I spat as I turned on my heels and began to walk away.
"Where do you think you're going?"
I turned back around a walked towards him like I was on a mission. I stopped just in front of him and jabbed my finger into his chest.
"I am not going to be your punching bag because you're in a bad mood. You lost. Big fucking deal! You should be used to it by now! Stop being an immature asshole and taking it out on everyone around you!"
I started to walk away hoping that Lily had not left yet.
"Where the fuck are you going?" he yelled after me.
"Home!" I replied not looking back.
As I got to the fork in the hallway, I was relieved to see her still with Max, Flower and now Colby.
"Hey are you guys still going out for drinks?" I asked.
"Ummm yeah," Flower replied cautiously.
"Mind if I tag along?"
"But you don't drink," Lily said with the most confused look on her face.
"I do tonight."
"Well alright!" Colby hollered as he put his arm around me. "Let's get the hell outta here!"
Marc, Colby and I started off down the hall with Lily and Max trailing behind us.
"I don't know what's gotten into her," I heard Lily say.
"Golden boy. He's an ass after a loss. I told her he wouldn't be very good company tonight."
The ride to the club seemed to take forever. Max had gone with Lily and I sat in the back of Marc's truck by myself starring out the window into the darkness. Every few minutes I'd see Marc look at me in the rear view mirror then look at Colby and exchange knowing glances. Then Colby would peek over his shoulder and look at Flower.
"I can see you both looking at me you know," I finally said.
"Sorry," Marc said.
"Yeah, sorry," Colby echoed.
The rest of the trip was silent except Colby attempting to sing along to some of the songs on the radio. He must of heard me laugh because he turned around and said "What's so funny chuckles?"
"Nothing; nothing at all," I replied with a smirk on my face.
"Yeah, that's what I thought!" he said turning to face forward again.
"It's a good thing you're good at hockey," I said shaking my head.
"Are you implying that I cannot sing?" Colby asked pretending to act wounded.
"I'm not implying it at all. I'm coming right out and saying it!"
"Ouch, that hurts my heart."
"I'm very sorry, but your singing hurts my ears," I laughed.
Up until now, Flower had remained silent. Silent and neutral. But he couldn't hold back his laughter anymore.
"Thanks alot Flower! I thought us guys were supposed to stick together, have each other's backs."
"Sorry dude, but she's right! Is painful what you are doing."
"Well, I see I have met my nemesis! You Miss Jones are to me what kryptonite is to Superman. What the Joker is to Batman."
"No, I'm pretty sure you'd be the joker Colby!"
"Ooh another good one Bekah," Marc laughed as he pulled into the parking lot of the club.
"So you're a feisty one huh?" Colby said. "Let's see how feisty you get with a few drinks in ya!"
After a few too many vodka and cranberry's I was feeling pretty good. Lily was at the bar talking to some people she went to college with, (much to Max's dismay) and that left me at the table by myself with three fine looking young men. Sid had been calling my cell every ten minutes and I hadn't bothered to answer any of the calls. He had already ruined part of my night, I was not about to let him ruin the rest. I was surprised that I was actually having a good time with the guys. They were all so young, I didn't see how I'd have anything in common with them, but it didn't really seem to matter that I was in a totally different place in my life, we were enjoying each other's company.
Marc and Colby went to the bar to get another round of drinks and I was left alone with Max. I didn't really know him; just what Sid had told me and that wasn't really flattering. At least not the personal life anyways.
"I probably shouldn't say this," Max started, "but we all overheard you and golden boy at the arena tonight."
"That doesn't really surprise me, we weren't exactly quiet. How much did you hear?"
"Pretty much everything. Can I just say, good for you. Don't take his bullshit. He had no right to talk to you that way. Boy has no respect. You don't treat women that way."
"And you know how to treat women don't you Max? I've heard stories about you and all your women. Do you think that's any better than the way Sid treated me."
"You can't even compare. Golden boy supposedly loves you and he talks to you like you're nothing? Every girl I've ever been with knows exactly what I'm about and where she stands. When I'm with them, I treat them like they are queens."
"You just don't want to see them again after you sleep with them."
"They know that up front and they're all okay with it. They use me to say they've slept with a pro hockey player just as much as I'm using them for sex."
"And you don't care?"
"Nope!"
"And you've never met anyone that you want to spend more than one night with?"
"Sure I have, I just haven't met anyone that makes me want to stop sleeping with anyone else."
"So no one you could see yourself in a relationship with?"
"Uugh," Max shuttered. "Don't say the 'r' word."
"So what are your intentions with my friend Lily? You just want to fuck her and chuck her?"
Max looked a little surprised those words had just come out of my mouth.
"That's a good one, mind if Iuse it?"
"Be my guest. So...?"
Max looked at me with a look in his eye that I had never really seen before. A devious little grin appeared across his lips.
"Ya know, I wasn't too sure about you at first," he started. "I mean anyone who chose to date golden boy, I had to question their character. But you, mon petit bijou, are special. I can see that from the way you stood up for yourself. You are different than other girls. I still think that you have poor taste, but I'll overlook it."
"Max, you've made it quite clear that you don't really like Sid. My question is why?"
"Je ne sais pas. Maybe it because he's arrogant. Maybe it because he thinks he's entitled. Maybe it because he thinks he's special."
"But he kinda is isn't he?"
"Some say so. Not me. What I know is you are much too good for him. He does not deserve you."
I was beginning to feel slightly awkward so I changed the subject back to Lily.
"You've done very well avoiding my question about your intentions with my friend."
"Ah oui, Lily. Maybe my intentions were not the purest, but not anymore. She is your friend, and any friend of yours is off limits. I will set my sights on someone else," he said with that grin on his face and look in his eye again.
He took my hand and kissed the back of it before getting up and kissing each of my cheeks French style.
"Bon soir mon petit bijou." And then he was gone.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Chapter 71
Lily and I took our seats and waited for the guys to come out for warm ups.
"I'm really glad you could come with me tonight Lil. It seems like forever since we were able to spend any time together," I told my best friend.
"I know. Working opposite shifts has really put a damper on our social time, but at least it works for me staying with the boys while you're working. I love those kids ya know."
"Believe me, they love you too and so do I. I can't thank you enough for helping me out with the boys and everything else this last little while. I appreciate it."
The Pens came flying out of the runway and onto the ice. God I loved watching them just skating around their end before they started taking shots, it had to be my favourite thing about coming to the games. Just then, Sid skated by and gave me a little wink. I smiled in acknowledgement.
"If you really wanted to thank me, you could get me one of those! Damn he's gorgeous!"
"Hey, watch it! That's my boyfriend you're drooling over. Besides, they broke the mould when they made him."
"Your what?"
"Boyfriend."
"Since when?" Lily's high pitched scream rang out bringing the attention of about 50 people sitting around us with it.
"Will you keep your voice down, everyone's looking at us."
"I'm sorry, but you just blurt out that the best player in the NHL, not to mention one of the hottest is now your boyfriend and you want me to be quiet!"
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm asking."
"When did this happen?" Lily asked hungry for details.
"New Year's. He found out about his dad; everything he did to keep us apart and we talked through it. I was still determined to stay away from him until he told me he was in love with me and forced me to admit that I was in love with him and that was it. We just kinda happened. We both agreed that we were not going to tell anyone except for you, his family, Mario and Marc and Colby. I don't want the boys to know yet. They think were just friends anyways, so it works. Anyways, he left for the road trip the next day and just got home yesterday and here we are."
"How did he find out?"
"Gloria told him. Don't ask how because it's a long story."
"So, you've been holding out on me since New Years? And you call yourself my best friend!"
"I am your best friend Lil, it just kinda happened so fast, then he was gone and you and I have both been so busy, but I'm telling you now and that's what matters. Forgive me?"
Lily thought about it for a minute. "Forgiveness will require gifts," she smirked and I knew she wasn't really mad at me.
"Hmm, What kind of gift?"
Just then a loud bang startled the both of us. We looked up to see Max Talbot smirking after shooting a puck at the glass right in front of us.
"Oh-my-God! Can I have one of those?" Lily said without taking her eyes off Max.
"Oh Lily, that is one road you do NOT want to travel! I hear he's quite a womanizer."
"Then the ride might be fun!" was Lily's only reply.
Lily and I watched with disappointment as the Pens lost to the Thrashers 4-3. The physicality continued over from the previous game. Sid was hooked and high-sticked yet he was the one that got penalized for unsportsmanlike when he pointed out the infractions to the refs. I'm sure there were more than a few colourful words spewing from his lips, but nevertheless, it was bullshit.
Sid was outraged. I knew he was irritated with himself for letting Kovalchuk get under his skin again. Even Don Cherry stuck up for Sid after the missed calls. I knew it was not going to be pleasant after the game and momentarily debated leaving without seeing Sid but opted not to make the situation worse.
Lily and I waited in the family lounge after the game. Players were coming out a few at a time and I exchanged pleasantries with them. Most of them remembered me from the family skate before Christmas. A few minutes later Marc emerged from the locker room with Max. They made their way over to us and Lily grasped my arm.
"Hey Bekah, how are you?"
"I'm good Marc, how about yourself?"
"Oh, can't complain," he said giving me that trademark grin.
'Really, after a loss he's really this chipper?' I thought.
Max gave him a little nudge in the ribs.
"So, I don't think I've met your friend," Marc quickly said.
"I'm sorry, this is my friend Lily. Lily this is Marc and..."
"Uh Max," Max said extending his arm and shaking my hand. He and Lily locked eyes and shook hands a little too long without breaking their gaze. I looked at Marc and he looked at me and just shook his head. He coughed and cleared his throat to get Max's attention and Max quickly dropped Lily's hand.
"So Bekah, you're a friend of Sid's?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry to hear that. It's a bad night to be waiting for him, he's pissed! I don't think he's going to be very good company tonight."
"Don't worry about her, she can handle Sid. She's put him in his place more than once," Marc laughed.
"Really? I'm fascinated! Someone actually stood up to golden boy?"
"You wouldn't?"
"Stand up to Sid? Not a chance! I'd like to keep my job. Pissing off super star is not the way to do that!"
"That's a little harsh Max," Marc said. "Leave the guy alone. If you put up with even half the shit he has to, you'd be a little crusty too."
"Whatever Flower," Max said rolling his eyes. "We're going to go grab a drink at Diesel, do you ladies care to join us?" Max asked.
I looked at Lily and her eyes were pleading with me to say yes, but before I got a chance to answer, Sid came out of the locker room like a freight train. Without slowing down or making eye contact with anyone he said, "Let's go," and kept walking.
I looked at Marc, who mouthed the words 'I'm sorry', then to Max who said, "You'd better run, golden boy beckons."
"Lily?" I asked questioningly.
"Go, I'll be fine. I drove remember?"
"Thanks Lil, you're the best! I'll call you later."
I turned and ran to catch up to Sid, but not before I heard Marc say, "I sure wouldn't want to be her tonight!"
"I'm really glad you could come with me tonight Lil. It seems like forever since we were able to spend any time together," I told my best friend.
"I know. Working opposite shifts has really put a damper on our social time, but at least it works for me staying with the boys while you're working. I love those kids ya know."
"Believe me, they love you too and so do I. I can't thank you enough for helping me out with the boys and everything else this last little while. I appreciate it."
The Pens came flying out of the runway and onto the ice. God I loved watching them just skating around their end before they started taking shots, it had to be my favourite thing about coming to the games. Just then, Sid skated by and gave me a little wink. I smiled in acknowledgement.
"If you really wanted to thank me, you could get me one of those! Damn he's gorgeous!"
"Hey, watch it! That's my boyfriend you're drooling over. Besides, they broke the mould when they made him."
"Your what?"
"Boyfriend."
"Since when?" Lily's high pitched scream rang out bringing the attention of about 50 people sitting around us with it.
"Will you keep your voice down, everyone's looking at us."
"I'm sorry, but you just blurt out that the best player in the NHL, not to mention one of the hottest is now your boyfriend and you want me to be quiet!"
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm asking."
"When did this happen?" Lily asked hungry for details.
"New Year's. He found out about his dad; everything he did to keep us apart and we talked through it. I was still determined to stay away from him until he told me he was in love with me and forced me to admit that I was in love with him and that was it. We just kinda happened. We both agreed that we were not going to tell anyone except for you, his family, Mario and Marc and Colby. I don't want the boys to know yet. They think were just friends anyways, so it works. Anyways, he left for the road trip the next day and just got home yesterday and here we are."
"How did he find out?"
"Gloria told him. Don't ask how because it's a long story."
"So, you've been holding out on me since New Years? And you call yourself my best friend!"
"I am your best friend Lil, it just kinda happened so fast, then he was gone and you and I have both been so busy, but I'm telling you now and that's what matters. Forgive me?"
Lily thought about it for a minute. "Forgiveness will require gifts," she smirked and I knew she wasn't really mad at me.
"Hmm, What kind of gift?"
Just then a loud bang startled the both of us. We looked up to see Max Talbot smirking after shooting a puck at the glass right in front of us.
"Oh-my-God! Can I have one of those?" Lily said without taking her eyes off Max.
"Oh Lily, that is one road you do NOT want to travel! I hear he's quite a womanizer."
"Then the ride might be fun!" was Lily's only reply.
Lily and I watched with disappointment as the Pens lost to the Thrashers 4-3. The physicality continued over from the previous game. Sid was hooked and high-sticked yet he was the one that got penalized for unsportsmanlike when he pointed out the infractions to the refs. I'm sure there were more than a few colourful words spewing from his lips, but nevertheless, it was bullshit.
Sid was outraged. I knew he was irritated with himself for letting Kovalchuk get under his skin again. Even Don Cherry stuck up for Sid after the missed calls. I knew it was not going to be pleasant after the game and momentarily debated leaving without seeing Sid but opted not to make the situation worse.
Lily and I waited in the family lounge after the game. Players were coming out a few at a time and I exchanged pleasantries with them. Most of them remembered me from the family skate before Christmas. A few minutes later Marc emerged from the locker room with Max. They made their way over to us and Lily grasped my arm.
"Hey Bekah, how are you?"
"I'm good Marc, how about yourself?"
"Oh, can't complain," he said giving me that trademark grin.
'Really, after a loss he's really this chipper?' I thought.
Max gave him a little nudge in the ribs.
"So, I don't think I've met your friend," Marc quickly said.
"I'm sorry, this is my friend Lily. Lily this is Marc and..."
"Uh Max," Max said extending his arm and shaking my hand. He and Lily locked eyes and shook hands a little too long without breaking their gaze. I looked at Marc and he looked at me and just shook his head. He coughed and cleared his throat to get Max's attention and Max quickly dropped Lily's hand.
"So Bekah, you're a friend of Sid's?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry to hear that. It's a bad night to be waiting for him, he's pissed! I don't think he's going to be very good company tonight."
"Don't worry about her, she can handle Sid. She's put him in his place more than once," Marc laughed.
"Really? I'm fascinated! Someone actually stood up to golden boy?"
"You wouldn't?"
"Stand up to Sid? Not a chance! I'd like to keep my job. Pissing off super star is not the way to do that!"
"That's a little harsh Max," Marc said. "Leave the guy alone. If you put up with even half the shit he has to, you'd be a little crusty too."
"Whatever Flower," Max said rolling his eyes. "We're going to go grab a drink at Diesel, do you ladies care to join us?" Max asked.
I looked at Lily and her eyes were pleading with me to say yes, but before I got a chance to answer, Sid came out of the locker room like a freight train. Without slowing down or making eye contact with anyone he said, "Let's go," and kept walking.
I looked at Marc, who mouthed the words 'I'm sorry', then to Max who said, "You'd better run, golden boy beckons."
"Lily?" I asked questioningly.
"Go, I'll be fine. I drove remember?"
"Thanks Lil, you're the best! I'll call you later."
I turned and ran to catch up to Sid, but not before I heard Marc say, "I sure wouldn't want to be her tonight!"
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sidney's POV
I thought about yesterday as I drove to the rink. Holding her in my arms and waking up next to her was the most peaceful I've felt in a long time. Lying there beside her, watching her sleep, made it seem like there was nothing else going on in the outside world. I was completely at home with her. She was one person I felt that I could totally be myself around and not worry about what she'd think. I felt completely safe when I was with her. There was only one problem. Bekah drove me absolutely wild! Those eyes, those lips, that body! How was I going to be able to keep finding excuses not to be with her without her getting suspicious? How was I going to be able to resist her period?! Feeling her hands all over my body almost drove me to the brink. I wanted her so bad. I wanted so badly to hold her and kiss her and make love to her. But the very thought scared me to death! I have never been with anyone before. What if I was horrible? Would she know how inexperienced I was? Of course she'd know! Talk about pressure! No, this definitely couldn't happen, not right now. Not anytime soon!
"What's up with you today Sid?" Flower asked as we finished up practice.
"Nothing, why?"
"You were, how you say...an animal. So much energy."
"I'm just feeling good. Nothing unusual. Do you want to stay and take some shots, I'm not ready to go quite yet?"
"More shots? From you? Can't you just use the empty net? I don't know if I can handle any more one on one's from you with the way you've been shooting today."
"C'mon Flower, I need the challenge. Not that shooting against you is a real challenge..."
"That was low even for you Sid," Marc said as he lowered his mask and skated back towards the net.
I took a few shots on him and then skated around in circles. This was actually my favourite time. Staying after practice, skating by myself, shooting on the empty net, practising picking up the pucks as they bounce off the boards. It's where I came to do most of my thinking.
"Hey, I thought we were going to grab some lunch?" Army's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah, I just wanted some more time on the ice."
"Uh oh. More time on the ice means that something is bothering you and you've recruited Flower to be your tutor shooter. Oh man this can't be good."
Colby skated over to the net and stood beside Flower and they both looked at me with anticipation. I skated around in a few more circles before picking up a puck and stick handling it for a bit.
"You two couldn't be more wrong," I said bouncing the puck on the end of my stick before hitting it baseball style and sending it whizzing right by Flower's head.
"Hey watch it! I didn't even have my mask down!"
"So if you're not pissed about something, what's up?" Army said skating towards me and passing me the puck I'd just shot at Flower's head.
"Nothing. I couldn't be happier really. Well, I would be happier if we were winning, but other than that, I can't complain."
Army had a puzzled look on his face. Finally he had it! "Did you get laid last night or something?" he asked.
"Jesus Christ Army, could you be any more crude?"
"Actually yeah. So did you?"
Army's question had gotten Flower's attention and he now skated towards us at centre ice.
"No. Not that I would tell you if I did, but that's not why I'm happy."
"Does this have something to do with Bekah?" Marc asked.
"Wait, who's Bekah?" was Army's question.
"Bekah is a girl that Sid liked but his dad didn't. He even threatened her to stay away from him."
"Whoa. He didn't threaten her, he just strongly suggested," I found myself trying to defend my dad.
"Yeah, strongly suggested that if she didn't stay away from you it would ruin your career and your reputation."
"What's wrong with this girl?" Colby asked.
"Absolutely nothing. She's beautiful and amazing and smart and beautiful and..."
"And she's a mother!" Flower interrupted.
"Holy fuck! You like a girl with a kid? What the hell's wrong with you Sid?"
"Nothing is wrong with me."
"And it's not just one kid, it's two. And she's been divorced, and her son is the same age as Sid's sister, and she's what? Ten years older than you?"
"Well, I don't know Flower, this seems to be your story. And it's twelve years actually."
"Ten, twelve, who gives a shit! Sid, buddy, listen to me. Old, divorced, mother? What the hell are you thinking? You need to get as far away from this girl as you can. Sorry pal, I'm with your dad on this one! Besides, you're young, and not really my type, but some people think you're hot and you play in the NHL for crying out loud! You can have any girl you want and then some. Explore your options my friend. Get to know a few puck sluts, have some fun!"
"I don't want any of that bullshit. I'm not going to go screw any girl with a heartbeat just because I can. I want to be with someone I'm in love with. I want to be with Bekah."
"Yeah well fat chance of that happening when daddy don't approve."
"Actually, she and my dad worked everything out. He adores her now and I have his support to be with her."
"Has he lost his mind?"
"Wait, did you say LOVE?" Flower asked.
"Yes. I love her. I'm in love with her and she's in love with me too. We are together but we're keeping it very quiet for now. Bekah doesn't want the boys to know yet, so she's only telling Lily and the old couple next door and I'm only telling my family, Mario and you two, so as my best friends, I expect you to keep your mouths shut."
"We can't even tell anyone else on the team?" Colby asked. "We need to recruit some help if we're going to make fun of you for dating an old chick."
"You're not funny Army. And no. No one else knows. Not yet. Everybody already knows were friends anyways, so it won't be hard to explain why we're hanging out."
"Are you sure about this mon ami?"
"Yes Flower, I'm sure. What's with the doubt? I thought you liked Bekah?"
"I do. I adore her actually, and her kids. I just want to make sure you're sure."
"I am. I haven't been this sure about anything except playing hockey."
"Then I'm happy for you."
"Merci Marc. It means alot. Army? What about you?"
He was silent for a moment. "You know I'll support whatever you want buddy, but can I ask you one thing?"
"What?"
"Do you order off the kid's menu when you two go to dinner?"
"What's up with you today Sid?" Flower asked as we finished up practice.
"Nothing, why?"
"You were, how you say...an animal. So much energy."
"I'm just feeling good. Nothing unusual. Do you want to stay and take some shots, I'm not ready to go quite yet?"
"More shots? From you? Can't you just use the empty net? I don't know if I can handle any more one on one's from you with the way you've been shooting today."
"C'mon Flower, I need the challenge. Not that shooting against you is a real challenge..."
"That was low even for you Sid," Marc said as he lowered his mask and skated back towards the net.
I took a few shots on him and then skated around in circles. This was actually my favourite time. Staying after practice, skating by myself, shooting on the empty net, practising picking up the pucks as they bounce off the boards. It's where I came to do most of my thinking.
"Hey, I thought we were going to grab some lunch?" Army's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah, I just wanted some more time on the ice."
"Uh oh. More time on the ice means that something is bothering you and you've recruited Flower to be your tutor shooter. Oh man this can't be good."
Colby skated over to the net and stood beside Flower and they both looked at me with anticipation. I skated around in a few more circles before picking up a puck and stick handling it for a bit.
"You two couldn't be more wrong," I said bouncing the puck on the end of my stick before hitting it baseball style and sending it whizzing right by Flower's head.
"Hey watch it! I didn't even have my mask down!"
"So if you're not pissed about something, what's up?" Army said skating towards me and passing me the puck I'd just shot at Flower's head.
"Nothing. I couldn't be happier really. Well, I would be happier if we were winning, but other than that, I can't complain."
Army had a puzzled look on his face. Finally he had it! "Did you get laid last night or something?" he asked.
"Jesus Christ Army, could you be any more crude?"
"Actually yeah. So did you?"
Army's question had gotten Flower's attention and he now skated towards us at centre ice.
"No. Not that I would tell you if I did, but that's not why I'm happy."
"Does this have something to do with Bekah?" Marc asked.
"Wait, who's Bekah?" was Army's question.
"Bekah is a girl that Sid liked but his dad didn't. He even threatened her to stay away from him."
"Whoa. He didn't threaten her, he just strongly suggested," I found myself trying to defend my dad.
"Yeah, strongly suggested that if she didn't stay away from you it would ruin your career and your reputation."
"What's wrong with this girl?" Colby asked.
"Absolutely nothing. She's beautiful and amazing and smart and beautiful and..."
"And she's a mother!" Flower interrupted.
"Holy fuck! You like a girl with a kid? What the hell's wrong with you Sid?"
"Nothing is wrong with me."
"And it's not just one kid, it's two. And she's been divorced, and her son is the same age as Sid's sister, and she's what? Ten years older than you?"
"Well, I don't know Flower, this seems to be your story. And it's twelve years actually."
"Ten, twelve, who gives a shit! Sid, buddy, listen to me. Old, divorced, mother? What the hell are you thinking? You need to get as far away from this girl as you can. Sorry pal, I'm with your dad on this one! Besides, you're young, and not really my type, but some people think you're hot and you play in the NHL for crying out loud! You can have any girl you want and then some. Explore your options my friend. Get to know a few puck sluts, have some fun!"
"I don't want any of that bullshit. I'm not going to go screw any girl with a heartbeat just because I can. I want to be with someone I'm in love with. I want to be with Bekah."
"Yeah well fat chance of that happening when daddy don't approve."
"Actually, she and my dad worked everything out. He adores her now and I have his support to be with her."
"Has he lost his mind?"
"Wait, did you say LOVE?" Flower asked.
"Yes. I love her. I'm in love with her and she's in love with me too. We are together but we're keeping it very quiet for now. Bekah doesn't want the boys to know yet, so she's only telling Lily and the old couple next door and I'm only telling my family, Mario and you two, so as my best friends, I expect you to keep your mouths shut."
"We can't even tell anyone else on the team?" Colby asked. "We need to recruit some help if we're going to make fun of you for dating an old chick."
"You're not funny Army. And no. No one else knows. Not yet. Everybody already knows were friends anyways, so it won't be hard to explain why we're hanging out."
"Are you sure about this mon ami?"
"Yes Flower, I'm sure. What's with the doubt? I thought you liked Bekah?"
"I do. I adore her actually, and her kids. I just want to make sure you're sure."
"I am. I haven't been this sure about anything except playing hockey."
"Then I'm happy for you."
"Merci Marc. It means alot. Army? What about you?"
He was silent for a moment. "You know I'll support whatever you want buddy, but can I ask you one thing?"
"What?"
"Do you order off the kid's menu when you two go to dinner?"
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Chapter 70
We both got back into the car and sat in silence as we laid our heads back and closed our eyes. As if thinking the same thing at the same time we both burst out into laughter. Slowly regaining our composure, we looked at each other and smiled.
"I don't think I've ever had so much fun at breakfast before," Sid said.
"Me either. My cheeks hurt from laughing so much!"
"Maybe I can do something about that," he said, putting his hand on the back of my neck and pulling me towards him. He kissed my left cheek, then my right before placing a soft kiss on my lips.
"It was my cheeks that hurt, not my lips," I said giving him a sly smile.
"I know, but they were getting jealous. I couldn't leave them out."
"That was pretty cheesy Crosby, even for you."
"What can I say, you have that effect on me."
"Not exactly the effect I was going for."
"Oh don't worry your pretty little head. It's not the ONLY effect you have on me," he said starting to turn a slight shade of pink.
"Oh really? Care to elaborate?"
He cleared his throat before saying, "No, not right now."
I swear I heard his voice crack a little. Sid started the car and I couldn't stop my eyes from closing.
"Tired?" he asked as he grabbed my hand and held it in his.
"Mmm hmm. It was a very long night."
"How about we get you home to bed then?" he said pulling away from the school.
"Do you have to work tonight?"
"No, I have tonight and tomorrow off."
"Great! We play tomorrow. Are you coming to the game?"
"I think so. I'd really like to bring Lily because we haven't spent much time together lately. I'll have to see if the boys can stay with the Parkers."
"Why don't you bring them? You guys can sit up in the box with Mario."
"Absolutely not. We have to keep things the same remember?"
"But it would be easier for you to just bring the boys."
"No buts. We agreed, as far as everyone is concerned we are just friends. Sitting in the box with Mario would just raise too many questions."
"Fine. I know when I'm fighting a loosing battle. But you do realize that I am going to tell Flower and Army. And I'll have to tell Mario."
"I understand Mario, but do you really think it's a good idea to tell Marc and Colby? That is not really the way to keep our relationship quiet."
"They are my best friends, I have to tell them. We can trust them not to say anything to anyone."
"It's your call Sid," I told him as we walked into the house. "If you think it's fine, I'm sure it will be."
"I won't tell them if you're not comfortable with it."
"It's fine. The main thing is to keep the kids out of it for now. Telling Marc and Colby has nothing to do with the boys. Hey, how did you weasel your way back in here anyways?" I asked.
Our conversation had just been so easy that it seemed like the natural flow of things to keep going, even if that meant coming back into the house.
"I figured I'd stay with you until you fell asleep," he said shyly.
"Is that right? And how are you going to lock the door on your way out?"
"Who's picking the boys up after school?"
"Me and don't answer a question with a question."
"That's not a very long sleep."
"I don't need a long sleep, otherwise I won't sleep tonight."
"So why don't I just stay here until you have to get the boys?"
"You have balls Crosby, inviting yourself into my house and I suppose my bed?"
"That is where you sleep isn't it?"
"What about your phone interviews?"
"Not til four. Next question?"
I thought about this for a minute. I knew I didn't really want him to leave, but I didn't want to make it easy for him either.
"You don't snore do you?"
Sid made some phone calls while I went into the bathroom to change. When I came out, Sid was just hanging up his phone.
"Thanks Mario, I'll see you this afternoon. Bye."
"Checking in with the boss?" I asked as I made my way across the room to the bed. Sid's eyes followed me like a cat tracking a fly.
"Uh yeah. Just letting him know where I was. I don't want him to worry about me," he replied not taking his eyes off me.
"What are you looking at?" I asked. "There's not a Nike swoosh in sight!"
"You. You are absolutely beautiful."
"Yeah, men's boxers and a tank are extremely hot! I don't know why they don't put this look on the cover of the Victoria's Secret catalogue," I said as I crawled under the covers.
"That's the thing about you Bekah, you have no idea how beautiful you are or how it affects people around you. You've got to see how beautiful you are when you look in the mirror," he said starting to get undressed. Now it was me who couldn't take my eyes off him.
"No, I see bags under my eyes and the gray hairs starting to show. There's a sexy image!"
"Stop! You are incredibly sexy and I don't see any of those things," he said sliding in bed next to me and propping himself up on his elbow so he could face me.
"Then I think you need to get your eyes checked."
"Why do you have such a hard time accepting how beautiful you are?"
"Because I don't think I am and it sure isn't something anyone's ever really told me before."
"You're kidding right? No one has ever told you're beautiful? Not even your parents?"
"Clearly you don't remember what I've told you about my past very well. David. David used to tell me I was beautiful all the time, but he was my little brother, hardly the voice of reason."
A look of sadness filled Sidney's carmel eyes. He moved closer to me and stroked my hair. He ran his finger down the side of my face and along my jaw until it was lifting my chin to look into his eyes.
"Well I'm telling you now," he whispered. "You are incredibly beautiful inside and out and that's why I love you."
His lips touched mine, and I swear I felt sparks fly! He pulled me closer to him until I was enveloped in his strong arms. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him, feeling every muscle tense with every movement our bodies made. Our legs intertwined with one another and our lips, tongues and hands explored places we dared not go before this moment. He rolled over onto his back pulling me up on top of him in one fluid motion. As I sat straddled over his massive legs, looking deep into his golden eyes, I could feel his passion growing beneath me and it was that moment it hit me. Seven years. It had been almost seven years since I last had sex and it had been in no way enjoyable or by choice most of the last year of my marriage. Could I even do this? Do I even remember how to do it? Most of my memories were trying to stop it or just going numb until it was over. How do I let myself feel the pleasure? I don't know, but looking down at Sid, I knew it was him that I wanted to find out with. I let my hands caress his chest, then over his shoulders and down his arms. God I wanted him. I wanted him to hold me, caress every inch of my body. I wanted to feel him inside me as we made love. I couldn't take it anymore! I pulled him up to me and kissed him with everything I had left in me. His lips tasted so sweet, and as our tongues danced his hands explored my body underneath my tank top. I threw my head back to try and catch my breath but found myself even more breathless as he moved his lips from mine down my jaw to my neck and along my shoulder. I reached my hands up into his hair and grabbed onto his curls and let my body feel every amazing sensation I was experiencing. His hands slowly came around and cupped my breasts as he kissed them through my tank top. The shear pleasure nearly sent me over the edge and when I gasped I must have scared him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered breathlessly wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. I know we said we'd take it slow."
"There's nothing to be sorry for," I said lifting his head and kissing him once again, praying we'd continue where we'd left off.
"No. I was out of line. We said slow and that's how it needs to be."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Of all the things I've said to him, this is the one he chooses to follow!
I rolled off of him and he settled down on his back and I sat facing him.
"Okay. You sure know how to make a girl feel like shit. What's going on Sid?" I said with more than a hint of anger in my voice.
"Come here," he said pulling me down into his arm. I laid my head on his shoulder and he held my hand against his chest. I could feel just how hard his heart was beating.
"Don't be mad," he said kissing my forehead. "We said we were going to take things slow, and as much as I want you right now, the time isn't right. Bekah I love you, and when I make love to you for the first time, I want it to be special and romantic and perfect and everything you deserve. I don't want it to be like this."
"I thought this was pretty great," I said snuggling in closer to him, tiredness starting to take over.
"This was great, but you deserve better. I want to give you everything Beks."
He got no response except the steady rhythm of her deep breathing and he knew she was asleep.
"Sweet dreams Beks. I love you," he whispered as he too drifted off into the most peaceful sleep he's had since he could remember.
"I don't think I've ever had so much fun at breakfast before," Sid said.
"Me either. My cheeks hurt from laughing so much!"
"Maybe I can do something about that," he said, putting his hand on the back of my neck and pulling me towards him. He kissed my left cheek, then my right before placing a soft kiss on my lips.
"It was my cheeks that hurt, not my lips," I said giving him a sly smile.
"I know, but they were getting jealous. I couldn't leave them out."
"That was pretty cheesy Crosby, even for you."
"What can I say, you have that effect on me."
"Not exactly the effect I was going for."
"Oh don't worry your pretty little head. It's not the ONLY effect you have on me," he said starting to turn a slight shade of pink.
"Oh really? Care to elaborate?"
He cleared his throat before saying, "No, not right now."
I swear I heard his voice crack a little. Sid started the car and I couldn't stop my eyes from closing.
"Tired?" he asked as he grabbed my hand and held it in his.
"Mmm hmm. It was a very long night."
"How about we get you home to bed then?" he said pulling away from the school.
"Do you have to work tonight?"
"No, I have tonight and tomorrow off."
"Great! We play tomorrow. Are you coming to the game?"
"I think so. I'd really like to bring Lily because we haven't spent much time together lately. I'll have to see if the boys can stay with the Parkers."
"Why don't you bring them? You guys can sit up in the box with Mario."
"Absolutely not. We have to keep things the same remember?"
"But it would be easier for you to just bring the boys."
"No buts. We agreed, as far as everyone is concerned we are just friends. Sitting in the box with Mario would just raise too many questions."
"Fine. I know when I'm fighting a loosing battle. But you do realize that I am going to tell Flower and Army. And I'll have to tell Mario."
"I understand Mario, but do you really think it's a good idea to tell Marc and Colby? That is not really the way to keep our relationship quiet."
"They are my best friends, I have to tell them. We can trust them not to say anything to anyone."
"It's your call Sid," I told him as we walked into the house. "If you think it's fine, I'm sure it will be."
"I won't tell them if you're not comfortable with it."
"It's fine. The main thing is to keep the kids out of it for now. Telling Marc and Colby has nothing to do with the boys. Hey, how did you weasel your way back in here anyways?" I asked.
Our conversation had just been so easy that it seemed like the natural flow of things to keep going, even if that meant coming back into the house.
"I figured I'd stay with you until you fell asleep," he said shyly.
"Is that right? And how are you going to lock the door on your way out?"
"Who's picking the boys up after school?"
"Me and don't answer a question with a question."
"That's not a very long sleep."
"I don't need a long sleep, otherwise I won't sleep tonight."
"So why don't I just stay here until you have to get the boys?"
"You have balls Crosby, inviting yourself into my house and I suppose my bed?"
"That is where you sleep isn't it?"
"What about your phone interviews?"
"Not til four. Next question?"
I thought about this for a minute. I knew I didn't really want him to leave, but I didn't want to make it easy for him either.
"You don't snore do you?"
Sid made some phone calls while I went into the bathroom to change. When I came out, Sid was just hanging up his phone.
"Thanks Mario, I'll see you this afternoon. Bye."
"Checking in with the boss?" I asked as I made my way across the room to the bed. Sid's eyes followed me like a cat tracking a fly.
"Uh yeah. Just letting him know where I was. I don't want him to worry about me," he replied not taking his eyes off me.
"What are you looking at?" I asked. "There's not a Nike swoosh in sight!"
"You. You are absolutely beautiful."
"Yeah, men's boxers and a tank are extremely hot! I don't know why they don't put this look on the cover of the Victoria's Secret catalogue," I said as I crawled under the covers.
"That's the thing about you Bekah, you have no idea how beautiful you are or how it affects people around you. You've got to see how beautiful you are when you look in the mirror," he said starting to get undressed. Now it was me who couldn't take my eyes off him.
"No, I see bags under my eyes and the gray hairs starting to show. There's a sexy image!"
"Stop! You are incredibly sexy and I don't see any of those things," he said sliding in bed next to me and propping himself up on his elbow so he could face me.
"Then I think you need to get your eyes checked."
"Why do you have such a hard time accepting how beautiful you are?"
"Because I don't think I am and it sure isn't something anyone's ever really told me before."
"You're kidding right? No one has ever told you're beautiful? Not even your parents?"
"Clearly you don't remember what I've told you about my past very well. David. David used to tell me I was beautiful all the time, but he was my little brother, hardly the voice of reason."
A look of sadness filled Sidney's carmel eyes. He moved closer to me and stroked my hair. He ran his finger down the side of my face and along my jaw until it was lifting my chin to look into his eyes.
"Well I'm telling you now," he whispered. "You are incredibly beautiful inside and out and that's why I love you."
His lips touched mine, and I swear I felt sparks fly! He pulled me closer to him until I was enveloped in his strong arms. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him, feeling every muscle tense with every movement our bodies made. Our legs intertwined with one another and our lips, tongues and hands explored places we dared not go before this moment. He rolled over onto his back pulling me up on top of him in one fluid motion. As I sat straddled over his massive legs, looking deep into his golden eyes, I could feel his passion growing beneath me and it was that moment it hit me. Seven years. It had been almost seven years since I last had sex and it had been in no way enjoyable or by choice most of the last year of my marriage. Could I even do this? Do I even remember how to do it? Most of my memories were trying to stop it or just going numb until it was over. How do I let myself feel the pleasure? I don't know, but looking down at Sid, I knew it was him that I wanted to find out with. I let my hands caress his chest, then over his shoulders and down his arms. God I wanted him. I wanted him to hold me, caress every inch of my body. I wanted to feel him inside me as we made love. I couldn't take it anymore! I pulled him up to me and kissed him with everything I had left in me. His lips tasted so sweet, and as our tongues danced his hands explored my body underneath my tank top. I threw my head back to try and catch my breath but found myself even more breathless as he moved his lips from mine down my jaw to my neck and along my shoulder. I reached my hands up into his hair and grabbed onto his curls and let my body feel every amazing sensation I was experiencing. His hands slowly came around and cupped my breasts as he kissed them through my tank top. The shear pleasure nearly sent me over the edge and when I gasped I must have scared him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered breathlessly wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. I know we said we'd take it slow."
"There's nothing to be sorry for," I said lifting his head and kissing him once again, praying we'd continue where we'd left off.
"No. I was out of line. We said slow and that's how it needs to be."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Of all the things I've said to him, this is the one he chooses to follow!
I rolled off of him and he settled down on his back and I sat facing him.
"Okay. You sure know how to make a girl feel like shit. What's going on Sid?" I said with more than a hint of anger in my voice.
"Come here," he said pulling me down into his arm. I laid my head on his shoulder and he held my hand against his chest. I could feel just how hard his heart was beating.
"Don't be mad," he said kissing my forehead. "We said we were going to take things slow, and as much as I want you right now, the time isn't right. Bekah I love you, and when I make love to you for the first time, I want it to be special and romantic and perfect and everything you deserve. I don't want it to be like this."
"I thought this was pretty great," I said snuggling in closer to him, tiredness starting to take over.
"This was great, but you deserve better. I want to give you everything Beks."
He got no response except the steady rhythm of her deep breathing and he knew she was asleep.
"Sweet dreams Beks. I love you," he whispered as he too drifted off into the most peaceful sleep he's had since he could remember.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Chapter 69
By the time I walked through the door in the morning, I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through breakfast without falling asleep. I looked at my watch; 6:40. Enough time to take a quick shower to rid myself of that hospital smell and hopefully rejuvenate a little.
I let the hot water flow over my shoulders and run down my back, relaxing my tired muscles. I lathered my hair with my favourite tangerine shampoo and did a quick scrub with the pomegranate body wash Lily got me hooked on. I could have stayed in there for at least another hour but the sound of Jake and Alex stomping down the hallway quickly brought that fantasy to an end. I turned the water off and quickly dried off and threw on my favourite penguin pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, wondering if I had time to throw a little make up on before Sid got there.
The sound of the boys squealing Sidney's name answered that question for me.
"Sidneeeeeeey!" I heard as I came around the corner just in time to see Alex give Sid a high five and Jake wrap himself around Sid's leg.
"Wow! That's quite a greeting," Sid chuckled as he pried Jake of his leg and lifted him up so he could give him a proper hug.
"We haven't seen you in like, forever!" Jake said enthusiastically. "Wait, what are you doing here so early?"
Lily came out of the spare bedroom and down the hallway to join me in watching this heartwarming scene unfold.
"Well, I just got back from my road trip last night and the first thing I wanted to do was come and see you guys."
"Cool! Mom had to work last night so Aunt Lily's here with us."
"Actually, we're both here now," I said as we appeared from our 'hiding' spot.
"Okay, come here rug rats. Give your Aunt Lil a hug and kiss goodbye."
"Oh man, do we have to?" was the universal response.
"Only if you ever want me to let you stay up late or read you bedtime stories again."
"Fine."
"Aren't you going to stay for breakfast?" I asked.
"Can't, gotta run. My shift starts in half an hour."
"Thanks for staying with the boys last night," I said walking her to the door and giving her a hug.
"No problem. It's not like I have any other men in my life anyways! I'll call you later," she said giving me that knowing look."
"Bye Sidney," she said as she walked out the door.
"Bye Lily, good to see you again," he replied politely.
"Alright troops," I said. "Breakfast. What does everyone want?"
"Scrambled eggs," Jake said climbing onto a stool at the counter.
"No way, eggs are gross!" Alex replied sitting next to his brother. "Pancakes."
"Scrambled eggs!"
"Pancakes."
"Scrambled eggs!"
"Pancakes!"
"Alright you two that's enough." I looked over at Sid to see him laughing hysterically at what was happening. "Why don't we let our guest decide. Sid, what'll it be, scrambled eggs or pancakes?" I asked.
He looked at both boys who were each looking at him with pleading eyes. Not wanting to choose one over the other, he sheepishly answered "French toast?"
The three of us just looked at him.
"What? French toast is one of favourites!"
"Thanks for the help, " I said giving him a playful punch in the stomach. "That's it. Cereal for everybody!" I said turning around and opening the cereal cupboard.
"But Mom!!!" not two but three voices rang out in unison.
"I am not but mom! You two have half and hour to go watch tv, so scram!"
"K!"
"And you, mister are absolutely no help!" I said poking him in the arm.
"How am I supposed to pick between those two adorable faces?" he asked wrapping me in a hug.
"You smell amazing," he whispered into my neck. "There's just one problem."
"What's that?" I asked pulling out of his strong grip.
"That shirt. You have to lose the shirt!"
"What's wrong with it?" I questioned looking down at my black t-shirt and not seeing anything wrong.
"It's Nike."
Okay, now I was really confused.
"What's wrong with Nike?"
"Seriously?" he laughed. "Look at me."
"I am looking at you."
"Notice anything?"
I looked him up and down. What the hell was he talking about?"
"Nope."
"Look at what I'm wearing."
I took another look, this time paying attention to what was covering that amazing body of his. Hat-Reebok. T-shirt-Reebok. Warm up suit-Reebok. Socks-Reebok.
I smiled at him. "Is your underwear Reebok too?" I laughed.
"Why don't you come here and find out," he said wrapping his arms around my waist again.
"Sidney! What happened to playing it cool in front of the kids?" I asked playfully hitting him.
"They're busy watching tv, besides you're driving me crazy!" he said kissing my neck.
"If this is the way it's going to be, you won't be allowed over here," I said trying to pull away.
"Come on, just one little kiss? Pleeeeeeeeeease?"
Damn those puppy dog eyes!
"One, that's it! Then I have to make breakfast, before it's lunch time."
"Better make it a good one then," he said before pulling me in close to him.
He was so strong, he moved me around like a rag doll. He slid his fingers up into my still damp hair and pulled my face in close to his, pausing and looking directly into my eyes. Before I knew what was happening, his lips were on mine, gently at first, then slowly, his tongue parted my lips. I grabbed on to both of his wrists for no other reason but to keep myself from falling. Warmly and sweetly, the kiss continued as I let him take complete control. Our tongues intertwined with one another like they were meant to be one. And when it was finally coming to an end, he took each one of my lips in between his; first the top one, gently caressing it with his tongue; then the bottom one, gently sucking on it before placing one final sweet kiss on them.
As he pulled away, I still had hold of his wrists and I stumbled forward when I didn't have his body right in front of me to support my weight.
"Are you okay?" he whispered in my ear as he caught me.
With my eyes still closed, I barely managed a "mmm hmm"
He rested his forehead against mine. "Wow," he whispered.
I was silent.
"I've never kissed anyone like that before," he said softly as he lifted my chin so I would look at him. "Never," he repeated looking into my eyes.
"Me either," were the only words I could manage.
"Mom, is breakfast ready yet, I'm starving?" came bellowing through the house.
SNAP! Right back to reality!
We both jumped back but were relieved when there was no body that came into the kitchen to accompany the question.
"A few more minutes," I yelled back.
I looked at Sidney and we both kind of chuckled. "Guess I better get to work," I said turning to get some pans out of the cupboard.
"Guess you'd better," he replied giving me a gentle tap on the butt.
After Jake had his scrambled eggs, Alex had his pancakes, Sid had his french toast and I had a bit of everything, the boys got dressed for school and Sid helped me with the dishes that couldn't go in the dishwasher.
"That was amazing," he complimented as he dried the last pan. "And I can't believe you had real maple syrup!"
"Of course I have real maple syrup, I'm Canadian too remember!"
"I always knew it'd be a good old Canadian girl I fell in love with," he said smiling at me.
"Who you calling old?" I asked hitting him in the butt with a rolled up dish towel.
"Oh you did not just rat tail me!"
"Oh yes I did. Whatcha gonna do about it rookie?"
"Is that a challenge?"
"It sure is."
"Oh it's on now!" he said twisting his towel as tightly as he could.
"Are you sure you want to do this Crosby? I am the undefeated champion of the rat tail snap."
"Oh you are so going down Jones!'
"Bring it on!" I said twisting my towel until I couldn't twist anymore.
We stood almost like we were about to take a face off.
He took a swipe at me and I slid out of the way before he was able to make contact.
"Nice try," I said as I quickly snapped my towel and got him on the bare arm.
"Owe! Shit that hurt!" he said rubbing his arm.
"Hey, watch your language!" I said as I gave him another quick snap on the hand."
"Owe! Sorry. No fair!"
"No fair? What do you mean no fair?"
"You can't strike again until I'm ready."
"What kind of pansy ass rule is that?" I asked getting my towel ready again.
"Hey, hey, hey language!" He said taking a snap at me and missing.
I caught him a few more times before he started getting really pissed.
"Ah, poor baby! You're not gonna get beat by a girl again are you?"
"That's it!" he said and before I knew it he was coming right at me.
I took off around the breakfast bar and back into the kitchen taking refuge behind one of the stools. No use. He kept coming and this time caught me in the butt before scooping me up in his arms and twirling me around in circles until I couldn't see straight.
"Say I'm the new champion and I'll put you down," he said still spinning around.
I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe.
"Never."
"Say it," he said starting to turn faster.
"No way," I squealed closing my eyes.
"Say it. Say 'Sid you are the champion. You're my hero.'"
"Not a chance!"
"What the heck are you guys doing?"
Alex's voice startled Sidney and we both fell to the floor laughing hysterically. When the room finally stopped spinning, we both looked up to see the boys looking at us like we were out of our minds.
"We were having a rat tail fight," Sid answered breathlessly.
"A what?" Jake asked.
"And you think we're the kids," Alex said.
Sid and I looked at each other before breaking out into laughter again. When we were able to catch our breath, we saw both boys shaking their heads.
"Can we go to school now?" Alex huffed.
Sid offered me his hand to help me up off the floor. I looked at him and he looked at me and we both knew what each other was thinking. In one swift motion Sid picked up Alex and I picked up Jake and we started spinning around in circles and tickling them. All four of us fell into a heap on the kitchen floor. When I looked at the boys, each of them were laughing and smiling like I hadn't seen them do in quite a while.
I let the hot water flow over my shoulders and run down my back, relaxing my tired muscles. I lathered my hair with my favourite tangerine shampoo and did a quick scrub with the pomegranate body wash Lily got me hooked on. I could have stayed in there for at least another hour but the sound of Jake and Alex stomping down the hallway quickly brought that fantasy to an end. I turned the water off and quickly dried off and threw on my favourite penguin pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, wondering if I had time to throw a little make up on before Sid got there.
The sound of the boys squealing Sidney's name answered that question for me.
"Sidneeeeeeey!" I heard as I came around the corner just in time to see Alex give Sid a high five and Jake wrap himself around Sid's leg.
"Wow! That's quite a greeting," Sid chuckled as he pried Jake of his leg and lifted him up so he could give him a proper hug.
"We haven't seen you in like, forever!" Jake said enthusiastically. "Wait, what are you doing here so early?"
Lily came out of the spare bedroom and down the hallway to join me in watching this heartwarming scene unfold.
"Well, I just got back from my road trip last night and the first thing I wanted to do was come and see you guys."
"Cool! Mom had to work last night so Aunt Lily's here with us."
"Actually, we're both here now," I said as we appeared from our 'hiding' spot.
"Okay, come here rug rats. Give your Aunt Lil a hug and kiss goodbye."
"Oh man, do we have to?" was the universal response.
"Only if you ever want me to let you stay up late or read you bedtime stories again."
"Fine."
"Aren't you going to stay for breakfast?" I asked.
"Can't, gotta run. My shift starts in half an hour."
"Thanks for staying with the boys last night," I said walking her to the door and giving her a hug.
"No problem. It's not like I have any other men in my life anyways! I'll call you later," she said giving me that knowing look."
"Bye Sidney," she said as she walked out the door.
"Bye Lily, good to see you again," he replied politely.
"Alright troops," I said. "Breakfast. What does everyone want?"
"Scrambled eggs," Jake said climbing onto a stool at the counter.
"No way, eggs are gross!" Alex replied sitting next to his brother. "Pancakes."
"Scrambled eggs!"
"Pancakes."
"Scrambled eggs!"
"Pancakes!"
"Alright you two that's enough." I looked over at Sid to see him laughing hysterically at what was happening. "Why don't we let our guest decide. Sid, what'll it be, scrambled eggs or pancakes?" I asked.
He looked at both boys who were each looking at him with pleading eyes. Not wanting to choose one over the other, he sheepishly answered "French toast?"
The three of us just looked at him.
"What? French toast is one of favourites!"
"Thanks for the help, " I said giving him a playful punch in the stomach. "That's it. Cereal for everybody!" I said turning around and opening the cereal cupboard.
"But Mom!!!" not two but three voices rang out in unison.
"I am not but mom! You two have half and hour to go watch tv, so scram!"
"K!"
"And you, mister are absolutely no help!" I said poking him in the arm.
"How am I supposed to pick between those two adorable faces?" he asked wrapping me in a hug.
"You smell amazing," he whispered into my neck. "There's just one problem."
"What's that?" I asked pulling out of his strong grip.
"That shirt. You have to lose the shirt!"
"What's wrong with it?" I questioned looking down at my black t-shirt and not seeing anything wrong.
"It's Nike."
Okay, now I was really confused.
"What's wrong with Nike?"
"Seriously?" he laughed. "Look at me."
"I am looking at you."
"Notice anything?"
I looked him up and down. What the hell was he talking about?"
"Nope."
"Look at what I'm wearing."
I took another look, this time paying attention to what was covering that amazing body of his. Hat-Reebok. T-shirt-Reebok. Warm up suit-Reebok. Socks-Reebok.
I smiled at him. "Is your underwear Reebok too?" I laughed.
"Why don't you come here and find out," he said wrapping his arms around my waist again.
"Sidney! What happened to playing it cool in front of the kids?" I asked playfully hitting him.
"They're busy watching tv, besides you're driving me crazy!" he said kissing my neck.
"If this is the way it's going to be, you won't be allowed over here," I said trying to pull away.
"Come on, just one little kiss? Pleeeeeeeeeease?"
Damn those puppy dog eyes!
"One, that's it! Then I have to make breakfast, before it's lunch time."
"Better make it a good one then," he said before pulling me in close to him.
He was so strong, he moved me around like a rag doll. He slid his fingers up into my still damp hair and pulled my face in close to his, pausing and looking directly into my eyes. Before I knew what was happening, his lips were on mine, gently at first, then slowly, his tongue parted my lips. I grabbed on to both of his wrists for no other reason but to keep myself from falling. Warmly and sweetly, the kiss continued as I let him take complete control. Our tongues intertwined with one another like they were meant to be one. And when it was finally coming to an end, he took each one of my lips in between his; first the top one, gently caressing it with his tongue; then the bottom one, gently sucking on it before placing one final sweet kiss on them.
As he pulled away, I still had hold of his wrists and I stumbled forward when I didn't have his body right in front of me to support my weight.
"Are you okay?" he whispered in my ear as he caught me.
With my eyes still closed, I barely managed a "mmm hmm"
He rested his forehead against mine. "Wow," he whispered.
I was silent.
"I've never kissed anyone like that before," he said softly as he lifted my chin so I would look at him. "Never," he repeated looking into my eyes.
"Me either," were the only words I could manage.
"Mom, is breakfast ready yet, I'm starving?" came bellowing through the house.
SNAP! Right back to reality!
We both jumped back but were relieved when there was no body that came into the kitchen to accompany the question.
"A few more minutes," I yelled back.
I looked at Sidney and we both kind of chuckled. "Guess I better get to work," I said turning to get some pans out of the cupboard.
"Guess you'd better," he replied giving me a gentle tap on the butt.
After Jake had his scrambled eggs, Alex had his pancakes, Sid had his french toast and I had a bit of everything, the boys got dressed for school and Sid helped me with the dishes that couldn't go in the dishwasher.
"That was amazing," he complimented as he dried the last pan. "And I can't believe you had real maple syrup!"
"Of course I have real maple syrup, I'm Canadian too remember!"
"I always knew it'd be a good old Canadian girl I fell in love with," he said smiling at me.
"Who you calling old?" I asked hitting him in the butt with a rolled up dish towel.
"Oh you did not just rat tail me!"
"Oh yes I did. Whatcha gonna do about it rookie?"
"Is that a challenge?"
"It sure is."
"Oh it's on now!" he said twisting his towel as tightly as he could.
"Are you sure you want to do this Crosby? I am the undefeated champion of the rat tail snap."
"Oh you are so going down Jones!'
"Bring it on!" I said twisting my towel until I couldn't twist anymore.
We stood almost like we were about to take a face off.
He took a swipe at me and I slid out of the way before he was able to make contact.
"Nice try," I said as I quickly snapped my towel and got him on the bare arm.
"Owe! Shit that hurt!" he said rubbing his arm.
"Hey, watch your language!" I said as I gave him another quick snap on the hand."
"Owe! Sorry. No fair!"
"No fair? What do you mean no fair?"
"You can't strike again until I'm ready."
"What kind of pansy ass rule is that?" I asked getting my towel ready again.
"Hey, hey, hey language!" He said taking a snap at me and missing.
I caught him a few more times before he started getting really pissed.
"Ah, poor baby! You're not gonna get beat by a girl again are you?"
"That's it!" he said and before I knew it he was coming right at me.
I took off around the breakfast bar and back into the kitchen taking refuge behind one of the stools. No use. He kept coming and this time caught me in the butt before scooping me up in his arms and twirling me around in circles until I couldn't see straight.
"Say I'm the new champion and I'll put you down," he said still spinning around.
I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe.
"Never."
"Say it," he said starting to turn faster.
"No way," I squealed closing my eyes.
"Say it. Say 'Sid you are the champion. You're my hero.'"
"Not a chance!"
"What the heck are you guys doing?"
Alex's voice startled Sidney and we both fell to the floor laughing hysterically. When the room finally stopped spinning, we both looked up to see the boys looking at us like we were out of our minds.
"We were having a rat tail fight," Sid answered breathlessly.
"A what?" Jake asked.
"And you think we're the kids," Alex said.
Sid and I looked at each other before breaking out into laughter again. When we were able to catch our breath, we saw both boys shaking their heads.
"Can we go to school now?" Alex huffed.
Sid offered me his hand to help me up off the floor. I looked at him and he looked at me and we both knew what each other was thinking. In one swift motion Sid picked up Alex and I picked up Jake and we started spinning around in circles and tickling them. All four of us fell into a heap on the kitchen floor. When I looked at the boys, each of them were laughing and smiling like I hadn't seen them do in quite a while.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Chapter 68
Sid followed me down the hall to an empty room. It was cold and dark with nothing but the moonlight shining through the window. I walked over to the window and just stared at the snow that was gently falling. I crossed my arms in front of me in a weak attempt to stay warm. We stood in silence for what seemed like eternity. He was close enough to me that I could feel the heat radiating from his body, and when it sent a shiver through me, he instinctively wrapped his arms around me. Every tense muscle in my body relaxed and I gave in and leaned back against him.
"It was a night just like this," he whispered in my ear. "Do you remember that night in the parking lot at the hospital?"
"Of course I do. That was the night you so gracefully fell on your ass." I replied quietly.
"That's the night I fell in love with you," his meek voice uttered before he gently kissed my neck.
I closed my eyes and took in every sensation my body was feeling at that moment. I turned to face him and when I opened my mouth to speak, he held his finger over my lips stopping any sound from coming out.
"Beks, I was an ass," he said as he softly rested his forehead against mine. "I was angry and frustrated and I had no right to talk to you the way I did. I am sorry. I missed you."
His grip tightened around me. Who did he think he was? Did he think an 'I'm sorry' wrapped up in a nice little package with a pretty bow was going to make everything alright? I could feel the anger that had momentarily disappeared return. As I looked up at him to speak, the moonlight was shining in his eyes which made them an even more intense caramel colour. Oh who was I kidding? There was no way I could stay mad at this gorgeous creature!
"I missed you too," I managed to whisper before his lips met mine. His masculine upper body and strong arms enveloped me as his lips continued to caress mine. His tongue found mine to dance with; slowly,expertly, and gently, sending surges of euphoric sensations through my entire body.
'Get a hold of yourself,' I screamed in my head as I broke free from his embrace.
"Sidney, this is probably one of the most perfect moments I've ever experienced," I started.
"And I want to give you many more," he said through that crooked little grin of his.
"Please let me finish Sidney. I can't even begin to imagine the kind of pressure you're under and the circus that you have to live with every day, but when you have a bad day, or a bad game, you have to find a better way to deal with it. You can't lash out at me or whoever else might be around."
"I know. I can't say I'm sorry enough. But everyone has a breaking point Beks, and that kind of blatant unfair treatment pushed me over the edge."
"And that's exactly what Kovalchuk wanted. You are the most talked about, hyped up, marketed guy in the league right now and unfortunately that makes you a target. Everyone is going to try and push your buttons and bring you down to see how you react; to show you're not perfect like everyone's making you out to be. Tonight you proved them right. You behaved badly during the game and even worse after. Kovlachuk is probably sitting at home right now proud as a peacock that he got under your skin. The only way you'll ever get them to stop is to show them that you're better; that it doesn't bother you and just go on playing your game. I know this is your job, and you love the game more than anything, but you have to remember one thing. When all is said and done, it is just a game. You have to leave what happens on the ice, on the ice."
There was a long pause and I was a little scared when for once I could read the expression on his face.
"How did you get to be so smart?" he finally said wrapping me in another hug.
"It's a curse," I smiled as I turned him around and marched him towards the door. "Now go home and get some sleep so I can get back to work."
"Is my beautiful girlfriend available for breakfast in the morning?"
"She is, but you are not. You will be sleeping."
"I have an off day tomorrow, I have all day to sleep."
"You never have an off day. You always have some interview or photo shoot or commercial to make."
"I only have two interviews and they're both phone interviews and both in the afternoon, so what's your next excuse champ?"
"I have to get the boys ready and take them to school in the morning."
"Perfect! I haven't seen them since before New Year's. I'll come by when you're done work and we can all have breakfast together. Then WE can take them to school."
"We can, can we?"
"Yes. No arguments. End of discussion."
"Fine. I'll be home just after 7."
"Fine. I'll be there," he said before giving me a kiss as I pushed him out the door.
"It was a night just like this," he whispered in my ear. "Do you remember that night in the parking lot at the hospital?"
"Of course I do. That was the night you so gracefully fell on your ass." I replied quietly.
"That's the night I fell in love with you," his meek voice uttered before he gently kissed my neck.
I closed my eyes and took in every sensation my body was feeling at that moment. I turned to face him and when I opened my mouth to speak, he held his finger over my lips stopping any sound from coming out.
"Beks, I was an ass," he said as he softly rested his forehead against mine. "I was angry and frustrated and I had no right to talk to you the way I did. I am sorry. I missed you."
His grip tightened around me. Who did he think he was? Did he think an 'I'm sorry' wrapped up in a nice little package with a pretty bow was going to make everything alright? I could feel the anger that had momentarily disappeared return. As I looked up at him to speak, the moonlight was shining in his eyes which made them an even more intense caramel colour. Oh who was I kidding? There was no way I could stay mad at this gorgeous creature!
"I missed you too," I managed to whisper before his lips met mine. His masculine upper body and strong arms enveloped me as his lips continued to caress mine. His tongue found mine to dance with; slowly,expertly, and gently, sending surges of euphoric sensations through my entire body.
'Get a hold of yourself,' I screamed in my head as I broke free from his embrace.
"Sidney, this is probably one of the most perfect moments I've ever experienced," I started.
"And I want to give you many more," he said through that crooked little grin of his.
"Please let me finish Sidney. I can't even begin to imagine the kind of pressure you're under and the circus that you have to live with every day, but when you have a bad day, or a bad game, you have to find a better way to deal with it. You can't lash out at me or whoever else might be around."
"I know. I can't say I'm sorry enough. But everyone has a breaking point Beks, and that kind of blatant unfair treatment pushed me over the edge."
"And that's exactly what Kovalchuk wanted. You are the most talked about, hyped up, marketed guy in the league right now and unfortunately that makes you a target. Everyone is going to try and push your buttons and bring you down to see how you react; to show you're not perfect like everyone's making you out to be. Tonight you proved them right. You behaved badly during the game and even worse after. Kovlachuk is probably sitting at home right now proud as a peacock that he got under your skin. The only way you'll ever get them to stop is to show them that you're better; that it doesn't bother you and just go on playing your game. I know this is your job, and you love the game more than anything, but you have to remember one thing. When all is said and done, it is just a game. You have to leave what happens on the ice, on the ice."
There was a long pause and I was a little scared when for once I could read the expression on his face.
"How did you get to be so smart?" he finally said wrapping me in another hug.
"It's a curse," I smiled as I turned him around and marched him towards the door. "Now go home and get some sleep so I can get back to work."
"Is my beautiful girlfriend available for breakfast in the morning?"
"She is, but you are not. You will be sleeping."
"I have an off day tomorrow, I have all day to sleep."
"You never have an off day. You always have some interview or photo shoot or commercial to make."
"I only have two interviews and they're both phone interviews and both in the afternoon, so what's your next excuse champ?"
"I have to get the boys ready and take them to school in the morning."
"Perfect! I haven't seen them since before New Year's. I'll come by when you're done work and we can all have breakfast together. Then WE can take them to school."
"We can, can we?"
"Yes. No arguments. End of discussion."
"Fine. I'll be home just after 7."
"Fine. I'll be there," he said before giving me a kiss as I pushed him out the door.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Chapter 67
It was 2:30 am - just about half way through my shift when I left Dylan's room. He had just started another round of chemo and was having a rough night. I tried to spend as much time with him as possible. I was drawn to him. I looked in his eyes and saw my own kids. It made me thank god every day that both my boys were healthy and happy. Thank god. That's exactly what I needed right now.
"Hey Darlene, I'm taking my break now. I'll be down in the chapel. Page me if Dylan wakes up."
"Sure thing doll, but is everything okay?" my lovely elder co-worker questioned.
"Yeah, everything's fine why?"
"You only go to the chapel when something is really bothering you."
"I'm fine. I just need the solitude."
"You'll certainly get it this time of night!"
"See you in thirty Dar."
The elevator ride down the 8 floors to get to the chapel seemed to take alot longer than usual. Long enough for the conversation I had with Sidney earlier to rear it's ugly head again.
"It's fucking bullshit!" he yelled into the phone. "That asshole fucking hit me from behind and never got a penalty! He slashes me; and no fucking penalty! I shove him and I get fucking 2 minutes. Shithead scores; rubs it in my face and doesn't even get an unsportsmanlike! What the fuck?"
"Gee Sid, think you could have squeezed a few more curse words in for good measure?"
"For fuck sakes Bekah, I am really not in the mood for your fucking sarcasm right now."
"DO NOT speak to me that way," I said through clenched teeth. "The game is over. You lost. So the calls didn't go your way tonight. I am not the referee so don't take your anger out on me."
"I am not taking it out on you. I'm venting my frustration to my girlfriend. You know, the one who's supposed to support me through good times and bad. You do know what supportive means don't you?"
"Fuck you Crosby! I don't need this crap right now. I'm going to work. When you're ready to have a grown up conversation, give me a call." and I slammed the phone down.
I walked into the chapel and took a seat at the front. The only light was from the candles that burned to my left. I took a deep breath and let my eyes close as I exhaled, trying to blow away all the negative energy I was feeling. I questioned many things in life, but right now the only question running through my mind was 'What am I doing with Sidney?' I had never heard him as angry as he was earlier. I understood why, but what I didn't understand is why he was talking to me the way he did. Was it going to be like this every time he lost or calls didn't go his way? If so, I did not sign up for this.
I tried to push Sidney out of my head and let my thoughts wander back to Dylan. That poor angel lying upstairs was so young; so innocent. He didn't deserve to have cancer. He didn't deserve to be fighting for his life, a life that hasn't even been lived yet.
As tears formed in my eyes, my thoughts drifted to David. I missed him so much. The way he smiled at me whenever I walked into the room; the way he always cocked his head to the left whenever he would listen to me talk; the way he would say "No worries Beks! Tomorrow's another day." no matter what distressing news I was delivering to him. That's just the way he was. Always happy. He never would have talked to me the way Sid did after a loss. His philosophy was always "Don't worry about what you can not control or things you can not change."
I took another deep breath, closed my eyes and said "Oh David. I wish I had your strength. I NEED your strength right now."
I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. It scared me, but at the same time, I felt a wave of relief wash over my entire body.
"David?" I said as I opened my eyes. I couldn't believe what I had just laid my eyes upon. "What are you doing here?" I whispered.
"I couldn't leave things the way they were," he said softly. "I came right from the airport."
"How did you know I was here?"
"The nurse on your floor told me you were down here. Why are you down here?" Sidney asked as he sat beside me in the pew and taking my hand in his.
"Rough night. I needed to come down here to think."
"And I didn't make it any better did I? Beks, I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry. I was out of line to yell at you the way I did. It wasn't you I was mad at, it was the situation. And I never should have said you weren't supportive. Forgive me?"
"It's not that easy Sidney," I said looking up at him for the first time. DAMN! Those puppy dog eyes! "I understand your frustration, really I do. But is that the way you're going to handle it every time you lose or calls don't go your way? Cause let me tell you, if it is, you need to find someone else to take it out on."
"I'm sorry," he whispered, running his hand down the side of my cheek. "I'm usually better at keeping my emotions in check. Tonight was just extremely brutal. It's just not fair sometimes."
My head shot up and all of a sudden I was staring directly into his eyes.
"Unfair? Unfair? Come with me," I ordered as I grabbed his hand and pulled him up from his seat.
The elevator ride was silent except for my heartbeat that I was sure he could hear. The doors opened and I held his hand as I led him down the dimly lit hall. As we approached the door, I stopped and put a finger over my lips signaling him to be quiet. He nodded. I opened the door and led him to the side of Dylan's crib. He was surprised by what he saw. A tiny little body, lying perfectly still with no less that five different wires connecting him to various machines.
"Look at him," I whispered in as demanding of a tone as I could. "Really look at him."
We both stood and watched Dylan in silence for what seemed like eternity, but was really only about a minute. I turned to Sidney and said, "You play a game for a living. What happened to you tonight may have been crappy, but it was not unfair. It did not change your life and you will go on to play another game. This," I continued pointing at Dylan," is unfair. A beautiful, innocent young boy getting cancer and having to fight for his life before he's even lived it, is unfair. So please, let's try and keep things in perspective."
I looked up at him, only to see him wipe tears away from his own cheeks. Those beautiful golden eyes looked into mine and he meekly whispered, "Bekah, you're right. I'm sorry, so, so sorry."
"Hey Darlene, I'm taking my break now. I'll be down in the chapel. Page me if Dylan wakes up."
"Sure thing doll, but is everything okay?" my lovely elder co-worker questioned.
"Yeah, everything's fine why?"
"You only go to the chapel when something is really bothering you."
"I'm fine. I just need the solitude."
"You'll certainly get it this time of night!"
"See you in thirty Dar."
The elevator ride down the 8 floors to get to the chapel seemed to take alot longer than usual. Long enough for the conversation I had with Sidney earlier to rear it's ugly head again.
"It's fucking bullshit!" he yelled into the phone. "That asshole fucking hit me from behind and never got a penalty! He slashes me; and no fucking penalty! I shove him and I get fucking 2 minutes. Shithead scores; rubs it in my face and doesn't even get an unsportsmanlike! What the fuck?"
"Gee Sid, think you could have squeezed a few more curse words in for good measure?"
"For fuck sakes Bekah, I am really not in the mood for your fucking sarcasm right now."
"DO NOT speak to me that way," I said through clenched teeth. "The game is over. You lost. So the calls didn't go your way tonight. I am not the referee so don't take your anger out on me."
"I am not taking it out on you. I'm venting my frustration to my girlfriend. You know, the one who's supposed to support me through good times and bad. You do know what supportive means don't you?"
"Fuck you Crosby! I don't need this crap right now. I'm going to work. When you're ready to have a grown up conversation, give me a call." and I slammed the phone down.
I walked into the chapel and took a seat at the front. The only light was from the candles that burned to my left. I took a deep breath and let my eyes close as I exhaled, trying to blow away all the negative energy I was feeling. I questioned many things in life, but right now the only question running through my mind was 'What am I doing with Sidney?' I had never heard him as angry as he was earlier. I understood why, but what I didn't understand is why he was talking to me the way he did. Was it going to be like this every time he lost or calls didn't go his way? If so, I did not sign up for this.
I tried to push Sidney out of my head and let my thoughts wander back to Dylan. That poor angel lying upstairs was so young; so innocent. He didn't deserve to have cancer. He didn't deserve to be fighting for his life, a life that hasn't even been lived yet.
As tears formed in my eyes, my thoughts drifted to David. I missed him so much. The way he smiled at me whenever I walked into the room; the way he always cocked his head to the left whenever he would listen to me talk; the way he would say "No worries Beks! Tomorrow's another day." no matter what distressing news I was delivering to him. That's just the way he was. Always happy. He never would have talked to me the way Sid did after a loss. His philosophy was always "Don't worry about what you can not control or things you can not change."
I took another deep breath, closed my eyes and said "Oh David. I wish I had your strength. I NEED your strength right now."
I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. It scared me, but at the same time, I felt a wave of relief wash over my entire body.
"David?" I said as I opened my eyes. I couldn't believe what I had just laid my eyes upon. "What are you doing here?" I whispered.
"I couldn't leave things the way they were," he said softly. "I came right from the airport."
"How did you know I was here?"
"The nurse on your floor told me you were down here. Why are you down here?" Sidney asked as he sat beside me in the pew and taking my hand in his.
"Rough night. I needed to come down here to think."
"And I didn't make it any better did I? Beks, I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry. I was out of line to yell at you the way I did. It wasn't you I was mad at, it was the situation. And I never should have said you weren't supportive. Forgive me?"
"It's not that easy Sidney," I said looking up at him for the first time. DAMN! Those puppy dog eyes! "I understand your frustration, really I do. But is that the way you're going to handle it every time you lose or calls don't go your way? Cause let me tell you, if it is, you need to find someone else to take it out on."
"I'm sorry," he whispered, running his hand down the side of my cheek. "I'm usually better at keeping my emotions in check. Tonight was just extremely brutal. It's just not fair sometimes."
My head shot up and all of a sudden I was staring directly into his eyes.
"Unfair? Unfair? Come with me," I ordered as I grabbed his hand and pulled him up from his seat.
The elevator ride was silent except for my heartbeat that I was sure he could hear. The doors opened and I held his hand as I led him down the dimly lit hall. As we approached the door, I stopped and put a finger over my lips signaling him to be quiet. He nodded. I opened the door and led him to the side of Dylan's crib. He was surprised by what he saw. A tiny little body, lying perfectly still with no less that five different wires connecting him to various machines.
"Look at him," I whispered in as demanding of a tone as I could. "Really look at him."
We both stood and watched Dylan in silence for what seemed like eternity, but was really only about a minute. I turned to Sidney and said, "You play a game for a living. What happened to you tonight may have been crappy, but it was not unfair. It did not change your life and you will go on to play another game. This," I continued pointing at Dylan," is unfair. A beautiful, innocent young boy getting cancer and having to fight for his life before he's even lived it, is unfair. So please, let's try and keep things in perspective."
I looked up at him, only to see him wipe tears away from his own cheeks. Those beautiful golden eyes looked into mine and he meekly whispered, "Bekah, you're right. I'm sorry, so, so sorry."
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