Chapter 66

I really wasn't looking forward to the next week. Sid was on a road trip and I was left here with my negative thoughts. He was playing back home in Canada for the first time and I knew he was excited so I really tried to be excited for him. I knew the one thing he wasn't looking forward to was playing the Leafs an Saturday because that meant Don Cherry. Sid had taken alot of slack from Cherry about being a "whiner" and a "diver" since the beginning of the season and it only escalated when the Pen's new coach gave him the A. Sidney was perfect in the press saying only that everyone was entitled to their own opinion and appeared as though he let the hurtful comments roll of his back, but I knew different. He had confided in me how hurt he truly was.



------flashback to a few weeks ago-------------



"I just go out and play my game. When I am blatantly getting tripped and slashed and it's not being called of course I'm going to say something! I can take being called a cry baby or whatever the hell they're saying. What I can't take is being called a diver. That shows a complete disrespect for the game and the fact that anyone, especially people like Forsberg and Cherry; people I have admired and respected, would think that I have that kind of disrespect for this game really hurts. It hurts. I love this game and everything it represents. I would never do anything to disrespect it."

I took him in my arms and wiped away the few tears that rolled down his cheek.

"I can't imagine how you must feel, but there is one thing I do know. People are threatened by greatness, especially when they themselves were once known as being great. You are so much more than great, and everyone knows it. They are scared of what you might be able to accomplish, so they will say anything to try and bring you down a peg. It's not a personal attack against you, it's a defense mechanism for them. There is nothing you can do except keep being the kind of player you are, it's worked for you so far. Keep learning and improving and show all the doubters that you are everything that you've been hyped to be; the next great one, the face of the NHL! That will make them even more crazy!

He wrapped me in a tight embrace and kissed me on the top of the head.
"I really don' know what I'd do without you," he whispered. "It's hard to talk about some of the feelings and doubts that I have. I can't tell my dad because I'm not supposed to have negative thoughts or feelings. Thank you. Thank you for being my safe place."

--------------end flashback--------------


I was nearly asleep when my phone rang.
"Hey beautiful, you weren't asleep were you?" an exhausted voice purred from the other end.
"Not quite, but it sounds like you could use some sleep."
"I am beat. The adrenaline is finally wearing off."
"Yes, great game tonight 'first star'!"
"You were watching?"
"Of course! Me and the boys. I thought Jake was going to do a back flip when you scored the game winner!"
"Awe, that's awesome. I really miss you guys."
"We miss you too. Alex was asking when you were going to be home so he could beat you at NHL 06!"
"Oooh tough guy huh? You tell him I accept his challenge and when I come back on the 8th, it's game on!"
"You don't get enough hockey in real life, so you have to play it in video games too?"
"You can never get enough hockey!"
"It's awfully quiet there. Where's Colby?"
"A bunch of the guys went out to celebrate the win, he went with them."
"Why didn't you go? You of all people should be celebrating."
"I can't go anywhere here without causing mass hysteria. The press has been brutal and the fans are everywhere. I have to sneak out back doors, it's completely crazy. It's better that I don't go. The guys will have a better time without having to worry about that bullshit. I'm just gonna watch a tape of the World Junior game I missed."
"Sidney that is soooo sad. I hate thinking about you sitting there by yourself while the other guys are out having a good time. It breaks my heart."
"You get used to it, besides I am talking to my amazing girlfriend and my dad's going to come up and watch the game with me later."
"Still you shouldn't have to hide out in your hotel room. And thank you, you're pretty amazing yourself."
"We talked about this Beks. It's part of my life. You have to take the good with the bad. And I know I am amazing!"
"You also know how to ruin a moment!"
"But I know how to create a few good one's too!"
I thought back to New Year's Eve.
"That you do," I replied smiling even though he couldn't see me.
"Made you smile didn't I?"
"Yes, you did."
"Hey, my dad's here so I'm going to let you go and I'll call you tomorrow after practice."
"Oh right, at your dad's old arena right?"
"The very one. He's got alot of great memories from there, so it'll be so great for him to be back here."
"Well I hope you two have a great time, I'm glad he's there with you."
"Yeah, me too," he said sheepishly.
"I guess I was right then huh?"
"I'm glad I listened to you."
"Because I was right."
"You gave some good advise, yes."
"You can't say it can you?"
"Nope!"
I could hear him smiling.
"Well, if we're going to be together Crosby, you'd better practise saying it, because it happens quite often, and I will expect to hear it every time it does!"
"Put your pj's on baby, cause you're dreaming!"
"Sidney Patrick Crosby, that is rude!"
He was laughing hysterically by this point.
"I love you mon petit bijou! I'll talk to you tomorrow.
"Yeah well you're lucky I love you too!"
"I know I am. Give the boys a kiss from me. Sweet dreams."


I closed my eyes with a smile on my face. I couldn't believe that I had shut myself off from the possibility of love for so long. It actually made my heart happy just hearing the words 'I love you' from someone other than my children. I guess my choice was made. I choose to let go of the pain and anger that has has a hold on my heart for so long. I choose to be happy. I choose to be in love.