I am in mourning...

To my faithful readers:
Thank you for indulging me in my thoughts and sometimes rants that have nothing to do with my story.

I am having a hard time finding any joy today. We finally laid Michael Jackson to rest today. Say what you want about him; think about all the crazy things that may or may not have been true about him; but one thing remains certain. The man was a legend and an amazing human being who loved people more than he loved himself. He gave so much to the world and it was and will be a better place for him having lived. Rest in peace MJ.

And equally devastating to me today; MY Joe, Burnaby Joe, Super Joe, otherwise known as Joe Sakic, has decided to break my heart and hang up his skates. Joe was, no rephrase that, IS an amazing hockey player and an even more amazing human being. I have been priveledged enough to get to know Joe some over the years and can be confident in saying he is one of the finest human beings ever to be put on this planet. He is a quiet, confident and strong leader who lead by example. He was strong in work ethic and personal values and expected nothing less from the people around him. He didn't just expect it; he demanded it in the gentle, quiet Joe way that he had. Joe is the definition of class. He gives tirelessly and unselfishly to countless charities to better the city that he called home. While this is not a true death, to me, it is the death of hockey in the great city of Denver. I had hoped this would not have happened for another year, but with all the recent happenings in the franchise, I knew this day would be coming and I don't think any true fan could blame you Joe. I wouldn't want my good name attatched to a franchise that in a few short years has gone frome greatness to dispair. So with a sad, broken and heavy heart, I say farewell Super Joe! Thank you for everything you brought to this game I love so much. The vision of you skating flawlessly and effortlessly will be engraved in my memory forever. The sight of you lifting Lord Stanley's cup will always be one of my happiest memories. You are loved and you will be greatly missed. Happy birthday my friend!
~B~

Sidney's POV

"Earth to Sid...hello?"
No reply.
"Oh my god Sid, there are three girls outside the window and they are totally flashing their tits at us!"
Still nothing.
Max and Flower looked at each other and nodded in agreement. They both knew what needed to be done. At the same time they both raised their arms and punched their friend in the arm at the same time.
"Ouch! What the fuck?"
"It's about time something snapped you out of it! We've been talking to you for the last ten minutes. Where the hell were you just now?"
"I've been sitting here assholes," I said still rubbing my tender arms.
"You may be sitting here physically, but your mind is on another planet mon ami."
"I don't think we need to guess what or rather who you were thinking about," Max added.
I couldn't keep the smile off my face. "I can't help it you guys, Bekah is...she's just so...(deep sigh) amazing! I am so in love with her; I can't even describe it."
"Then don't!" Max said. "Please spare us the disgusting mushy love stuff. Grow some balls man, you sound like a fucking girl!"
"Shut the fuck up Talbot!"
"Boys, boys come on now," Flower interrupted. "I thought we were past all this crap. Can't you get along long enough for us to have a nice, peaceful lunch?"
"Sorry Flower," I muttered looking down at my water glass.
"Yeah me to. Sorry man."
"You guys are worse than a couple of kids. Do you think you can get along long enough for me to go to the bathroom and call Vero, or do I have to take one of you with me?"
"Eeww gross, dude! We're not girls, we do NOT go to the bathroom together!"
"We'll be fine Flower," I added.

Max and I sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before I decided that enough was enough. This thing between me and Max had to stop.
"What's your problem with me Talbot?"
He just laughed.
"I'm serious. We were great friends not that long ago playing at the juniors; what the hell happened? What did I do to piss you off so much?"
"You really don't get it do you?"
"Obviously not, otherwise I wouldn't be asking."
"I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings Sid, but I can't say it any other way. I am so sick and fucking tired of all the hype around you. I'm sick of hearing you're the next 'great one'; I'm sick of hearing that you're the face of the NHL; I'm sick of hearing your going to be the one who saves this league; I'm sick of the fact that we constantly have to rearrange our plan because we get delayed with the three ring circus that follows you around all the time, sometimes I just want to get on the fucking bus and go, but oh no, we have to wait for golden boy to quit signing autographs, or we have to go around the block and pick you up because you couldn't get out the door like a normal person; I'm sick of seeing your ugly mug in every newspaper, magazine, sports show, web site and billboard, you name it there's your face! I'm sick of this goody two shoes act you put on for everyone; I'm sick of you thinking you're entitled to everything in the world and I'm sure as shit sick of you getting anything and everything you want and that includes Bekah. You don't deserve her. You're not good enough for her."
I sat there not really knowing what to say. I mean, I knew Max had a problem with me, but I thought it was because I was with Bekah and he wasn't. I had no idea he had so much pent up anger towards me.
"I know," I said barely above a whisper.
"Excuse me?" Max said questioningly.
I looked him in the eye as I said "You're right. I know I don't deserve her. She is too good for a guy like me. I have no idea what she sees in me, but I thank God everyday that she loves me. She makes me better Max, not only as a hockey player, but as a person. I want to be better so I won't let her down; so I can be someone worthy of her love. As for the rest of the stuff, I don't lie and I don't intend to start now, so you can believe when I say I'm sick of me too. I would give anything to be like the rest of you. If I could make the circus leave town I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can't. For whatever reason I was chosen to carry this burden and I'm not going to apologize for it. I honestly don't think that I'm entitled to anything I don't work my ass off for. You know as well as I do that we have to have almost another personality when were dealing with the media, you don't let them see everything in your personal life or even what your entire personality is, and I'm no different. Does it suck? Hell yeah! I have an amazing girlfriend that I can't even tell anyone about just so the press and the fans don't rip her entire life apart. I don't know what else I can say to you to make things okay with us except that I am the same guy you've been playing against for the last three years and I'm the same guy that followed those girls around the city for two hours when we were at juniors. I haven't changed. I love my family and my friends and my girlfriend and I do anything for any one of them and that's the truth. Bekah said we need to find a way to co-exist in her life and I really hope we can do that, not only for her but for us as well."
Max was smirking when he said "I forgot about those girls! They led us on quite a wild goose chase!"
"Yeah, we almost got suspended for breaking curfew."
"That was awesome!"
"I'll never forget it. Not because of the girls or anything like that, but because that was something I did that made me feel like a normal kid and I got to do it with one of my best friends. I'm sorry you feel the way you do about me Max; if I could change it, I would."
He was quiet for a minute. "You just did."
"O kaaaaay," I said skeptically.
"This shit is behind us now, for Bekah and for us, but you need to know one thing."
"What's that?" I asked.
"If you do anything to hurt her; if you disrespect her in anyway; if you break her heart, I will kill you myself. Got it?"
"Loud and clear."

We are the Champions!

It almost makes you want to break out into song doesn't it! The Pens are Stanley Cup Champions! I am so proud of our guys and am not ashamed to admit that I cried a few tears of joy as Sidney raised the cup. It's so good to see a smile like that on his face again!

I find myself apologizing yet again for taking so long to update but as if I wasn't busy enough, I have now decided to further my education and complete my masters. What the hell am I thinking! I'm too old for this shit! Anyways... I hope you enjoy the update!
Cheers!

and P.S. Sorry about your luck Hossa!

Chapter 86

"Hey," he said as I opened the door for him.
"Hey," I said quietly.
God, he looked good. He was coming right from practice, but that's when I thought he looked the best. Dressed casually with his hat on and no product in his hair. Don't get me wrong; I love a man who looks good in a suit, but casual was totally working for him.
"I wasn't sure if you were working today, but I'm glad you're not. We really need to talk."
I nodded silently and led him to the kitchen counter.
"Do you want some coffee?" I asked.
"No thanks."
I poured myself a third cup and leaned against the counter opposite him. I searched his eyes for some clue as to what he was going to say. They were blank. The light that normally inhabited those beautiful caramel coloured eyes was not there. I took a deep breath and tried to prepare myself for the inevitable conversation I knew was going to take place. I had already played it a thousand times in my head...'sorry Bekah, I like you and everything but I just don't think that it's going to work out for us; the age difference is just too big to overcome. We are at two different places in our lives and I am not ready for the responsibility of kids, hell I'm still a kid myself with my whole life ahead of me. I think it's best if we end things now. It was great to get to know you but have a nice life.'
Yep, this conversation had been taking place in my head since he left the other night.
"Beks - Sid " we said at the same time.
"You go first," I told him.
"No, you should go first," he insisted.
"What happened the other night?" I asked barely above a whisper, "why did you just leave like that?"
"I...I'm not...I don't really..."
"Jesus Christ Sid!"
"I'm sorry...this is just really difficult for me to say."
"Just say it. I know what's coming Sid so just say it."
"Beks, you have no idea what I'm going to say."
"Yes I do so spit it out for crying out loud!" I yelled not being able to contain the anger that was building inside me any longer.
"Calm down," Sid said getting up off his stool and coming towards me.
"Please don't come any closer and please don't tell me to calm down. Say it...just say it," I said barely holding back tears now.
Sid took a few more steps before he stopped. He was close enough that I could smell him but too far away to touch me.
"Why are you so upset? What is it you think I'm going to say?"
The tears were flowing and so were the words out of my mouth.
"Just be a man and tell me the truth!"
"And what would that be?" he asked calmly.
"That it's over! You don't want to be with me anymore, does that about cover it?"
He broke out into that high pitched girly laugh he had. Was he out of his mind? How was this funny?"
"I'm glad you think this is humorous."
"Beks," he said between gasps, "where in the world did you come up with that?"
Now I was just pissed. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because one minute I'm having an amazing kiss with my boyfriend and the next minute he practically runs out the door and I don't hear from him for two days! Yeah, why would I think it was over?"
He came towards me again, this time not letting the evil glare I was giving him stop him. He put his hands on my arms and looked deep into my eyes. "Baby, I love you. You are completely insane, but I love you. Nothing could be further from the truth."
"You don't want to break up?" I asked now very confused.
"No, I don't want to break up! I have put waaaaaaaaaay too much work into you to let you go now!"
"If that's supposed to be funny, I'm not laughing," I said holding back a smile.
"Yeah it is, and you want to smile," he said poking me in the sides and making me flinch.
"Stop it!" I said pushing his hands away. "If you're not breaking up with me, then what did you come here to talk about? Why did you leave the other night?"
He took a deep breath and pulled me in close to him. He nuzzled his face into my neck and his hot breath sent shivers through my entire body.
"I was scared," he said making no attempt to lift his head.
"Scared? Of what? Me?"
"You? No, baby I could never be scared of you," he chuckled finally raising his head only to rest his forehead against mine.
"Then what were you scared of?"
"Of where we were headed."
"I don't understand."
"We were getting very...let's say passionate, the other night and I was scared of what it was going to lead to."
"Sex?" I asked finally cluing in.
"Well...yeah," he said rather sheepishly.
"Are you saying that you don't want to have sex with me?" I goaded.
"NO! God no! That's not what I'm saying at all! Bekah you are incredibly beautiful and sexy and you excite me more than you could ever imagine...it's just...we said we were going to take things slow and then we were getting so close and..." he stopped.
"And what?" I asked tenderly touching his cheek.
He kissed the tip of my nose and looked down at the floor before he said "and...I've never been with anyone before."
A smile crept across my face as I processed what he had just said. I lifted his chin with my fingers so I could look into those gorgeous eyes of his.
"You've never been with anyone? Ever?"
"No, never."
"Ever?"
"N-E-V-E-R!" he stressed. "I was afraid to tell you because I didn't want to freak you out. I know you're still coming to terms with the whole age thing and I didn't think this information would really help."
I looked at him and smiled before wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing those beautiful, plump lips.
"Sidney Patrick Crosby, I love you. I-love-you!" I said smiling into another kiss.
"I love you too Beks," he said squeezing me into a tight hug and lifting my feet off the ground.
"So how is it that Mr. Hockey has never had sex?" I said now poking him in the sides.
"I was focused on playing hockey and...well, I've never been in love until now and that's important to me. I don't want to sleep with someone just for the sake of having sex. When I have sex for the first time I want it to be amazing and special and that means being in love."
I kissed him softly at first and then slowly and deeply and when we finally broke apart, our foreheads were once again resting against each other's.
"You never cease to amaze me Sidney," I whispered. "You are perfect aren't you?"
"Hardly! I am no where near perfect, but you...you make me a better man," he said. And with that, our lips met once again; this time not breaking apart for a long...long time.


"So now that that's settled," I started once we were both sitting at the counter, "let's just put everything out on the table."
"Okay."
"Sid, I love you and I think it's safe to say that we are stir up feelings inside the each other?"
"I'd say that's true."
"But clearly neither of us are ready to take our relationship to that level yet. We agreed to take thing slow and I think we should stick to it."
"I agree."
"So the ground rules remain the same. No spending the night when the kids are here, and since they are not going to know about us right away, that shouldn't be a problem. And as for sex, it's just not an option right now. Aside from this new information, I am no where near ready to take that step, so no more disappearing acts okay?"
"Deal, but I have one condition to add."
"And what's that?"
"I get to kiss you as much and as often as I like."
"As long as it fits into all other previously discussed rules."
"You drive a hard bargain Miss Jones, but I believe I can agree to those terms."
"Good."
"And since we are clearly in no violation of said rules, I am exercising my conditional rights at this time," he smiled before our lips met once again in a passion filled kiss.

Sidney's POV

I couldn't sleep. The look on Bekah's face when I left haunted me every time I closed my eyes. What was that look exactly? I'd never seen it before. Pain? Hurt? Anger? Disappointment? Disgust? I don't know, I couldn't place it. All I knew was that I was responsible for it and it was eating away at me.
What was she thinking? I knew I was walking on thin ice with her after everything that happened when I was away. Even though I had nothing to feel gulity for, it was not the ideal situation to put myself in. The whole thing with Shawna could have been disastrous for me, but I never once considered not telling Bekah. We've had so many ups and downs already, I had faith that we love each other enough to overcome almost anything - almost! Despite what she said, I knew she was upset that I left and didn't spend any of my precious time off with her. Was it any wonder she sought comfort in Max. Max for fuck sakes! She couldn't be friends with anyone else on the team? No, it had to be Max; the one guy I knew I couldn't trust! I'm sure he's just waiting for me to fuck up so he can pounce. Oh God! What if that's what I just did? What if I just pushed her towards him? I'm sure he'd be more than willing to finish what I couldn't. What if she thinks I didn't want to because I was hiding something? Stop it! Stop thinking like that!
I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something. It was too early to go to the rink and I didn't want to wake anyone else in the house up. What I really wanted to do if I couldn't be at the rink was to be with Bekah; or at least feel close to her.
I remembered she gave me that movie of hers to watch if I got bored on my holiday. She said it probably wasn't up my alley but it was her favourite. I still had it in my bag and decided to give it a try.
She was right, it was so not my kind of thing, but it did make me feel close to her. I could totally picture her curled up on the couch in her flannels, under her big fuzzy blanket with a box of kleenex, crying at the scene in the bar when that dark haired bitch told Harley that Dusty was her husband. Yep, she would cry at that for sure! No one in this movie was going to win an Oscar, but the old guy did kind of crack me up. I was about to get up and turn it off when I heard familiar music.
I sat down and watched as Dusty sang that song Bekah loved to Harley. I remembered back to New Year's eve when I first heard that song. That was a night of many firsts. The first time Bekah and I danced together; the first time we slept in the same bed as more than friends; and the most important first of all...the first time she told me she loved me. It was the best feeling in the world! I was so happy that night; I'm still that happy. One thing I know for sure is I can't ever lose her.

I went to the rink early to skate and just shoot some pucks. It was only 7 am and I knew I had almost three hours before any of the other guys started rolling in. I was sitting in my stall when I heard the familiar french accent of my friend.
"Bonjour mon ami! Comment ça va?"
I just shook my head.
"Should I even ask how the reunion went?"
"Could have been better. Are you busy after practice?"
"I don't think so; Vero's still visiting her parents so no need to rush home."
"Can we grab some lunch or something? I really need to talk to you."
"Sure. Want to give me a hint what this is all about?"
"I'd rather save it for later when there's no one else around."


When we were back at Flower's I could finally open up about what was going on.
"So you didn't have the kind of reunion you were hoping for?" Marc asked.
"Not really."
"I thought everything was okay with you two after the Shawna thing?"
"It was; it is; it was. The problem has nothing to do with Shawna, it's all about me."
"What did you do?"
"It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do."
"What didn't you do?"
I looked at him with raised eyebrows and gave him that 'you know' look.
"What? I don't get it?"
"Neither did she," I said dryly.
"Oh. Ohhhhhhhh!" Marc said as the light bulb finally went off. "Why the hell not?"
"I couldn't."
"Again, why the hell not? Dude, she's hot and if she was willing to give it up...wait a second. You guys haven't done that yet?"
"No."
"Why the hell not?" Marc screeched like a girl.
"Because we agreed to take this slow. And there's the kids. I'm not even allowed to stay there when the kids are there."
"Ouch. So what happened?"
"It was great at first. I hung out with the boys for a bit and when Bekah and I were finally alone, it was great; totally headed in that direction and then...I froze."
"What do you mean you froze?"
"Heat of the moment, I stopped and said I had to go and I left."
"Why? Did the kids make you nervous?"
"No. I just couldn't."
"Okay, I'm not getting something here. Don't you want to have sex with her?"
"Hell yeah! And it's practically killing me not too but..."
"But what?"
"I don't want to disappoint her."
"Dude, you've got mad skills in everything, are you telling me you think you suck at sex?"
"I don't know, I've never..."
"You've never..."
"That's it. I've never."
"Holy shit! You're kidding with me right?" he laughed until I shot him a glare. "You're telling me that the Sidney Crosby has never had sex?"
"No, and I'd appreciate it if you would keep it between us."
"I'm really sorry to be repetitive but, why the hell not? It's not like millions of girls haven't thrown themselves at you. Take advantage my friend! Well maybe not now."
"I'm not like that. I'm not going to just have sex with anyone and everyone because I can. And I've never been in love before."
"Love? What has love got to do with with anything? You don't have to be in love with someone to have sex with them."
"I do; and that's pretty hypocritical coming from the guy who's been in love with the same girl since he was a baby! Are you saying that you could just screw any girl that offered herself to you?"
"Well no, because I'd never cheat on Vero, but you my friend, have the whole world being offered to you, and not to take advantage of some of the perks that come with it is just stupid!"
"Maybe it was before Bekah, but not now. I'm no different that you Flower. I'd never cheat on her. I love her way too much."
"Then what are you waiting for? You don't know how lucky you are to have your first time be with someone you're really in love with."
"I don't know. I guess I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Everything. Sex completely changes a relationship. She has had a very traumatic past and it has been a very,very long time for her, I don't want to push her and freak her out."
"It doesn't sound like she'd be an unwilling participant."
"No, I don't think so, but that's huge pressure. She already has a hard time coping with our age difference, how am I supposed to tell her I've never been with anyone before. And what if we do make it that far and it's horrible and it ruins everything great we have?"
"I hate to tell you my friend, but everyone's first time is horrible, it just goes with the territory. That's why they say practice makes perfect. You weren't the best hockey player in the world the first time you put on a pair of skates right?"
"I guess. But she's had experience. What if she doesn't have patience for my...inexperience?"
"Dude, you have to stop second guessing yourself. You need to tell her the truth. I guarantee you it's not going to matter to her, she loves you. Besides, look at the positive, maybe she can teach you the ropes. Could be very interesting!"
"Maybe."
"Sid, you need to tell her before she starts to think there's something wrong. Call her."
"Thank you Marc. I knew you were the right person to talk to about this."
"Anytime. Can I make one suggestion though?"
"Sure."
"If she's horny, you might want to keep her away from Max," Marc grinned knowing full well the issues I had with Bekah being friends with him.
"Thanks alot Flower!"
"Hey, that's what I'm here for, now go call her."
I headed for the door and took my phone out of my pocket.
"Thanks Flower."
"You're welcome mon ami."
"And Flower?"
"No worries. Everything stays between us."

Chapter 85

"Golden boy better have had one hell of an excuse," Max said as I came back into the room.
"Don't start Max, I really am not in the mood for a Sid bashing session."
"A little touchy eh? My guess is then it wasn't a good excuse."
"Depends if a natural disaster is a good excuse."
"Explain."
"Apparently there was a massive snowstorm that covered that whole part of Québec. Houses were buried, there's been no hydro, no phone service and they had to call in the reserves to dig people out. Sid hasn't even made it home yet, he's headed there now."
"A snow storm that big, how come we didn't hear about it?"
"Probably because we've been sequestered in an arena all weekend and we were listening to cd's all the way home, not the radio."
"So why don't you look satisfied with this explanation?"
"I don't want to fight with you Max, so let's just say I am less than impressed about some of the company he had and leave it at that."
"I'm guessing that company was of the female persuasion?"
"Mmm hmm," I mumbled as I laid my head back on the couch and closed my eyes trying not to picture that skank's lips on my boyfriend.
I trusted Sid, I really did. I also knew that girls throwing themselves at him came with the territory, but no matter how many times you tell yourself that, you never know how you're going to feel until something happens.
"Before you say anything Max, he told me everything that happened this week, which I am not going to go into details about, and I believe what he said and we're moving on; end of story."
"Did he...did he actually have the balls to...?"
"He didn't screw around if that's what you're getting at; now can we please change the subject?"
"Fine. Did you tell him about this weekend?" Max asked.
"Yes."
"And?"
"And it's fine."
"He must have done something really bad if he didn't give you a hard time about spending the weekend with me."
"First of all, it's not like we were on some romantic getaway by ourselves all weekend, we were at a kids hockey tournament for crying out loud. Second of all, he didn't do anything. He wasn't exactly happy, but I told him that you and I were becoming close friends and he needed to accept it or we were going to have a problem."
"You stuck up for me; for us?"
"I meant what I said. I feel a deep connection with you Max; I don't know why and I can't really explain it. But what we have is special and I'm not going to choose between the two of you, so you both are going to have to accept it and learn how to co-exist in my life together. Can you handle that?"
"If he can handle it, so can I."
"It's not a competition Max."
"Everything is a competition," he smirked.





When I opened the door, I saw those beautiful caramel eyes that I'd been missing so much staring back at me.
"Welcome back," I said wrapping my arms around his neck.
Sid returned my embrace, lifting me off the ground in the process.
"It's sooo good to be back," he said burying his face in my neck after sending shivers through my entire body by kissing the sweet spot right in the crook.
"Am I too late to see the boys?"
"You just made it. They're getting ready for bed."
"Is it okay if I go back and surprise them?"
"Yes, just try not to get them too wound up okay?"
"Yes dear," he said giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

The squeals of delight was confirmation Sid had succeeded in surprising them. I heard the hooting and hollering and decided to wander back and see what was going on. I watched from the doorway. Sidney was sitting on Alex's bed and Jake was kneeling down, leaning over his back with his arms around Sid's neck resting his chin on his shoulder. Sid was holding Jake's hands in front of him and watching intently as Alex acted out every goal he scored at the tournament. When he was done, Alex collapsed on the bed next to Sid.
"Well it sounds like you had an awesome time. I'm proud of you bud," Sid said ruffling Alex's hair. "You had some pretty sweet moves going on, do you mind if I use some of them?"
"Naw, that's cool," Alex said nonchalantly climbing under his covers.
Jake left to get in his own bed and when Sid got up to leave, Alex spoke up.
"Sid?"
"Yeah bud?"
"I have a confession. I really wanted you to show me some moves but..." he stopped and looked down at his hands.
"But what?"
"But...you weren't here so... I asked Max," he said almost like he was embarrassed. "I hope you're not mad at me."
"Ah bud, of course I'm not mad at you. I was hoping that you weren't mad at me for not being there."
"Naw, I was kinda sad at first but Mom told me that you had to go see your mom because now that you live so far away and because you work so much you never get to see your mom and you miss her and this was the only time you could go see her."
A warm smile appeared across those luscious lips. "Your mom's right. I don't get to see my family very often so I have to go when I get the chance."
"I'd be pretty sad too if I didn't get to see my mom everyday."
"Me too."
"Sid?"
"Yeah?"
"Max is really cool and everything, but would you mind showing me some of your moves sometime?"
"I wouldn't mind at all. We'll do it soon okay?"
"Awesome! You're the best!" Alex said giving Sid a big hug.

Sid went and tucked Jake in too before joining me on the couch. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him.
"Those boys really are amazing you know that?" he asked kissing the top of my head.
"I know, I'm very lucky."
"I don't think luck has anything to do with it. They are who they are because of you. You are incredible you know that?"
"No."
"Well maybe I can show you how incredible I think you are," he whispered bringing his lips towards mine.
Just as he was about to make contact, I stopped him.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Did you scrub those lips after that puck slut touched them?"
"I thought we were past that," he said with a serious look of distress on his face.
I couldn't really stop the smile from spreading across my face.
Sid rolled his eyes. "Nice Bekah, you sure know how to ruin a moment."
"But you love me anyways," I laughed.
"I do," he said taking my face in his hands. "I love you so much Bekah. More than I ever thought possible. I don't ever want to lose you," he whispered.
"Then you better kiss me," I whispered back.
"I think I can handle that!"
Our lips touched; gently at first and then progressing to the animal hunger we were both feeling. The passion running through my veins was screaming at me to rip the clothes from his body and explore every inch of him. His hands wandered over my body, leaving tingles everywhere they touched. Just when I felt like I was about to explode, he stopped and rested his forehead against mine. He was breathing heavily, and his voice was quiverring when he said, "I have to go."

Chapter 84

"Of course it's me! What's wrong with your phone? I've been trying to call you for two days!"
I took my cell out of my pocket only to find that it was dead. I guess after getting pissed off about not being able to reach him, I didn't give my phone a second thought. I'm sure the fact that I was relaxed and having a wonderful time enjoying my company the past two days didn't have anything to do with it.
"It's dead," I said coolly. "Didn't your mom give you my message about trying to call the hotel?"
"Yeah, but only this afternoon when I called her and when I tried the hotel, you had already checked out."
"What do you mean when you called her? I thought you were supposed to be there already?"
"I was but..." he let out a deep sigh. "You have no idea what I've been through the last few days."
"Enlighten me."
"It was great when I got here. Everyone was already here and we jumped right back into our ongoing game of pond hockey."
"Cause none of you get enough hockey?"
"Seriously, the game has been going on since we were all here playing junior. It never stops or starts over, we just keep score from the last time we played."
"And you were just soooo busy with the never ending game of pond hockey that you couldn't pick up the phone?"
"By the time I thought about it it was too late and by the time I got up the next morning you were already at work and then it hit."
"It hit? What hit?"
"The biggest freakin' snow storm ever in the history of Rimouski! The whole town was buried, hell half the province is buried! The snow is over most of the roofs. No one could leave their houses, there's been no electricity, no heat, no phone service, it's been a mess. They even had to call in the army reserves to dig everyone out!"
"Seriously? Are you guys okay?"
"Yeah we're all fine. Thank god for wood burning stoves! Tim's place has one in the living room, so we've all been camping out on the floor wearing every piece of clothing we own!"
I was beginning to soften my stance on the no phone call thing.
"Ahhh, you boys had a big ol' jammie party, how sweet!" I chuckled picturing 8 burly hockey boys camped out on the floor.
"Nice," Sid said. "I'm telling you about my trauma and you're making jokes.
"Oh I'm sorry was I supposed to be..."
My thought was cut short by someone in the background.
"Siddy, we have to get going soon if we're going to make it to the airport in time for our flight...oops sorry love," the voice giggled. "I didn't know you were on the phone. Kayla and I will wait in the car."
LOVE? OUR FLIGHT? KAYLA AND I? WHAT THE FUCK?
"Who was that and why did she call you love?" I snapped. "And why are you and her and some other girl going to the airport together?" I added without giving him a chance to answer the first two questions.
"Babe, relax..."
"Don't you call me babe!"
"Bekah, relax. Kayla and Shawna are friends. Actually, Kayla is Jonesy's girlfriend. They're from back home too. We were all stuck here. Jonesy had to go back to his team, and since we've been stuck here so long, the three of us are going back home together, that's all."
"That's all? Why didn't you tell be there were going to be girls on your boys bonding trip?"
"I didn't know. There had been talk that some of the guys were going to bring their girlfriends, but nobody ever confirmed. The guys couldn't get away without them. I guess their girlfriend's aren't as wonderful and understanding as mine is."
"Don't even try sucking up cause this wonderful girlfriend isn't as understanding as you think. How many girlfriends were there?"
"I don't know, five or so."
"And who's girlfriend is Shawna?"
"No one's," Sid answered cautiously. "She came with Kayla."
"And she's the one who called you love?"
"She's always done that. She calls everyone that. There is nothing to get upset about, it's just been all us friends hanging out again, catching up on what's new."
"So, did you tell all these old friends about your wonderful girlfriend?"
"No, not exactly. Sure these guys are some of my oldest friends, but some of the people I don't know all that well. I'm certainly not going to divulge personal information about me to them. Besides, we agreed not to tell anyone right?"
"Yep, sure did. Good thing too huh? I'm sure some of those girls were happy to know there was no girlfriend in the picture."
"It wasn't like that at all Bekah. I love you and you know it. That's all that matters."
"Not always," I mumbled.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"You're not really pissed off about this are you?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"How many of the little snow bunnies did you have to keep warm?"
"None individually. At night we spent most of the time all huddle together. Nothing happened."
"Nothing?"
He was quiet for a minute and that pretty much told me everything I needed to know.
"Sidney Patrick Crosby, I asked you a question!" I yelled.
"Since I am being completely honest with you...Shawna kissed me, but it only happened once and after I told her I wasn't interested that was it."
BITCH! And now you are about to fly home with her? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
"And she just accepted that you weren't interested and that was that?"
"Well no, but I pushed her away when she tried to kiss me again and she got the hint."
I pondered this information for a minute.
"Where did she kiss you?"
"What? Uh... in the kitchen."
"Not where in the house, where on your body," I said through pursed lips.
"On the lips," he said quietly.
Why was I doing this to myself? Because I needed to know, that's why.
"Did you kiss her back?"
"I... What kind of question is that?"
"A very important one. Did you kiss her back?"
"I...don't...think...so, I don't really know."
"How do you not know? Her lips were on yours kissing you. Did you return the gesture?"
"I don't know," he started to yell back at me. "I guess at first until I clued in and then I stopped her. I didn't want to kiss her and I didn't want her to kiss me. I don't know what else you want me to say."
"I just want you to say whatever the truth is. We need to always be honest no matter what the consequences might be."
"That is the truth. Bekah, I don't want to to be kissing anyone but you. You believe me don't you?"
"How long has she had a thing for you?"
"Why are you asking all these questions?"
"Because I'm trying to understand what happened so I can make an informed decision. Why are you always answering my questions with a question? Just answer me."
"I don't know. I didn't even know she did. I've known her for like six years and she's never shown interest in me before. Not that I know of anyway."
"But now that you're the face of the NHL..." I trailed off. "What's that tell you?"
"I know what people are like Beks, that's why I'm careful. I would never have a casual thing like that to begin with. But I certainly wouldn't do it now with the most beautiful, amazing girlfriend waiting for me at home. You do believe that right?"
I was quiet before I answered.
"Yes, I do."
I could hear the sigh of relief come from the other end of the phone.
"But that doesn't mean I'm impressed that you didn't tell me what was going on."
"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't think it was that big of deal."
"Normally it wouldn't be except when some skanky bitch is trying to grope my boyfriend."
"Ahhh honey, are you finally showing signs of jealousy?"
"I'm not jealous. She would have to have something that I want in order for me to be jealous of her. I think it's the other way around don't you? Although it does burn my ass a little that she doesn't know I've got something she wants."
"Ah, it's so sweet how you refer to me like a piece of meat. I think I have a little tear."
"Shut up, you should be used to it by now. I just have one more request before this is over."
"Name it."
"She's either flying back to Nova Scotia by herself or you are telling her all about me on the flight home."
"If I can get another flight, I will, but if I can't, I will make sure nothing comes out of my mouth except wonderful things about you, I promise."
"Thank you."
"So you actually broke down and called my mom?"
"I was worried when I couldn't get in touch with you. I really wanted to talk to you before we left for Harrisburg."
"I am such an ass! How'd the munchkin do?"
"Tournament champions and he got MVP; 15 goals and 8 assists in 10 games. But don't tell him I told you, he's really excited about telling you himself."
"That is awesome! He's got to be ecstatic. Is he there?"
"He's having a bath."
"I'll make sure I'll call him when I get home."
"Yeah, I've heard that one before."
"That was totally uncalled for," he said pretending to be hurt. "So why did you want to talk to me before you left?"
UUUGGGHHHH!
"Well, in the spirit of honesty, I wanted to tell you that I asked Max to go with us...and he did."
The silence was deafening.
"Why?"
"Why did he go?"
"Why did you ask him?"
"Well, because I was mad and hurt that you made plans without telling me and I really wanted someone to go with me. I ran into Max and invited him over for dinner. Alex asked him to help him out with some pointers to improve his shot, since you weren't around and I just figured it would be good for Alex to have him there, and good for me too."
He took a deep breath before asking, "anything happen that I should know about?"
"No. The only thing that happened was there wasn't enough rooms, so we all stayed in the same room. Max and Jake slept in one bed, and Alex and I slept in the other one. Nothing happened. Max didn't even attempt anything inappropriate."
"I see," was his only response.
"I needed someone there with me Sid. I wanted it to be you but..."
"I wasn't around."
"Look, I get that you are not always going to be able to be here, but you have to understand that Max and I are becoming very close friends and it's nice to have someone that can be there when you can't. It doesn't mean he's replacing you in any way because no one will ever be able to do that, but I like having Max in my life and I really need you to be okay with it. And for the record, we talked about him trying to sleep with me to piss you off and I assure you, it's not an issue."
"I trust you Bekah," he practically whispered. "And if you want to be friends with Max, I'm okay with it; I don't understand it, but I'm okay with it. And thank you for wanting to tell me before it actually happened."
"I love you Sidney Crosby."
"I love you too Bekah, probably more than you will ever know."

Chapter 83

I was doing everything I could think of to take my mind of the fact that I still had not heard from Sidney. I had so many mixed feelings, I didn't really know what I was feeling anymore. Angry, sad, bitter, frustrated, worried, scared, you name it, I was feeling it.


On Friday morning I decided to call Sidney one last time before leaving for Harrisburg. "We're sorry, the customer you are trying to reach is not available." This broad was really starting to get on my nerves. I was so pissed off at him; it was not like him to completely drop off the face of the earth, but I still had a conscience. I didn't want to leave without him knowing where we would be and how he could get a hold of me. I did the only other thing I could think of to do.
"Hello?"
"Hi Trina, this is Bekah."
"Hello dear, how are you?"
"I'm okay - no actually that's not true, I'm a little worried about Sid."
"Why did something happen?"
"I'm not sure. I haven't been able to get in contact with him since he left and he hasn't called either. It's not like him not to be in contact with me. Have you heard from him?"
"No, not since he got to Rimouski. He called to let us know he got there okay and that he'd be here Sunday. You know how boys are Bekah, he's probably got into hanging out with his friends and hasn't thought to pick up the phone. I wouldn't worry, I'm sure he's fine," Trina said trying to sound convincing. She knew better than anyone that Sid was not the type of guy not to call, at least to check in. She knew how much her son was in love with Bekah, and the fact that he hadn't called her since he left concerned her. She tried to sound positive through the rest of the conversation.
"You really think so?"
"I know so."
"Thanks Trina, that makes me feel a little better. Can you give Sid a message when he gets there?"
"Sure."
"Tell him that the boys and I are staying at the Marriott downtown in Harrisburg this weekend, so if he can't get me on my cell, he can try there."
"Of course dear. Have fun and don't worry about Sid, he's fine."
"Thanks Trina. Bye."


As Trina hung up the phone, she began to feel a twinge of guilt and fear. Guilt because she had lied to Bekah, but what was she supposed to say? She had no explanation. That's where the fear came from. Did something happen to keep him from calling; or is he doing something he's going to regret?



As soon as Alex saw his best friend Tyler in the lobby of the hotel, all signs of my quiet, subdued child were gone. They were like cages animals being released into the wild for the first time; running around trying to explore everything. Tyler's parents Pete and Sarah and I just shook our heads. As I was about to tell them I still needed to check in, Max appeared from his trip to the men's room with Jake. (I swear there is not a public bathroom that this kid hasn't been in...twice!)
"Hey bijou, have you checked in yet?"
"No, not yet."
I noticed Pete and Sarah give each other that 'who the hell is that?' look and felt obligated to make introductions.
"Sarah, Pete, this is my friend Max. Max, this is Sarah and Pete Thompson, Tyler's parents."
"It's great to meet you Mr. Talbot," Pete said as he shook hands vigorously with Max. "You're a hell of a hockey player!"
Damn, so much for being low key!
"Thank you," Max said politely, "but I'm looking forward to the stellar performances we're going to see this weekend."
"I need to go check in so..."
"I'll come with you!" Sarah said eagerly as she linked her arm with mine and we headed for the front desk.
When we were out of earshot I got "Oh my god Bekah, Max Talbot? You really jump in with both feet don't you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You go from practically being a nun to dating Max Talbot?"
"Dating!" I practically choked. "We're not dating. We're friends, that's all."
"Friends? From what I hear, Max doesn't have female friends unless they come with benefits."
"Sarah!"
"What? Are going to tell me that it's not true?"
"It's not in my case. Max and I have a mutual friend. They were supposed to come with me, but when plans changed at the last minute, Max offered to come along instead. End of story."
Sarah studied my face for any sign that I might be holding out on her, but when my facial expression didn't change, she conceded.
"Alright missy, I'll take your word for it...for now. So I guess the next logical question would be what mutual friend could you have with one of the Penguins?"
"May I help you down here Mame?"
Whew, saved!
"Yes, I'd like to check in please. The last name is Jones. I have two rooms reserved for the weekend."
"Of course Ms. Jones. I just need some id and a credit card."
I gave him the documentation he requested and then waited...and waited...and waited. When he finally came back, I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"I'm sorry Ms. Jones but there was a problem with your reservation."
"What kind of problem?"
"It seems the request for the second room was made well after the initial reservation, and with the hockey tournament in town, we just don't have a room available."
"You're kidding me right? My son is in that hockey tournament. We need a room!" I said much louder than I intended.
"Oh, you have a room - one room; not two."
A million things went through my mind at that moment. How was I supposed to share a room with Max? What would the boys think? What would everyone else think? What would Sid think?
"One room? I guess there are worse things. Please tell me there are two beds at least?"
"Yes Mame. Two queens and if you need it, we can try and round up a cot."
"That won't be necessary, the room will be fine."
"Looks like there may be more to tell by the end of the weekend after all," Sarah laughed.
I completed the check in process and Sarah and I headed back to where we had left the men. There was now a crowd gathered around. As we approached, I was amazed by what I saw. Every person that had congregated around Max was mesmerized by him. Talking about hockey of course, men hung on his every word and the women gazed admiringly at his eyes and other exquisite assets. I smiled to myself and thought 'Sid was right. He can charm the pants of of anything - man, woman or animal.'
"He really is something isn't he," Sarah said.
"You have no idea," I said. "No idea."
I held my arm up and waved the room key through the air. Max smiled and nodded his understanding. He graciously excused himself and headed over.
"We should get together for dinner once we all get settled," Sarah suggested. "Pete and Max seem to have hit it off and I'm sure the boys wouldn't object."
"Sounds good to me, and I'm sure Mr. Social won't have a problem with it. We'll meet you down here at six?"
"What's happening at six?" Max asked sliding his arm around my shoulders.
"We're going to meet Pete and Sarah for dinner. Is that okay with you?"
"Absolutely."

When we were in the elevator I told Max about the revised sleeping arrangements.
"I'll sleep with both boys and you can have the other bed," I offered.
"Three of you in one bed? That's crazy. The boys can share and we can share," Max whispered with that cheeky little grin on his face.
"Not a chance superstar!"
"Superstar? Oooh, I like it! Okay, how 'bout I take one and you take one?" he proposed.
"Max, you don't have to, I can manage with the both of them."
"No way. I'll sleep with Alex, you take Jake."
"I wouldn't do that to you, Alex is very restless. You take Jake, I'll take Alex."
"Deal."

Dinner was...well, it was...comfortable. The conversation never hit a lull, even though Sarah and I spent most of the night listening to the guys talk hockey. We did manage to get some girl talk in there too. My recent memory could not provoke any thoughts of a time I felt more comfortable or had so much fun. It was nice to be out in public without worrying about who was going to see us or what was going to be said. Our hysterical laughter often elicited stares from other patrons of the restaurant, but none of us cared. A few people wandered over to our table and asked Max for autographs and he handled it with ease, apologizing to us for the inconvenience after the signature seekers had left. At nine o'clock we decided to call it a night since the boy's first game was at seven the next morning.

When we were back in the room, it took the boys all of five minutes to fall asleep, leaving Max and I to our own devices. He found a movie on TV and we settled in for the night. Me in my bed, and he in his, the boys between us.
Half way through the movie (which was so horrible I can't even remember the name) I looked over at Max and found him laying on his side, peering over Jake's sleeping form, staring at me. I rolled up onto my side, and looking over Alex's sleeping body, returned Max's glare. We didn't speak; just drank in what our eyes were seeing, occasionally exchanging smiles and winks. I don't know when, but at some point we both fell asleep and were awakened by the screeching of the alarm clock.

The tournament was long and physically draining for the boys, but in the end, the Midget Penguins (Alex's team by pure coincidence) were champions of western Pennsylvania and Alex was the tournament MVP, leading all players with 15 goals and 8assists in 10 games, credited all to Max for helping him with his shot of course! It was a long four hour drive home and I don't know who was more hyper, Alex or Max!

We rolled in the front door at 8pm and was immediately greeted by the phone ringing. I didn't rush to get to it, opting to make sure the boys got in the bath right away. Max finished carrying the bags and hockey equipment in and we both flopped on the couch and burst out laughing at the same time. No reason why; it's just something we found happening alot. We'd look at each other and just laugh. When all was calm again, Max's face got serious.
"Why are you looking at me that way?" I asked.
"I don't know, because I can't stop thinking about how much fun this weekend was. Spending that time with you and the boys was amazing. Thank you for letting me be a part of it Bekah."
"Thank you for coming with me. I couldn't even imagine how I would have coped without you there."
For the first time, there was a bit of awkwardness between us, like neither of us knew what to do next. Max was leaning towards me, just about to say something when the phone rang again.
Saved by the bell!
"Hello?"
"Beks, thank god! What the hell's going on with your phone, I've been trying to call you for two days?"
"Sidney?"