Chapter 121

He fought to keep his eyes closed. If he didn't open them then this day wouldn't happen. But all the laughing and giggling from outside his door told him otherwise. Yep, Christmas was happening whether he wanted it to or not.

"Sid come on, Mom won't let us open presents til you get up so get that huge butt of yours out of bed, I want my stuff!"

Stephanie Lemieux's voice grated on his nerves at the best of times, especially when she was whining like a three year old, but this morning it made him want to stab knives into his ears.

"I'll get up when I'm good and ready Steph so back off."

His bedroom door swung open and before he knew it, the oldest Lemieux girl was at the side of his bed hovering over top of him.

"Awe, did poor wittle Sidney wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Well get over yourself Crosby! Just because you're a miserable asshole doesn't mean you have to spoil it for the rest of us!"
And with a resounding "JERK!" she slammed the door behind her.

She was right of course and he knew it. The last month had been hard on him physically and emotionally. The team was in the middle of a losing streak which he saw as his personal responsibility to snap. He was killing himself both in the gym and on the ice trying to get something...anything going; to get his teammates going but nothing was working. All he was doing was creating a rift in the locker room and adding to his reputation as a whiner and a complainer that he had 'earned' last season. Not to mention that his father had been hot on his ass for anything and everything; nit-picking everything he did wrong and everything he did right; which seemed to be very little these days. And worst of all; he was all alone. Bekah had been his rock; the one he could confide in, vent to, the one he could rely on to put him in his place when he needed it and always tell him the truth. The one he could release all his frustration and irritation his father provided him on to and know that when he was done she would just kiss him and everything was okay again.

The one. Period.

So how did he let things go so horribly wrong?

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts.
"Jesus Christ Steph I'm coming!"
The door opened a crack and he heard the warm, gentle tone of his second mother's voice.
"Sidney may I come in?"
"I'm sorry Nat, I didn't mean to snap at you."
"Seems to be a theme lately huh?" she said sitting down beside him on the edge of the bed.
"I just...how did it go so wrong? This time last year I was on cloud nine minus the slight 'Troy-ruption'. I had everything; I was comfortable. I was in love. I was happy. And now...it's gone. I feel like my entire life has spiralled out of control and there is NOTHING I can do to stop it - all I can do is just watch it happen. It's like when you see a car accident and you know you shouldn't look but you just have to. My life is that accident and I'm just staring at it. I want to look away but I can't."
His last few words were so soft; almost inaudible and he was disgusted with himself for letting Nat see him cry.
"Oh Sidney," she said giving his hand a firm squeeze, "I could tell you but you're not going to like it. And I'm not really sure I should because if you don't know what you did wrong, then obviously you haven't learned anything."
Nat put a comforting arm around his broad shoulders, though they didn't appear as such right now.
"I'm sorry you're hurting; your first broken heart is never easy, but you've let the disappointment in your personal life affect hockey and that is not you. I'm worried."
"I don't want to worry you, I just feel like I'm...sinking."

Nat turned to face him, squared her shoulders forcing him to sit up straight and do the same.

"I didn't want to be harsh with you Sidney but honestly! You are Sidney Crosby. You have had to fight for everything you have and have ever achieved. You deal with criticism, controversy, and haters everyday. You scratch and claw and do whatever you need to do to get what you want so why are you being such a...such a puss all of a sudden? I can not believe you've just accepted that it's over. You just let Bekah walk away! That is not you. Sidney Crosby does not just give up; he fights for what he wants and never gives up until he gets it!"
"I know Nat, but I don't think there's anything left to fight for. She made it perfectly clear how much I hurt her and we are done."
"Coming from the same girl who said she was never going to date! Especially someone like you! Sidney you jumped through hoops to make her fall in love with you and then you dropped the ball. It's like you won the ultimate prize but didn't feel the need to do the work to keep it. Would you do that with the Stanley Cup? If you win one are you going to quit trying to win it again?"
"Of course not!"
"Well then?"
Sidney sighed. His head was beginning to hurt.
"I don't know Nat..."
"Do you believe that she loved you?"
"Yes."
"Think she still does?"
"I'm not sure. I hope so."
"Then don't take no for an answer. Get off your ass and fight for her! You made her fall in love with you once so do it again."
"I don't think it'll be that easy Nat, there's too much history. It's not getting her to fall in love with me, it's proving that I'm worthy of her love. It'll be trying to convince her that I've learned from my mistakes; that I took her for granted and it won't happen again."

A look of pride came across Nathalie's face.

"That Sidney was your ah ha moment! Now you're ready, so how are you going to do it?"
"I have absolutely NO idea!"