Sidney's POV

I couldn't sleep. The look on Bekah's face when I left haunted me every time I closed my eyes. What was that look exactly? I'd never seen it before. Pain? Hurt? Anger? Disappointment? Disgust? I don't know, I couldn't place it. All I knew was that I was responsible for it and it was eating away at me.
What was she thinking? I knew I was walking on thin ice with her after everything that happened when I was away. Even though I had nothing to feel gulity for, it was not the ideal situation to put myself in. The whole thing with Shawna could have been disastrous for me, but I never once considered not telling Bekah. We've had so many ups and downs already, I had faith that we love each other enough to overcome almost anything - almost! Despite what she said, I knew she was upset that I left and didn't spend any of my precious time off with her. Was it any wonder she sought comfort in Max. Max for fuck sakes! She couldn't be friends with anyone else on the team? No, it had to be Max; the one guy I knew I couldn't trust! I'm sure he's just waiting for me to fuck up so he can pounce. Oh God! What if that's what I just did? What if I just pushed her towards him? I'm sure he'd be more than willing to finish what I couldn't. What if she thinks I didn't want to because I was hiding something? Stop it! Stop thinking like that!
I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something. It was too early to go to the rink and I didn't want to wake anyone else in the house up. What I really wanted to do if I couldn't be at the rink was to be with Bekah; or at least feel close to her.
I remembered she gave me that movie of hers to watch if I got bored on my holiday. She said it probably wasn't up my alley but it was her favourite. I still had it in my bag and decided to give it a try.
She was right, it was so not my kind of thing, but it did make me feel close to her. I could totally picture her curled up on the couch in her flannels, under her big fuzzy blanket with a box of kleenex, crying at the scene in the bar when that dark haired bitch told Harley that Dusty was her husband. Yep, she would cry at that for sure! No one in this movie was going to win an Oscar, but the old guy did kind of crack me up. I was about to get up and turn it off when I heard familiar music.
I sat down and watched as Dusty sang that song Bekah loved to Harley. I remembered back to New Year's eve when I first heard that song. That was a night of many firsts. The first time Bekah and I danced together; the first time we slept in the same bed as more than friends; and the most important first of all...the first time she told me she loved me. It was the best feeling in the world! I was so happy that night; I'm still that happy. One thing I know for sure is I can't ever lose her.

I went to the rink early to skate and just shoot some pucks. It was only 7 am and I knew I had almost three hours before any of the other guys started rolling in. I was sitting in my stall when I heard the familiar french accent of my friend.
"Bonjour mon ami! Comment ça va?"
I just shook my head.
"Should I even ask how the reunion went?"
"Could have been better. Are you busy after practice?"
"I don't think so; Vero's still visiting her parents so no need to rush home."
"Can we grab some lunch or something? I really need to talk to you."
"Sure. Want to give me a hint what this is all about?"
"I'd rather save it for later when there's no one else around."


When we were back at Flower's I could finally open up about what was going on.
"So you didn't have the kind of reunion you were hoping for?" Marc asked.
"Not really."
"I thought everything was okay with you two after the Shawna thing?"
"It was; it is; it was. The problem has nothing to do with Shawna, it's all about me."
"What did you do?"
"It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do."
"What didn't you do?"
I looked at him with raised eyebrows and gave him that 'you know' look.
"What? I don't get it?"
"Neither did she," I said dryly.
"Oh. Ohhhhhhhh!" Marc said as the light bulb finally went off. "Why the hell not?"
"I couldn't."
"Again, why the hell not? Dude, she's hot and if she was willing to give it up...wait a second. You guys haven't done that yet?"
"No."
"Why the hell not?" Marc screeched like a girl.
"Because we agreed to take this slow. And there's the kids. I'm not even allowed to stay there when the kids are there."
"Ouch. So what happened?"
"It was great at first. I hung out with the boys for a bit and when Bekah and I were finally alone, it was great; totally headed in that direction and then...I froze."
"What do you mean you froze?"
"Heat of the moment, I stopped and said I had to go and I left."
"Why? Did the kids make you nervous?"
"No. I just couldn't."
"Okay, I'm not getting something here. Don't you want to have sex with her?"
"Hell yeah! And it's practically killing me not too but..."
"But what?"
"I don't want to disappoint her."
"Dude, you've got mad skills in everything, are you telling me you think you suck at sex?"
"I don't know, I've never..."
"You've never..."
"That's it. I've never."
"Holy shit! You're kidding with me right?" he laughed until I shot him a glare. "You're telling me that the Sidney Crosby has never had sex?"
"No, and I'd appreciate it if you would keep it between us."
"I'm really sorry to be repetitive but, why the hell not? It's not like millions of girls haven't thrown themselves at you. Take advantage my friend! Well maybe not now."
"I'm not like that. I'm not going to just have sex with anyone and everyone because I can. And I've never been in love before."
"Love? What has love got to do with with anything? You don't have to be in love with someone to have sex with them."
"I do; and that's pretty hypocritical coming from the guy who's been in love with the same girl since he was a baby! Are you saying that you could just screw any girl that offered herself to you?"
"Well no, because I'd never cheat on Vero, but you my friend, have the whole world being offered to you, and not to take advantage of some of the perks that come with it is just stupid!"
"Maybe it was before Bekah, but not now. I'm no different that you Flower. I'd never cheat on her. I love her way too much."
"Then what are you waiting for? You don't know how lucky you are to have your first time be with someone you're really in love with."
"I don't know. I guess I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Everything. Sex completely changes a relationship. She has had a very traumatic past and it has been a very,very long time for her, I don't want to push her and freak her out."
"It doesn't sound like she'd be an unwilling participant."
"No, I don't think so, but that's huge pressure. She already has a hard time coping with our age difference, how am I supposed to tell her I've never been with anyone before. And what if we do make it that far and it's horrible and it ruins everything great we have?"
"I hate to tell you my friend, but everyone's first time is horrible, it just goes with the territory. That's why they say practice makes perfect. You weren't the best hockey player in the world the first time you put on a pair of skates right?"
"I guess. But she's had experience. What if she doesn't have patience for my...inexperience?"
"Dude, you have to stop second guessing yourself. You need to tell her the truth. I guarantee you it's not going to matter to her, she loves you. Besides, look at the positive, maybe she can teach you the ropes. Could be very interesting!"
"Maybe."
"Sid, you need to tell her before she starts to think there's something wrong. Call her."
"Thank you Marc. I knew you were the right person to talk to about this."
"Anytime. Can I make one suggestion though?"
"Sure."
"If she's horny, you might want to keep her away from Max," Marc grinned knowing full well the issues I had with Bekah being friends with him.
"Thanks alot Flower!"
"Hey, that's what I'm here for, now go call her."
I headed for the door and took my phone out of my pocket.
"Thanks Flower."
"You're welcome mon ami."
"And Flower?"
"No worries. Everything stays between us."