Chapter 86

"Hey," he said as I opened the door for him.
"Hey," I said quietly.
God, he looked good. He was coming right from practice, but that's when I thought he looked the best. Dressed casually with his hat on and no product in his hair. Don't get me wrong; I love a man who looks good in a suit, but casual was totally working for him.
"I wasn't sure if you were working today, but I'm glad you're not. We really need to talk."
I nodded silently and led him to the kitchen counter.
"Do you want some coffee?" I asked.
"No thanks."
I poured myself a third cup and leaned against the counter opposite him. I searched his eyes for some clue as to what he was going to say. They were blank. The light that normally inhabited those beautiful caramel coloured eyes was not there. I took a deep breath and tried to prepare myself for the inevitable conversation I knew was going to take place. I had already played it a thousand times in my head...'sorry Bekah, I like you and everything but I just don't think that it's going to work out for us; the age difference is just too big to overcome. We are at two different places in our lives and I am not ready for the responsibility of kids, hell I'm still a kid myself with my whole life ahead of me. I think it's best if we end things now. It was great to get to know you but have a nice life.'
Yep, this conversation had been taking place in my head since he left the other night.
"Beks - Sid " we said at the same time.
"You go first," I told him.
"No, you should go first," he insisted.
"What happened the other night?" I asked barely above a whisper, "why did you just leave like that?"
"I...I'm not...I don't really..."
"Jesus Christ Sid!"
"I'm sorry...this is just really difficult for me to say."
"Just say it. I know what's coming Sid so just say it."
"Beks, you have no idea what I'm going to say."
"Yes I do so spit it out for crying out loud!" I yelled not being able to contain the anger that was building inside me any longer.
"Calm down," Sid said getting up off his stool and coming towards me.
"Please don't come any closer and please don't tell me to calm down. Say it...just say it," I said barely holding back tears now.
Sid took a few more steps before he stopped. He was close enough that I could smell him but too far away to touch me.
"Why are you so upset? What is it you think I'm going to say?"
The tears were flowing and so were the words out of my mouth.
"Just be a man and tell me the truth!"
"And what would that be?" he asked calmly.
"That it's over! You don't want to be with me anymore, does that about cover it?"
He broke out into that high pitched girly laugh he had. Was he out of his mind? How was this funny?"
"I'm glad you think this is humorous."
"Beks," he said between gasps, "where in the world did you come up with that?"
Now I was just pissed. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because one minute I'm having an amazing kiss with my boyfriend and the next minute he practically runs out the door and I don't hear from him for two days! Yeah, why would I think it was over?"
He came towards me again, this time not letting the evil glare I was giving him stop him. He put his hands on my arms and looked deep into my eyes. "Baby, I love you. You are completely insane, but I love you. Nothing could be further from the truth."
"You don't want to break up?" I asked now very confused.
"No, I don't want to break up! I have put waaaaaaaaaay too much work into you to let you go now!"
"If that's supposed to be funny, I'm not laughing," I said holding back a smile.
"Yeah it is, and you want to smile," he said poking me in the sides and making me flinch.
"Stop it!" I said pushing his hands away. "If you're not breaking up with me, then what did you come here to talk about? Why did you leave the other night?"
He took a deep breath and pulled me in close to him. He nuzzled his face into my neck and his hot breath sent shivers through my entire body.
"I was scared," he said making no attempt to lift his head.
"Scared? Of what? Me?"
"You? No, baby I could never be scared of you," he chuckled finally raising his head only to rest his forehead against mine.
"Then what were you scared of?"
"Of where we were headed."
"I don't understand."
"We were getting very...let's say passionate, the other night and I was scared of what it was going to lead to."
"Sex?" I asked finally cluing in.
"Well...yeah," he said rather sheepishly.
"Are you saying that you don't want to have sex with me?" I goaded.
"NO! God no! That's not what I'm saying at all! Bekah you are incredibly beautiful and sexy and you excite me more than you could ever imagine...it's just...we said we were going to take things slow and then we were getting so close and..." he stopped.
"And what?" I asked tenderly touching his cheek.
He kissed the tip of my nose and looked down at the floor before he said "and...I've never been with anyone before."
A smile crept across my face as I processed what he had just said. I lifted his chin with my fingers so I could look into those gorgeous eyes of his.
"You've never been with anyone? Ever?"
"No, never."
"Ever?"
"N-E-V-E-R!" he stressed. "I was afraid to tell you because I didn't want to freak you out. I know you're still coming to terms with the whole age thing and I didn't think this information would really help."
I looked at him and smiled before wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing those beautiful, plump lips.
"Sidney Patrick Crosby, I love you. I-love-you!" I said smiling into another kiss.
"I love you too Beks," he said squeezing me into a tight hug and lifting my feet off the ground.
"So how is it that Mr. Hockey has never had sex?" I said now poking him in the sides.
"I was focused on playing hockey and...well, I've never been in love until now and that's important to me. I don't want to sleep with someone just for the sake of having sex. When I have sex for the first time I want it to be amazing and special and that means being in love."
I kissed him softly at first and then slowly and deeply and when we finally broke apart, our foreheads were once again resting against each other's.
"You never cease to amaze me Sidney," I whispered. "You are perfect aren't you?"
"Hardly! I am no where near perfect, but you...you make me a better man," he said. And with that, our lips met once again; this time not breaking apart for a long...long time.


"So now that that's settled," I started once we were both sitting at the counter, "let's just put everything out on the table."
"Okay."
"Sid, I love you and I think it's safe to say that we are stir up feelings inside the each other?"
"I'd say that's true."
"But clearly neither of us are ready to take our relationship to that level yet. We agreed to take thing slow and I think we should stick to it."
"I agree."
"So the ground rules remain the same. No spending the night when the kids are here, and since they are not going to know about us right away, that shouldn't be a problem. And as for sex, it's just not an option right now. Aside from this new information, I am no where near ready to take that step, so no more disappearing acts okay?"
"Deal, but I have one condition to add."
"And what's that?"
"I get to kiss you as much and as often as I like."
"As long as it fits into all other previously discussed rules."
"You drive a hard bargain Miss Jones, but I believe I can agree to those terms."
"Good."
"And since we are clearly in no violation of said rules, I am exercising my conditional rights at this time," he smiled before our lips met once again in a passion filled kiss.