Chapter 122

Christmas had been horrible for him. Spending the day with his family and the Lemieuxs, laughing opening presents, everyone gathered in the kitchen preparing the feast they were all going to consume; everyone happy; everyone together. Yes it was exactly how he had imagined it, except for one thing. Bekah wasn't there. She wasn't there, the boys weren't there getting spoiled and he was miserable.
He was happy they had a short holiday break - they played the next night and he was hopeful that she would be there.

They day flew by. Morning skate, lunch, pre-game nap, back to the arena to start the familiar rituals of getting game ready. This was the only thing that had kept him sane for the past month; his comfort zone. This...this way of life was the only way he knew. Anything other than this, well, quite frankly it scared the shit out of him. He knew that now. His whole life had been dedicated to living this dream; being the best, playing in the NHL. He was groomed to be the 'face of the league' and anything that threatened this 'life' he was living...let's just say there was no room for it. Wasn't any room for it. Until now.

Bekah was right. He wasn't fair to her. He treated her like every other goal he had in his life. He wanted her and he wasn't going to stop until he got her. And he did. But once he did, he didn't know what to do with her. He loved her; God knows he loved her, but he had no idea how to love her. He had no idea how to love anything but hockey. Sure, he had said all the right things but the old saying was true; actions speak louder than words and his actions certainly didn't portray love or balance or even a willingness to try to balance love and his career. He knew this now, a little late but better late than never right?

He thought about her as he stood by the bench taping his sticks. How she made him feel. Loved - not like family loved you, but like a partner and equal. Respected - not for his hockey skills but for who he was as a person, not the public person but the guy who sat on her couch eating popcorn and watching movies. Vulnerable - she was the only person he could truly be himself around. She saw sides of him that no one, not even his teammates were allowed to see. She was the only one he would ever even dream of telling his inner-most thoughts to. Proud - to have such a beautiful woman inside and out by his side. Exhilarated and exhausted - she was tough and challenging; she challenged him to be better but never gave support or respect without making you fight for it. Lucky - that after everything she had been through in her life, she chose him to open up to and let in. That she let him be part of her intimate circle and more importantly that he was someone she allowed to be part of her children's lives.

He could probably spend the next three days thinking of all the ways she made him feel, but he had to focus. He went back to the locker room to get something to eat and 'get in the zone'. Most of the guys avoided any sort of small talk with him since he had been such a bear for the last month. There was the polite how was your Christmas, but they all knew not to go any further.

He looked for her during warm-up but didn't see her. Not unusual, if she was working she probably wouldn't get there until the first intermission. By the time the final buzzer went, he was deflated for more than one reason. He hated the Caps with a passion and losing to them on home ice never sat well with him. This was the kind of night that going home to her could melt all the pain away. But she wasn't here.
His media scrum lasted longer than everyone elses' as usual, and he did his best to give boring generic answers instead of yelling 'why do you think we lost you fucking idiot, we didn't score more goals than they did!' or 'no, I think Ovechkin is a fucking showboating caveman and I hope he drops off the face of the planet!' By the time he headed for the showers everyone else was almost ready to leave.
"Hey Talbo, what's your hurry?" Staalzy asked. "We goin' to Diesel?"
"Not tonight buddy, I have plans."
"You have plans? What's her name?"
"Like I'm gonna tell you Staalzy."
"Well does she have a friend I can mack on? They can meet us there."
"No can do, sorry."
"Holy shit, this girl must be something if you're turning down the hotness at Diesel," TK piped in.
"Talbo don't do special, he does hot and horny in the moment!"
"Thank you so much, some friends you are."
"Oh come on, it's not like you're a 'relationship' kinda guy there Max," Flower added.
"Later guys, have fun tonight eh," Max said on his way out the door.
"Hey Max wait up a minute," Sid said.
"Make it quick golden boy, I gotta go."
"How's Bekah doing? I mean, I assume you've talked to her. Is she doing okay?"
Max just shook his head and gave a half laugh.
"Have a good night Sid," and with that Max walked away.

He felt like a stalker. Parked a few houses down from hers, in the dark just after midnight. He had already been by the hospital and found her car in the parking garage so he knew she was working. He was just lucky her unit manager had a soft spot for him and was willing to pass along a little tidbit that Bekah would be done work around midnight. So he waited. Sure, it was a little unconventional, but he had spend the last two days rehearsing what he wanted, no, what he needed to say to her. He had gone above and beyond and crossed way more lines to get her and he needed a grand gesture to just get her to listen to him now. He had tried calling her and sending messages a few times over the past month, but she never answered or responded. He even called her Christmas day, hoping the memories of last Christmas would compel her to answer, but no. So this was it. He had practiced what he was going to say and had psyched himself up to do this tonight; it was now or never. So he waited.

It wasn't long before he saw headlights and her car turned into the driveway. He had to stop himself from jumping out of the car and running over to her; he didn't want to scare her. 'No. Wait until she gets inside.' he told himself. As her car door opened, so did her front door. She emerged from the car and a man emerged from the house. His heart began to beat so fast he swore he could hear it. This man began walking towards her. Wait a minute! He recognized that ugly sweater anywhere! It was Max and for a brief moment he was relieved. Relief was short lived. Were his eyes betraying him? Max took her bag from her and wrapped her in a hug.
'Okay calm down, it's just a hug, they are best friends' he told himself.
They started to move apart, but only slightly. Max put his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. What he saw next made him sick to his stomach. Max's lips were on hers and she didn't stop it. He wasn't stupid. That was not just a friendly kiss.
He watched as they went in the house, arms around each other and once the door closed he finally exhaled. This was not happening. He was nauseous. He had never wanted to throw up so badly in his life. He couldn't move, only sit and stare at the front door  his teammate and the love of his life just went through. About 45 minutes later all the lights went out in the house. The house was in utter darkness and so was his heart. Those lights went out, but no one left the house.

FYI

Just to let those of you who read my other stories know, I updated Rocky Mountain Romance tonight. You can check it out here:
www.loveinthemountains.blogspot.com/2012/02/06-back-to-work.html


More updates here soon!
I will also be updating the Letang story shortly as well.
I know I've said this before, but I don't think I say it nearly enough:
Thank you thank you thank you for sticking with me and reading my stories. I love your comments and appreciate your loyalty more than words can say!

~B~

Chapter 121

He fought to keep his eyes closed. If he didn't open them then this day wouldn't happen. But all the laughing and giggling from outside his door told him otherwise. Yep, Christmas was happening whether he wanted it to or not.

"Sid come on, Mom won't let us open presents til you get up so get that huge butt of yours out of bed, I want my stuff!"

Stephanie Lemieux's voice grated on his nerves at the best of times, especially when she was whining like a three year old, but this morning it made him want to stab knives into his ears.

"I'll get up when I'm good and ready Steph so back off."

His bedroom door swung open and before he knew it, the oldest Lemieux girl was at the side of his bed hovering over top of him.

"Awe, did poor wittle Sidney wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Well get over yourself Crosby! Just because you're a miserable asshole doesn't mean you have to spoil it for the rest of us!"
And with a resounding "JERK!" she slammed the door behind her.

She was right of course and he knew it. The last month had been hard on him physically and emotionally. The team was in the middle of a losing streak which he saw as his personal responsibility to snap. He was killing himself both in the gym and on the ice trying to get something...anything going; to get his teammates going but nothing was working. All he was doing was creating a rift in the locker room and adding to his reputation as a whiner and a complainer that he had 'earned' last season. Not to mention that his father had been hot on his ass for anything and everything; nit-picking everything he did wrong and everything he did right; which seemed to be very little these days. And worst of all; he was all alone. Bekah had been his rock; the one he could confide in, vent to, the one he could rely on to put him in his place when he needed it and always tell him the truth. The one he could release all his frustration and irritation his father provided him on to and know that when he was done she would just kiss him and everything was okay again.

The one. Period.

So how did he let things go so horribly wrong?

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts.
"Jesus Christ Steph I'm coming!"
The door opened a crack and he heard the warm, gentle tone of his second mother's voice.
"Sidney may I come in?"
"I'm sorry Nat, I didn't mean to snap at you."
"Seems to be a theme lately huh?" she said sitting down beside him on the edge of the bed.
"I just...how did it go so wrong? This time last year I was on cloud nine minus the slight 'Troy-ruption'. I had everything; I was comfortable. I was in love. I was happy. And now...it's gone. I feel like my entire life has spiralled out of control and there is NOTHING I can do to stop it - all I can do is just watch it happen. It's like when you see a car accident and you know you shouldn't look but you just have to. My life is that accident and I'm just staring at it. I want to look away but I can't."
His last few words were so soft; almost inaudible and he was disgusted with himself for letting Nat see him cry.
"Oh Sidney," she said giving his hand a firm squeeze, "I could tell you but you're not going to like it. And I'm not really sure I should because if you don't know what you did wrong, then obviously you haven't learned anything."
Nat put a comforting arm around his broad shoulders, though they didn't appear as such right now.
"I'm sorry you're hurting; your first broken heart is never easy, but you've let the disappointment in your personal life affect hockey and that is not you. I'm worried."
"I don't want to worry you, I just feel like I'm...sinking."

Nat turned to face him, squared her shoulders forcing him to sit up straight and do the same.

"I didn't want to be harsh with you Sidney but honestly! You are Sidney Crosby. You have had to fight for everything you have and have ever achieved. You deal with criticism, controversy, and haters everyday. You scratch and claw and do whatever you need to do to get what you want so why are you being such a...such a puss all of a sudden? I can not believe you've just accepted that it's over. You just let Bekah walk away! That is not you. Sidney Crosby does not just give up; he fights for what he wants and never gives up until he gets it!"
"I know Nat, but I don't think there's anything left to fight for. She made it perfectly clear how much I hurt her and we are done."
"Coming from the same girl who said she was never going to date! Especially someone like you! Sidney you jumped through hoops to make her fall in love with you and then you dropped the ball. It's like you won the ultimate prize but didn't feel the need to do the work to keep it. Would you do that with the Stanley Cup? If you win one are you going to quit trying to win it again?"
"Of course not!"
"Well then?"
Sidney sighed. His head was beginning to hurt.
"I don't know Nat..."
"Do you believe that she loved you?"
"Yes."
"Think she still does?"
"I'm not sure. I hope so."
"Then don't take no for an answer. Get off your ass and fight for her! You made her fall in love with you once so do it again."
"I don't think it'll be that easy Nat, there's too much history. It's not getting her to fall in love with me, it's proving that I'm worthy of her love. It'll be trying to convince her that I've learned from my mistakes; that I took her for granted and it won't happen again."

A look of pride came across Nathalie's face.

"That Sidney was your ah ha moment! Now you're ready, so how are you going to do it?"
"I have absolutely NO idea!"

Chapter 120

"Wow! I mean...wow! Bijou that was...wow!"
"Hmmmmmmm."
"Hmmmmmm? What is that? What does that mean? Hmmmmm that was amazing or hmmmmmm I want to be sick?"
"Max, shhhhh," I whispered putting my finger up to his lips.

The truth was I didn't have an answer for him. Did that kiss make me feel sick to my stomach? No. Definitely no. Did it feel like fireworks going off or give me a tingling sensation from my lips clear down to my toes? No.
The only thing I knew for sure was that I felt...something. Was it good or bad? I think it needed further investigating.

"I think we need to try that again."
"Yeah?" he asked with a little smirk.
"Yeah, I think so," I said returning his same cheeky grin.

I took a small step closer to him; never losing his gaze. My left hand slowly slid across his side and around to the small of his back pulling him closer to me. My right hand made its way up his chest and rested on his neck pulling his face towards mine.
Our lips brushed ever so gently against each other but not quite making full contact. This was it. This was Max's moment to pull out all the stops; show me what he's got...and he knew it. The first kiss had been just that; a first kiss. Sweet, gentle, and a little awkward. If he was going to make any sort of lasting impression now was the time.

His lips caressed my neck, up my jaw line, and back down only to sweep across and hover above my lips; begging me to kiss him. Then, just as I was about to give in, he began working on the other side.
'Ooooh...he...is...good,' I thought to myself.
Lips working; hands exploring; bodies rubbing in exactly the right places. Yes, Maxime Talbot oozed sex appeal and knew exactly how to use it. And I, like God knows how many other women before me, was falling for it...hard!
"Mmmmmaaaaaxxxxxiiiiieeeeee," I purred.
"Mmmmmmmmm?" He momentarily took a break from what he was doing to look in my eyes. And there it was. Passion, love, lust, hope; all orbiting around in those icy blue eyes; burning deep into my soul. I knew in that moment he didn't just want to tell me how he felt; he didn't want to just try and show me, he wanted me to feel it deep in my heart. Then finally...
Our lips connected and there they were - sparks, tingly sensations, relief.
Every part of our bodies that could be touching were; tangled in the passion and love we were feeling. It was a kiss that seemed to go on for an eternity, with no end in sight; but not a dirty I want to rip your clothes off porno kiss. It was sweet and loving, passionate and meaningful, heartfelt and most of all true. This was a purely honest moment between two people...in love????
We parted and I just seemed to fit perfectly with Max's arms around me, his chin resting on my head. Max was not a big man, slight actually by most hockey standards, but he was just the right height that my head naturally rested on his shoulder, and he was just sculpted enough to feel sexy and manly without being bulky or unnatural.
It was a perfect moment, out in the crisp air with a blanket of stars overhead.
"Max?"
"Oui bijou?"
"I'm freezing!"
"Me too, but I didn't want to ruin the moment."
"Trust me, this moment could not be ruined."
I gave him a sweet peck before going inside.
"I think I need another cup of tea to warm me up," I said plugging the kettle in again.
"I think I might be able to help you out with that," he replied while wrapping his arms around me from behind.
"This is definitely the best Christmas I've had in a long time," he whispered.
"You're not going to get all sappy on me and tell me it's because you've gotten everything you want now are you?"
"Well, Santa has definitely brought me everything on my list this year!"
"I guess that means you didn't make the naughty list eh?"
"Not yet anyways," he growled. "I feel like I have been so blessed this year and I don't want to get greedy, but there is one more thing I'd like to make this Christmas perfect."
"Oh reeaallyy? And what's that?"
Max took my hands in his and kissed the back of each one.
"I just want to wake up with you in my arms Christmas morning."
"Oh Max, I don't...what about the boys? I'm sure the first thing they're going to do when they wake up is run in and get in bed with me, it's kind of a tradition thing."
"Maybe it's time to make a new tradition?"
"But Max...it's new and we're in your families house..."
"And excuses excuses! You don't think maman will be over the moon about this? And the boys have seen us in bed together like a thousand times...Sunday morning movies ring a bell?"
"Yeah, but it's different now."
"Yes it is, but they don't know that, not yet anyways. Come on bijou...please? Pretty please?" he mumbled into my neck while placing kisses in my sweet spot.
"How am I supposed to say no when you do things like that?" I whispered.
"You're not."
I inhaled and exhaled deeply.
"Well my best guess is we only have a few hours before the boys are up so...I guess we should get to bed."
"Together?" he said hopefully.
"Oui chérie. Far be it from me to keep your last Christmas wish from coming true!"




Meanwhile back in the Burgh...

Chapter 119

The ride home was long and silent; not even the radio was on. Lucie must have sensed something had happened because she had insisted the boys ride home with them, leaving Max and I alone. We didn't look at each other and the tension was thick. I knew Max's mind was probably reeling since I hadn't said a word since his proclamation of love but mine was doing the same. I knew right now I couldn't say anything to put his mind at ease so I did the only thing I could; I reached over and placed my hand on top of his - the one that had been resting on the gear shift, and gave it a gentle squeeze...and didn't let go. I hoped this small gesture was enough to ease his mind for the next little while.

How did I get in this situation? Two words...Sidney Crosby. My life has been a disaster since the day we met. If it hadn't been for him, making me fall in love with him, I wouldn't be faced with this predicament right now. I would have never opened myself up to the heartache I knew he would and inevitably did cause me; I wouldn't have been on this emotional roller coaster for the past year and a half and I would have never met Max.

Maxime Talbot. The only good thing to come out of this whole mess. No, that's not fair. Sidney taught me alot: never to give up on something you want; if you love something enough you can overcome almost any obstacle; and if you never take a risk, your life will be empty. He also taught me the importance of being passionate about something and opening yourself up to love. My time with Sidney was...special and I will hold a special place in my heart for him always, but our time had past; we tried and failed and now it was time to move on. But could I move on with Max?

Once we got home everyone opened one present and as per the Talbot family tradition everyone's gift was the same - pyjamas to wear to bed and open presents in on Christmas morning which by now was only a few hours away.

By the time we got the boys settled down and into bed, everyone else was exhausted and turned in for the night as well. About an hour later I couldn't sleep and got up to make myself some tea. I took my steaming cup out on the back deck hoping the fresh air would clear my mind.

It was a gorgeous night, not very cold and every star in the night sky seemed to be shining. I took a sip of the hot liquid and closed my eyes to savour the taste. I inhaled deeply and was startled by the feeling of a warm body behind me and arms around my waist.
"What are you doing out here bijou?"
"Couldn't sleep. My best friend kinda dropped a bomb on me earlier."
"Are we going to talk about it?"
"I guess we should."
"I know what you're going to say bijou. You're going to tell me that I'm crazy and you don't feel the same way and it will never work but the way I see it, it already is working. We love each other and we're already living like we're a family. You and the boys are everything to me; I would give my life for any one of you."
"I know that Max, but loving someone, wanting to take care of them is completely different than being IN love with them."
"I know the difference bijou and it does not change how I feel. I have been in love with you since the first day I met you and every moment we have spent together since. My question to you is, do you...or can you feel the same way?"
I turned and looked at him for the first time.
"I don't want to mislead you Max. The honest answer is I don't know and I don't know if it's worth risking our friendship to find out. I can't lose what we have Max."
"But what if it only makes it better?"
"What if we try and it doesn't work?"
"Then we still have what we have now."
"Will we? You think you will be able to have the same kind of relationship if I tell you I'm not and can't ever be in love with you? You're lying to yourself and me if you think nothing will change."
"Okay, I get why you're scared and why you think things will change and it probably will break my heart if you can't love me the way I love you, but it wouldn't be any different than me spending the last year watching you get tied up in knots over Sidney. It killed me to watch you with him, watch him treat you like shit and still supporting your relationship because I knew you loved him and that's what you wanted. But I did because I love you and I would do anything to make you happy."
"I know you would Max, and I would do anything to never, ever hurt you."
"Then don't," he said quietly as he moved closer until his forehead was resting against mine.
"Max I..."
"Shhhh," he whispered.
Something in my gut was telling me this was it - jump in with both feet and hope I don't drown. Maybe I have been ignoring what's been right in front of me.
I guess there's only one way to find out.
"Maxie?" I whispered.
"Oui bijou?"
"Kiss me."

Chapter 118

The cathedral was breathtaking. Candlelight made the stained glass shimmer and the organ music in the background didn't even sound like an organ, but like the low hum of angels overhead.
His family began making their way to their pew and Max and I hung back.
"Is something wrong bijou?"
"No, nothing; I was just taking in this beautiful view."
"Hmm, me too," he replied quietly.
When I looked at him his blue eyes were looking at me causing me to blush.
"Shall we?" Max asked offering me his arm.
I didn't reply; just linked my arm through his and let him lead me towards the rest of the family.
"You know, I always thought when I walked down this aisle with a woman it would be with my wife on my wedding day," he whispered.
"Really?" I couldn't hide the surprise in my voice.
"Yes," he smirked. "I have actually thought about getting married; I want to, and I'd like a bunch of kids too...a whole hockey team I think."
After spending all this time with him and watching him with my own boys, this shouldn't have surprised me...but it did.

The service was beautiful; the choir heavenly. It was no surprise that both brought tears to my eyes on several occasions. And because he had taken it upon himself to take care of me lately, Max held my hand the entire time.
As much as I tried to pay attention, the conversation Lucie and I had earlier kept running through my mind.
Was she right? Was I ignoring what was right in front of me? I mean, we did spend every waking minute together. He did help me with the boys. He even took care of me like I always imagined a husband should. I have always believed that you should not be husband and wife if you couldn't be friends because let's face it, you need to like the person you decide to spend the rest of your life with. But what about that thing...that spark; the passion you're supposed to feel? Aren't you supposed to just know when you've found the right person? What about that feeling in the pit of my stomach; the one I got when I first met Sidney? I thought for sure that was the tell tale sign and I definitely haven't felt that with Max. Sure there was some...tension between us, especially lately when he hadn't exactly been subtle about his feelings. Maybe I owed it to myself and to him to find out. Maybe getting that 'feeling' wasn't the sign after all. Maybe it was just a sign of a passion that burns hot and bright but fizzles out in an instant.
"Hey, where were you just now?" his warm, sweet breath tickled my ear. "The service is over. Are you ready to go?"
"Can we just sit for a minute?"
"Umm, o...kay."
And there we sat, both staring straight ahead to where the priest had just delivered his beuatiful and touching sermon from. Something about this being the time for reflecting upon our lives; where we are and where we want to be.
"Go forward, make your place in this world. Open yourself up to all this life has to offer you and you shall not regret."
It was those words that forced me to ask the question.
"Maxie?"
"Oui bijou?"
"Do you love me?"
"Of course I love you bijou," he answered quickly with a tone of disbelief; like how could I doubt his feelings.
I finally turned to look at him. "No, I know you love me, but do you...I mean are you IN love with me?"
His blue eyes bore deep into mine and a slight smirk appeared on the corner of his lips.
"I thought I had been pretty clear about that bijou," he said quietly but never dropping his gaze. "Yes. Yes, I am in love with you."
"Hmmm," was all I could manage before turning and facing the front of the cathedral again.
Without looking at him I could tell his face was wrinkled with confusion and question; searching my own for answers but he didn't ask. Not right away. He knew me so well; knew I was a romantic at heart and he let me have the moment. The moment girls dream about when Prince Charming tells her he's in love with her for the first time. The moment that stays forever engraved in her memory. Then finally...
"Bijou? Are you going to say anything?"
I took a long, deep breath; stood up; held my hand out to him and said "let's go home."

Chapter 117

"Uncle Max, is Grandma Lucie going to pinch my cheeks til they hurt?" Jake asked from the backseat. We were driving from the airport to Max's parents house.
Max and I both kind of chuckled to ourselves before he answered the question.
"Probably pal but it just means that she loves you."
"Ahhh man!" Jake groaned and Max and I laughed again.

It's hard to explain the way things had been between Max and I the last few days. Sometimes it was awkward, almost strained; yet other times it was comfortable and normal, like it had always been.
Jake's voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Mom, how come we don't have a grandma and grandpa?"

And there it was. One of the dreaded questions I knew was going to be asked one day; the other being about their father of course. So far, Jake had never asked and Alex seemed satisfied with the vague explanation I had given him.
Max sensed that I had tensed up and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze but didn't let go.
"Well...remember how we've talked about how sometimes mommies and daddies can't always take care of their kids and sometimes those kids have to go live with people who can take care of them like a family member or a foster family?"
"Yeah, did you live with a foster family mama?"
"No not exactly. My mommy and daddy couldn't take care of me so your uncle David and I lived with my Grandma Kate until she passed away."
"She died?"
"Yes, when I was about Alex's age, maybe a bit older."
"But that's not very old. Who took care of you after that?"
"Geez Jake what's with the 20 questions? Can't you just be quiet!"
"Alex! Don't be so rude! Your brother is curious about families right now and it's okay to ask questions. Jake honey, I was lucky enough that I had a friend who's family was willing to take care of me until I was able to take care of myself."
I knew this explanation could only lead to more questions: where is that family?, where is my dad?, who is my dad?. I feared every single one of them and my stomach hurt just thinking about it.
Max stroked his thumb over the back of my hand, letting me know it was going to be okay. In some ways, it was very reassuring and made me want to relax; but nothing he could do could save me from the questions my children were inevitably going to ask about my past.
I hated to ask but knew I had to.
"Do you have any other questions sweetheart?"
I held my breath; Max squeezed my hand and gave me a wink.
"Nnnooo," Jake hesitated. "But mama...I'm real glad someone took care of you and you weren't an orphan."
I exhaled slowly and let the wave of relief overtake my body. "Me too sweetie. Me too."

****************************************************

We were barely in the door before all four of us were covered in hugs and kisses and yes, the dreaded cheek pinching! No one was immune!
"Maxime, take Bekah's bags to Will's room and the boys will be in Frank's room."
"Oui maman."
It always made me chuckle how these big, strong, independent hockey players instantly turned into great big mushy mama's boys the second they were with their families.
Max returned only to have his mother instruct him on what he and his father should be doing with the boys. Us 'girls' went to the kitchen.
"So we will prepare dinner while the boys play; give us some girl time and after dinner we open one; sometimes more than one gift and get ready for midnight mass. Oh, are you even Catholic? Don't feel you have to come to mass with us, that is just our tradition. I don't want you to feel you have to go dear."
"Lucie, it's okay. We are not Catholic, but I'd like to go with you if that's allowed, I don't want to break any sort of rule or anything."
"Don't be silly dear, we welcome everyone, especially at this time of year."
"Then it's settled. The truth is, I really love the fact that you have strong family traditions that you're willing to let us be a part of. I've gotten too far away from my own traditions lately and I guess I sort of feel...well...lost."
"Mmm hmmm. Maxime has told me everything you have been through lately."
"He has?"
"Oui. I'm not sure you know this, but Maxime tells me everything; and I do mean everything. Sometimes I think he thinks I'm his priest - too much information if you know what I mean."
"Uh yeah, I get the picture," I replied feeling kind of awkward.
Lucie moved around me and I manoeuvred around her almost expertly, like we had prepared this meal together for years. It was comfortable and quiet, calm and honest. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was part of a 'normal' family. It was like coming home; at least what I thought coming home should feel like.
Lucie's voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Did you hear me dear?"
"Sorry, no. I was...in la la land I guess."
"Can you hand me the platter that's on the table s'il vous plait."
"This is absolutely beautiful Lucie. I've never seen anything quite like it."
It was a huge white oval with a very intricate pattern of flowers and vines etched all the way around the edge of the porcelain platter.
"It was Serge's great great Grandmother's. It has been passed down every generation to one of the daughter-in-laws. Serge's mother passed it on to me and I will pass it on to one of my daughter-in-laws."
"But you already have a daughter-in-law."
"Yes, and some day I will have three. The tradition is not about passing it on to the first daughter-in-law, but to the right daughter-in-law."
"Isn't that kind of...discriminating? I mean, how to you chose who gets it? doesn't it cause tension between people?"
"It is just something that's understood. Sometimes you don't actually choose the person you're going to give it to, it just happens. There could be an event, a special occasion, or just a special moment and you just know. In that moment, you just know the right person to give it to. The person who will take care of it and keep the tradition going. Kind of like you just know when you meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with."
"Well, I wouldn't know anything about that now would I?"
"Oh I'm not so sure about that dear."
"Lucie..." I warned. "Why does every conversation we have always turn into talk about my love life? I'm sorry to inform you that there is nothing happening there so there is nothing to talk about."
"Really?" Lucie drawled, not sounding convinced in the least. "From what I understand you and Maxime had a, shall we say intense encounter not so long ago."
"Okay, I hate that Max tells you EVERYTHING! And for the record it was not intense it was just..."
"Intense!"
"A moment of weakness. A tiny moment that was almost overtaken by delusional fantasies that briefly entered a place they had no business being," I stated emphatically."
"Oh Bekah dear; let me be devil's advocate for a minute. Is it possible that this 'moment of delusional fantasy' is really your subconscious telling you what you really want; what you really need and you are just too afraid to admit it because you don't believe that you deserve to be happy?"
I was speechless. I had no words. I stood starring at this innocent-looking grandmother type in utter shock. She finally broke the silence.
"Oh come on, tell me you have never thought about Maxime as anything more than a friend?"
"Lucie I...I can't think of Max in that way. We have such a special friendship and I can't lose that. I wouldn't be able to recover if I lost him."
"Because he's there for you no matter what?"
"Always."
"And he takes care of you?"
"Yes."
"Cheers you up when you've had a bad day?"
"Yes."
"Takes care of the boys when you're at work; feeds them dinner, gets them to bed and always makes sure you are taken care of when you get home from a long day?"
"Yes."
"Who is the first person you call with good news?"
"Max."
"Who is the first person you call with bad news?"
"Max."
"I hate to tell you honey, you're married without the sex."
"It's not even like that!"
"What exactly do you think being married or being in a relationship is? You and Maxime are living it every day."
"I need to sit down," I said with a very shaky voice.
"Good, because dinner is served!"

FYI

Just a note to let y'all know that school id officially over for me...forever soooooo there will be lots of free time to write my stories.
The next chapter of Against All Odds is in progress and should be up this week and hopefully Love Lost and Found and Rocky Mountain Romance will soon follow.
Thank you to all of you faithful followers who have hung in there and still want to read these stories; I hope they don't disappoint!
Talk soon
~B~