Chapter 126

WOW!! I can not believe how long its actually been since I've updated this story! Or how long ago I started writing it for that matter! Not sure any of you are still out there, but just in case here is the next chapter. I lost my love of writing for a while but I'm hopeful that this is the first step to getting inspired again! Happy reading!

'What the hell just happened?' I thought to myself as I made my way to my car.
'Did I just agree to pick up my entire life and move half way across the country?'
'Yes you did.'

"I can't do this! I can't move the kids away from everything and everyone they've ever known. How am I supposed to leave Lily? And Max? Oh God! Max! How am I going to tell Max I'm leaving?"
Thinking out loud was not making the situation any more clear than it had been an hour ago in Everett's office, but there was one factor that drove her impromptu decision. Her heart. There was no way she would ever get her heart whole again unless she left this town...and him behind her.

Maybe this was a blessing in disguise. She knew she could survive picking up her life and moving; she'd done it when she moved to the Burgh, but it was different this time. He changed everything. He changed her; and that was exactly why she had to leave.

Pjs on, bottle of wine in hand and the quilt Grandma Kate made her for her fifth birthday keeping her warm, Bekah settled on the couch to watch her favourite movie...and drown her sorrows.



'You can do this' he told himself over and over. 'You HAVE to do this. Last chance.'
He had been sitting outside her house for almost an hour trying to work up the courage to go to the door. He knew everything was riding on this. If he couldn't convince her to give him another chance tonight of all nights then he would lose her forever.
Finally, before he could change his mind he was knocking on the front door. When she opened it, he lost every thought he had in his head. Seeing her, pjs on, kleenex in hand took him back to last New Year's Eve when he finally told her he loved her.
Bekah was surprised to see him to say the least.
"Sid, what are you doing here?"
"Can I...can I come in? We need to talk."
"I've said everything there is to say Sid, go home."
As she tried to close the door, he pushed his way by her into the house.
"Ya, you've said alot. Now its time for you to listen. There are two of us in this relationship yet you seem to think that you get to make all the decisions for us and you're the only one that gets a say what happens to us. Well I have alot to say to Beks and I'm not leaving until you hear me out."

"Fine. Say what you have to say and then leave," she said shutting the door.

"I can't believe we are here again. Do you realize this exactly how we spent last New Years?"

"Well, I can guarentee it's not going to have the same outcome."

"How can you say that? It was the best night of my life. We finally admitted we loved each other and that hasn't changed for me Bekah. I love you more now than I did that night and if you'd quit lying to me and to yourself, I'd bet my last dollar you feel the same. We have been through so much; made it through so much. I just don't understand how you can throw it all away."

"Because we don't work! You and I are too different; our lives are too different. I thought I could handle it but I can't! Nothing about us has changed so just stop!"
"That's not true. Everything has changed. You've changed. You let love back into your life. You let yourself be happy for the first time in years and it was because of me. I made you feel that Beks. And I've changed. For the first time in my life, I've loved something other than hockey. I've been able to be my true self without worrying about what anyone thinks. I know what it's like to be loved unconditionally. You gave me that. I also know what it's like to feel like I'm drowning; that no matter how hard I fight to get to the surface and how close I am I will never get there. That's what living without you does to me. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I move through every day with no memory of what actually happened because I don't care. I don't have you to come home to; to talk to; to hold and kiss and..."
They were both crying now.
"I love you so much Beks. I need you. You make life worth living and I don't want to live another day without you. This month has been the worst in my life. I know your feelings haven't just disappeared so please..." he got on his knees in front of her and took her hands in his. "Give us another chance. I will never, ever make you feel like you're not a priority. I will never take my moods out on you. I will show you every day how important you are to me and how much I love you, just come back to me, please."
"Oh Sidney," she sobbed.
 Without saying a word, Bekah turned their song on and pulled Sidney up from his knees. They held each other so close, swaying with the music, drinking each other in; savouring every moment in each other's arms. When the song was over Sidney leaned down and kissed her with all the passion he had and all the tenderness he could muster. When their lips parted, silent tears ran down both their faces. With his forehead resting against hers he whispered "does this mean you'll give us another chance?"
With all the courage she could drag from her body she managed to squeak out the words "I'm sorry Sidney, I'm leaving Pittsburgh. I've taken a position at a clinic in Dallas. I leave in two days."

Chapter 125

Sorry it has taken so long for an update, I just lost my inspiration for a while. But it's back and so is this story. Having said that, it has taken me forever to write this chapter and it is nowhere near where I intended to take this story but here goes nothing! I hope you enjoy, and as always...thank you for sticking with me!



"So...got big plans for tonight with that french hunk of yours?" Lily asked. "Maybe a french kiss at midnight?"
Lily was the only one Bekah had told about her new found relationship with Max and she hadn't had the chance to tell her about the events from the day before.
"Geez Lil, do you always have to be so crude? And no Max and I do not have plans tonight. I plan on going home, getting in my flannels and curling up on the couch with a glass of wine and George."
"Oh something different this year I see. For Christ sakes Bekah you are dating one of THE hottest guys in Pittsburgh and you're spending New Year's on the couch in your pajamas watching a movie you've seen five thousand times?"
"Max and I aren't actually dating anymore."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. It was...well kind of a big misunderstanding. He's not really in love with me and I'm not in love with him. I'm just glad we both realized it before we got in too deep."
Lily pondered Bekah's revelation before saying, "Well...that's disappointing, but not surprising. You weren't ready to move on; still aren't if you ask me."
"Well I didn't ask you so I would appreciate you keeping your opinion to yourself."
"No need to get snippy hon, I just know you and I know how much you love the Kid. No way are you even remotely close to moving on let alone dating someone else."
"Yeah well, doesn't matter. Sidney and I do not have a future together; especially now so the sooner I move on the better."
"You guys are so head over heels in love with each other! If there were ever two people who were meant to be together it's you and Sidney. You are just both too stubborn to admit it. I can't believe you are still doing this should I or shouldn't I dance. Just get over yourself and tell him you want him back already."
"I can't do that. Besides, even If I wanted to I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen now. Sid found out about Max and I and took his anger out on Max's face."
"Shit. How did he find out?"
"I have no idea. Max swears he didn't tell him and no one else knew."
"Have you talked to him?"
"No."
"Are you going to?"
"No. At least if he's mad at me or hates me he can use that to help him move on."
"But you don't really want him to move on."
Bekah was beyond irritated with where this conversation was going. She knew what was in her heart, but she also knew in her head that their lives were just not compatible and that was not going to change anytime soon.
"It doesn't really matter what I want Lily, it's the way it has to be. It's what's best for everyone. My life has been in a complete tailspin since I met him. I'm acting like a love struck teenager which we both know is completely opposite of my personality; I'm making irrational decisions...like Max. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and I can't afford to act like this; it's not me. I don't even feel like the same person anymore Lily and I hate it! I want my old life back. I was comfortable and settled and..."
"And unhappy! So you've had to leave your comfort zone; well hallelujah it was about freaking time!I've never seen you happier and so full of life. I can't believe we're doing this again. It's the same shit as the first time! Do I really need to tell you why you should be with him...again?"
"No you don't because I listened to you once and look where it got me!" Bekah snapped.
Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Bekah regained her composure.
"You know what would make me happy Lily? To get the hell out of here. I've been a mess since the day Sidney Crosby waltzed into my life and the only way to fix it and get him out of my system is a fresh start."
"Funny you should mention a fresh start Miss Jones, I was just coming to talk to you about that very thing."
The husky, southern drawl from behind her, made her jump.
"Dr. Everett, you startled me."
"Well I'm sorry darlin', that sure wasn't my intention. I was comin' to see you because there's something we need to chat about. Can you come to my office?"
Being summoned to the office of the head of the pediatric oncology department made a chill go up her spine. This could not be good.
"I have patients that need meds in a few minutes, I..."
"It wasn't really a request Miss Jones. Lily here can handle your patients, can't you darlin'?"
"Of course Dr. E," Lily all but swooned.

James Everett and his slow, sultry drawl, southern charm and piercing blue eyes had been the object of every female employee's fantasies since coming to the hospital two years ago from Dallas to head the Pediatric Oncology department. Everyone but Bekah.
From the day he arrived, James had sought Bekah out as the object of his infatuation. He was immediately attracted to her. He had asked her to dinner in an effort to charm her to get her to like him so when his confident, sometimes arrogant personality came out, she would be able to tell the others that beneath his rough exterior he really was a decent guy. He was demanding and arrogant and a no bullshit kinda guy, but he had to be to get where he was at such a young age. When she had politely declined, she became a challenge. And he loved a challenge! He did not graduate from medical school a year early, and after a residency at the most prestigious hospital in the country, become the youngest head of a department ever, without overcoming many impossible obstacles. After listening to her well rehearsed list of why she just didn't date for over a year, he took it as a personal insult when he found out she was dating Sidney. There was something to be said for pillow talk, (and he had hit many of the pillows of the nurses in the hospital). It is, after all how he got most of his information on Bekah, including her weaknesses which he couldn't wait to exploit.

"Have a seat Bekah," he said gesturing to the large comfortable chairs parked in front of his too large, overly pretentious desk.
"I'd rather stand thank you."
God he loved it when she was defiant!
"Fine," he said perching a long, muscular leg over the corner of his desk. "Look, I'll just cut right to the chase darlin'. A colleague and close personal friend of mine is opening a private care facility for children with cancer and their families. It will be relatively small compared to what you're used to here, but large enough to still be exciting and unpredictable work. It's going to focus on treating the whole patient, not just the disease, and the family as well because let's face it, you know as well as I do that the family suffers almost as much as the patient does. It will be family oriented, where they can stay with their children throughout treatment in a home-like environment so they don't feel so institutionalized. Obviously a facility like this will require the coordination of a number of services, from education to recreational programs to coordination of treatments. It's a huge undertaking not only because of the sheer enormity of the job but also because it will be the first facility of it's kind in the country."
"It sounds amazing, but why are you telling me this?"
"Because this friend needs someone to oversee all aspects of patient care, coordinate the entire program and he asked me if I knew anyone who could not only handle the responsibility but shared the vision he has for this facility. I gave him your name and he wants to meet with you; interview you for the position in two days time. And when I say interview, it is just a formality. The job is yours if you want it."
She was speechless; dumbfounded really, and regretting the choice not to take the chair previously offered to her. She was still trying to absorb everything he just said when that drawl snapped her back to reality.
"George will be here on the second to meet you. He will be able to explain his vision and why we think you will be the best fit to run the program. Bekah, I can assure you that this is an amazing opportunity for you. You will never again get a chance like this in your career. You'd be a fool to say no."
She was slowly regaining some of her faculties.
"And this facility is where?"
"In Dallas."
"So you expect me to uproot my life; my kids' lives and just move to Dallas?"
"If you pass this opportunity up you're a bigger fool than I took you for."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"C'mon girl, you and this Crosby kid? Did you think that was seriously going to work out?"
"How did you..."
"How did I know about the worst kept secret in the hospital? People talk darlin'. I've known about it for a while and I have to say, it's about time you came to your senses and ended things."
"You don't know the first thing about my relationship with Sidney, so don't sit there and judge something you know nothing about."
"I know it was never going anywhere. For Christ sake, he's just a kid!"
"Stop it!" she all but yelled. "My relationship with Sidney has nothing to do with this."
"It does if you're even thinking about turning down this chance because of him. I guarantee you will regret it for the rest of your life."
"Why are you worked up about this? My relationship is none of your business and neither is whether or not I take the job."
"Ah, that's where you're wrong darlin', it is my business. Not only is it my reputation on the line for recommending you, but my career as well."
"How?"
"I'm going to be the doctor heading the medical team at the facility. So you and I will be working quite closely. If you fail, I fail...and I don't fail."
"So you and I will be running the whole facility...together?"
"Yes siree bob. The best pediatric cancer facility in the country. If you're in, we leave in three weeks."
"THREE WEEKS!" Bekah shrieked.
"Well yeah. The facility won't be open for months yet, but we will have alot of work to do to get things in place. There is no precedent for this kind of program Bekah, we have a tremendous amount of work to do before we open."
"But I can't just uproot and move my kids across the country in three weeks."
"Does that mean you're considering it?" he asked hopefully.
Good question. Was she? Could she leave her life here behind? Pittsburgh was her second home. She had a life; a good life here. And Lily and Max and...
No! He is exactly why you told Lily not twenty minutes ago that you needed a fresh start. It's the only way you'll get away from him and everything that reminds you of him. It's the only way to get over him she told herself.
"Yes."
"Yes, you're considering it?"
Screw it! It's now or never.
"Yes, I'll go."

Chapter 124

"Jesus Max, what happened to your face?" she exclaimed when he walked through the door.
He let out a heavy sigh and sat across from her at the kitchen table.
"Sid," he stated simply. "He knows bijou."
"Knows what?"
"About us."
Her heart lept into her throat and seemed to get stuck there.
"How?" she asked barely above a whisper.
"I don't know, he didn't say; but he thinks we're sleeping together and now so does the whole team."

Bekah went stark white at the news Max revealled.

"No, no, no, no, no," she kept saying over and over.
Max reached for her hand but instead of accepting the gesture, Bekah rose from the table and began pacing the kitchen floor.
"How did this happen? This was not supposed to happen. And the whole team knows? Fuck!" she growled.
He could feel his anger rising and it was about to come to a head.
"Why are you so upset?" he asked not being able to hide his irritation. "He was going to find out sooner or later."
Then a thought hit him like a lightening bolt.
"You didn't want him to know did you? Or anyone else for that matter," he sneered.
"No, that's not it at all Max. But this is a sensitive situation and a brawl in the locker room is not exactly how the information should have come out."
"And how exactly were you planning on letting it out? Or were you?"
She sensed the volatility of the conversation rising and it was not something she was prepared to get into it right now.
"Let's just take a breath here Max, before we say something that can't be taken back."
"No, let's resolve this now."
She gave him a warning glare.
"Fine," she said sharply.
"How long were you planning on keeping our relationship a secret?"
"Not a secret Max, just quiet. Sidney and I have only been broken up for a short time and jumping in to a new relationship with his teammate; his friend so soon is not something I feel should be broadcast to everyone. I should have been the one to tell him. I owe him at least that much."
"Owe him!" Max scoffed "You don't owe him a damn thing after the way he treated you!"
"Come on Max, how would you feel?"
"I find it hard to believe that sparing golden boy's feelings is the whole reason you're so upset."
"It's about protecting all of us Max."
"Just tell me one thing. Were you planning on telling anyone about us?"
"Yes, eventually. Trying out this new relationship is only a few days old, and frankly nobody's business but ours. I don't think it's something to be shouting from the rooftops just yet."
"Oh, I get it. You don't see us going anywhere is that it?"
"How did you get that out of what I just said?"
"You're forgetting how well I know you bijou," he said softening his tone. "I don't think you want anyone to know because you don't really want to be with me."
"Max,"
"No, it's all becoming clear. You don't feel anything for me other than friendship do you?"
"Max I..."
"It all makes sense. That's why we haven't made love yet."
"You think I don't love you because I haven't had sex with you in the what, five days we've been 'together'?" she snapped not being able to hide the anger any longer.
"In case you haven't figured it out Maxime, I am not one of your slutty bar girls you take home and fuck without even knowing a name!"
"It always comes back to my past doesn't it! I know you're not like the others for fuck sake! That's why I'm in love with YOU!"

Her glare was replaced with a softness in her eyes as she sat down beside placing her hand over top of his clenched fist.

"No you're not Maxie. And I'm not in love with you either."
He gazed at her for an eternity before finally lowering hi head and saying "I know."
They laughed and at the exact same time said "What are we doing?"
"How did we get here Maxie?" Bekah chuckled.
"I don't know," he shook his head. "Why did you even agree to trying a relationship bijou?"
"I don't know," she sighed. "I was hurting, and probably a little vulnerable and you took me away and made me part of your family for the holidays. We were in a perfect setting and when you told me you were in love with me it made me feel good; made me feel like I was worth loving so I got caught up in the moment. I'm sorry Max, I never meant to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you."
"I know bijou, " he said gently caressing her face.
"What about you? Why would you tell me you're in love with me when you're not?"
"Honestly, I have no idea! I mean, I thought I was for about a minute and you seemed open to the idea so I just went for it."
"And when you realized we didn't feel that way?"
"Well then it bacame about revenge of course."
"Revenge for what?"
"For golden boy breaking the heart of my best friend. I wanted him to hurt as much as he hurt you."
"So you told him about us."
"No, I swear. I have no idea how he found out."
"Great! Now what do we do?"
"Damage control."
"Do you really think that's possible? I can only imagine how Sid's feeling right now, let alone what the rest of the team is thinking about us."
"Let deal with one thing at a time. It's obvious you're still in love with him bijou, so I guess the question is do you want to be with him?" he asked even though he knew the answer.
She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply and nodded. "Yes."

********************************************

His emptiness was replace with anger. Not anger; rage! How could he? How could she? Had everything between them been a lie? It had to be. If she really loved him as much as she said she did, she could never be with someone else so soon. Not just someone; Talbot.
'Fucking idiot!'  he chastized himself. 'Just friends my fucking ass!'
"NO!" he said out loud to no one in particular.
 He refused to believe that the woman he loved; the woman he was so deeply in love with he now realized, could ever be so deceptive. She had the same deep rooted love for him as he had for her; he knew it. He felt it to the depths of his soul. Bekah belonged to him in every way, and he was going to claim her. Now all he needed was a plan.
'Of course!' he thought to himself. Go back to basics; back to the beginning. After all, it had worked for him once. Fingers crossed it would work again.

Chapter 123

He hadn’t slept; couldn’t. Every time he tried to close his eyes he was haunted by the vision of his teammate’s lips on the woman he loved and it made him want to throw up. He wasn’t even sure how he got home in the wee hours of the morning. He didn’t remember anything except him kissing her and in just a few short hours he was going to have to face him. He had no idea what he would do or say. He didn’t even know how to feel. Was he angry? Hurt? Heartbroken? Numb. He didn’t feel anything; he was numb.  This couldn’t last forever. Could it?

He made it through practice with coach Therrien only screaming at him a few times to get his head out of his ass and into what was happening on the ice. His only saving grace was that Max was working with his line on the other end of the ice; although he would have loved to drill his ass into the boards as hard as he could.

“CROSBY! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” Coach’s intense voice shook him from his thoughts. After a few more missed plays and a half-assed attempt at a goal the coach had it.

“SID. HERE. NOW.”

Sidney skated over to the bench where the coach was waiting for him.

“I don’t know where your head’s at today Sid but it sure as hell ain’t on the ice. “

“Sorry Coach.”

“I don’t want your apology I want your best. Can you give me that?”

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Never in a million years did he think he would be in this position. At a point where he was so distracted he couldn’t even concentrate on a practice. This is what she did to him.

“No coach, I can’t.”

Coach was dumbfounded. Even though he had been witness to Sidney’s lacklustre performance this morning, he was sure this little reprimand would snap him out of it.

“Then hit the showers. I don’t want you back on the ice until you can give me 100%. Got it?”

“Yes sir.”

He gathered his stuff and skated towards the tunnel. He was almost oblivious to the whispers and stares from his teammates. Almost.

He punished himself in the gym for an hour, then another on the bike. By the time he was done in the showers the rest of the team was done with practice and their meetings. He was fine until…

“You fucking son of a bitch,” was all anyone heard before the punch was thrown and Max was on the ground.

Max and everyone else were so stunned that Sid got a few more good punches in before a few of the guys managed to pull Sidney off of Max still swinging.

“What the hell is wrong with you today Sid?”

“Why don’t you ask the fucking scum bag who’s sleeping with my girlfriend!”

A deafening silence fell over the room as a few of the guys helped Max to his feet and the rest just starred.

“How long asshole? How long have you been screwing around with her? What do have to say for yourself? Come on, I’d love to hear this,” Sid shouted not giving Max a chance to say anything.

After a very intense starring match Max finally spoke.

“You seem to be forgetting one very important detail golden boy; Bekah is not your girlfriend anymore. That means she’s free to date whoever she wants and right now, that appears to be me. Sorry dude, but she’s moved on.”

Sid lunged for Max once more but was stopped by a large, strong arm around him.

"Sidney, my office. Now. Talbot I suggest you get your ass to the doc and then get out of here,” was simply stated in the thick French accent of the head coach.

He did nothing further except follow the coach into his office. Max and a few of the guys made a quick exit.

“Hey you guys wanna go grab some lunch?” Max asked on their way across the parking lot after 6 stitches and an ice pack?

Staalzy and Bugsy looked at each other, then at Max.

“Are you seriously banging Bekah Talbo?” Ryan asked.

“Hey don’t talk about her like that.” Max snarled.

“I take that as a yes. C’mon bro, there are unspoken rules about that shit; you know that. You don’t bang another guys’ girl. Bro's before ho's and all that shit.”

“She’s not his girl! He fucking blew it and I just so happened to be there to pick up the pieces.”

“Even if they did break up, she was his first and he’s clearly still in love with her. It’s just not right” Jordan added.

“What are we in seventh grade? We are all grown ups and can make our own decisions. If Bekah chooses to be with me and not Sid, then so what?”

“But dude,” Ryan started.

“Look, I’m in love with her okay. I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did and I can’t change it. She never screwed around on Sid. This only happened over Christmas; she came home with me to get away from everything and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I told her I loved her and asked if there was a chance she could love me back. We’re giving it a try and I couldn’t be happier if either of you care.”

Jordan and Ryan eyed each other; both shocked by Max’s candid revelation.

“You realize this could completely divide the team, not to mention fuck things up with you and Sid forever right?” Jordan asked.

“And Bekah could be the girl I spend the rest of my life with so…”

“What the fuck happened to you Talbot? Screwing another guys’ girl, talking about spending the rest of your life with her? Jesus Max this is not you. You’re a player through and through so are you really doing this because you love her or to get back at Sid?” Ryan asked.

“I do love her Bugsy. Can we just drop this and get some food, I’m starving?”

"Just be careful here Talbo. Everyone knows how bad she had it for Sid. Do you honestly believe she can all of a sudden be in love with you? Just food for thought."

"Wow, that's pretty deep coming from you Bugsy. I hear you okay, but you're just gonna have to trust me on this one."
"I just hope you know what you're doing because this is going to affect the whole team."

****************************************************
All Sid wanted to do after his ass reaming was go home and crawl into bed and never come out. He knew that by the time he reached Mario's he, and in turn Nat would have already heard about today. Neither of them would be pleased; in fact he was positive that he would have to endure not one, but two more ass reamings from his Pittsburgh parents.

"FUCK!" he said out loud to no one in particular as he was leaving the arena. Troy. He was sure it wouldn't take long for his dad to hear about his pathetic performance this morning. He was not looking forward to that phone call.

A friendly voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
"Hey bud, you wanna grab some lunch?"
"No thanks Army."
"Then do you want to talk about the show you put on back there?"
"Not really."
"Come on Sid, what the hell is happening to you?"
"I saw them," he stated only slightly above a whisper.
"Saw who?"
"Talbot and Bekah. I went to her house last night to try and talk to her. When she got home he was already there waiting. He came out of the house and they..."
He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.
"They kissed Colbs. And not just a friendly kiss. I feel like such an idiot!"
"Why?"
"Why! I thought she loved me. How could she do that? How is she kissing someone else already? And not just anyone; Talbot! Best friend my ass! Guess I'm the idiot for believing that one."
"Come on Sid, anyone who saw you two together knows how much she loves you."
"Sure doesn't seem that way."
"Bekah and Talbot have always spent alot of time together...as friends. Did you ever think that maybe she's just so upset about the break up she's seeking comfort with Max?"
"By kissing him! I saw that kiss Colbs, that was not just someone being comforted."
"You and I both know how Talbo operates. Maybe he's taking advantage of the situation and she's just too heart broken to realize it."
"Thanks Army but that doesn't make me feel better. Bekah's way too smart to fall for that bullshit. If she was kissing him it was because she wanted to."
"Have you talked to her?"
"No, not since that night at the hospital when she ended things. She didn't even return any of my phone calls or messages over Christmas. Guess now I know why."
"Talk to her. Find out what's going on from the source; it's the only way you're ever going to get an peace."
"I'll never have any peace as long as she's with someone else; anyone else."
"Talk to her."
"How am I supposed to talk to her when she refuses to talk to me?"
Colby shook his head.
"Sidney, Sidney, Sidney, you disappoint me. You pulled off some crazy shit to get her, figure out how to get her to talk to you. Pull out all the stops if necessary. Now, let's eat cause I'm starving!"

Chapter 122

Christmas had been horrible for him. Spending the day with his family and the Lemieuxs, laughing opening presents, everyone gathered in the kitchen preparing the feast they were all going to consume; everyone happy; everyone together. Yes it was exactly how he had imagined it, except for one thing. Bekah wasn't there. She wasn't there, the boys weren't there getting spoiled and he was miserable.
He was happy they had a short holiday break - they played the next night and he was hopeful that she would be there.

They day flew by. Morning skate, lunch, pre-game nap, back to the arena to start the familiar rituals of getting game ready. This was the only thing that had kept him sane for the past month; his comfort zone. This...this way of life was the only way he knew. Anything other than this, well, quite frankly it scared the shit out of him. He knew that now. His whole life had been dedicated to living this dream; being the best, playing in the NHL. He was groomed to be the 'face of the league' and anything that threatened this 'life' he was living...let's just say there was no room for it. Wasn't any room for it. Until now.

Bekah was right. He wasn't fair to her. He treated her like every other goal he had in his life. He wanted her and he wasn't going to stop until he got her. And he did. But once he did, he didn't know what to do with her. He loved her; God knows he loved her, but he had no idea how to love her. He had no idea how to love anything but hockey. Sure, he had said all the right things but the old saying was true; actions speak louder than words and his actions certainly didn't portray love or balance or even a willingness to try to balance love and his career. He knew this now, a little late but better late than never right?

He thought about her as he stood by the bench taping his sticks. How she made him feel. Loved - not like family loved you, but like a partner and equal. Respected - not for his hockey skills but for who he was as a person, not the public person but the guy who sat on her couch eating popcorn and watching movies. Vulnerable - she was the only person he could truly be himself around. She saw sides of him that no one, not even his teammates were allowed to see. She was the only one he would ever even dream of telling his inner-most thoughts to. Proud - to have such a beautiful woman inside and out by his side. Exhilarated and exhausted - she was tough and challenging; she challenged him to be better but never gave support or respect without making you fight for it. Lucky - that after everything she had been through in her life, she chose him to open up to and let in. That she let him be part of her intimate circle and more importantly that he was someone she allowed to be part of her children's lives.

He could probably spend the next three days thinking of all the ways she made him feel, but he had to focus. He went back to the locker room to get something to eat and 'get in the zone'. Most of the guys avoided any sort of small talk with him since he had been such a bear for the last month. There was the polite how was your Christmas, but they all knew not to go any further.

He looked for her during warm-up but didn't see her. Not unusual, if she was working she probably wouldn't get there until the first intermission. By the time the final buzzer went, he was deflated for more than one reason. He hated the Caps with a passion and losing to them on home ice never sat well with him. This was the kind of night that going home to her could melt all the pain away. But she wasn't here.
His media scrum lasted longer than everyone elses' as usual, and he did his best to give boring generic answers instead of yelling 'why do you think we lost you fucking idiot, we didn't score more goals than they did!' or 'no, I think Ovechkin is a fucking showboating caveman and I hope he drops off the face of the planet!' By the time he headed for the showers everyone else was almost ready to leave.
"Hey Talbo, what's your hurry?" Staalzy asked. "We goin' to Diesel?"
"Not tonight buddy, I have plans."
"You have plans? What's her name?"
"Like I'm gonna tell you Staalzy."
"Well does she have a friend I can mack on? They can meet us there."
"No can do, sorry."
"Holy shit, this girl must be something if you're turning down the hotness at Diesel," TK piped in.
"Talbo don't do special, he does hot and horny in the moment!"
"Thank you so much, some friends you are."
"Oh come on, it's not like you're a 'relationship' kinda guy there Max," Flower added.
"Later guys, have fun tonight eh," Max said on his way out the door.
"Hey Max wait up a minute," Sid said.
"Make it quick golden boy, I gotta go."
"How's Bekah doing? I mean, I assume you've talked to her. Is she doing okay?"
Max just shook his head and gave a half laugh.
"Have a good night Sid," and with that Max walked away.

He felt like a stalker. Parked a few houses down from hers, in the dark just after midnight. He had already been by the hospital and found her car in the parking garage so he knew she was working. He was just lucky her unit manager had a soft spot for him and was willing to pass along a little tidbit that Bekah would be done work around midnight. So he waited. Sure, it was a little unconventional, but he had spend the last two days rehearsing what he wanted, no, what he needed to say to her. He had gone above and beyond and crossed way more lines to get her and he needed a grand gesture to just get her to listen to him now. He had tried calling her and sending messages a few times over the past month, but she never answered or responded. He even called her Christmas day, hoping the memories of last Christmas would compel her to answer, but no. So this was it. He had practiced what he was going to say and had psyched himself up to do this tonight; it was now or never. So he waited.

It wasn't long before he saw headlights and her car turned into the driveway. He had to stop himself from jumping out of the car and running over to her; he didn't want to scare her. 'No. Wait until she gets inside.' he told himself. As her car door opened, so did her front door. She emerged from the car and a man emerged from the house. His heart began to beat so fast he swore he could hear it. This man began walking towards her. Wait a minute! He recognized that ugly sweater anywhere! It was Max and for a brief moment he was relieved. Relief was short lived. Were his eyes betraying him? Max took her bag from her and wrapped her in a hug.
'Okay calm down, it's just a hug, they are best friends' he told himself.
They started to move apart, but only slightly. Max put his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. What he saw next made him sick to his stomach. Max's lips were on hers and she didn't stop it. He wasn't stupid. That was not just a friendly kiss.
He watched as they went in the house, arms around each other and once the door closed he finally exhaled. This was not happening. He was nauseous. He had never wanted to throw up so badly in his life. He couldn't move, only sit and stare at the front door  his teammate and the love of his life just went through. About 45 minutes later all the lights went out in the house. The house was in utter darkness and so was his heart. Those lights went out, but no one left the house.

FYI

Just to let those of you who read my other stories know, I updated Rocky Mountain Romance tonight. You can check it out here:
www.loveinthemountains.blogspot.com/2012/02/06-back-to-work.html


More updates here soon!
I will also be updating the Letang story shortly as well.
I know I've said this before, but I don't think I say it nearly enough:
Thank you thank you thank you for sticking with me and reading my stories. I love your comments and appreciate your loyalty more than words can say!

~B~

Chapter 121

He fought to keep his eyes closed. If he didn't open them then this day wouldn't happen. But all the laughing and giggling from outside his door told him otherwise. Yep, Christmas was happening whether he wanted it to or not.

"Sid come on, Mom won't let us open presents til you get up so get that huge butt of yours out of bed, I want my stuff!"

Stephanie Lemieux's voice grated on his nerves at the best of times, especially when she was whining like a three year old, but this morning it made him want to stab knives into his ears.

"I'll get up when I'm good and ready Steph so back off."

His bedroom door swung open and before he knew it, the oldest Lemieux girl was at the side of his bed hovering over top of him.

"Awe, did poor wittle Sidney wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Well get over yourself Crosby! Just because you're a miserable asshole doesn't mean you have to spoil it for the rest of us!"
And with a resounding "JERK!" she slammed the door behind her.

She was right of course and he knew it. The last month had been hard on him physically and emotionally. The team was in the middle of a losing streak which he saw as his personal responsibility to snap. He was killing himself both in the gym and on the ice trying to get something...anything going; to get his teammates going but nothing was working. All he was doing was creating a rift in the locker room and adding to his reputation as a whiner and a complainer that he had 'earned' last season. Not to mention that his father had been hot on his ass for anything and everything; nit-picking everything he did wrong and everything he did right; which seemed to be very little these days. And worst of all; he was all alone. Bekah had been his rock; the one he could confide in, vent to, the one he could rely on to put him in his place when he needed it and always tell him the truth. The one he could release all his frustration and irritation his father provided him on to and know that when he was done she would just kiss him and everything was okay again.

The one. Period.

So how did he let things go so horribly wrong?

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts.
"Jesus Christ Steph I'm coming!"
The door opened a crack and he heard the warm, gentle tone of his second mother's voice.
"Sidney may I come in?"
"I'm sorry Nat, I didn't mean to snap at you."
"Seems to be a theme lately huh?" she said sitting down beside him on the edge of the bed.
"I just...how did it go so wrong? This time last year I was on cloud nine minus the slight 'Troy-ruption'. I had everything; I was comfortable. I was in love. I was happy. And now...it's gone. I feel like my entire life has spiralled out of control and there is NOTHING I can do to stop it - all I can do is just watch it happen. It's like when you see a car accident and you know you shouldn't look but you just have to. My life is that accident and I'm just staring at it. I want to look away but I can't."
His last few words were so soft; almost inaudible and he was disgusted with himself for letting Nat see him cry.
"Oh Sidney," she said giving his hand a firm squeeze, "I could tell you but you're not going to like it. And I'm not really sure I should because if you don't know what you did wrong, then obviously you haven't learned anything."
Nat put a comforting arm around his broad shoulders, though they didn't appear as such right now.
"I'm sorry you're hurting; your first broken heart is never easy, but you've let the disappointment in your personal life affect hockey and that is not you. I'm worried."
"I don't want to worry you, I just feel like I'm...sinking."

Nat turned to face him, squared her shoulders forcing him to sit up straight and do the same.

"I didn't want to be harsh with you Sidney but honestly! You are Sidney Crosby. You have had to fight for everything you have and have ever achieved. You deal with criticism, controversy, and haters everyday. You scratch and claw and do whatever you need to do to get what you want so why are you being such a...such a puss all of a sudden? I can not believe you've just accepted that it's over. You just let Bekah walk away! That is not you. Sidney Crosby does not just give up; he fights for what he wants and never gives up until he gets it!"
"I know Nat, but I don't think there's anything left to fight for. She made it perfectly clear how much I hurt her and we are done."
"Coming from the same girl who said she was never going to date! Especially someone like you! Sidney you jumped through hoops to make her fall in love with you and then you dropped the ball. It's like you won the ultimate prize but didn't feel the need to do the work to keep it. Would you do that with the Stanley Cup? If you win one are you going to quit trying to win it again?"
"Of course not!"
"Well then?"
Sidney sighed. His head was beginning to hurt.
"I don't know Nat..."
"Do you believe that she loved you?"
"Yes."
"Think she still does?"
"I'm not sure. I hope so."
"Then don't take no for an answer. Get off your ass and fight for her! You made her fall in love with you once so do it again."
"I don't think it'll be that easy Nat, there's too much history. It's not getting her to fall in love with me, it's proving that I'm worthy of her love. It'll be trying to convince her that I've learned from my mistakes; that I took her for granted and it won't happen again."

A look of pride came across Nathalie's face.

"That Sidney was your ah ha moment! Now you're ready, so how are you going to do it?"
"I have absolutely NO idea!"

Chapter 120

"Wow! I mean...wow! Bijou that was...wow!"
"Hmmmmmmm."
"Hmmmmmm? What is that? What does that mean? Hmmmmm that was amazing or hmmmmmm I want to be sick?"
"Max, shhhhh," I whispered putting my finger up to his lips.

The truth was I didn't have an answer for him. Did that kiss make me feel sick to my stomach? No. Definitely no. Did it feel like fireworks going off or give me a tingling sensation from my lips clear down to my toes? No.
The only thing I knew for sure was that I felt...something. Was it good or bad? I think it needed further investigating.

"I think we need to try that again."
"Yeah?" he asked with a little smirk.
"Yeah, I think so," I said returning his same cheeky grin.

I took a small step closer to him; never losing his gaze. My left hand slowly slid across his side and around to the small of his back pulling him closer to me. My right hand made its way up his chest and rested on his neck pulling his face towards mine.
Our lips brushed ever so gently against each other but not quite making full contact. This was it. This was Max's moment to pull out all the stops; show me what he's got...and he knew it. The first kiss had been just that; a first kiss. Sweet, gentle, and a little awkward. If he was going to make any sort of lasting impression now was the time.

His lips caressed my neck, up my jaw line, and back down only to sweep across and hover above my lips; begging me to kiss him. Then, just as I was about to give in, he began working on the other side.
'Ooooh...he...is...good,' I thought to myself.
Lips working; hands exploring; bodies rubbing in exactly the right places. Yes, Maxime Talbot oozed sex appeal and knew exactly how to use it. And I, like God knows how many other women before me, was falling for it...hard!
"Mmmmmaaaaaxxxxxiiiiieeeeee," I purred.
"Mmmmmmmmm?" He momentarily took a break from what he was doing to look in my eyes. And there it was. Passion, love, lust, hope; all orbiting around in those icy blue eyes; burning deep into my soul. I knew in that moment he didn't just want to tell me how he felt; he didn't want to just try and show me, he wanted me to feel it deep in my heart. Then finally...
Our lips connected and there they were - sparks, tingly sensations, relief.
Every part of our bodies that could be touching were; tangled in the passion and love we were feeling. It was a kiss that seemed to go on for an eternity, with no end in sight; but not a dirty I want to rip your clothes off porno kiss. It was sweet and loving, passionate and meaningful, heartfelt and most of all true. This was a purely honest moment between two people...in love????
We parted and I just seemed to fit perfectly with Max's arms around me, his chin resting on my head. Max was not a big man, slight actually by most hockey standards, but he was just the right height that my head naturally rested on his shoulder, and he was just sculpted enough to feel sexy and manly without being bulky or unnatural.
It was a perfect moment, out in the crisp air with a blanket of stars overhead.
"Max?"
"Oui bijou?"
"I'm freezing!"
"Me too, but I didn't want to ruin the moment."
"Trust me, this moment could not be ruined."
I gave him a sweet peck before going inside.
"I think I need another cup of tea to warm me up," I said plugging the kettle in again.
"I think I might be able to help you out with that," he replied while wrapping his arms around me from behind.
"This is definitely the best Christmas I've had in a long time," he whispered.
"You're not going to get all sappy on me and tell me it's because you've gotten everything you want now are you?"
"Well, Santa has definitely brought me everything on my list this year!"
"I guess that means you didn't make the naughty list eh?"
"Not yet anyways," he growled. "I feel like I have been so blessed this year and I don't want to get greedy, but there is one more thing I'd like to make this Christmas perfect."
"Oh reeaallyy? And what's that?"
Max took my hands in his and kissed the back of each one.
"I just want to wake up with you in my arms Christmas morning."
"Oh Max, I don't...what about the boys? I'm sure the first thing they're going to do when they wake up is run in and get in bed with me, it's kind of a tradition thing."
"Maybe it's time to make a new tradition?"
"But Max...it's new and we're in your families house..."
"And excuses excuses! You don't think maman will be over the moon about this? And the boys have seen us in bed together like a thousand times...Sunday morning movies ring a bell?"
"Yeah, but it's different now."
"Yes it is, but they don't know that, not yet anyways. Come on bijou...please? Pretty please?" he mumbled into my neck while placing kisses in my sweet spot.
"How am I supposed to say no when you do things like that?" I whispered.
"You're not."
I inhaled and exhaled deeply.
"Well my best guess is we only have a few hours before the boys are up so...I guess we should get to bed."
"Together?" he said hopefully.
"Oui chérie. Far be it from me to keep your last Christmas wish from coming true!"




Meanwhile back in the Burgh...

Chapter 119

The ride home was long and silent; not even the radio was on. Lucie must have sensed something had happened because she had insisted the boys ride home with them, leaving Max and I alone. We didn't look at each other and the tension was thick. I knew Max's mind was probably reeling since I hadn't said a word since his proclamation of love but mine was doing the same. I knew right now I couldn't say anything to put his mind at ease so I did the only thing I could; I reached over and placed my hand on top of his - the one that had been resting on the gear shift, and gave it a gentle squeeze...and didn't let go. I hoped this small gesture was enough to ease his mind for the next little while.

How did I get in this situation? Two words...Sidney Crosby. My life has been a disaster since the day we met. If it hadn't been for him, making me fall in love with him, I wouldn't be faced with this predicament right now. I would have never opened myself up to the heartache I knew he would and inevitably did cause me; I wouldn't have been on this emotional roller coaster for the past year and a half and I would have never met Max.

Maxime Talbot. The only good thing to come out of this whole mess. No, that's not fair. Sidney taught me alot: never to give up on something you want; if you love something enough you can overcome almost any obstacle; and if you never take a risk, your life will be empty. He also taught me the importance of being passionate about something and opening yourself up to love. My time with Sidney was...special and I will hold a special place in my heart for him always, but our time had past; we tried and failed and now it was time to move on. But could I move on with Max?

Once we got home everyone opened one present and as per the Talbot family tradition everyone's gift was the same - pyjamas to wear to bed and open presents in on Christmas morning which by now was only a few hours away.

By the time we got the boys settled down and into bed, everyone else was exhausted and turned in for the night as well. About an hour later I couldn't sleep and got up to make myself some tea. I took my steaming cup out on the back deck hoping the fresh air would clear my mind.

It was a gorgeous night, not very cold and every star in the night sky seemed to be shining. I took a sip of the hot liquid and closed my eyes to savour the taste. I inhaled deeply and was startled by the feeling of a warm body behind me and arms around my waist.
"What are you doing out here bijou?"
"Couldn't sleep. My best friend kinda dropped a bomb on me earlier."
"Are we going to talk about it?"
"I guess we should."
"I know what you're going to say bijou. You're going to tell me that I'm crazy and you don't feel the same way and it will never work but the way I see it, it already is working. We love each other and we're already living like we're a family. You and the boys are everything to me; I would give my life for any one of you."
"I know that Max, but loving someone, wanting to take care of them is completely different than being IN love with them."
"I know the difference bijou and it does not change how I feel. I have been in love with you since the first day I met you and every moment we have spent together since. My question to you is, do you...or can you feel the same way?"
I turned and looked at him for the first time.
"I don't want to mislead you Max. The honest answer is I don't know and I don't know if it's worth risking our friendship to find out. I can't lose what we have Max."
"But what if it only makes it better?"
"What if we try and it doesn't work?"
"Then we still have what we have now."
"Will we? You think you will be able to have the same kind of relationship if I tell you I'm not and can't ever be in love with you? You're lying to yourself and me if you think nothing will change."
"Okay, I get why you're scared and why you think things will change and it probably will break my heart if you can't love me the way I love you, but it wouldn't be any different than me spending the last year watching you get tied up in knots over Sidney. It killed me to watch you with him, watch him treat you like shit and still supporting your relationship because I knew you loved him and that's what you wanted. But I did because I love you and I would do anything to make you happy."
"I know you would Max, and I would do anything to never, ever hurt you."
"Then don't," he said quietly as he moved closer until his forehead was resting against mine.
"Max I..."
"Shhhh," he whispered.
Something in my gut was telling me this was it - jump in with both feet and hope I don't drown. Maybe I have been ignoring what's been right in front of me.
I guess there's only one way to find out.
"Maxie?" I whispered.
"Oui bijou?"
"Kiss me."

Chapter 118

The cathedral was breathtaking. Candlelight made the stained glass shimmer and the organ music in the background didn't even sound like an organ, but like the low hum of angels overhead.
His family began making their way to their pew and Max and I hung back.
"Is something wrong bijou?"
"No, nothing; I was just taking in this beautiful view."
"Hmm, me too," he replied quietly.
When I looked at him his blue eyes were looking at me causing me to blush.
"Shall we?" Max asked offering me his arm.
I didn't reply; just linked my arm through his and let him lead me towards the rest of the family.
"You know, I always thought when I walked down this aisle with a woman it would be with my wife on my wedding day," he whispered.
"Really?" I couldn't hide the surprise in my voice.
"Yes," he smirked. "I have actually thought about getting married; I want to, and I'd like a bunch of kids too...a whole hockey team I think."
After spending all this time with him and watching him with my own boys, this shouldn't have surprised me...but it did.

The service was beautiful; the choir heavenly. It was no surprise that both brought tears to my eyes on several occasions. And because he had taken it upon himself to take care of me lately, Max held my hand the entire time.
As much as I tried to pay attention, the conversation Lucie and I had earlier kept running through my mind.
Was she right? Was I ignoring what was right in front of me? I mean, we did spend every waking minute together. He did help me with the boys. He even took care of me like I always imagined a husband should. I have always believed that you should not be husband and wife if you couldn't be friends because let's face it, you need to like the person you decide to spend the rest of your life with. But what about that thing...that spark; the passion you're supposed to feel? Aren't you supposed to just know when you've found the right person? What about that feeling in the pit of my stomach; the one I got when I first met Sidney? I thought for sure that was the tell tale sign and I definitely haven't felt that with Max. Sure there was some...tension between us, especially lately when he hadn't exactly been subtle about his feelings. Maybe I owed it to myself and to him to find out. Maybe getting that 'feeling' wasn't the sign after all. Maybe it was just a sign of a passion that burns hot and bright but fizzles out in an instant.
"Hey, where were you just now?" his warm, sweet breath tickled my ear. "The service is over. Are you ready to go?"
"Can we just sit for a minute?"
"Umm, o...kay."
And there we sat, both staring straight ahead to where the priest had just delivered his beuatiful and touching sermon from. Something about this being the time for reflecting upon our lives; where we are and where we want to be.
"Go forward, make your place in this world. Open yourself up to all this life has to offer you and you shall not regret."
It was those words that forced me to ask the question.
"Maxie?"
"Oui bijou?"
"Do you love me?"
"Of course I love you bijou," he answered quickly with a tone of disbelief; like how could I doubt his feelings.
I finally turned to look at him. "No, I know you love me, but do you...I mean are you IN love with me?"
His blue eyes bore deep into mine and a slight smirk appeared on the corner of his lips.
"I thought I had been pretty clear about that bijou," he said quietly but never dropping his gaze. "Yes. Yes, I am in love with you."
"Hmmm," was all I could manage before turning and facing the front of the cathedral again.
Without looking at him I could tell his face was wrinkled with confusion and question; searching my own for answers but he didn't ask. Not right away. He knew me so well; knew I was a romantic at heart and he let me have the moment. The moment girls dream about when Prince Charming tells her he's in love with her for the first time. The moment that stays forever engraved in her memory. Then finally...
"Bijou? Are you going to say anything?"
I took a long, deep breath; stood up; held my hand out to him and said "let's go home."

Chapter 117

"Uncle Max, is Grandma Lucie going to pinch my cheeks til they hurt?" Jake asked from the backseat. We were driving from the airport to Max's parents house.
Max and I both kind of chuckled to ourselves before he answered the question.
"Probably pal but it just means that she loves you."
"Ahhh man!" Jake groaned and Max and I laughed again.

It's hard to explain the way things had been between Max and I the last few days. Sometimes it was awkward, almost strained; yet other times it was comfortable and normal, like it had always been.
Jake's voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Mom, how come we don't have a grandma and grandpa?"

And there it was. One of the dreaded questions I knew was going to be asked one day; the other being about their father of course. So far, Jake had never asked and Alex seemed satisfied with the vague explanation I had given him.
Max sensed that I had tensed up and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze but didn't let go.
"Well...remember how we've talked about how sometimes mommies and daddies can't always take care of their kids and sometimes those kids have to go live with people who can take care of them like a family member or a foster family?"
"Yeah, did you live with a foster family mama?"
"No not exactly. My mommy and daddy couldn't take care of me so your uncle David and I lived with my Grandma Kate until she passed away."
"She died?"
"Yes, when I was about Alex's age, maybe a bit older."
"But that's not very old. Who took care of you after that?"
"Geez Jake what's with the 20 questions? Can't you just be quiet!"
"Alex! Don't be so rude! Your brother is curious about families right now and it's okay to ask questions. Jake honey, I was lucky enough that I had a friend who's family was willing to take care of me until I was able to take care of myself."
I knew this explanation could only lead to more questions: where is that family?, where is my dad?, who is my dad?. I feared every single one of them and my stomach hurt just thinking about it.
Max stroked his thumb over the back of my hand, letting me know it was going to be okay. In some ways, it was very reassuring and made me want to relax; but nothing he could do could save me from the questions my children were inevitably going to ask about my past.
I hated to ask but knew I had to.
"Do you have any other questions sweetheart?"
I held my breath; Max squeezed my hand and gave me a wink.
"Nnnooo," Jake hesitated. "But mama...I'm real glad someone took care of you and you weren't an orphan."
I exhaled slowly and let the wave of relief overtake my body. "Me too sweetie. Me too."

****************************************************

We were barely in the door before all four of us were covered in hugs and kisses and yes, the dreaded cheek pinching! No one was immune!
"Maxime, take Bekah's bags to Will's room and the boys will be in Frank's room."
"Oui maman."
It always made me chuckle how these big, strong, independent hockey players instantly turned into great big mushy mama's boys the second they were with their families.
Max returned only to have his mother instruct him on what he and his father should be doing with the boys. Us 'girls' went to the kitchen.
"So we will prepare dinner while the boys play; give us some girl time and after dinner we open one; sometimes more than one gift and get ready for midnight mass. Oh, are you even Catholic? Don't feel you have to come to mass with us, that is just our tradition. I don't want you to feel you have to go dear."
"Lucie, it's okay. We are not Catholic, but I'd like to go with you if that's allowed, I don't want to break any sort of rule or anything."
"Don't be silly dear, we welcome everyone, especially at this time of year."
"Then it's settled. The truth is, I really love the fact that you have strong family traditions that you're willing to let us be a part of. I've gotten too far away from my own traditions lately and I guess I sort of feel...well...lost."
"Mmm hmmm. Maxime has told me everything you have been through lately."
"He has?"
"Oui. I'm not sure you know this, but Maxime tells me everything; and I do mean everything. Sometimes I think he thinks I'm his priest - too much information if you know what I mean."
"Uh yeah, I get the picture," I replied feeling kind of awkward.
Lucie moved around me and I manoeuvred around her almost expertly, like we had prepared this meal together for years. It was comfortable and quiet, calm and honest. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was part of a 'normal' family. It was like coming home; at least what I thought coming home should feel like.
Lucie's voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Did you hear me dear?"
"Sorry, no. I was...in la la land I guess."
"Can you hand me the platter that's on the table s'il vous plait."
"This is absolutely beautiful Lucie. I've never seen anything quite like it."
It was a huge white oval with a very intricate pattern of flowers and vines etched all the way around the edge of the porcelain platter.
"It was Serge's great great Grandmother's. It has been passed down every generation to one of the daughter-in-laws. Serge's mother passed it on to me and I will pass it on to one of my daughter-in-laws."
"But you already have a daughter-in-law."
"Yes, and some day I will have three. The tradition is not about passing it on to the first daughter-in-law, but to the right daughter-in-law."
"Isn't that kind of...discriminating? I mean, how to you chose who gets it? doesn't it cause tension between people?"
"It is just something that's understood. Sometimes you don't actually choose the person you're going to give it to, it just happens. There could be an event, a special occasion, or just a special moment and you just know. In that moment, you just know the right person to give it to. The person who will take care of it and keep the tradition going. Kind of like you just know when you meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with."
"Well, I wouldn't know anything about that now would I?"
"Oh I'm not so sure about that dear."
"Lucie..." I warned. "Why does every conversation we have always turn into talk about my love life? I'm sorry to inform you that there is nothing happening there so there is nothing to talk about."
"Really?" Lucie drawled, not sounding convinced in the least. "From what I understand you and Maxime had a, shall we say intense encounter not so long ago."
"Okay, I hate that Max tells you EVERYTHING! And for the record it was not intense it was just..."
"Intense!"
"A moment of weakness. A tiny moment that was almost overtaken by delusional fantasies that briefly entered a place they had no business being," I stated emphatically."
"Oh Bekah dear; let me be devil's advocate for a minute. Is it possible that this 'moment of delusional fantasy' is really your subconscious telling you what you really want; what you really need and you are just too afraid to admit it because you don't believe that you deserve to be happy?"
I was speechless. I had no words. I stood starring at this innocent-looking grandmother type in utter shock. She finally broke the silence.
"Oh come on, tell me you have never thought about Maxime as anything more than a friend?"
"Lucie I...I can't think of Max in that way. We have such a special friendship and I can't lose that. I wouldn't be able to recover if I lost him."
"Because he's there for you no matter what?"
"Always."
"And he takes care of you?"
"Yes."
"Cheers you up when you've had a bad day?"
"Yes."
"Takes care of the boys when you're at work; feeds them dinner, gets them to bed and always makes sure you are taken care of when you get home from a long day?"
"Yes."
"Who is the first person you call with good news?"
"Max."
"Who is the first person you call with bad news?"
"Max."
"I hate to tell you honey, you're married without the sex."
"It's not even like that!"
"What exactly do you think being married or being in a relationship is? You and Maxime are living it every day."
"I need to sit down," I said with a very shaky voice.
"Good, because dinner is served!"

FYI

Just a note to let y'all know that school id officially over for me...forever soooooo there will be lots of free time to write my stories.
The next chapter of Against All Odds is in progress and should be up this week and hopefully Love Lost and Found and Rocky Mountain Romance will soon follow.
Thank you to all of you faithful followers who have hung in there and still want to read these stories; I hope they don't disappoint!
Talk soon
~B~

Chapter 116

"What are you doing for Christmas?" Max asked.
"Preferably skipping it," I mumbled before saying "I don't know, haven't given it much thought."
"It's like a week away bijou. You saying you have no plans? What about the boys?"
"I have their gifts bought, that's about it. I just can't get into it this year. Frankly, I could care less if Christmas even happened. If it wasn't for the boys I'd probably just work."
"That's not right bijou; you love Christmas."
"Christmas just doesn't hold very good memories for me. Last year was...well you know what last year was, and now I'm alone again."

The look in Max's eyes was one of hurt. The normally loud and fun-loving Max was solumn and spoke barely above a whisper.
"I have been by your side every day since the break up," he began. "I've held you while you've cried for hours on end, I've wiped your tears and held your hand. I've taken care of everything the boys needed when you couldn't get out of bed because you were too sad. How can you say you are alone? You are not alone; I have been here for you through everything and the fact that you would even say that you're alone is very frustrating for me," he finished before getting up and going to the kitchen.

I felt like the last bit of life had been sucked out of me at that moment. When had I become that girl? The girl so obsessed with her own life she noticed nothing going on around her. The girl who needed a man to feel complete. The girl who could be so insensitive to her best friend who had just disappeared out of his own life to be by her side night and day because she'd turned into this unrecognizable puddle of mush. Damn you Crosby!

I slowly made my way to the kitchen to find Max, not knowing what I was going to say. He had his back towards the door, leaning against the counter with his arms spread out supporting his weight and his head hung between his broad shoulders. I approached slowly and ran my hand gently across his back, wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head against his back. Max inhaled sharply but I didn't let go. We stood silently for what felt like forever before I loosened my grip and tried to turn him around to face me. He resisted.
"Max, please look at me."
He didn't.
"Please Max?" I whispered.
He took a deep breath before turning to face me and I was shocked at what I saw. His face was tear stained and his normally brilliant blue eyes were red-rimmed and a dull gray colour. My heart broke.
"Max, I am so so sorry. You have been totally amazing through this whole mess; giving up your own life to be here for me and the boys 24/7 and to say otherwise was completely insensitive. I didn't mean I was alone with no one to care about me, I just meant..."
"I know what you meant," he croaked out, "but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt."
"I would never, ever do or say anything to intentionally hurt you Max, I hope you know that," I began as tears flowed freely from my eyes once again.
"I do; I just...I'm just tired. I think I'm going to go home and go to bed."
"Max, don't leave like this. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to go to bed angry?" I smiled trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow okay," he said as he brushed by me on his way to the door.
'Fuck' I said to myself. 'Don't let him go when he's mad.'
"Max...wait!"
"Bijou, I just need to go. We will talk in the morning."
"I don't want you to go. Not tonight; not like this."
"What do you want?" he asked.
"I don't want you to go, not when you're mad. Just stay with me tonight."
"I don't think it's a good idea to stay with you."
"What are you talking about? You stay with me all the time."
"I know, but I just don't think it's a good idea tonight, right now I mean."
"Max, you're being ridiculous! We've shared a bed more times than I can count; probably more than S...more than Sidney and I ever did, that's for sure."
"Don't you think that might be a problem?"
"Of course it was a problem! Look, I don't want to talk about Sidney anymore tonight. Can we just go to bed?"
Max looked at me for a long time before letting out a huge sigh.
"You know I can't say no to you."
"That's what I was hoping for."

We laid in bed facing each other in complete darkness; the silence thick between us.
"I'm so sorry Max," I whispered, "I don't know what's happened to me."
"I don't know either. I just want the old Bekah back. The one whose smile lit up the room; the girl whose eyes made any star in the sky look dull; the one who laughed at every lame joke I ever told; the one who had a zest for life and couldn't wait to face the next challenge that came her way. Where's that girl. I want that girl back. That's the girl I l...that's the girl I miss."
"This is exactly the reason I never wanted to let anyone into my life. Nothing good could come of it."
"Nothing good?"
"What, like feeling this kind of pain is a good thing?"
"Of course not, but pain and sadness is not the only thing that came out of your relationship with Sidney."
"Really, because that's not what it feels like right now."
"And what about me? What about this right here? You and me. Let's not forget that I met you because of Sidney and if our relationship isn't something good then I am definitely in the wrong place."
"You are not in the wrong place Max," I said softly. "You are the best thing that's come out of this whole mess. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without you, or how to live life without you. I need you, I depend on you; too much sometimes I think."
"Everything you say I've done for you, you have done for me and more. Look at the life I was living..."
"Yeah fun and carefree is such a tough life. Doing whatever you want and not having to answer to anyone sounds like a rough gig."
"It's empty and meaningless. Not caring about anyone, sleeping with anything with a heartbeat is not only meaningless but dangerous and do you know who taught me that?"
"Me?"
"Yes you. You have given me so much bijou; a sense of belonging, the feeling that someone actually loves me for who I am and not what I am, the sense of being needed and the honor of being part of your family. I can never thank you for everything you've given me bijou."
"No Max, it's me that needs to thank you. You have been there for me no matter what, whether I'm right or wrong. You tell me the truth even if it's not what I want to hear. You give so much of yourself to me and my family and I am so thankful that the boys have such a strong and wonderful man to look up to. That means more to me than anything you could ever do for me.
"I love those boys and I'd do anything for them."
"I know, and they love you too.
"And their mother."
"And their mother loves you too."

The tension was thick between us. What was this feeling in the pit of my stomach? The gentle caress of his hand on my arm shook me from my thoughts. His hand moved north and gently stroked the side of my face.
"I hope you know how much I love you bijou."
I didn't answer; just put my hand on top of his own. I felt him move closer to me; so close I could feel his breath on my lips.
"Maxie?" I whispered.
"Oui chérie?"
"I...can't...we...can't..."
"Can't what?"
"Don't do this to me Max. You are the only constant in my life and I can't lose that."
"What if it only makes everything better?" he whispered as what I was sure were his lips brushed against mine."
"Love only complicates things Max. You are my rock and I don't know that I could continue to have this amazing friendship with you if I knew you wanted more. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me this is my imagination and we are just Bekah and Max; best friends. Please Max, I can't lose this too."

There was a long pause before Max replied, and when he did the aura in the room had changed. For once I was glad I couldn't see his eyes.
"You are not losing anything bijou. It's you and me kid, two best friends navigating through this messy life together; that's all."

A wave of relief washed over my body and my mind.

"But you are getting out of this city. You and the boys are coming home with me for Christmas and it is not up for debate."

Chapter 115

I'm back did ya miss me? Letang story is updated too!





"You miss me too."
I couldn't tell if it was a statement or a question.
"Yes, Sidney of course I miss you. I've missed you for the last three months," I said in a lower voice.
"Can we go somewhere and talk?"
I gave him a slight nod before turning to face Sam.
"Do you think you can stay out of trouble for a few minutes?"
"Trouble's my middle name babe!"
"You have been spending too much time with Talbot," I whispered quietly in his ear before kissing the top of his head.
That cheeky grin was his only response.
"See ya Sid! Thanks for coming to see me!"
"No problem Sam, I'll see you again soon okay?"
"OKAY!"

"I don't think you should be saying things like that unless you can back them up. It will break his heart when you don't show up again," I said through pursed lips as we left Sam's room.
"Who said I won't show up?"
"Well forgive me Sidney, but you don't have a very good track record."
"When I say I'm going to do something I do it."
"Except when it comes to me is that it?"
"Can we do this somewhere a little more private?"
"Right, wouldn't want to tarnish your golden reputation," I replied snidely. "In here," I ordered opening the door to the nurses lounge.
"No one will bother us in here, there's no one due for break for another 2 hours."
I poured us both a cup of coffee and sat across the table from Sidney.
"You wanted to talk so talk," I said.

He didn't know where to start. He'd been waiting a week to get this chance and now there were no words coming to him. It didn't help that Bekah was just staring at him with absolutely no sparkle in her eye. 'When did that go away?' he thought.

"Okay, I'll start," I said breaking the silence. "I don't think we have anything left to talk about Sidney. I've said everything I have to say."
"Well maybe I haven't. You're not the only one in this relationship Beks."
"You could have fooled me! I've been the only one in this relationship for months!"
"That's not fair."
"It may not be fair but it's a fact. Anything left to say will just be beating a dead horse."
"So that's it? You've said what you have to say and that's the end of it? You get to decide this relationship is over and I don't get a say?"
"What's the point? We've had this conversation more times than I can count and nothing ever changes. You say you know you screwed up and you just need a chance to prove yourself and then nothing. Nothing changes. You can't change."
"Beks, I know I haven't done a very good job at managing the hockey life and my personal life, but I can do better. I will do better."
"Why? Why now Sidney? You've been saying that you'll do better since we left Nova Scotia. Why should I believe you now?"
"Because I was taking you for granted before. I knew we loved each other and I just assumed that would be enough; that you loved me enough to stick with me. We've been through so much; you've been through so much to even let me in your life, I didn't think it would be so easy for you to throw it away."
"Easy! You think this was easy? I have been agonizing over this for two months! Every time you said you were coming over and then you didn't show up; every time we had plans and I sat waiting for hours because you got held up at a photo shoot or an interview or a charity thing. When I asked you to come and meet Sam and you couldn't just do it as a favour it had to be about business. Every time I've had to sit at home while the other wags got to attend team functions with their men because the world would come to an end if people knew you had a girlfriend. You think that's easy? Don't you dare tell me this was an easy decision. I still didn't throw in the towel after fighting about Thanksgiving. I tried the compromise - I told myself if you made any kind of effort, if you showed up just to decorate the tree, or if you showed up after dinner then maybe we had a chance; maybe I was some sort of priority for you. But you didn't. You had to wait until everyone was asleep before sneaking out of the house - That doesn't exactly scream 'you're important to me!' That was the last straw. I can't keep being the least important person in your life; it's not fair to me and it's not fair to you."
"But that's not the way it is - you are important to me. You are the only person I can really be myself around; the only one who gets me. You keep me sane when everything around me is out of my control. Do you have any idea how much I need that? How much I need you?"
"No, I don't! How would I? Oh right, maybe because of all the time we spend together. Or maybe because we talk so often. Oh no wait! I has to be because you actually tell me! When was the last time you told me you love me Sid?"
"Just now in Sam's room."
"And before that?"
"I tell you I love you all the time, every time we talk."
"September 27. That was the last time you actually said the words I love you to me. Ever since then I tell you I love you and your response is always the same: 'Yeah, me too babe.' How do you think that makes me feel?"
"I don't... I haven't...been doing that have I?"
"That's exactly what I mean. You don't even know what you've been doing Sidney. I know it's not what you want to hear, but let's just have the courage to say enough is enough. You have no room for me in your life and if there's anything I've learned from you it's not to settle for anything less than 100%. I think we need to just walk away before we end up hating each other."

Sidney got on his knees in front of me and held my hands. It was the first time I'd ever felt his hands be cold.

"I could never hate you," he whispered. "I know you don't believe me, but I love you, more than you could ever know. I know I haven't done a very good job at showing you or telling you, but I do, I love you and I know you love me. We can work through this. I don't want to lose you; I can't lose you."

His head was down in my lap and it didn't take a genius to figure out that the normally quiet and reserved Sidney was doing his best to keep his emotions on the same path, with little success. His sob took me by surprise more than it did him and once again I was feeling that tug at my heartstrings.

"Sidney, look at me."

His golden orbes looked up at me through tear soaked eyelashes, pleading with me not to say the words that he knew were coming.

"I do love you Sidney, and I know in your own way you love me too, but let's face it; love just isn't enough. We can't keep doing this to each other. I love you enough to know that I am not what's best for you right now, so I'm letting you go before we hurt each other anymore."
"No, this can't be the end Beks," he sobbed.
"It has to be Sidney."

He took a few moments to pull himself together before speaking again.

"What will you tell the boys?"

I was a little caught off guard by his question.

"The truth I guess."
"I want them to know that I love them and I will still be there for them any time they need me; they can call me anytime. I mean it, anytime."
"I will make sure they know that."
"I can't believe this is happening. How am I supposed to walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me?"
"Because it's the right thing to do."
"How does this work? I mean are we still friends, are we still going to talk, can I still call you sometimes?"
"Sidney, being just friends was never our strong suit. I think a clean break is best; no phone calls or anything like that."
"So I'm just supposed to pretend that we never happened?"
"No, not at all. There's so much I think we've learned from each other. I know I will hold onto that and I hope you do too. And maybe someday I'll be at the point where we can be friends and talk once in a while, but right now, I just need a clean break and time. I hope you can understand that. To offer anything more would just be too hard for me Sidney. I need time to heal."
"So that's it then?"

I nodded.

He turned to walk away from me for the last time, but stopped himself.

"For what it's worth, I am sorry."
"I know, me too," I whispered.

He took my face in his strong hands, now trembling and placed the sweetest kiss on my lips. When we parted his voice was barely above a whisper.

"I will never stop loving you Beks. Never."

And after entering my life over a year before like a lightening bolt, he exited like a gentle wind with barely enough strength to blow out a candle.

FYI

Updates are coming soon to all 3 of my stories soon...I hope within the next week or so. Thank you all for being so patient and sticking with me. I write as a sort of therapy for myself and hopefully as entertainment for you. I can't thank y'all enough for reading and commenting; I love them and without you to read them, there would be no stories! Stay tuned...

Chapter 114

An early Christmas gift my lovelies!


"Oh my god, what happened to you?"
"Your boyfriend happened. Actually his right hook. I didn't even know the kid knew how to throw a punch!"
"Come in so we can get some ice on it."

Max followed me to the kitchen so I could grab an ice pack and put it on his now very bruised eye. He winced when the ice went on and I couldn't tell if it was because of the cold or because he was in pain.

"I can't believe Sidney did this, Max I'm sorry."
"So I'm guessing that the talk didn't go so well?" he chuckled.
"You could say that. It's over Max. I ended it."

The silence was heavy in the room.

"Wow...I...don't really know what to say. For real? You and the kid are done?"
"Mmm hmm. I just can't do it anymore Max. Yesterday was it for me. I told myself if he came through and showed up, then he was making an effort and we could work it out. But he didn't. He couldn't even pick up the phone Max," I managed through my now free flowing tears.

"Come here bijou," Max said taking me in a comforting embrace. "This is not what you really want is it?" he questioned.
"I don't know Max."
"Well I do. You love him yes?"
"Of course I do."
"Then you should work it out. Frankly I'm a little surprised bijou, it's not like you to give up on something. You are not a quitter."
"I know what you're trying to do with this reverse psychology bullshit and it's not going to work. And I'm not the one who quit. Sidney quit on this relationship a long time ago. I'm not going to try and fight for something that isn't there and I'm certainly not going to be his doormat anymore. I've been down that road and I'm not going back."
"This is hardly the same thing and you know it. Sid would never hurt you like that."
"Physically no, but emotionally is it any different? You know what this relationship has bee like Max; what am I supposed to do, just let it keep going the way it is? That's not fair; to me, Sid, or the boys."
"No, it doesn't have to stay the same. Make him work for it. Maybe him thinking he has lost you will be enough to scare him and he'll pull his head out of his ass. I think he at least deserves the chance to prove himself. If you give him that chance and he still fails, then it's on him. At least you will know that you've done everything possible to make it work."
"Why are you defending him after he did that to your face?"
"I'm not defending him, I'm protecting you. I know you don't really want to end this bijou. I know how much you love him; and I think my black eye is proof of how much he loves you."
"Or how barbaric he is."
"Bijou?"
"I don't know. I didn't just decide this in a split second Max; I've given it alot of thought. It's all I've been thinking about. I just don't see a happy ending in our future."

*********************************

He knew it probably wasn't a good idea, but he had decided a week ago that this was going to be the day, and if you could say one thing about him it was that he did what he said he was going to do.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Hey Lily. I'm here to see..."
"Well don't bother. She doesn't want to see you. Besides, she's not here," Lily snarled.
"I know," he said solemnly. "She's made that pretty clear by not returning any of my phone calls or messages."
"What do you expect Crosby? You didn't leave her much of a choice."
"I don't know. I guess I expected her to at least give me a chance to redeem myself."
"Well, she hasn't really found anything redeeming about you lately."
"Trust me Lily, I don't need to get the gears from you too okay. I know I'm an ass and I know I screwed up, unfortunately I think it's too late to do anything about it."

Lily soaked in the pitiful sight before her and for a brief moment, almost felt sorry for him...almost.

"Well, you look like shit."
"How do you expect me to look when I just lost the only girl I've ever loved?" he said calmly.
"Honestly? I figured you'd just move on with being 'Sidney Crosby'. I didn't think not having Bekah around would phase you much; it's really no different then when you were together."
"Okay Lily, I get it. I don't need you rubbing salt in the wound; it hurts, trust me."
"Fine, no more jabs."
"Thank you," Sidney sighed.

He'd gotten raked over the coals by just about everyone in his life over the past seven days. Seven days, nine hours and thirty-six minutes to be exact. The team, the wags, Nat and Mario, his mother, all four Lemieux kids, Taylor, his mother, Nat, his mother, Mario, and Nat. The only ones who didn't tell him what an ass he was and how he really screwed up was his dad and Max. Neither of them talked to him at all. When he hadn't heard from Bekah, he even resorted to apologizing to Max and asking him if she was okay.
Max hadn't responded; just snickered and walked away and Sidney didn't really blame him. He sure had got himself into quite a mess, and he wasn't sure how he was going to get out.

"So if you're not here to see Bekah, what are you doing here?" Lily asked snapping him out of his self-loathing.
"Umm, before everything happened, I told myself when we got back from the road trip I was going to come and meet Sam, so here I am."
"Now you're going to use the kid to try and get Bekah back? That's kinda low Crosby."
"It's not about her. I said I was going to do it and I don't back out. I'm doing this for Sam and for me."
"Not sure I believe you but, whatever floats your boat."
"I don't want to upset her anymore, that's why I came when she wasn't here. So can you just tell me where to find him?"

She looked at him suspiciously, not sure if she should let this happen, but here extremely well hidden soft side took over.
"Down this hall, last door on the left."
"Thanks Lily, I appreciate it."
Lily half smiled and left in the opposite direction.

********************************

"Hey Sammy, how's my favourite quarterback do...." she stopped dead in her tracks as she rounded the corner into Sam's room.
"Sidney, what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice barely audible.
"He came to see me! Me Bekah! Sidney Crosby came here to see me and if I wasn't so excited I would be really really mad at you."
"Mad at me? Why?"
"Sidney Crosby is the secret boyfriend you've been keeping from me?"
"I umm, he's umm..."
"It's not her fault," Sidney interjected. "It's mine. I made her promise not to tell anyone, so you can be mad at me."
"I would never be mad at you, you're Sidney Crosby!" Sam exclaimed.
"Oh thanks alot! Who's the one taking care of you here?"
"I'm not really mad at you, I just can't believe that you are actually Sidney Crosby's girlfriend! That is so awesome!"
"Well, I'm not actually his girlfriend anymore Sam."
"What!" Sam shrieked. "Are you crazy? Why not?"
"Sam, that's grown up stuff; and besides, it's none of your business," I scolded.
"Actually bud, that's my fault again."
"Ahh man. What did you do? Did you cheat?"
"No. It's not really what I did, but what I didn't do."
"Did you hurt her?"
"No."
"Forget her birthday?"
"No," Sidney kind of chuckled.
"So if you didn't cheat, and you didn't hurt her, and you didn't forget her birthday, I don't get it. Why isn't he your boyfriend anymore," he now directed at me.
"I am not having this conversation with you Sam."
"Don't you love him anymore?"
His question took me by surprise and from the look on Sidney's face, it surprised him too. That look of surprise was replaced with one of anticipation soon after.

And there it was. The question of the hour. A million things went through my mind in a split second. 'Do I still love him?' 'What do I do? Tell the truth? Lie? Both of them would see right through a lie.
"It wasn't a trick question Bekah. Do you love the guy or what?"
There were very few people who could make my heart melt with just a look, but two such people were starring into my soul waiting for an answer.
"Yes Sam, I love him very much."
"Do you love her Sid?"
"More than anything," he answered quickly.
"More that scoring a game winning goal?"
"Yes."
"More that scoring a hat trick?"
"Yes.
"More than playing hockey period?"
"Let call that one a tie," he tried to joke.
"Then what's the problem? You love him and he loves you so..."

Sidney got up from the chair beside Sam's bed and walked over to where I was standing.
"I'm miserable Beks. I miss you so much," he said quietly.

Again, two pairs of melt-your-heart eyes starring at me; anticipating what I was going to say.

"I miss you too Sidney."